Friday, December 30, 2005


I'm having some mixed feelings here..

Today, I have accomplished something I have never done throughout my 25 years here on earth. Drum roll please.. I became an emcee!

Yeah, big deal! Yup, I can hear most of you saying that. It might not be a big deal to you guys, but ts a WAY big deal for me! You see, I'm this timid mouse when it comes to public speaking and I'd find 1001 excuses to escape. But how was I to know that the senior facilitators at the programme I was involved in had noticed this and decided to give a little nudge to me.. or more like a sudden shove la hehe..

Ironically, the programme is about Communication and Public Speaking. Even before agreeing to be a facilitator, I had question Remy and Yun about how I'm supposed to help these students in this, when I myself am petrified of public speaking but they assured me that I'm just supposed to be a facilitator and just help the group I was assigned to.

So imagine my suprise when I was supposed to be emceeing the pulic speaking competition we held. I was shaking from head to foot but to prove to the cheeky senior facilitators (En Raffic and En. Sezali, who btw are VERY entertaining pak cik² heheh..) that I CAN do it, I put on a brave face and just.. well, just did it! And hey, I didn't do bad, did I?

Well, okay.. at first I DID stumble on my words. Even forgot to talk about the time limit. But once I got the hang of it, it wasn't really as scary as I thought it would be. And to be frank, I'm GLAD I did it.. I'm glad they tricked me into doing it and I owe a huuuuuuuge debt to the both of them.. terima kasih banyak-banyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkk tu!

Really, God must have been smiling when He sent me here haha.. yup, and I GET the joke here, goodnaturedly, I must add! At first I didn't want to go, knowing how my thesis would suffer with a two-day absence, but when Yun and Remy persisted, I finally agree. I mean, not all of you know my weaknesses when it comes to being a facilitator. I guess, to me, this is the only way I can contirbute to the community.

I also had another reason of not wanting to go. You see, this week is kak Shima's last week here and I wanted to spend as much time as possible with this housemate of mine. But knowing how sad I was, I also wanted to hide from her, fearing the tears that would surely fall whenever I think of staying with new housemates, after this. Its not that I don't like new housemates, its just that I've been so comfortable with kak Shima and kak Kathy, that I'm afraid I won't feel as happy when they're not here.. and yeah, I AM a crybaby anyway!

However, only God knows why at last I agreed to go with Yun and Remy and am I glad. I got to know other active facilitators who became our mentors and in the short span of two days, I must've learn a whole bunch of new things I never thought I'd understand. These are the people I really admire as their purpose in the programme is not the money, but the change they hope they can give to other people.. and I really hope we all did!

The first day, we had the icebreaking which took up most of our afternoon. Then I rushed back home to help kak Shima make some coleslaw and turn some leftover salad into.. well, something edible haha! But somehow, all the while, I tried to push away the nagging feeling that this was the last night kak Shima would be my housemate, and I'm missing her final night here. I might have succeeded in doing it, or maybe not since I realized that I was trying my hardest to concentrate on shredding the veggies and figuring out what kind of dip should I make to go with the lettuce someone had mistakenly bought.

That night, we went back to the programme that continued to the next day, which included the 'Lets trick Ayu into being the emcee' thingey. I knew that they had been wanting to ask me to try it out from the very first conversation we had and I thought I had 'expertly' avoided it, forgetting how much more experienced they really are. But hey, I DID it, didn't I.. and really glad I stepped up to the challenge!

I was still basking in the GLORY of being able to do something I never dreamed I would and was already planning of telling this to my housemates. The smile was still on my face when I arrived home but..

I noticed kak Shima's things arranged in the hall.. and her room was already empty. With a heavy heart, I went to my room and found a red parcel there that was a gift from her. Along with the gift was a card, handwritten by her..

..and that's when the hot tears started burning, and with it the realization that everythings already changed.. all that I know is, I already miss my two housemates.. VERY much!

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

You're beautiful.. err, tak jugak, more like 'attractive' haha..

Since I like odd numbers, lets make it the fifth consecutive entry (day) in a row..

After taking a little jog around the campus (Yup! I'm jogging now hehe..), I was ready to go home to take a shower before coming back to school to finish up my work. Noticing that the gas tank was nearly empty, I headed straight to the petrol kiosk with RM50 in my hand (Hah!! The cost of petrol these days..). Turning on the radio, the song You're Beautiful came on air and I was singing along, as usual lah kan. Then outta no where, I saw MBC driving on the opposite lane haha.. talk about how appropriate the song is!

After that, I went to have dinner with kak Shima and Yun and the TV was showing a snippet of Malaysia's Most Beautiful where once again, this song was played. So now, I have this song replaying on my mind and I'm hoping that in pasting the lyrics here, I'd be able to drive the tune right outta my head..


You're Beautiful – James Blunt

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,'
Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Flying high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.

But it's time to face the truth,I will never be with you.

My friend, Mak su told me I've got it bad and encouraged me to 'go for it'! Haha, tak dak la Mak Su, saja suka² ja..

Monday, December 26, 2005

Love is blind.. so should we open its eyes?


Another entry for the forth consecutive day. I'm really getting into trouble here and if my thesis could speak, it'll scream bloody murder to me haha..


I've been thinking.. sape yang nak kate, "Oh! You mean she can think?", my reply to you is, "Haha.. very 'cute'!" I'm trying to be serious here (haha, now I feel like laughing out loud!!)

Hmm.. how should I start? A few days ago, a friend of mine came here. Lets call her C. As usual, when old friends come, we'd be talking about each others lives and so on and so forth. It so happened that my friend now has found her 'soulmate' (I'll call him K) and is very happy. She confided in me that he is THE one and I'm happy for her and pray that 'ada jodoh' for the both of them.

There's also another friend, X. The three of us were having a good time talking and laughing with each other. However, when C was about to go back, X teased her about her boyfriend and instantly she was defensive while playfully warning X not to tease her like that again. To me, thats normal. I mean, sapa nak orang kacau boyfriend/husband dia, betul tak? However, X had a different view.

Just now, we went to a kenduri. Me, X and another friend plus her husband. On the way to the kenduri, we were looking at their recent wedding photos and I was teasing them when the husband said to me,"Cuba tengok gambar K and Ayu!" My friend (his wife) and I scolded him for mispronouncing C's name and using my name. "Nanti marah pulak C nanti", we said. However, I was suprised when X spoke up and said, "C tu jelous tak kena tempat la!", and proceeded to talk a bit about what happened a few days before.. a bit je la but still, I was suprised!

Why, you might ask!

Well, first and foremost, I don't think X has the right to say that, even if it was just a passing remark (she always say things like this even if she doesn't mean any harm but in this case, I don't really like it!). I mean, if there's anyone out there who somehow doesn't deserve some respect in this 'situation', sad to admit, but its her!

X is a good friend, great one even but there's something about her which I really hate. She has this somewhat 'affair' with a married man! What makes me mad about it is that she knows its wrong but still she continues doing it eventhough a lot, and believe me I really mean it when I say 'a lot', of people have been advising her about it. I mean, who's she to say, "Jelous tak bertempat" when she's the kind who makes people feel that way. To me, she doesn't have respect to the other peoples 'belongings' so she shouldn't be suprised when people act defensive.. benda tu normal la especially bila defending hak sendiri. Bukannya defending hak orang lain yang diri sendiri nak pun!!!

To be frank, I don't think this is LOVE! Because love means knowing when to let go. Knowing not to be selfish and to respect other peoples rights. Not to argue,"Hati bini dia je ke yang aku kene pikir, hati aku?" <-- This is pure selfishness that I just couldn't accept!

Its not that I haven't talked to her. The first time I argued about this with her, she avoided me for a month.. and I didn't even raise my voice to her, hoping it'll somehow get 'through' her. I might as well talk to a brick wall! After that, whenever I bring up the issue, she'd be arguing ntahapahapantah with me. Susah cakap dengan orang yang pandai bercakap ni.

For example, a couple of days ago, I asked her if she ever felt guilty for doing this and she just laughed. I reminded her that one day 'awak kene mintak maaf kat isteri dia sendiri, dosa sesama manusia kan kene minta maaf sendiri.. dah bersedia ke?'

Know what she said? "Oh, time ni, nampak la salah aku! Yang kite mengata orang tu tak fikir berapa orang kite kene mintak maaf? Tu lagi ramai yang kite nak kene mintak maaf, lagi susah!" Lailahailallah! I wanted to strangle her! I told her, 'itu dosa yang SEMUA orang buat, SEMUA orang pun mengata and SEMUA orang pun minta maaf bila ada peluang.. tapi ini dosa yang sedikit 'luar biasa'.. tak semua orang sanggup nak buat camni kat orang lain'

Her answer,"Mengata orang tu tak salah la ye?"

Mangkuk ayun!!! (Kan dah kene mangkuk ayun<-- perkataan yang sangat jarang saya guna!) Just look at how she avoids the issue, making me feel berdosa because it was as if I belittled the sin of 'mengumpat orang'! She always does this and since I'm not good in arguing, I always just keep quiet after that.. and I hate being weak like that!!

Really, I wish I could open her eyes to how ugly she is to the eyes of many people.. and ugly here isn't physical ugly! I know some people who don't trust her and who really hate her guts to the point of not wanting to have anything to do with her. Some even don't want to take notice, saying that if she wants to dig her own grave, then be it. And others, sadly, hope that one day she'd get a taste of her own medicine, naudzubillah! But can we blame them? Once, I asked a friend to 'cari someone for X' but he said to me, "Tak nak aku cari orang untuk dia, nanti kesian kat kawan aku tu pulak kalau aku kenenkan (read: matchmake) dengan dia!"

I mean, none of this has directly happened to me but somehow, I understand the feeling of betrayal Mama felt when Abah admitted to his second marriage. The same goes for my friend C who's father also had another wife so its easily understandable if she acts defensive, even though in my eyes, tak dak la over defensive pun, biasa macam orang lain gak je.

How can I shake some sense into her? What does it take to make her realize that she's hurting this guys wife and son, eventhough they might not know anything? Laki tu pun sama tak guna!!

I hate being such a coward to confront her again about this issue but I get too speechless whenever she starts her ntahapahapa arguing and that is just a sign of victory for her! Sometimes her comments also hurt me, really hurt me, when she indicates that I'm jealous of her because, unlike me, 'ada gak orang yang sayang kat aku'. Sayang? Boleh belah la.. macam bangang je 'sayang' camni! I mean, she should be cautious that, if he can do it to his wife, he can also do it to her, betoi dak? She should at least have thought of this (eventhough it sounds selfish!) but benda ni pun dia tak nampak!

Sometimes I really hate it when she talks about this guy and how she plans to meet him sneakily behind the wifes back. I especially hated it when she said she still wants him, no matter what. I really hate her when she does this but all that aside, she's a great friend! God, help me!!

I dunno, maybe I think too much about things that don't concern me. Maybe I should just let it be. Maybe I don't want this happening to me. Whatever it is, I hope one day she realizes what she's done and REALLY regrets it. Its not a nice thing to do, and it might backfire towards her one day so before anything really bad happens, I pray that she realizes what has she done and leaves it ALL behind!


Sunday, December 25, 2005


Case 1
Saw MBC on the way to school, but somehow, it didn't bring the usual smile to my face (okay, maybe it made me look twice la.. but thats it!). Not even a twitch, more like, "Oh! You again!"

Case 2
Was staring at my thesis, knowing I HAVE to show SOMETHING for my fourth chapter (Data and Analysis) to my superviser on Wednesday but was overcome with this feeling of indifferance. It seems like I've lost the feeling of, "Mati la saya, keje tak siap lagi tapi Dr nak tengok!"

Case 3
Had the radio on and heard the cue to sms so absentmindedly I sent and sms. And yes, once again I've won a CD, this time Jamie Cullum's but I didn't feel as ecstatic as I usually feel. In fact, Aldeena was more excited about it than me.. but still, I won a free CD hehe..

Blame it on the rainy weather. Blame it on the holidays. Blame it on everything! Errkk, tak baik la pulak.. but yeah, its as if I don't have any feelings today. Numb..

I mean, what the hell has come over me today?!? And I've also noticed how many entries I've posted for the past few days and this is not a good sign, thesis-wise! I don't even feel like LOOKING at my data..

This is bad..

This is very bad!!!

Saturday, December 24, 2005

'Tis the night before Christmas!

Hehe.. some of you might wonder; what the heck is she talking about Christmas for? Well, its just that right now I'm in the school, bored to death (takde la sampai nak mati) about my thesis and playing online games while listening to my favourite station. Seems like the deejays are in the festive mood and I've been listening to loads of Christmas songs since I came (including my favourite 'Last Christmas').

Yesterday while day dreaming (as usual <-- Yun kata!! Haha..), my mind went back to a few years back when I enjoyed the childhood bliss of Christmas. Being in multiracial schools at that time, even WE were treated to visits from Santa and it would be a grand (from a childs point of view la..) event when the whole school would assemble in the hall. For those four years over there, I received multiple gifts that includes toys, colouring books, painting sets, childrens make-up kit, bags, candy and the works. Ayeen, I'm sure you remember all of this, right!

And if it wasn't enough, all of us would have our own class party with yet another visit from Santa or Santarina. With Christmas crackers and traditional Christmas putting (Haha.. still remember Brian cracking his teeth into a pice of coin inside the pudding.. at least dia dpt gak, I never got anything form the pudding!). Somehow, the teachers were conscious of us Muslims so we'd have a separate spread, just to make sure we won't miss the fun.. *sigh* childhood memories..

Anyway, I wanna share a Christmas song my brother Iwan loved to sing when we were small. Hmmm, wonder if he remembers this song??

C is for the candles trimmed around the Christmas tree
H is for the happiness with all the family
R is for the reindeers running by the window pane
I is for the icing on the cake as sweet as sugarcane
S is for the stockings, on the chimney wall
T is for the toys around the tree so tall
M is for the mistletoe, where everyone is kissed
A is for the angels who make up the Christmas list
S is for old Santa who makes every kids his pet
Be good and he'll bring you everything in the Christmas alphabet

Friday, December 23, 2005

Last Christmas..

Why is it that hearing one of my favourite songs on the radio seems more fun than listening to them from the cd?

A few weeks ago, Ikram, my third brother, was showing off his phone to me. Ye la, kakak dia guna Nokia 2100 ja tapi adik² semua guna phone ade camera la, MP3 la hehe.. Anyway, he had downloaded this karaoke version of the song Last Christmas and was playing it on the phone while asking me to sing this song hahah.. yup, this is one of the songs, pre-Ikram, which he knows..

Back home (read: umah sewa), I went through my CDs and yuppie! I found my Wham! cd.. yeah, back when George Micheal was still in this duo, and when I didn't know he was gay. Popping the disc in the player, I keep repeating this song as it DOES coincide with the festive season, though its not a real Christmas song anyway.

Yesterday, while doing my work, with the radio on, as usual, this song came on air and before long I was singing along with this song. Somehow, it sounds more fun on the radio and though the azan was being announced outside, rasa sayang nak tutup radio, padahal cd dia ade je dalam keter (Haaaa, ngaku pun buat dosa semalam!). Naudzubillah..

And as expected, my drive home was filled with this song played repeatedly.

Anyway, I first heard this song when I was 5 or 6 (thats why I call it pre-Ikram!) and I could vaguely picture the videoclip and can only remember lots of snow and a fireplace.. obviously la kan! Back here, when I was 17 (I think) I went to Popular with my family for some school supplies. While waiting for Iwan, Adi, Ikram and Izati (saje je nak senarai bg nampak banyak hehe..), I went into CDrama and wonders of wonders, I found this CD. I practically begged Abah (without much hope pun masa tu, knowing how Abah is) for the CD while he kept reminding me of whats more important (our stationery and stuff) so I sadly put the CD back on the rack.

But I guess, behind that Abah I know, there sometimes comes this part of him that suprises us. Back home, he handed me the CD and I whoopped with joy, instantly played it on the CD player and sang along with the family (except Ikram, Izati and Iskandar la who didn't have the slightest idea why we were singing 'old' 80s songs!)

Untuk Nomi: Tul cakap Nomi, klau la pandai godek² internet, cari coding, dah lama buh lagu ni kat blog :-p~

Artist: wham!
Song: Last Christmas Lyrics

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day,
You gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day,
You gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Once bitten and twice shy
I keep my distance but you still catch my eye
Tell me baby do you recognise me?
Well it's been a year, it doesn't surprise me

(Happy Christmas!) I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying "I Love You" I meant it
Now I know what a fool I've been
But if you kissed me now I know you'd fool me again

Chorus (Oooh. Oooh Baby)

A crowded room, friends with tired eyes
I'm hiding from you and your soul of ice
My God I thought you were someone to rely on
Me? I guess I was a shoulder to cry on
A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
A man undercover but you tore me apart
Oooh Oooh Now I've found a real love you'll never fool me again


A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
(Gave you my heart)
A man undercover but you tore me apart
Next year I'll give it to someone,
I'll give it to someone special
I'll give it to someone,

I'll give it to someone special
who'll give me something in return
I'll give it to someone
hold my heart and watch it burn
I'll give it to someone,
I'll give it to someone special
I've got you here to stay
I can love you for a day
I thought you were someone special
gave you my heart
I'll give it to someone,
I'll give it to someone
last christmas I gave you my heart
you gave it away
I'll give it to someone,
I'll give it to someone

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Masters Disaster Pt 3




I need help!

Its been a few days and I haven't done anything for my thesis. I've come to the point of having a strong urge of throwing up whenever I think of my dissertation. I feel sick to the pit of my stomach whenever I see the School of Civil Engineering looming in front of my face every morning as I drive through the campus and I hate waking up in the morning.. knowing that I have this 'writing up' to tend to!

Yesterday was the worst. I came to the point of gasping for breath as I sat in front of the pc. My hand were shaking I was overcome by this iresistable feeling of wanting to cry and scream at the same time.. God, I've never felt this way before!

Even the thought of MBC didn't help. In fact, today I feel sick of him too! Too much bumping into him these past few days have made me wonder: What was I thinking? I guess this ends my short term crush for now..

Today, I still feel shaky.. but as Erwan and Keon told me to take it easy, I've made up my mind NOT to even peek at my thesis for today and to tell you the truth, I'm starting to feel a bit calm.. a bit je la..

But in the meantime..





Saturday, December 17, 2005

Because of you

I've been making frequent visits to Ayeen's blog, just to hear this song hehe.. First heard it on the air and I was instantly attracted to the little bits of the lyrics I heard (ye la, apart from the knowledge this song was sung by the most successful IDOL yet), though I didn't really understand the song much since I didn't hear the whole song..
And now that I get the chance to listen it, courtesy of Ayeen, I'm starting to like it.. Meaningful because sebenarnya its true for a lot of people kan, tak kisah la they want to admit it or not.. Ape pun, tak baik salahkan orang, dak? It doesn't matter if it's lessons learnt from your friends ke, parents ke or the people around you. But still..

Ayeen, thats why I've been ranting about how hard it is to go to your blog pun.. (tp your archives kak Yong tak leh bukak la, yang!).. I can only hear it on my colleague's pc, on mine, ampeh tak leh baca your blog, what more to listen to the song :-P~
P/S For Ayeen, kene bayo royalti ke sbb 'curi' this form you? ;-P

Because of You by Kelly Clarkson
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you

Sunday, December 11, 2005

A little too much haha..

Okay.. now I'm freaked out!

I suddenly feel like a stalker and that is sooooo, errr, 'degrading'(?).. haha, bit funny if you ask me.

A few days ago, I was on cloud nine.. and happy to be there. But today, I seem to have dropped down a few levels. Nope, not on the seventh heaven, I won't mind that.. more like having my feet planted firmly on the ground once more. Err, ok, maybe just floating a teeny bit :-)

A few days ago, I had a very close encounter with MY BIG CRUSH but as usual, I pasted my tak-kisah-pun face and pretended to look somewhere else (big, fat liar, huh! Hehe..). Then 2 days ago, I was 'somewhere' (not telling here.. like I said, I'd rather keep his location a secret :-p) waiting for a friend and pacing around the corridor. Then outta the blue, I came 'nearly' face-to-face with MBC as I was turning around but I managed to whip out my phone while pretending to call my friend. Then just now, I was stalling myself from getting outta the car by skipping through the newspaper I just bought. Imagine how dreadful I felt when I finally emerged form the car, just to see MBC passing by.. I mean, if he had ever noticed anything (which I'm hoping he hasn't), it DOES seem like I was delibrately sitting in my car and going out ONLY when he passed.

Thats not to mention some other recent encounters that, though they made me smile silly a few days ago, now make me cringe with horror! I mean, its just a silly crush, for God's sake so please don't torture me, ooo my crazy, psycho mind!

Yeah, I'm sure its all in the mind really, but hey, my mind has a powerful grip on me and it sure isn't making things better for me! I won't mind a few glimpses now and then but not to the point it makes me feel like subconsciously, I'm stalking MBC! Gosh, better tone down the feeling and throw away these silly crushes that were meant for teenagers ONLY.. Help me!!!

Saturday, December 10, 2005


I just looked up this word in the dictionary and found out that it meant fortunate accidents or making fortunate discoveries by accident.. well, something to THAT effect! I DO wonder whats the connection between the word and the story..

You see, I've just been watching the movie a few minutes ago and since I'm still on cloud nine with MY BIG CRUSH, the story has contributed to another silly grin on my face haha.. Anyway, as any of you who have seen this picture know, this story is about fate and how strong the belief is that no matter what you try to do, you could never change your fate.

I liked the way the story went. The girl wrote her name and number on book while the guy, on a dollar note. Then they sent of the book and note to no-one-knows-where-itll-end-up and as the girl believed, if they were meant to be together, one day the note AND book would end up in their hands.. waaaahhh, so sweet ah!

I like the way the story implied that sometimes, SOMETHING is good for you BUT not at that particular moment. For example, the guy and the gal (John Cusack and Kate something yg berlakon citer Pearl Harbour tuh..) went to this hotel and they made a pact that if the both of them chose the same floor from different elevators then they were meant to be together. Somehow, they chose the same 23rd floor BUT, since the time wasn't yet right for them, Sara (Kate Beckinsale ke apentah nama dia) had no problems arriving at the floor but the guy had the misfortune of having this cheeky boy with him, who pressed ALL the buttons thus making him arrive VERY late to the 23rd floor and missing Susan for just a few moments.

But as all sweet love stories go (ok la, nearly all la..) in the end, they DID end up together la.. we, as the viewers would notice all the 'signs' that would pave their way together but they themselves were confused about all those 'signs'.. yup, more like our real life experiences, huh?

Here.. I'm posting the synopsis given by

Jonathan Trager and Sara Thomas met while shopping for gloves in New York. Though buying for their respective lovers, the magic was right and a night of Christmas shopping turned into romance. Jon wanted to explore things further but Sara wasn't sure their love was meant to be. They decided to test fate by splitting up and seeing if destiny brought them back together... Many years later, having lost each other that night, both are engaged to be married. Still, neither can shake the need to give fate one last chance to reunite them. Jon enlists the help of his best man to track down the girl he can't forget starting at the store where they met. Sara asks her new age musician fiance for a break before the wedding and, with her best friend in tow, flies from California to New York hoping destiny will bring her soulmate back. Near-misses and classic Shakespearean confusion bring the two close to meeting a number of times but fate will have the final word on whether it was meant to be

*sigh* I'm still wearing this silly grin!

Hmm.. wonder what MY 'signs' are gonna be like???

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Wipe that silly grin off your face, girl!

For the past few weeks, I've been noticing something different in me.

It started a few days ago when I suddenly felt so stiff in my jaw, I had stop my work just to rub it. I was suprised to notice a silly grin on my face and suddenly it downed to me that I've been having these silly grins and fits of 'senyum sorang²' quite frequently. Yup, there was also a noticable extra spring in my step and suddenly the world seems so much more colourful haha..

Ok Pojie, akak told you 'I dunno why I'm having this silly grin on my face' but I guess I DO know now haha.. just don't laugh at me, okay!

Most of you might say, "She's fallen in love" haha.. That's probably half the truth since I don't believe much in Love At The First Sight but lets just say I've developed a severe crush on someone. No prizes for guessing who and I'm not giving out any clues, just in case one of my juniors stumble upon the truth. Okay la, one clue, to broaden your horizons a bit.. someone NOT from Civil Engineering (School? Field? Take your pick!)

I feel like a school girl, senyum tak tentu pasal and believe me, its been a long time since I've felt this giddy. Well, some of my friends during my undergraduate studies tell me that I never notice anything else outside the academic field, I was always into assignments and lectures.. but if they saw me right now, I'm sure they'd laugh their heads off.. AND finally realize that I AM NORMAL like everyone else.

A mere glimpse would make my day and no matter what Dr Wan says (about my thesis that seems to be getting worse by the minute) to me, I'd still be smiling as opposed to the rasa-nak-nangis-je feeling I had before. And to make it worse, I seem to keep bumping into him (I swear it isn't on purpose) so its no wonder that the smile keeps staying on my face every second.

But, I DO realize that
1. He doesn't even know I'm alive
2. He's WAY outta my league

..but still, it doesn't hurt to be on cloud nine, does it?

Besides, I've also realized something VERY interesting.. I haven't been thinking of IM at all for a very long time, eversince the developement of this 'plague' in me and I think thats something I should really be thankful for. Somehow, I think I have my crush to thank! Its not like I've never had seen anyone interesting, but I keep comparing.. stupid huh? Not to mention wasting my precious time.. But this sudden crush either surpasses everything or has really managed to take my mind of IM.. whatever it is, thanks! (Though I won't really say this to him la haha..)

Oh well, enough time back on earth, I'm going to walk on air again to my comfortable cloud nine and keep this smile that hasn't really gone away from my face while enjoying the view of a face that keeps popping into my mind.. cheerio!

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Am I lucky.. or do the odds just favour me?

"Ayu ni selalu menang benda² macam ni.."

Thats what kak Kathy said to me when I told her of my lucky sms to Mix FM. Yup, I won a CD for their free CD weekend AND got the chance to talk to my favourite deejay. Truth is, sometimes I DO feel lucky.. but like right now, when I'm sitting down pondering about it, I guess I'm not really lucky at all, its all in the math :-)

Confession: I'm a quiz buff. Not the school-science-quiz type of quiz, but the freebie quiz you can find everywhere now, in the newspapers, in the radio, in magazines, from the internet. This craze started in form 3 when Abah started subscribing to the NST, Mingguan Malaysia and Sunday Mail for our Sundays (hari biase, NST je..). Sunday Mail was always having these quizes and one day I thought I should try it out. I still remember, it was the Free Willy 2 contest and imagine my suprise when I won two movie passes and limited edition stickers. After that, I was hooked!

There was no stopping me. Every Monday (sometime even on Sunday nights), you could find me huddled in a corner answering the two simple questions while racking my brains for the slogan. Stamps and postcards were aplenty during that period as I was sending quizes every week. My second prize was a Dragon Heart t-shirt and two movie passes and this just became the incentive for me to send more and more.

My family, understanding my obsesssion with these type of quizes would sometime put aside the pages for me. Somehow, they were also excited whenever a parcel was delivered to our home knowing that 90% of the time, it would be for me.

Haha.. I remember in form 5 when I was the president of the English Society. One of my responsibilities was to distribute Youth Quake to the students. Somehow, I had won this Spice girl contest in there and the next thing I knew, these girls were buzzing about me winning the contest. I totally forgot that they'd print the name of the winners in the page and maybe it was just me, or maybe its true that some teachers glared at me for weeks haha.. setting a bad example to my peer, I guess..

To date, I've won movies passes, movie posters, stickers, t-shirts, CDs (Romance 2, Spice Girls, Spice Up Your Life single, Bodyshakin' 911 single, NKOTB Greatest hits etc..) , cassettes (though I never even listened to them), a Peter Pan nightgown (which I gave to Pian for his niece), perfume sprays and even books (though I don't understand why I won the Brad and Jen book since I didn't put much effort anyway.. come to think about it, I only win those which I don't really think hard at). The list is endless :-)

So why do I say its all in the math?

Well, come to think of it, its not really luck. You see, like I said earlier, I'm this quiz buff so I send in any entry I come across. Its no wonder that I win a lot, I mean, if I participate in a lot of these quizes, for sure I should win at least one, right! Lets say the odds to winning are 1 to 10. This just means that if I send one entry per week, I might win at least 5 prizes per year (and let me assure you, I win MORE than 5 prizes per year haha.. not being a show off here, just giving out the statistics :-p)

I mean, some people send in ONE quiz, and they expect to win it but if they don't, they just give up and stop. How could you win anything if you don't keep trying? Like me, I've had my fair share of losses. In fact, most of the quizes I REALLY want to win are the ones that I don't get anything but hey, I don't care, they're free stuff anyway so if I don't win 'em, its not as if I lost anything.. right!

Hehe.. anyway, to those who think its a stroke of luck, think again! Remember the odds in it and keep trying, one day, you'll win something.. I promise!

Friday, November 18, 2005

The Klutzy One

Confession Time: I'm clumsy!

Really clumsy!

Extremely clumsy!

No wonder more than 1 person (I'm not revealing the actual number) has called me that hehe.. IM especially enjoys reliving my Hall of Fame clumsy moments (Okay, I won't talk about him anymore, Sentot!)

Not that I'm proud of it, but sometimes its my clumsiness that make people realize I'm really this normal girl who'd like to make friends, thank you very much, instead of the seemingly snobbish exterior I might display to people I've just met. I guess, my problem is I've got this 'unfriendly' face, perharps, that sometimes makes people think I don't like people hahah.. But when I do something clumsy, and my usual facade is replaced by this red-faced girl, giggling while trying to hide her embarassment, that people seem to warm up to me after that.. like I said, I'm not proud of it, but I'm not actually hating it too :-)

On more that a hundred occasions, I've mis-sent (ade ke perkataan nih?) emails and sms to other people, that now my friends have grown so accustomed to it, they don't tease me about it anymore.. well, a few DO keep tab of how many emails or sms are mistakenly sent to them so when I meet them, they'd present me with the statistics of my clumsiness.

Thats without mentioning the walk-into-a-pole incidents, the tripping-over-everything, forgetting to unlock my car before opening the car boot that will set the alarm off while I try to figure out how to shut the noise down.. but no, I've never worn different sets of footwear though once I wore my selipar buruk to work and only realized it once I entered the building.. really Ayu, you're quite a mess!

And now, since I'm the only one using room 3.27, this bad trait of mine seems to have gone up a few notches (okay, it might just mean that I just couldn't care less about the cluttered state of the room.. more like a store if you ask me!). I'd leave my keys all over the small room but STILL I'd have a hard time finding them. The key manufacturers should supply a phone number for the keys so in case of losing it, we could just try to call it to locate them (just like what happens whenever we misplace our mobiles)!

Somehow, yesterday I lost my car keys again. Unfortunately for me, EVERYONE had gone home by the time I realized it was missing. Knowing how forgetful and unreliable I am in the where-did-I-put-my-things department, I must've turned the room upside down, searching every nook and cranny for my dear keys. For the last resort, I tried calling kak Sue and Zul to inquire wether they had seen my keys since kak Sue was in my room and Zul loves to hide my things. Kak Sue didn't know about it while Zul's phone was being repaired so I was already at my ends when I remembered kak Shima.

Calling kak Shima, she asked where my spare keys were and I confidently told her they were at home so she promised to go fetch me and we'd go get my spare key but I should've known the silly me better. My spare keys were really IN my car since I had bought them along to replace the battery so once again I had to call kak Shima to ask if she knew anyone who could somehow 'break' into my car and she was already thinking of asking Lekuk. I also asked Erwan who couldn't quite think of anyone and I called Pojie, in case his friends knew how to do it! In short, I could've 'kacau' the whole town of Parit Buntar, just because of my keys..

Then outta no where, Hasrul called. I was a bit suprised since his motto is 'Working is for office hours' (Tipu la.. tapi betul la, dia biasa tak kacau time bukan office hours and klau ye pun, memang for work purposes). I was starting to think,"Kerja apa lagi la dia nak ni?" when he asked me if I had gone home. Considering the situation I was in, I found it a bit odd until he confessed of hiding my keys and forgetting to return it.

I could have been mad, I could've screamed.. instead I gave a great big laugh of relief and demanded he send my keys immediately. After getting off the phone ONLY did I realized what a havoc I have created over nothing and I was instantly ashamed.. Haha, buat malu je!

Anyway, I got my keys back, and had to spend a considerable time explaining the situation to everyone. Still, I got the last laugh seeing how guilty Hasrul looked like (Dia mana penah rasa bersalah, toi dak Paijah!)

So I vow to be more careful now.. err, jom tengok berapa lama azam ni bertahan!!! :-)

Wednesday, November 16, 2005


I was ironing my checkered shirt this morning. Its already worn out, a result of too much wear and tear during my undergraduate studies but that just makes it more comfy and since I wasn't expected to see Dr Wan today, I thought I'd one again adopt the laid back appearance this well-worn shirt gave me.

As usual, whenever I come across momentos of my past, my mind would surely go back to those times and suddenly, something a friend once said to me popped up into my mind.

Our relation nie macam tangki air yg pada mulanya penuh ngan air. Then suddenly, tangki air tu bocor sket. Air mula keluar sikit2. Pada mula nya orang tak berapa perasan tangki tu bocor sebab air yg masuk dlm tangki tu still flowing and paras air tinggi lagi. Pastu tiba2 air yg masuk tu tiba2 plak stop. So, air dlm tu makin lama makin kurang. Then dah lama sangat takde air yg mengalir masuk,baru la nampak sangat tangki air tu bocor sebab paras air dia dah rendah sangat or maybe dah takde langsung. Tangki yg bocor tu macam relation kite nie la. Itu je contoh yg saya bleh bagi untuk awak paham. I hope that the tank still have water inside it.

Ok.. I admit, this came from the IM! And yeah, he has a point.

I was pondering on the metaphor, and well, I dunno.. I guess it got me thinking! Yup, sent me going down memory lane once again and trying to understand everything that has happened.

I remember telling IM that maybe someone had tried to repair the water tank here but somehow, she used the wrong materials that might have not worked or even made the tank 'corrode' much worse (Hahah.. this is what you get when Civil Eng, Mechanical Eng, Material Eng and Chemical Eng are all thrown in together in one campus.. okay, I'm not leaving out Electrical and Elecktronic as well as Aerospace.. kecik ati plak kang haha..) Well, what if that happens, what is there to do? Especially if the 'expert' doesn't help in matters and chooses to be quiet about it without offering any advice on the Science of Water Tanks, eventhough help was inquired?

I dunno.. I guess, no matter how much I ponder upon this, I'll never really get the answer. Its not that I've never tried, in fact, I've tried to the point of feeling stupid hahah..

The best I can do now is to make sure lightning doesn't strike twice.. pisang tak berbuah dua kali..

Wish me luck!

Friday, November 11, 2005

Okay.. that does it

I woke up this morning to the sound of my phone beeping, indicating I had a new message. Thinking it was my junior Salimin who usually sends me sms during this time of the morning (mentang² la Sabah Sarawak punya masa awal lagi..), I just ignored the sms. But when my phone beeped another 5 times, deja vu suddenly came over me..

I was right! I got another message(s) from THE WIFE.. for crying out loud! This is certainly NOT a good beginning to my Friday here and this time she really succeeded in raising my temper to a dangerous level. I tried to sleep it off, c'mon la, I still had half an hour of sleep before my alarm goes off, but the thought of the insults and degrading kept popping up in my head that I woke up and FINALLY replied to the accusions thrown at me!

Well, she sort'a forced me to say all those things, so thats what I did. Nak sangat kan.. haaa, amik!!! Nak kata kat orang tu, selidik dulu boleh tak, ni aci redah je.. ingat saya ni ape? I told her, just because I kept my mouth shut, it doesn't mean I'm admitting to what she accused me of so since she asked for it, she got what she wanted all along!

I'm not going to write down exactly what I told her, its enough to say that tomorrow I'd be so ashamed of myself for acting so emotional, but for today, I think she needs a taste of her own medicine! Lain kali kalau orang dah senyap tu, sudah² la tu, bukan maknanya orang membenarkan semua tuduhan tu, cuma malas nak panjangkan cerita. For God's sake, grow up la, woman!

I also made up my mind to go and have a 'talk' with her husband, the RA but haha, I guess she must've told her husband about my sudden outburst (didn't expect it did ya?) that her husband suddenly called in sick this morning. Penat je karang ayat pagi tadi but thats okay, I still have Monday!

NO ONE is going to keep degrading me like this AND get away with it, okay!

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Usaha Tangga Kejayaan

Hahah.. cam ape je tajuk die!

Anyway, what brings us to this topic..? :-)

Haha.. lets start with this morning. I've been sick of staring at my thesis for the past weeks so since Izati is here, I asked her if she wanted to go to her old school to get her PMR certificate. Truth is, I just wanted an excuse to go somewhere else than USM. Another reason is, yesterday, while reading the newspaper, a McDonald's pull out fell from the newspaper I was reading. Hmm.. I really wonder why is it that whenever I religiously go to McD, there are no interesting toys on offer but when I don't go for just a fortnight, there'd be new items that I'd sure love to have (Ni umoq berapa ni sebenaqnya ni?) In this case, it was the Chicken Little soft toy and when I noticed that the offer had started a week ago, I was already jumpy on going to go grab one before it is sold out!

We went to Izzti's school early on, konon takut Chicken Little tu abis la kan but when we entered the school office, I noticed the new headmistress (on a picture on the organisation chart) of her old school who really seemed familiar. Without my glasses on, I had to really stare at the name until it came into focus and BINGO! It was Cikgu Nab (ref:Happy Teacher's Day.. May blog entry). Sadly, she was on-leave so I spent a few minutes writing a note to her, passing it through the administrative staff who were on duty.

Well, on with my quest. The first stop was the McDonalds in Sungai Dua. As I entered, I noticed that there was no Chicken Little promotion banner so Izati went to ask the cashier about it. Disappointed to learn that they had just given out the last one a few days ago (A FEW DAYS AGO.. imagine that! Cepatnye habis!!), we went back to my car to go find another McD haha.. I was already not feeling as if I'd even manage to get it!

The next stop was at Megamall. My housemates and I had planned on seeing Chicken Little anyway so I went to buy the tickets AND choose the best seats. C'mon la, its the school holiday so only the early bird catches the worm. Lambat sikit, confirm dapat seat tak bes! Then we went to the McD on the 1st floor just to discover that they too, have run out of stock.

Remembering that we had another McD at Juru AutoCity, I dragged Izati over there, dengan perut lapar semua tu la telling her, usaha tangga kejayaan, but only to learn that the usually slow-to-go-out-of-stock McD here also didn't have any Chicken Little anymore. We went in line anyway, since I was already hungry and was ready to admit defeat. But then, inspiration struck (cehh.. poyo jek..). I suddenly remembered the drive-thru at Sunway so once again, I dragged a hungry Izati over there. She was already laughing at me by this time, but did I care? Haha..

This time I promised her, no matter what, we'd have our lunch there. Even MY tummy was singing to the NumaNuma song. And hey, wonders of wonders, they still HAD the soft toys over there.. yeay! So we went home feeling very content.. and full too!

See, betoi la cikgu suka cakap dulu --> Usaha tangga kejayaan! :-)

Monday, November 07, 2005

Lets talk about raya..

It's the 5th day of Syawal now.. which means its been 5 days since we celebrated Eid UlFitri..

Hmmm.. kinda hard to categorize my raya this year. Lets see..

This is the first year where Eid is celebrated without both my maternal grandparents. Pah passed away when I was in form 5 but Tok (Hassan) left us right after Aidilfitri last year. Usually, he would be the one most excited about Eid but this year it seems like something is missing.

However, I was suprised to learn that not one of Mama's siblings were coming home for this first raya. Okay, I know, no one could force them but c'mon la, give some logical excuses boleh tak? I mean, all of us are not stupid to just take all those lame reasons you call excuses. It feels as if, with Tok now gone, this family too seems like disappearing in to thin air :'(

Not to mention that now I'm busy with my writing up and all that! Man, I hate my thesis! I've hated doing my masters anyway.. The whole Ramadhan has been filled up with staring at the dissertation and I'm quite sick of it though I really want to submit ASAP. Somethime, I feel as if I don't know anything and I hate feeling stupid. Writing up is a true eye opener here *sigh* So truth is, I wasn't really looking forward to raya in the first place :(

Then there's the question of Abah's relatives. Eversince Abah and Mama seperated, its as if we ourselves have detached ourselves from them. I mean, it was Abah who discreetly got remarried so why are we as if trying to distant ourselves from our relatives, its not THEIR fault. Besides, its a sin to break-off silaturrahim but I'm torn between what I know is right, and what some other people think. Just a frown on the face when I suggest a visit would make me shrink back. I had a hard time convincing Adi to follow me to see our relatives and only succeeded the night before raya. With Izati it was easier.

Come 1st day of raya, all of us (me, Mama, Adi, Izati, Iskandar, Abg Sher and kak Na) woke up to get ready for Eid prayers. Tu nasib baik abg Sher ngan kak Na balik.. After prayers, we went to the graveyard to pay our respects to Tok Hassan and Pah. Somehow, it felt so strange to be visiting two graves instead of one, and knowing that we won't be greeted by Tok when we arrive home. Its been years since he's been able to go for prayers at the masjid but he was sure to wait for us to return with a smile.

Back home, I tried to bring up the issue of going to visit Abah's relatives but what I got is this frown. Nope, no words were being said but I DO understand the look so I just kept quiet. I was a bit hurt though, as I had been talking about visiting kampung eversince the start of Ramadhan and it was soooooo hard to persuade my siblings but all that turned out worthless and I feel like I'm such a coward for backing out! We went to Tok Chu and Pah Chu Jamaliah's house though and met up with Mak Cik Hawa, Pak Cik Amir + Mak Cik Maria + Son, Pak Cik Zai + wife + sons (Farhan and apentah nama sorang lagi tu), Pak Cik Harris and Pak Cik Hassan. Then we went to Mak Yong Min's house before heading of to.. hmmm, pegi mana lagi ah?

Later that day, Abah came with Ummi and Annisa. Thank God nothing 'bad' happened but everyone was in such a false happy mood, I felt like suffocating. Luckily, Annisa drew the tension away :-) No wonder everyone loves babies, huh! Adi had his first glimpse of his new sister here and I'm glad. She's still our sister no matter what, right! But yeah, Abah had to be Abah and spoil everything for me.

Just when I thought I could convince them to give him a chance by reminding them how much he's trying, HE had to call me and scold me for no apparent reason. I wonder why he likes to do that.. find such a small fault and shout at me as if I've done something wrong (and for the record, the mistake was HIS since HE forgot to give me something.. tp, kenapa saya pulak yang kene marah? :'( ) Then suddenly talking about what a teruk punya kakak I am. My already battered emotions were just further hurt and I had to bottle them all up inside without daring tell my family just in case they said to me, "I told you so!"

Sometimes I just wanna give up!

The 2nd raya wasn't really much better. First I got THOSE messages I've been ranting about. I can't believe I got this whole message which equals to the size of SIX standard sms! That itself had thrown my 'its a new day' mood down the drain. However, for raya's sake, I had to put on a cheery face. It didn't help that that morning, while Adi and Izati were 'mengutuk' their abang, Mama suddenly said, "Kak Yong la yang ajar ni!" Ya Allah, kenapa tiba² ni? I didn't even say a thing and I hated it when, in defence of myself, I raised my voice saying that Adi and Izati had the right of saying anything they saw themselves! I realized how much my voice quiverred when I said I never taught them anything. I had to stop myself from admitting that I HAD read the smses between her and Iwan that broke my trust in them. I mean, for everything, am I to blame? God, it was so hard to pretend I didn't care..

However, by that afternoon, I was already laughing (while trying to pretend those two incidents didn't just happen that morning!). Ikram and Iwan were coming back and I was looking forward to see them. Okay, maybe since the morning incident, I wasn't really keen to see Iwan but I really missed Ikram. Adi was buying us lunch at the newly opened Chicken King (hahah, klau tak, ade KFC je) when they arrived but we still had one more stop (Lubuk Merbau.. umah Tok Chu and Wan Chu Rozi pulak) before going home.

As expected, the cheery atmosphere only lasted for a while with Iwan barking to everyone now and then. I nearly lost my temper when he scolded me in front of everyone when Chik Im asked me about my work. Typical! But then again, all of us pun kene bark depan semua orang so we did what we were best at: IGNORING IT! And note to all here, I DID NOT teach the others to do this! In fact, it was Adi who taught me the art of ignoring the suara² sumbang!

The next day, me and Izati planned to go to Penang to go raya with our friends and to go to Annisa's akikah. No one else seemed to want to go when I first asked them to go with me to our sister's akikah so imagine my suprise when Adi, Ikram and Iskandar wanted to tag along. I was really happy. Well, maybe all of us really wanted to go meet our friends but at least they were also willing to go see Abah, Ummi and Annisa. Once again, I'd like to stress here, I didn't teach them anything but throughout the way, the topic was the-person-who-refused-to-follow. I wanted them to stop, since I was still hurt about the remark of 'Kak Yong yang ajar', but when all of them wanted to talk about it, I just listened je lah.

I dropped Izati at Sg Ara, Ikram at Taman Tunas Muda and Adi at KBJ before heading to Toroque's house with Iskandar in tow. Boy, was I glad to see my friends! There was Yokies + kak Maria + Amad, Toroque + Azu, Md Nizam and Fauzi 'Tok Mufti'. To be frank, this was the only time I really smiled and laughed AND relaxed during the whole holiday but the 3 hours together just flew by :(

I went back to Penang to pick up the others and we headed to Tasek Gelugor for the akikah. Somehow, I was a bit relieved to see Abah's relatives there. Macam ganti balik the promised visit I made for first day of raya. I met Pah (Kiah), Mak Nyah, Mak Yang+Ayah Alang+family, Ayah Uda+Mak Uda+family, Mak Su+PakSu+family+baby baru -->Darwis, Pak Chu+Wan Chu+family, Along and Suhir.. err, ade yang tertinggal tak? Oh, and yes of course la, Abah, Ummi and Annisa!

After that, we went to Yokies+Kak Maria's house. I wanted my siblings to know my bestfriends and their families. Heheh, boleh buat tak malu, tambah air sampai 3 kali tukar teapot! Then we went to Carrefour before heading to Taiping to Mak Yang's house.

Once again I met Abah's relatives and we were just settling down chatting when Pah suddenly called out my name and Yeop's. Okay, let me make it clear here that Yeop is the eldest grandchild while I'm the eldest grand daughter. Ayat Pah," Ayu.. Yeop.. Pah teringiiiiiiiin nak timang cicit. Cucu dah banyak, cicit je belum lagi. Kome ni, bile nye nak bagi Pah cicit ni. Tak kisah la sapa bagi dulu.. Ayu pun boleh, Yeop pun boleh! Nanti sape kahwin dulu, Pah bagi hadiah besooo nak?"

Hahah, Yeop dah buat² tido while I was squirming and looking around for someone to save me. Aiseh.. kene jugak ke time raya² ni hehe..

Well, we went home around 1 in the morning and I slept as soon as my head touched my pillow.

So people, thats how my raya went. A roller-coaster ride which is very uncomfortable and in a way, hurting! Sometimes I wish things were different but He has a reason to make it this way, saya je yang tak nampak lagi so please, pray that one day I'd understand all this confusion! And yes, pray that I'd always accept the thing I can't change and that I'd always remember that, "Every cloud has a silver lining!"

Saturday, November 05, 2005


Yes, I'm pissed off!

Yes, I'm mad!

Yes, I feel like screaming bloody hell!

Yes, I wanna shake some sense into someone!

and Yes, I want my name cleared and the truth to be declared once and forever!

Heheh.. kire power la orang ni, sampai keluaq 'aku' from me! Baizurah mesti gelak guling² tengok perkataan aku kat atas tu.. toi dak, Sentot?

But seriously..

I was minding my own business on the second day of raya when I received a message from one of the RAs here. Thinking it was another 'Selamat Hari Raya' sms, I just took my phone to read the message. The smile faded from my face when I read the first sentance.

Apparantly, I have been 'dalam pemerhatian' of his wife. It appears that I'm not like my other colleagues who respects her as the wife of this RA. Ok, for the record, my other females colleagues are either RAs or ROs for programming or ROs for finance. So, I want to make it clear that sometimes I call the RAs but specifically about work which by the way, is Dr Wan's order! I have never saje gatai telefon depa untuk bersembang kosong sahaja.. tak dak kerja la nak buat macam tu, saya ni nak jaga jugak maruah diri saya sendiri la!

If thats not enough, she had to add salt to the wound by telling me that she also works with guys, 'tapi takde la sampai macam awak tu.. orang bijak macam awak ni, pasti lebih faham etika kerja profesional'! For God's sake, saya ni gatal miang sangat ke? I don't think so! Saya sangat menjaga pergaulan dengan rakan sekerja berlainan jantina. I mean, maksud dia, saya ni teruk sangat ke, tak macam orang lain? As far as I'm concerned, I always make sure that I know their wives and acknowledge them whenever we meet BECAUSE I RESPECT MY COLLEAGUES AND THEIR SPOUSES!

And 'dah bertahun dah saya bersabar ni'.. Ya Allah! Apa dia yang saya dah buat bertahun ni? Allah maha mengetahui.. Dia tahu apa saya buat dan apa niat saya. I mean, BERTAHUN??? Jahatnye la saya ni buat perangai sampai bertahun.. :'(

Tak payah la nak merendahkan saya ke tahap perempuan murahan. Saya belajar agama. Mungkin tak sempurna.. silap, memang la tak sempurna, tapi knowledge yang sikit ni saya jaga. I felt soooooooooo low but seriously, tuduhan tak berasas tu!

And, you had the guts to ask me to keep this quiet! I mean, tak mau bagi peluang saya bela diri ka? Kang kalau bela diri kang, panjang cerita.. but if I don't say anything, its as if I'm agreeing with her! Serba salah giler.. masuk keje nanti, mesti tak tau nak act cammana ngan RA ni..

In a way, lawak pun ade.. I mean, when you think about it, it could somehow bring out a hysterical laughter outta me.. but on the other hand, this is way downgrading! I'm NOT a slut, okay! Just because I'm single, it doesn't mean I'm desperate enough to go kejar laki orang.. duh! Tolong la logic sikit.. and please don't throw my pride on the muddy floor and stamp on it *ouch* It really hurts! :'(

My conclusion: I'm this desperado who'd do anything to get a guy, tak kisah la laki orang ke ape ke.. I'm also this very gatal girl who knows professional work ettique but doesn't bother to practice it. I'm this tak sedar diri person who somehow deserves to be treated badly since I don't respect people and a peruntuh rumahtangga orang. AND, I've been doing this for years.. and yeah, I don't deserve a chance to defend myself since I'm such a slut. Not even allowed to defend myself to those people involved (i.e. her husband) but must always accept the accusions thrown right in my face.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

If only I could turn back time..

Most people wish they could really turn back time.

Myself included.

Some people hope to undo some things they have done, but for this moment right now, I don't think I'd want to do that. Instead, if I could only turn back time, there are lots of moments in my life I'd love to capture in still life and keep them some place where I could one day just sit down and bask in the memories that come with them. A time when I could be reminiscing about every smile and laughter that has found its way in the path of my life. A little peek of joy here, and a burst of pride and triumphant there.. *sigh*

But I realize that I'm human. Most of the time, we'd rather be in the moment and savour every second of it. We don't excuse ourselves just to step back and really watch these moments while taking into every single detail. Instead, we stay put and try engraving every detail of it in our hearts. Maybe we'd say, I'll remember this moment, but its not always that we remember the exact feeling that came along in the moment.

For major events, MAYBE, we'd remember it all. I still remember how I felt on my graduation, though I'm not sure how 'much'.. yeah, AS IF we could measure our feelings! But what I'm talking about is the small things in life. A friendly gesture from a total stranger, a caring thought from a friend or precious time spent with a sibling..

Truth is, these are the things that make life worthwhile and for now, I wish I could recall all those moments that might seem small, but in reality gives a great impact in us. Sadly, we can't really remember all that, could we? Thats why I wish I had captured the moment while it happened, so at times like this, I could flip through and smile at all the memories.

Why am I talking like this?

Lets put it this way.

Kak Kathy is getting married and won't be staying with us any longer after December..

Kak Shima is waiting for her viva and plans to resign as an RO next month..

Yun has completed her thesis and will be going home for good tomorrow..

HiTEG will cease to exist (temporarily la until there's a new grant) come January..

Izati will be taking her SPM when I still feel she's my too little sister..

And I'm suddenly feeling so lonely, as if too many changes are happening now and I don't seem to be ready to face them..

But I know changes happen. And though I also know I take it quite hard, I know its about time.

Thats why I wish to grasp all those memories and time together to the tiniest detail, and lock them up in my heart forever..

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Its a small world after all!

Yesterday, me and my housemates along with kak Zura and kak Zai went to buka puasa at the Sunway Hotel, Seberang Jaya. I wouldn't have tagged along if I didn't realize that I would be eating alone if I stayed behind. The fact that Lani (this cute engineer- not HANDSOME tau, CUTE! Errkk.. ok la, more like COMEY!) was the one who organized the whole thing was a plus hehe.. makanan tak sedap takpe, kenyang tengok dia je hahaha <-- Ayu gatal!

Initially, I was supposed to drive with kak Shima and kak Kathy but at the last minute, kak Shima, kak Zai and kak Zura wanted to shop for kak Zura's wedding preparation while kak Kathy decided to go with her Shidi. I was about back out from the plan since I didn't quite know the other guys (Shidi EE penah la sembang.. ngan Lani {eventhough dah banyak kali jumpa} and Aizad tak penah.. I told you I'm quiet with 'umfamiliar' people.. then Aizad was bringing along his unknown girlfriend whom I imagined was a leggy and breathtaking model <-- don't ask me why hehe..) But kak Shima assured me that they won't enter the hotel as long as I haven't arrived so half-heartedly, I agreed (Remember, tengok Lani was a plus kan hahahah..)

Kak Kathy called me just before I finished my class, telling me that she had cancelled her plan with her Shidi so she was going with me. I felt a bit relieved here so as soon as I finished my class, I rushed back home to fetch kak Kathy. Throughout the way, I was fretting about eating with people I'm not quite close to. Heheh, malu lagi la kononnye! Kak Kathy just laughed and reminded me that she herself, her Shidi, kak Shima, kak Zura and kak Zai would be there too but still, knowing me, I'd have my mouth shut throughout the meal. At least when we ate at Lani's house, I'd be able to hide from everyone else, but this time we'd ALL be sitting at the same table Lani had reserved.

I was already regretting my decision to go eat with them, Lani or no Lani hahah (Okay, I'm overusing his name now!) when we arrived. Kak Shima, kak Zai and kak Zura hadn't arrived yet so we called Shidi kak Kathy to ask about the buka puasa. He told us that he had already arrived and was getting his food so we went inside. Shidi EE had also arrived along with Lani. Aizad, who went to perform his Asar prayers, had also arrived with his still-invisible girlfriend.

Now, as I entered the dining area, I heard someone call out my name. Knowing that 'Ayu' is such a common name, I chose to ignore it until I noticed someone waving at me. I couldn't really place the face before me at first, but upon close inspection I discovered a very pregnant Irin and I nearly shouted in joy! The last time I saw her was in our final year and no offence here, but she wasn't in the list of the people whom we thought would be the first to marry. But congratulations to her! She really glowed! Seri ibu mengandung maybe, but she looked so radient, I felt a stab of envy inside of me (okay la, plus the fact that she already had someone la tu kot hehe..)

Kak Kathy was laughing at me now ("Haa, kata lagi takdak orang yang Ayu kenai!") when someone touched my shoulder from behind. Turning around, expecting a total stranger who wanted to pass through (okay la, kitorang tengah sembang tengah jalan.. biasala, when old friends meet up, mana nak tengok kiri kanan dah), I was pleasantly suprised so see Aida a.k.a Chipunk da Great. Two old friends at one time, how are the odds to that? Before long, we were all buzzing like bees, talking all at once hehe..

My first thought was that Aida had come with Irin. They were best friends during our undergraduate years so I guess it was a normal assumption.. UNTIL, I noticed Aida put her bag beside my seat! Then Shidi kak Kathy asked me if I knew Aida and of course la I admitted. Aida was my dormate (her bed is practically in front of mine) in KMK and we continued to be quite close in USM. By then Shidi kak Kathy (not Shidi EE) had this twinkle in his eye that made me realize I was missing something here. Aida keje kat Celestica, Kulim.. Shidi kak Kathy at Dell, Penang.. Hmmm, how ARE they connected?

Then it downed to me --> "Haaaa.. Aida, awak ke girlfriend Aizad?"

Aida laughed out loud at my precise guess of her status at our table, and I was trying to keep my mouth shut from the suprise! Yeayyy, so I now have someone I PERSONALLY know!

Throughout the dinner, we must've not eaten much. There was so much to tell, so much to 'korek'! I must've suprised some of the group since I was usually quiet when I'm around them. We were gossiping, laughing and eating all at once to the point of not noticing the others around us. She kept stopping me from calling her Chipunk in front of Aizad (Gatai hang, dulu masa belajaq, dlm satu USM ni hang sorang ja panggil aku Aida.. apasal sekarang tetiba nak panggil Chipunk nih?) and I kept saying,"Chiiiii.." just to get on her nerves!

After the 'first round' (yup, rupenye ade second round lagi pas tuh), we went up to pray. Irin tagged along after asking permission form her husband as they were seated a bit far from us. Once again, we were bumblebees. Buzy bumblebeez hehe..

I went back home that night with a smile on my face. Haha, I kept talking about her to kak Kathy on our way home. Remebering all those times we had once.. especially part, "Ayu, malam ni aku nak tidoq ngan hang bleh?" Not many people knew that the brutal Chipunk, who was the dorms unofficial postgirl, was quite a coward at night hehehehe..

Yeah.. I love a great reunions, especially a suprise one like this! I wish the best for both Irin and Aida, and hope we'd still be friends for a very, very long time!

And yeah, its a small world after all!

Saturday, October 15, 2005

I've been tagged

I was browsing through other people's blog while Hasrul was doctoring my poor, poor PC. Browse punya browse, I came across Farah's blog and found out that she'd been tagged by her friend. I had a good time reading her answers when I noticed, she had tagged me *huh*

So here goes

7 Things I plan to do before I die
1. Be a sincerely good Muslim, with a sparkingly clean slate (I wish la..) when I go to meet Him
2. Realize my dream of opening a.. opppss! Err, should I really write it down here? Only 3 people in the entire world know of this dream and I'm still kinda afraid of 'announcing' it here.. sorry!
3. This dream I can say out loud though. I wanna open a library cum book shop, complete with an IT corner, snack bar and review corner where you could find or make you own review of any book. I'll have throw cushions and comfortable chairs for a reading corner on every floor (yes, its a multi-storey one). In the kiddies corner, I'd have balloons and a story-teller every week to entertain small children while opening their eyes to the joy of reading. For teenagers, I'd make my own newsletter that would be handled by the teenagers where they could learn firsthand about journalism and writing. For adults.. err, well, I haven't really thought much about them haha.. but I will! Err, why do I have a feeling of seeing the book shop from You've got M@il?
4. Have my own childrens book series which I have written myself
5. Have a relaxing kayak expedition with my friends.. at least, kayaking around Malaysia for a start!
6. Bungee jumping.. anywhere would do!
7. ..and yes! Btw, I should get married too, right?

7 Things I could do
1. Annoy my friends with my very off-key singing, especially when driving, while pretending to NOT notice their horrified looks (or confused faces which indicates, "Ni Ayu menyanyi ke bunyi kucing bergaduh ni?")
2. Cry.. and I mean REALLY cry. The slightest thing could reduce me to tears but I'm getting better, I mean REALLY better at controlling it now!
3. Spend a whole day in my room, curled up with a couple of good books and read, read, read..
4. Get so absorbed in a book that I don't notice anything around me and get totally clueless when someone suprises me --> So I'm a bookworm.. got a problem with that?
5. Spend a whole day in the cinema watching movies, in plural here, back to back (any genre is fine with me)
6. Daydreaming while blocking the whole wide world on the outside
7. Have a giggle fit so severe, my tummy would still hurt hours later

7 Things I just can't do
1. Live without books
2. Talk in front of (more like addressing) a large crowd --> The last time I did it was in form 5 when I had to brief the whole school about the English Week. I was trembling from head to foot, and I ran to my class as soon as I finished. Sir Chong commented on my pale face hahah..
3. Live without McDonalds --> so I'm a fast food junkie.. any remedy to overcome this bad habit?
4. Live without chocolates! --> Hmm.. yummy!
5. Stop worrying about how people think of me and stop being so self conscious of myself!
6. Relax with people whom I've just met --> I'm usually jumpy and pretend to be quite reserved with them.. Aisehh, I kan pemaluuuuu hahah..
7. Spend a whole day WITHOUT the radio on!

7 celebrity crushes
1. MacGyver --> when I was 8, I wanted to be MacGyveress hahah.. don't ask me his real name tho, I don't really remember
2. Superman --> Ni pun tatau nama, but not Christopher Reeves OR yg Smallville nyer.. the other one!
3. Yusry KRU --> Haha, if I don't write this down, Sentot would just taunt me with this! Tapi kan Baizurah, what did we SEE in him? I mean, when I saw him in the papers the other day, I was laughing myself silly thinking of how we were always competing on who knew more about him. Hehe.. my guess now is, we had more fun 'fighting' over something sebenarnya, NOT really a crush! Tul tak?
4. Raja Nazrin --> I met him when I was in form 4, was mystified by his looks up close and became speechless when he asked me questions about school and stuff..*sigh* I was in cloud nine in no time and it took me a long while to get back to earth.. and yes! I don't care if he's 50 or 100 :-p~
5. Prince William --> Aahhh, royalty! And having a cute face doesn't hurt too ;-)
6. Kurama --> believe it or not, this is a character from a Japanese comic book I liked in seceondary school, tho' I can't really remember what comic book.. Err, can he be considered as a celebrity?
7. *blank* and *blur*

Ok.. ok.. I don't really know THAT much celebrities since I live in a cave here haha.. I'd rather have crushes on real live people I meet in my REAL life, NOT in my dreams!

7 most over-used words
1. Huh? --> Okay, so I'm a bit blur.. err, always!
2. Lorrhh..
3. Ambooooooooooiiii.. --> didn't realize I was overusing this word until a few weeks ago, after hearing some cheeky comments by my students, I turned to them with my hands on my hips and promptly the whole class chorused, "Amboooooooooooooooooooooiiiiii..", leaving me gapping at them since I was intending to say that to them haha.. other versions include, "Amboi.. amboii. amboiiiiiii..!"
4. Mengong!
5. What the..?
6. Shoot!
7. Bongok tul.. -->Newly acquired word used while driving tho' I dunno the meaning ;-)

7 traits I look for in the opposite sex
1. Must be able to be an Imam for solah --> Yup, somehow I've noticed the differances between those who can and those who can't!
2. Older than me --> I'm really obsessed with age, even months can make a big differance to me. Note to some 'certain people': Don't EVER set me up with someone younger, klau tak nak kene BLACKLIST!
3. Taller than me --> Haha, that's not hard to find, eh?
4. Smiles a lot.. and makes me smile too!
5. Romantic (Ooooooh...) and could bring out the romantic trait in me haha.. --> the most I've done is to make some curry puffs from scratch all alone (didn't let Mama or Izati help me) just because I knew he loves them! Btw, you can stop laughing now, Sentot!
6. Someone who'd help make me a better person. Bold enough to point out my weaknesses and helps me change them. Tapi one at a time la, not all at once or I'll think he hates me or he's the 'macam bagus' type.
7. Most important: Must really, really want me for who I am.. and manages to convince me about it ;-)

7 tags (Aaaahhh.. *rubbing hands together* some victims here..!)
1. Sentot/Amin --> Okay, I'm cheating here.. They HAVE been tagged by the same person, though technically, Amin was not tagged haha.. so Amin, sile²..
2. Soraya --> ngelat lagi here haha.. Soraya, you're double tagged!
3. Un --> How come I can't access your blog?
4. Jida --> This is an idea for a new entry in your very dusty blog! A-tish-shoo!
5. Pojie --> Cepat² buat!
6. Ayeen --> You too, Ayeen!
7. Illis --> This one for your new blog, gal!

Okay.. now I'll just wait and see how the others fair in this tag game ;-)

Friday, October 14, 2005

A tale of the twitching eye

My right eye has been twitching almost all the time since 2 nights ago, and I'm really irritated now!

It happened two nights ago (I THINK la its two nights ago, might be earlier), while I was preparing to go to bed. Suddenly my right eye was twitching. Normally I would've ignored it, I mean, all of us know that sometimes our muscles have this sudden urge to go all funny, right! But it came back after 10 minutes, and continued to keep coming at constant intervals (I feel like I'm writing a paper on traffic engineering here) until I fell asleep half-thinking of it as an early sign of a stroke. Yup, it worried me to sleep, tapi kire ok la, takde la sampai tak bleh tido hahah..

The next morning, guess what was the first sensation I felt--> yup! My twitching eye. This time I was REALLY worried. It would twitch once in a while, but constant enough to make my mind go back to the stroke theory. Don't ask me why I kept thinking of it as an early sign of a stroke, I mean, I'm still 25 la.. muda lagi! But somehow, I only thought of S.T.R.O.K.E!

Back at the office, I told kak sue of my 'plight'. I was really starting to panic now. However, she turned my worries into this great burst of laughter when she said, "Orang tua² kata, kalau mata kanan bergerak, maknanya ada la orang yang kita bakal nak tengok tu!" Hahah.. ada ka? Then Man added other old wives tales of the twitching eye and before long, I was laughing at the absurdity (ade ke perkataan camni?) of it all. Heheh, takde scientific explanation of all that la.. but it was fun to listen anyway!

Last night, I expressed my worries to kak Shima and kak Zai but they assured me that nothing was wrong. However, kak Kathy suggested that if I was still worried, I'd better go give a visit to the doctor, and really, maybe she's right. Problem is, I don't really have the time to go to the specialist, and what if its nothing? The doctor would probably laugh his head off seeing me worrying over it..

Still, I'm worried! It still hasn't stopped though its getting more seldom now. Any suggestions?

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Master Disaster Pt 2

"Boleh antar your thesis by this December tak?"

Rasa cam terdengar² lagi suare Dr Wan tanya soklan tuh heheh.. Suprised? Maybe.. maybe not!

It started yesterday morning when he called me, asking to see me. The only thing that was going in my head was,"What have I done now??" I woke up late and only arrived at the campus around 9. His call came in when I was right in front of the campus gate so as soon as reached the school, I pratically ran to his room.

I was quiet for a while after he told me the problems with the grant. Well, truth is, I should've finished my M.Sc sooner.. tul tak? Somehow, I don't think I was really worried. In fact, I was a bit relieved, knowing this dateline would just help to motivate me on completing my masters but I DID feel a tad pity to my superviser, he seemed so worried thinking about all of us (his postgrad students, ROs an RAs).

Just as I thought, that afternoon, he called all the RAs to go see him one by one. All of them had just got to know about our 'fate' and all wore this troubled expression never seen before on their faces. Dr Wan told them the same thing, they had only until December to find new jobs but until then, he'd still pay their salary. All of us even joked about opening a food stall or something haha.. Hasrul, who seldom joins in the jokes gave his two cent worth by suggesting a car wash centre, with kak Sue and kak Bibah taking care of the accounts :-)

Watching them, I realized how serious this is for them. I mean, kak Sue, kak Bibah, Hasrul, Man and Zul all have families to support so they were really worried. As for me and Erwan, when we complete our Masters, we'd just have to hunt for suitable jobs without much worrying about family expanses or whatsoever.. ok, tipu la kalau kata tak worry, but at least we have more options than the RAs.

The whole day, I couldn't do anything. Erwan kept asking me if we were really up to the challenge of writing up in just a bit more than 2 months, while I was going through this blank phase where everything was swirling in my head.

That night, while waiting for my tuition class, I suddenly realized that if I really concentrated, I WILL be able to complete my thesis to the last dot. Lets say I submitted the thesis in December, my viva might come around March or April. Then I'd have another month of final corrections before submitting the 3 copies of my final thesis AND I'd be able to graduate in next years convocation. The time is just right, isn't it! Next year, by this time, I might already be starting a new job which for the life of me, I can't even imagine what yet haha.. that, I guess, would be a mystery only God knows for this time.

I suddenly found myself with this silly grin on my face, and joy beyond words growing in my heart!

Truth is, the past few weeks, I've been praying for the 'strength' to fight away my laziness and really do my thesis seriously, but not everyday turns out like it should. Sometimes, I won't really be doing anything for a whole day so I really prayed hard that I'd be a bit more rajin la. I get frustrated when I realize how much time I've wasted, and I confess, I didn't feel like God was watching over me since he just let me be the lazy me. But all along, He was there, only slightly hidden by my blindness. This is really a blessing in disguise, as I already am doing A LOT of things I've put aside before haha.. nampak sangat malas sebelum ni, needed this great shove to put me back in the right direction!

Well, cross your fingers, and pray for me, k!

M.Sc, here I come!!!

Friday, October 07, 2005

Sejadah ooo sejadah..

Last night, I finally got the chance to perform my tarawikh prayers at the Taman Pekaka musolla. I was nearly jumping in excitement (cam budak²) at the prospect of performing tarawikh there hehe..

Anyway, though we didn't eat much during fast breaking, we were still a bit late in arriving at the musolla, just in time for Isya' prayers. We quickly spread out our sejadah and prayed along with the jama'ah.

After the prayer, while getting ready to solat sunat, I felt the person beside me touch my arm. Turning to her, I realized it was my old housemate in Tronoh, As (whose also my dorm mate in KMK). I laughed at myself for not realizing that I was praying beside her all the while and she replied by telling me, she didn't realize it was me until she noticed my sejadah (This is WHILE praying tsk.. tskk.. As niii.. hehehe), "Saya perasan sejadah ni tadi, terus tau awak tengah semayang sebelah saya. Kenal lagi sejadah ni tau!" It suddenly downed to me that my sejadah has somehow become an item that people can relate to when referring to me.

Hahah.. ape ke mende la citer pasal sejadah? Yup, I can feel the question coming outta your head but I just can't help in hehe..

This sejadah was given to me by Abah when he got it from Uncle Ibrahim who had just come back from Makkah. I was in KMK at that time and since I didn't have my own sejadah at home (I was staying in the hostel back then), Abah gave it to me. I liked it because it wasn't your usual sejadah gambaq masjid. It was more like a geometrical carpet pattern and I loved it since my mind won't be wondering on the mosque everytime praying. It wasn't really THAT vibrant or eye catching, it was just a simple sejadah!

In KMK, I always took it when praying at our musolla until my friends recognized my sejadah at sight. I was never in fear of leaving (ye la, I'm quite forgetful!) it since my friends would always come to the rescue when they notice I left it. In my first year, it was this sejadah that I took when having Qiamulail for our orientation week. While praying, this gross frog came hopping in the mosque and SAT ON MY SEJADAH. I tried my best to shoo the eecky frog away MASA TENGAH SEMAYANG TUUUUU!! Yucccckkkkyyyyy!! Hahah.. I'll never forget that incident :)

During the semester break, I nearly lost it when someone took it from my room, thinking I had purposely left it in the empty room. I frantically searched for it but with no avail until I put up a notice, practically begging for its return. It turned up in my room an hour later while I was out.. thank God!

In my second year, my sejadah was the one my housemates used when praying (I guess thats why As remembered it so much). The room we used for praying (which was also our sorta-like-a walk-in closet hahahah.. c'mon la, rumah 2 bilik untuk 6 orang.. one room was for sleeping while the other one was for our clothes and praying) was too small anyway to pray all together at once so it was practical to have just one sejadah at a time.

Even in my final year, my sejadah continued to 'serve' me right up till now, and I've had countless people coming up to me telling me that they just knew I was nearby when they saw my sejadah around. My current housemates are just like my friends to so till now, I never fear leaving my sejadah around coz someone's bound to pick it up if my clumsy mind forgets it.

Hahah.. why la the sudden talk about sejadah eh? Maybe its remembering how my friends can always relate me to this sejadah.. maybe its because what As said.. maybe coz it reminds me so much of my undergraduate years with my friends.. and maybe coz right now, I really miss them a lot.. :'(


Nak tarawikh kat mane ni?

Yesterday was the first day in this Ramadhan that I was able to tarawikh with jamaah. I was already picturing myself and my housemates at the Taman Pekaka musolla. One thing I like about this musolla is that they sometimes let foreigners be the imam, then we'd get a chance to listen to different 'rythms' (boleh ke nak kata rythm?) of Al Quran recitals from different countries. Very interesting, if you ask me! However, there's a saying (that everybody is quite tired of) that goes, "Not everything wll go as planned!"

I had my tuition until 6.30pm. After my class, I rushed to kak Zura's house to help around with our buka puasa. Kak Zura and kak Zai were in the kitchen with their ayam masak taktau (as opposed to the black peper and soy sauce chicken initially planned) while kak Kathy and kak Shima were at the Pasar Ramadhan. I came just in time to cook the sayur campur (Aisehh, ingat leh rilekkk..). Kak Shima and kak Kathy arrived just a few minutes before azan and we sat down to eat la, nak buat ape lagi time bukak pose kan?

After clearing up, I went back home to take a shower before getting ready to go for Tarawikh. By 8.15pm, me, kak Kathy and kak Shima were ready in our telekung, waiting for kak Zura whom, until 8.33pm hadn't arrived at our home. Apparently, there was a miscommunication. She thought we were picking her up while we thought she was picking us up so we rushed to her house, knowing we were already late, and headed straight to Taman Pekaka. However, as predicted, the musolla was full. We couldn't even squeeze in.

Knowing we hadn't performed our Isya' prayers yet (while the whole musolla had already completed it), kak Zura's first thought was USM. Hahah, ok, a few bad experiences we had last year has made us a bit weary of going there but it seemed like we had no other choice then. Another reason is that, when kak Kathy asked about going to the USM mosque, kak Shima blurted out, "Malam ni tak bleh, ade CSI!" Hahah.. okay, at least she gave an honest reason!

But then, me and my big mouth just HAD to tell them about my book on Tarawikh (which I've been referring to the past two nights) and suggest we prayed at home with one of us as the imam. I instantly regretted the suggestion when all of them agreed to ask me to be the imaam. Ade ke adik yang jadi imam? Ampehhh!!!

Anyway, at the traffic light, we suddenly remembered the Ampang Jajar musolla so we thought of checking first to see if they had started or not. Luckily, the elders were still lepak² outside the musolla so we still had time.. or so we thought! Almost jumping towards the musolla, we started our Isya' prayers.

Halfway through, the imam was already starting the tarawikh, making all of us go from a relaxing pace of solat to a very-rushing one. It must have been hilarious seeing us praying as fast as we could, just so we could catch up with the imam.

We finished just in time, right after the imam had already recited the first AlFatihah. However, it seemed that our fast paced solat Isya' was just the beginning. The imam for Tarawikh read all the surahs pretty fast, that I nearly couldn't follow him.. and I thought Pekaka was fast! Just imagine, by 9.10pm, we had already finished 8 rakaat of Tarawikh. But the imam's voice was loud and clear enough for a relaxing solat, especially if you compare to some imams who's voice is so soft and likes to, what we say, baca meleret! <--nope, not putting names here! C'mon la, everyone has experience with this kind, right?

Anyway, that was my first Tarawikh with jamaah for this years Ramadhan. I hope we get to Tarawikh at Taman Pekaka tonight though, I miss the place!

Reminder to self: For tarawikh, GET OUT OF THE HOUSE by 8.15pm, or you'll regret it!!

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Ramadhan AlMubarak

Today is my brother, Adi's, birthday! 5th October 2005 and 23 years ago he had his first peek of this world he is to live in.. Happy birthday, Adi!

Today is also the 1st of Ramadhan 1426 (bukan Ramadhan Syah Puterajaya tauuu hehe..!) which signifies the first day for all Muslims to fast for a whole month before 1 Syawal where we'd be having our hari raya (yeayyy.. hahah!)

Last night was the first of solat tarawikhs. I didn't perform mine at the masjid/surau since I promised my form 2 students to go and teach them.. diorang yang mintak tau! So, though a bit frustrated that I had to perform mine alone, I drove to Bagan Serai for the class. Believe it or not, NOT ONE STUDENT was in sight *Oh God, grant me patience!*

I was a bit irritated but wasn't really mad. Hahah, konon tak nak tarnish my Ramadhan with being mad la! I mean, I told them to tell me if they didn't want to come since I knew we'd be busy with tarawikh, but they told me that they had to have the class on as usual.. very hampeh one aahhh! At 8.30pm, after being sure that they won't turn up, I just went home. I was a bit glad though, since it would mean that I won't miss my tarawikh berjemaah every Tuesday like I thought I'd be missing :-)

Arriving home around 9.00pm, I quickly took a shower before performing my Isya' prayers and Tarawikh. It was a bit funny though, its only been a year since the last Ramadhan but still I had to refer to a book for the surahs, zikir and do'a hehe..

After that, I went to Nuar's with kak Shima, kak Zura and kak Zai for a bite. All of us took the nan and tandoori set though mine was the cheese nan and kak Shima's was the Chetty Nan. Don't ask me what it means, Nuar said it's a place in India. Back home, we watched a bit of Desperate Housewives before retiring for the night.

This morning I woke up at 4.30am, then readjusted the alarm to 5.00am hehe.. :-) Kak Kathy woke up just after I washed my face and together we had sahur while talking about this years Ramadhan. I was complaining a bit about having to buka puasa in Bagan Serai alone tonight since I had my form 1 class, but I wasn't really irritated. I'd like to see how it'll turn out though, since I've never really buka puasa 'on the go' yet! Its always in the comforts of home so this could be a first. Hmm.. wonder how it'll feel like?

By 5.25am, we'd already finished eating so we took our wudhu' to perform some solat sunats. Heheh, yeah right! Dah nak Imsak, baru nak semayang haha.. but still, I don't think its that bad. I believe what we do in the early Ramadhan would shape our amalan throughout the whole month <-- Okay, NOW I sound like POYO jek heheh..!

After subuh prayers, we had a bit of a shut eye before getting ready to come to the campus! Truth is, I'd really like to use this 1st Ramadhan as an excuse NOT to come haha.. but when I think of my still unfinished dissertation *sheesh*, I guess I have to abandon that idea, huh?

Anyway, to all Muslims, I wish all of you Ramadhan AlMubarak. May we become better Muslims starting from today (This is a reminder to yours truly jugak since I've noticed that I've been neglecting some of the small things I've been doing during my student years.. *sad*)

And yes, Selamat berpuasa :)