Friday, December 31, 2010

*Update* on the 'disaster' .. =p

Lamenye la haaaaiii nak update on disaster aritu kan hehe.. actually, it should have stopped there and then but dlm hati sgt tak puas hati coz I'd been planning on it for so long now. Kecewe gile bile bende dah lame planned tak jadi camtu je. Perasaan tak puas hati tu la yang lead me to go find jugak strawberries and the cooking choc that I liked (memang tinggal SATU je pun choc tu mase tu)..

When I realized the shop still had a couple of boxes of fresh strawberries and the cooking cho yg I liked, dah mule nmpk 'light at the end of the tunnel'.. cewaahhh, over la plak Ayu ni hahah!

So balik umah and did all the work all over again. Spjg mase tu, hati dok takut je klau tak jadi.. mode crossing-fingers je setiap step tuh. Risau okay.. especially tang nak angkat the cake after pouring the choc ganache and masukkan dlm kotak a.k.a the-step-that-broke-it..

..dan Alhamdulillah la bile in the end, jadik jugak cake ku itu.. yeayyy! Trus je rase hari menjadi lebih cerah ala ade rainbow merate langit dan burung² seakan berkicauan dgn riang (Okay, sgt over!)

Though the choc a bit cair la and the strawberries pun dok main slide² kat choc tu. I used toothpicks to secure the strawberries on the cake.. pastu boleh tak terlupe nak cabut semua hahah..

So tadaaa.. this was the final outcome of the birthday cake (toothpicks and all)

Suke okay.. tetibe sy over lagi dari org yg besday. Dia relek je tak heran pun ngan cake ni hahah..

Anyway, here's the picture of the 'experimental' cake I did on the Saturday before yang dpt kat bdk² umah no 40, Yun's family and Awang.

Ohh.. the cake 'patah' also jadik rezeki ramai org len: Kay, ahli umah no 40, Irnis and Zabidi hehe.. dpt la diorg rase hehe..

As for orders, ni order form Farah for her neighbour yg nak a mix of pink and blue (sy konpius sbb sy tak reti nak buat campur² kaler sgt.. usually pair ngan putih je pun)

..and ni plak cookies untuk Khatam Al Quran anak kak Nurul. Actually couldn't do the fancy schmancy cookies sbb my cutters tertinggal kat umah.. sib baik la ade cutter heart kecik² ni so I packed 3 in one bag.

And finally, ni gambo order from kawan Jaja. Kene deliver to Bkt Pancur. Dia nak same design with the one I did for Mama.

Thanx for the order ye, Iefa!

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Brg free ☺

Bende lame nak update tp asik tadek mase kan. Just nak menayang freebies I got these past few weeks.
1st: Freebies from RedFM. Orianthi CD and special edition guitar picks by her. This I got during Ramadhan but only received last week.. then I also got 2 movie passes (patutnye 4, tp anto nye 2.. aishhhh)

2nd: Souvenier from friends yg pegi Sabah aritu.. aiii, bile la bleh nak gi sane?

3rd: Buah tangan dari Mekah from 'Haji' Rashid.. mude² lagi dah dpt jemputan ke tanah suci.. sgt jeles, hokey! ☺

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Morning disaster =(

I got a new recipe the other day, a Mudcake recipe. I've always loved those types of cakes and couldn't wait to try so when I got a perfect reason to try it out, musti la suke kan..

But it was a bit leceh (which I didn't mind at first) coz I had to find some cream cheese yg thankfully dah senang nak dpt dah kat sini even with the lack of big hypermarkets and also some fresh strawberries (to give some zest to the chocolatey cheesy taste yang boleh memuakkan sesetengah orang). Luckily Kay told me where to find them but I had to pre-book the strawberries since this place ws the only place that provided fresh strawberries.. takpe lah, sanggup la jugak kan.

Then there was the question of choc ganache. I've never really mastered making the choc ganache and to find the cream for it was also, thankfully easy as the cake store sold them. Jgn harap la nak dpt kat Billion ke Econsave ke kan. Then came the question of what choc to try since here you dom't get that many choices of cooking chocolate. I've tried a few brands that have been too sweet or a tad bit too bitter and haven't really found the perfect cooking chocolate that suits my taste.. hmmm, takpe jugak lagi, masih ade mase nak experiment last week.

And thats what I did last Saturday, did my first experiment of the Mudcake and was so happy it turned out okay. Managed to get a lot of 'guinea pigs' like bdk² umah no 40, bdk umah no 12 and also Yun's sister's family who came down town on Saturday and I got good reviews..

Fuh.. lege! So I thought, takkan ade problem la when I wanted to execute the actual project last night.. :(

I was singing happily, looking forward to making it again..

1st disaster, the chocolate I used (I'm NEVER using that one again) seemed to harden a bit too quickly even if I used the same amount of cream as before (different choc brand sbb Sabtu tu I used the bakery punye and next time pun nak gune yg tu je lah). I couldn't get a smooth finish and it was all lumpy.. dah rase kecewe dah ni..

..but I thought I could cover it up with the strawberries.

Finally, it was ready and I was happily trying to move the cake into the cake box for delivary this morning.. that was when the major disaster struck..


Uwaaaa.. ape ni?!?! I was blinking tears dah awal tu when I realized the choc+cheese topping was slopping down on the sides of the cake and the strawberries were falling off of it but when the cake broke in two, tetibe je jadi emosi and I couldn't seem to stop crying like its the end of the world ke ape tah..

..and yes, this morning I went to school with swollen eyes!

Frust nye sy.. experiment aritu jadi je.. why the real thing became a disaster, sy pun tak paham. Padahal the reason I did the experiment on Saturday was because wanted today to be perfect. Now I have no cake for today and I'm still feeling so frustrated with myself.

Hati masih sedih ni..

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Suke duke kelas cuti sekolah..

..tajuk entry tak leh blah! Hahah..

Anyway, its the fourth week of class and another 2 weeks to go. Thought I'd have my classes figured but.. aishhh.. heheh.. mcm² perangai la diorg.

Class in Pt Buntar has around 30 students, mostly from boarding schools and dominated by girls. I have at least 2 ex-students in that class (I taught them in form 1). As usual, Pt Buntar classes are the noisy ones.. but a lot less than my class last year. Ok la, suke jugak ☺ They make me laugh most of the time as opposed to being afraid of my class two years ago hehe..

As usual, I get the questions on which school I'm teaching and all that, to which I'd just smile and tell them, "Rahsia!" Abis la kang klau diorg tau sy bkn cikgu sebenar.. ala² cikgu palsu gitu hahah..

Then my class in Jawi, though usually quiter than Pt Buntar but noisy nonetheless. But this year, suprises of suprises, diorg mmg senayp giler wpun dominated by male students. Serius! Boleh ke, when I give them any excercises ke ape ke, diorg buat dgn sgt senyap. The expression, "Its so quiet, you could hear a pin drop" sgt lah boleh apply in this class. Sampai I takut nak gelak or ape ke sbb terase sgt bergema suareku selepas itu.

Earlier, they didn't even talk in class and it was kinda strange coz students kan suke sembang. But now, rajin jugak la diorg nak bersembang dlm kelas.. we got into an 'argument' on the Malaysia vs Vietnam match the other day haha.. Then one day. They heard my UpinIpin 'Btul³, salah!' tone when I got a message. Pastu mule la dengar tone Doraemon and Kim Possilbe plak dalm kelas hehe.. sabo je lah bdk² ni ☺

A disadvantage of my school holidays is I 'get to see' the Teacher-From-Hell almost everyday.. sheesh! Sgt tak suke, ok.. I wrote about him dulu --> here

I was going to my class, right next to administration counter, when I realized he was sitting there. I wanted to pretend I didn't notice him when tetibe je dia tegur my register (which I had wrapped in Butterfly wrapping paper). But since I've always been 'allergic' to him, I couldn't even manage a smile, let alone a decent reply. Lantak ngkau la.. Sy dah tak larat nak buat baik ngan orang yg suke cari pasal ngan kelas sy bertahun² dah. I've lost respect for him eversince he pinched my Indian student just because of her race.. bangang!

But a plus of it was: I got a boost of confidence regarding my teaching! Hehe.. ye la, I know la to some people, bende kecik je. But to me, it meant the world when a mother came to see me after class asking if she could 'chup' me for her daughter's tutor next year coz her daughter kept talking about how much she understood maths after being in my class. Sangat made me senyum sampai telinge, ok ♥

And also made me smile was when even students kept asking me if I'd wanna teach them again next year. Believe me, nothing beats that kind of compliment.

Well, another 2 weeks to go before I bid goodbye to most of them.. till then, I'm gonna enjoy my classes and look forward to every single one of it.

Alhamdulillah.. thank God for my classes this time around. No complaints here ☺

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Nape sy masih takut?

Yesterday I had my class at Jawi.. hmm, I usually write about my classes kan? Nnt la.. tonight I've got other things on my mind and no one to talk to.. =(

I was waiting for my students to finish the exercise I just gave them when my phone rang. When I saw the caller ID, I felt my heart plunge right down to my toes. No, it wasn't a nighmarish kinda call or person.. it was only mak cik..

I know, I've promised myself to call her eversince the night of Aidilfitri when I didn't pick up the phone when she called. I've been feeling guilty since but still never found the time to return her call. It wasn't that I didn't have the time to call her, but it was more on being a cowardly person, not knowing what to expect.. I know, shame on me kan!

Padahal mak cik sgt lah baik (and pak cik pun same). Through the hard time I went through those 7 years ago, they NEVER blamed me for anything. And not only did they not blame me, they kept calling to make sure I was alright. Dan tak cukup dengan call sy, they'd call kak Ana to check on me and to make sure I was happy and that I wasn't dwelling on what was happening at that time.. sy mmg tak kenang budi kan? ='(

Sy tak kate diorg tak salahkan sy, maybe la jugak diorg rase I should've done something to make things right, but they never said it to me. The only reason they'd call was just to check on me and I really appreciate that.. sampai IM, in his anger, also said that I'd rather talk to his mother than to him. Tp sekarang, bile diorg call, sy lari.. what the hell is wrong with me?

I don't want them to think that I haven't gotten over their son coz almost everytime they called, they'd ask me if I've found someone yet. Maybe thats why I avoid them.. or maybe its because sometimes mak cik just wants to tell me about IMs progress. I don't want him anymore, make no mistake, but there are times when I just can't bear to think of him.. though now there are also times when I mostly only remember the good things that make me smile.

Like yesterday, she was telling me about her other son who was doing his practical training and she said, "Abang dia pun mengajar kat sane.."

Normal people might've asked, "Abg yg mane?" especially if you know the family. But I didn't dare to ask even though I know most probably it would be his eldest brother and not him, himself.

Aisyy.. dah bertahun pun sy still tak boleh nak sebut pasal dia ke ngan mak dia?

Even the other day when Sid told me she frequently see's him when she takes her lunch outside (siap kate, "Takpe Ayu, dia dah tak ensem dah!" Hahah.. boleh?), I just let her talk about it and didn't ask anything. Not because I wasn't curious, but because I'm still so afraid of talking about it.

But I was happy yesterday. I know, I must've sounded a bit rude when I quickly told makcik I was in the middle of a class (macam tanak ckp ngan dia je kan, dah la susah payah dia call) but as I talked to her, I was happy. She still cares about me, and for this I'm glad. I asked about pakcik (who was out for a meeting) and her other sons (AFTER she told me the latest on her youngest one, Shafiq).

I hope I'll be able to make more of an effort after this and stop being so afraid of it..

Thursday, December 09, 2010

'Kak Cikgu'? Hahah..

This morning, after performing my Subuh prayers, I grabbed my towel as usual with plans to go take a bath.. but it was raining, thus, cam bese la, freezing! Mule la melambat²kan mandi hehe.. sejuk, hokey!

It was only around 9am that I thought, "Tak leh jadik ni, kang tak siap langsung plak gi school," so nak tanak, mandi la jugak. As a result, I only got out of the house around 10am. Then noticing that the 'fuel warning' indicator was blinking, I detoured to the nearest petrol kisok to fill up my PFK.

It was still raining and the station was kinda full. One of the attendents however went out of his way to direct me to an empty pump. As I turned to thank him when I got outta the car, he suddenly called out, "Kak Cikgu!!"

Huh? Mane penah ku dengar panggilan itu?!?

Hahah.. upenye it was Nabil, one of my ex-students from 4 years ago. Then baru teringat, I once met him at KFC Pt Buntar and he kept calling me 'Kak Cikgu' jugak time tu. I think I wrote about it somewhere.. Ahaaaa --> here

He was from the batch who told me, "Cikgu takde harapan" Hahah.. written in an entry here

It as nice to meet him. Gone was the childish face and in his spot was an almost adult expression. Dah 20 kan, takkan muke budak² lagi kot. We talked a bit while he helped fill my car (actually I always do it myself but I guess saje je ni nak buat alasan so bleh bersembang haha..)

I remember when he told me he wanted to be an engineer (kot?) but now he's actually taking a teaching course and he laughed at the suprise on my face when he told me he wanted to be a teacher. Abih la student² jatuh chenta, cikgu nye comey hehe..

He was on a months holiday from his studies and just decided to while his time away working at the gas station like he did after his SPM (Yg mane sy penah kacau dia, buat² marah dia keje slow hahah.. yg kesian tu, org len ingt sy btul² marah. Siap kwn dia ckp, "Cik, sy mintak maaf la bg pihak kawan sy ni. Dia baru keje, tu yg dia slow skit tu.." Gelak sy bile tengok dia try terangkan ke deme yg sy ni cikgu dia je nak ngusik dia)

We talked a bit more, him asking pulak if I was still teaching and all that saaampai la ade customer baru so he had to go layan lah.. I justed waved my goodbye when I had finished filling my car.. Guess I'll see him again la kot since itu je pun stesen minyak sy selalu pegi ☺

Hmm..its nice kan to be remembered!

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Blog Candy from Scrapcollector

I got this link from kak Lin's blog.

I'm not much of a creative person myself actually, but I've tried my hand at some scrapbooks and handmade cards (which sgt la tak capai tahap kak Lin kan). I love buying all crafty things and I have a few punchers and ribbons and buttons and stickers and flowers and other whatnots at home which I keep (kununnye) for scrapbooks and cards but somehow I feel as if I buy more than I actually use hahah..

Maybe because the creative gene hasn't kicked in yet.. or maybe because of the lack of that gene in me, who knows? Heheh..

Anyways, when I opened the link from kak Lin blog, I was excited on the prize offered. This definitely would help (really?) me untuk bersemangat di arena scrapbooks and handmade card so decided, why not give it a try ☺

Though nak menang mcm sgt la susah kan coz even now pun dah around 100 entries and she only offering ONE prize.. tp mane tau dak?

So anyone of you who'd like to try and win this very impressive gift box full of craft thingeys, sile lah click di site ini -->

These are among the items inserted into the box.. menarik giler!
1.Lots of stamps from various brands like stampendous,hero arts,smirk,house of mouse,G studio,penny black,inkadinkado,and more
2. Bunch of buttons that definetely made your jar loaded
3. Assorted beautiful ribbons
4. Assorted flowers for flowers lovers
5. Bingo card,rhinestone,rub ons
6. Sponge dabber will be greate for you if you love to distress!! :)
7. Color box ink pad
8. Ranger embossing powder
9. Twinkling H2O--Red
10.Xmas card especially for you :)
11..many more to comes!!!

So sile² lah try ye ♥

P/S Also, kak Lin is organizing another, well, can't call it a contest la but you can win one of her cards. Just click here and leave your email ye

Saturday, December 04, 2010

AlFatihah untuk arwah Pak Yang

Got a call from Mama around 5.20am this morning. Was a bit confused on why the phone was ringing but when I saw Mama's name on the caller ID, I guess a part of me understood what had just happened.

One of our most favourite uncle passed away during the wee hours of the morning..

Pak Yang as we call him, is married to Mama's oldest sister whom we call Mak Yang. All my life, they've lived in Tangkak, thus making it very seldom occasions when we ever get to meet but whenever their family comes back to Kuala Kangsar, it almost like a grand occasion.

Both Mak Yang and Pak Yang are teachers. I guess thats why they just know how to treat us.. make us kids feel like we're adults. Pak Yang was the sort of uncle who would wait for the ice cream man to come at Tok's house and will call all of us for treats (Yes! Its plural ☺) of ice cream. Sometimes the ice cream man had to go back home to pick up his supplies as we'd finish our first round of ice cream already and believe me, there were lots of us then hahah.. Pak Yang's family saje ade 6 orang, then Wan Chik's family also 6 people, mine ade 8, then Wan Diah's 7 and Pak Chu ade 5 orang. And if on occasion Ayah Yeop (3 family members) and Mak Wan (7 people) balik, buleh bayangkan la berape ramai.. tu tak masuk Pah and Tok lagi tu.. and we'd asked for all types.. the single scoop, the double and triple scoop.. the ice cream sandwich. Memang ice cream man leh kaye ngan our extended family je hehe..

Then he's take us to the town every morning. He only had a small car so it was on a rotation basis but he made sure no one was left out. Tu pun, sometimes in the afternoon, he'd take us on walks around the kampung, spotting squirrels and all (mandi sungai pun ade hehe..). I particularly remember an occasion when he caught this bushy tailed squirrel and let us pet it before he let the squirrel go. And after a long day of activities, he's be among the uncles who'd belanja us ais kacang or chendol.

Once, he even took us to the RnR at Sg Perak (just a walking distance from Tok's house) at night just for a treat. We were kids and he made us feel like we were big enough to be trusted. (Actually I was left out that night sbb demam and till today tak puas hati coz they took picture and all at the highway.. Jeles hokey hahah..)

A few years ago, he was diagnosed with diabetes that made him have to go for dialysis. This made it harder for him and his family to balik kampung but he suprised us when he insisted on coming to Adi's kenduri in May. He had just had his dialysis treatment and came straight to FRIM for the occasion.. and they all went home to Tangkak after the reception. Sgt penat kannn

Then a few months ago, he was diagnosed with cancer and the doctors only gave him a few months. That was why my brother, Iskandar, insisted we celebrate the recent Aidiladha in Tangkak and I'm sure glad we did.. He didn't talk much by then but he still recognized us. He wasn't eating much and he was so thin. He still managed to smile though when we salam him before going back.

His passing away didn't shock me as much as I thought it would, being the first death (of an uncle/aunty from both sides) in my family. I couldn't sleep after I finished talking to Mama and could only just get up and recite Yasin for Pak Yang. All the things he'd done to make our childhood memorable came 'tumbling' around in my head.

I'd appreciate of you, my friends, could recite AlFatihah for Pak Yang here. I hope he's one of the blessed ones (I'm sure he is, being the nice person he always was) with Allah's grace and I hope he really knows and realizes that all the people he's left behind here all love him with all our hearts.

We'll miss you, Pak Yang..

Al Fatihah..

Friday, December 03, 2010

Entry makan saje ☺

At this very moment, I'm still crossing my fingers! Adehhh.. hehe.. tak pernah la plak harap something material camni dgn perasaan yang amat sangat, this is a first! Sampai tak leh tumpu bace thesis Irnis haha.. mcm bulih menang pun.. oh well!

Anyway, to put my mind off it, I just wanted to paste a few pictures of food hahah.. tp bkn sumer sy buat la.. ☺

First one: My first almost-successfull attempt of doing buttercream swirls hehe.. I know, it looks simple but believe me, mine tak penah jadik.. nmpk mcm cream tu SPLATTT atas cupcake je selame ni.. this time, boleh la nak kate jadik, ye tak ?Heheh..

Second one: Sbb suke sgt sowril dah jadik, I did a set for Izati's friend who's been 'admiring' my cupcakes.. adeh Nasyrah oiii.. kak Yong bkn reti but thanx for keeping tabs on my progress hehe.. yg bes tu, dia ckp ayah dia yg tak suke makan manis pun took a lot of the cupcakes hehe.. thanx ye! Berbaloi laa kak Yong bwk dr Nibong Tebal ke Gombak ye =p Sian cupcake tu 'accident' 2 kali heheh..

Third one: Kiwi cheesecake from a friend yang sgt rajin experiment semua recipe yg dia dpt ☺

Forth one: Hehehe.. my feveret roti kirai (bkn sy buat, sy tak reti huhu..) with meat curry and full of potatoes! Suke ~♥~ Thanx! Ade cam mini lemang kat situ sekali yg bau sgt sedap ☺

Fifth one: Banana muffins with whiote choc. I usually shy away from doing muffins. I don't really trust cakey food that don't use self-raising flour but I decided to try this anyway sbb rasenye, sampai bile sy nak phobia buat muffin ye tak? Heheh.. Alhamdulillah la abis.. tp maybe sbb ujan and sumer org lapo la kot hahah..

And final one (Aiyakkk.. number genap la plak.. was hoping for odd numbered pictures): Cupcakes untuk cucu kak G!

Monday, November 22, 2010

25 Things About Me ~ Untuk tatapan Zha

Cik LeeZha telah tag sy lagi, dan upenye sy dah penah jwb tag ni beberape tahun lalu. Tp oleh keran diserang kemalasan yang amat sgt, sy cume mau paste link ke tag tersebut untuk Zha.. boley kah? Hehehe..

Jgn gelak ye, Zha.. ni dah ade yg berubah kot skit sbb dah lame kan. Eg, bilik belakang sudahpun dijadikkan bilik study akak (ref point no. 10) dan comic² Dragon Ball pun sudah lebih separuh dpt dikumpul semula (refer point no. 8) termasuk la ngan figures dia sekali heheh..

Saturday, November 13, 2010

New project ☺

So its already the end of the second week of my 3-week-break from classes.. Alaaa, seminggu je ke lagi nak rehat²?!?!

Hehe.. tu pun tak rase cam rehat. Alhamdulillah la, bnyk dpt order cake. Tak sangke la pulak, baru ingat nak simpan barang² baking sekejap. Thanx to all my friends who ordered. I'm gonna have to start experimenting with new flavours dah ni since my 'default' one is vanilla cupcakes with choc chips je.. Klau ade Sunquick kat umah, sy tuang la skit bg rase orange². I wanna do choc cupcakes tp my recipe, wpun I really love this recipe, tapi bahan nye agak mahal dan buatnye agak leceh so masih sedang mencari² alternative lain for choc flavoured ones.

Anyway, during the time while waiting for the cakes to cool befroe decorating, I've been doing something for my form 5 students. Hahah.. idak le bende gah giler pun, just bende simple² to give them during our last class nanti. Apekah ia? Jeng³..

Hahah.. ni ghope sebelum start.. Actually dah midway start but I hid the ones yang akan mengantoikan ape yg sedang sy buat hehe..

Can't wait to see them in our last class nanti! ♥

Oh ye.. sy jugak mau tambah.. I know dah basi, but this is waht I got from kak Zai when I house sat her house during the World Cup aritu.. yeayyy! Suke! Thanx kak Zai ☺

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Aiyak.. sy dah makin pendek?!?! Tidakk~~

Yesterday, I rushed home around 2.00pm just to watch this Philipines series I've been watching for the past few weeks, Stairway to Heaven ke apetah tajuk cite dia. I think it was the series finale yesterday, sib baik balik tengok hehe.. anyway, the soap started at 3.00pm to 4.00pm. Since Asar was around 4.25pm, I decided to wait for it before heading back to school for some excercise sessions with kak Jah.

While waiting, it suddenly occured to me that I haven't measured my height in a very long time so ape lagi, mule la mengukur tinggi. I took three standing positions yang berbeze and got almost the same height. Then since I didn't have the actual height charts, I improvised by using that metal ruler (kunun precise laaa) and measured from the floor right up to the notch I had marked on the wall. Dan sebagai langkaha berjage², I used the door frame as my referance so pembaris sy tidaklah tersenget semase pengukuran itu.

I was so sure of my 150cm height all these years that when I realized the height I was measuring tak sampai pun 150cm, I was amazed hahah.. bkn shocked tau, but more amazed than suprised!


The final result was 148.5cm.. adoiiihhh.. I'm not even a metre and a half kah? I thought I was taller than that..

So sekarang, perlu lah setkan minda bahawa sy tidak la setinggi 150cm plak.. adoi laa.. sabo je lahh =p

Thursday, November 04, 2010

Saya Sepasang Kasut

(Yess! Berjaye buat entry gune Word hehe..)

Ape? Korg ingt kasut tak pandai blogging ke?

Saya merupakan sepasang kasut sukan yang dibeli oleh tuan saya beberapa tahun lalu apabila beliau kehilangan kasutnya yang dipakai sebelum saya. Sy telah dibeli di pasaraya Billion di Parit Buntar.

Pada mulenye, sy sedikit kecewe dgn tuan sy.. mengape? Kerana semase beliau membeli sy, beliau hanye menonong je masuk Billion, dan mencapai kasut pertama yang dilihat oleh beliau lantas terus meminta saiz dari jurujual dan sy terus dibayar selepas itu. Urusan membeli sy hanye mengambil mase 5 minit dari sejak tuan sy menjejak ke Billion hinggelah dia keluar dari Billion.. sungguh tak romantik, okeh!

Sampai sahaja di rumah, sy dicube sekali lagi sebelum dimasukkan ke dalam kereta beliau. Di waktu itu, tuan sy rajin la sikit nak beriadhah so hampir setiap petang saya digune untuk berjoging atau berbasikal disekeliling kampus. Apebile masuknye waktu bulan Ramadhan, sy diabaikan. Kecewenye hati sy, Tuhan je yang tahu. Tp selalng beberape minggu, tuan sy mengeluarkan sy dari kereta dan membasuh sy.. sayang jugak beliau kat sy rupenye hehe..

Sy dipakai di ape sahaje aktiviti yang memerlukan pemakaian kasut sukan. Setiap aktiviti riadhah, sy akan dipakai oleh beliau dan sy telah mengikuti beliau ke merate tempat. Sy sudah ke Sg Sedim sebanyak 3 kali untuk ekspedisi pelajar sekolah dan juge ke Sg Kuale Who untuk aktiviti yang same. Pernah sekali, semase di Kuale Woh, tuan sy telah kekejangan otot selepas kami menaiki sebuah bukit yang tinggi dan sy lah yg setia menemani sehingge beliau merase yakin untuk meneruskan perjalanan. Juge bile terdapat aktiviti school yg memerlukan sy, sy juga lah yang akan dipakai oleh beliau.

Sy juge menemani beliau selame 2 semester beliau bertugas menjage pelajar Geomatik. Biar hujan atau panas, sy setia menemani beliau dan beliau sendiri tidak membeli sebarang kasut lain selame sy berkhidmat dgn beliau. Di mase itu, saya sudah berkhidmat hamper 5 tahun dan badan sy juge sudah mulai koyak sehingga seekor lipan Berjaya menyembunyikan diri di dalam sy semase tuan sy sedang menjaga field-test untuk Geomatik itu.. seb baik la lipan tu sekadar mencari tempat bersembunyi dan tidak menyengat tuan sy.

Ohh.. sy juge pernah menemani tuan sy ke Kem Geomatik di Ayer Tawar tahun lepas di mane suatu perkare ngeri telah berlaku pd tuan sy. Ntah bile pd mlm itu, seekor Mr K telah Berjaya menyelinap ke dalam bilik tuan sy dan kawannye dan Mr K itu telah memilih untuk tidur di dalam sy. Keesokkanye, apebile tuan sy mahu memakai sy, terase luke di hati sy apebile sy tidak dpt memberi amaran kepade tuan sy kerana sy tau, tuan sy sangaaaaaaaaaaaattt takut ngan Mr K. Tuan sy keharianan mengape kasutnye sedikit ketat dan apebile beliau memerikse, make muncullah Mr K seraye berkate, "Cak!!" kepade tuan sy menyebabkan beliau mencampak sy sejauh yg boleh (yg idak le jauh mane pun haha..) Sy tidak kecik hati dgn beliau kerana sy tau dia sgt geliiiiii dan akhrinye sy diselamatkan oleh seorg pelajar cine yg hensem (menurut tuan sy dan kawannye yg same² bersetuju memanggilnye 'budak ensem tu')

Walaupun begitu, tuan sy tidak membuang sy. Beliau tetap sayangkan sy seperti selalu. Tp kate org, malang tidak berbau..

Beberape bln lepas, sekali lagi sy menemani tuan sy ke Sedim. Sy seronok di sane kerane kami pergi ke merate² tmpt spjg ekspedisi itu. Semase kami menghantar pelajar² pulang, sebaik sahaje tuan sy menyalam pelajar terakhir dan mahu menaiki bas kembali ke USM, tapak sy telah tercabut dan sekaligus menjadikan sy tidak lagi dapat berkhidmat dgn tuan sy.

Tp sy puas hati kerana mampu bertahan sehingga ke hujung program tersebut dan sy yakin tuan sy juge berbangge dgn sy.. bukitnye, dia tidak membeli sebabrang kasut baru. Hinggelah semalam..

Sy hanye mampu melihat tuan sy mencube kasut barunye yg akan dijadikan pengganti sy. Sy tahu, wpun tuan sy sayangkan saya, hari Sabtu ini sy pasti akan dibuang keran pak cik angkat sampah akan dtg pade hari tersebut. Mlm ini dan esok, sy akan menurunkan segale ilmu sy pada kasut baru tuan sy dan sy berharap, dia akan berkhidmat dn baik untuk tuan sy dan menyayangi beliau sepertimane sy sayangkan beliau. Sy juge berharap, kasut baru ini akan rase seperti benar² dihargai dan digunekan dgn bersungguh² sebelum tibe waktunye untuk bersara spt sy skrg..

Seronok kan..

..bile balik rumah mase petang, boleh terus kunci gate and sendal pintu ngan paper (untuk mengelak kemasukan Mr K) sbb tau takkan kuar dah malam tu!

..bile tak yah terkejo² nak bersiap sbb ngejo kelas malam pas Maghrib!

..bile kete tidak lagi penuh dengan buku² rujukan dan bahan² pengajaran! ☺

..bile tak lagi terpanik sbb 5 minit sblm kelas baru teringat blum marking assignment budak!

..bile tak terpanik jugak sbb 3 minit sblm kelas baru teringat terlupe amik bahan photostat utk kelas kat kedai tu tadi!

..bile tak yah rase frust bile prasan marker dah takde ink and refill plak terlupe nak beli baru!

..bile tak konpius, "Minggu lepas, ape yg saya dah abis ajo kat bebudak ni ye?"

..bile mandi kul 7.30mlm tu tak terase cam dah lambat dah ni!

..bile dah siap tuntutan wajib harian dan tengok jam, baru pukul 8.30mlm instead of 11.15mlm baru nak solat Isya'!

..bile boleh tengok BERITA! (Mcm tengok sgt pun kan tp klau tak sblm ni, tak dpt tengok langsung..)

..dan bile sy tau, sy masih ade 2 minggu lebih lagi untuk keselesaan ini!

Hehehe.. ♥

Monday, October 25, 2010

Lambatnye ari Rabu.. klau leh cabut sendiri, dah cabut dah nii :(

So finally I made the long overdue decision to extract my one and only wisdom tooth. It gonna be on Wednesday (awat lambat sangat tah?) so I still have another day and half with my tooth (okay, cam sentimental la sangat kaaaann~~)

Actually, sepatutnye cabut lame dah. It came out all herot petot ok.. mcm tak berfungsi je gigi ni akhirnye sbb senget almost 90°. Tp sbb tak mengganggu ape², dibiarkan aje dulu. Then satu hari mule sakit. Upenye my tooth cam brittle, so belah base dia jadik cam tajam and melukekan my inner cheek.. mule la tk selesa.

Went to the dentist and she proposed a tooth extraction tp bese la, Ayu ni degil haha.. Bkn sy takut jumpe dentist, in fact sy and my siblings lebey kurang cam poster child utk gi dentist ok. Kitorg yg akan sibuk nak gi jumpe dentist and tak pernah pun takut nak gi. Tp ntah la, maybe sbb berperasaan dewase kot bile ade wisdom tooth ni hahah.. aci ke camtu?

So bile dah tak sakit sangat, sy mmg cancel la nak cabut gigi tuh..

..until yesterday morning. Tepat jam 5.55am sy terbangun sebab berdenyut² sakitnye kat gigi tu.. adoiiiii! Tensen tul! So, berkawanlah sy ngan Bonjela dari pagi smlm sampai la petang arini. Tak lekang okkk.. bile gelak pun sakit, berkumur pun sakit.. ape ni, sumer bende wat pun sakit :(

Dan disebabkan itu, sy akhirnye akur ngan keputusan dentist itu 7 bulan yg lalu. Buat jugak appointment utk cabut gigi tu akhirnye.. aishhhhh..

So just curious: Org panggil wisodom tooth sbb org dewase and kunun dah berwisdom je bleh tumbuh dah gigi tu.. klau sy cabut, adekah bermakne sy dah takde wisodom dah pasni? (Budget berwisdom sgt la kan sblm ni) Heheh.. =p

Thursday, October 21, 2010


This song is on a loop in my car haha.. tetibe la plak suke lagu ni kan, tho' no relations what-so-ever with my current state of mind tho'.. I wish! Hahah..

Well, bkn tu je la yg I wish kan.. banyak lagi bende yang I've been wishing for so hard now.. yesterday once again I was pulled into the abyss of depression. Nangis tak tentu pasal without actually knowing why.. oppss, ape ni membebel Ayu?!?

Anyway, saje nak paste the lyrics here ♥

Terrified ~ Katharine McPhee

You by the light is the greatest find
In a world full of wrong, you're the thing thats right
Finally made it through the lonely
To the other side

You set it again, my hearts in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watching the shadows burning in the dark
And I'm in love
And I'm terrified
For the first time and the last time
In my only life Life

And this could be good
It's already better than that
And nothings worse
Than knowing you're holding back
I could be all that you need
If you let me try

You set it again, my hearts in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watching the shadows burning in the dark
And I'm in love
And I'm terrified
For the first time and the last time
In my only..

I only said it 'cause I mean it ohh
I only mean it 'cause its true
So don't you doubt what I've been dreaming
'Cause it fills me up and holds me close
Whenever I'm without you

You set it again my hearts in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
Watching the shadows burning in the dark
And I'm in love
And I'm terrified
For the first time and the last time
In my only life
Life, life
In my only life

Monday, October 18, 2010

Bile Teacher Ayu mengajar sekolah rendah..

I've been teaching secondary school for almost 8 years now. Normally I'd decline whenever asked to be the relief teacher for primary school classes, but since Aza asked me ever-so-nicely the other day, I just had to agree..

Bukan tanak ajar sekolah rendah, but I actually think you really have to be patient klau nak ajo sekolah rendah. Sgt tabik kat cikgu² yg boleh, ok! Like the first time I taught primary school was a few years ago. English for standard 1 (English plak tuuuu.. huuu, sgt tak pandai ajo bahase!). Teacher Sheile had given me the 'props' for teaching. A passage with a few simple sentances with simple questions at the end of it.

Ayat pertama: My name is Swee Lan.

Dekat setengah jam kat ayat tu je. Why? Bkn sbb budak² tak faham the meaning of it, but because they were still kids and loved to asked additional questions such as;

Teacher, kenape name dia Swee Lan?

Teacher.. maknenye dia ni perempuan la kan?

Teacher, teacher.. kawan saya name Swee jugak, tapi bukan Swee Lan..

Teacher, Swee Lan ni name org cine kan, Teacher?

..and so on and so forth!

Heheh.. sabo je lahhh..

Anyway, kelas smlm, Teacher Sheila gave me this exercise to give to her students. Ade 3 pictures and a few key words utk diorg buat passage.

The 2nd picture was of an old lady tengah bawak raga and plastic with fruits yang dah terkoyak with the fruit dok berterabur atas jalan. The keywords were old woman - bag of fruits - tore - pavement. Nampak cam senang kan?

Ayat pertame sorang budak:

They saw an old MAN walking and her bag of fruits tore the pavement.

Aiyakkkk! Hape ni.. 'tore the pavement'.. Sakit mulut sy nak tahan gelak mase tu.. dah la old woman dah tukar jantina.

So, sorg budak ni baru berani nak tanye (gamak nye sbb tak kenal teacher ni, diorg segan nak tanye)

"Teacher, pavement tu ape?"

"Pavement tu mcm jalan" <--kate teacher Ayu ngan konpidennye

So ayat kedua yang terhasil ialah:

The old woman did not notice that her bag of fruits had torn so she continued to pavement.

Erkk.. continued to pavement?

Adehh.. upenye budak ni ingat I said jalan=walking instead of jalan=road.. hahah, time ni terpkase gelak skit sbb tak tahan dah..

They say the third times the charm tapi ayat ketiga ialah:

After her bag of fruits tore, the old woman just look at the pavement.

Adoi laaa.. terpakse la plak terangkan yg kene buat ayat ikut gambo yg diberi. Ade ke tetibe nak look at the pavement.

In the end, diorg berjaya jugak la hasilkan ayat² yang okay.. tu pun terpakse tahan gelak banyak kali hehe.. kelakar la budak².. tp sporting! Tu yg suke ♥

Still, sy tidak la fit to teach primary la kot.. and paling tak fit to teach English.. but I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy that class. Buat sy tersenyum sampai arini ☺

Friday, October 15, 2010

Bile phone kene bar..

..mcm² tak boleh buat!

You can't call anyone..

You can't text anyone..

You also can't receive any MMS, apparantly *sigh*

But there's one thing you can do:

You can compose a long text, saying all the things you can't say to someone. Write down all the things you'd never say out loud and the things you're not brave enough to say in person.. coz no matter how many times you click on the 'send' button, you know that text won't be delivered..

(You can also feel your heart plummenting to the ground when you get a 'false alarm' of the message BEING SENT hahaha..)

Friday, October 08, 2010

Beautiful Blogger Award from Mael

Ahaha.. suda lame tidak blog-hop sampai tak pasan award ni kat blog Mael. Thanx Mael! Suke je tag², award² ni kan, sbb you can compose a new entry dgn idea sedia ade =p (Kes malas nak pk idea sendiri lah tu)

Tho' I must say, rasenye icon for the award ni dah di edit oleh Mael since katun yg dok pegang award tu nmpk sgt sinonim ngan Mael ☺

Okay, so here goes!

I would like to give this award to:
Aiman (tho I dunno her latest blog nye URL)

7 things about myself includes: (Uhh, cam akan ulang je ape penah tulis sblm ni coz takde idea)
  • I am 30 years old but only have 29 teeth haha.. aci ke baru tumbuh 1/2 of my wisdom tooth. Tu pun mcm nak kene buang je sbb tumbuh sgt tak cantik and scraping my cheeks

  • I ♥ snail mail! Like, really crazy about them! Even in the age of e-mails and stuff, nothing tops snail mail. I can write 7-8 pages average for each letter and I like pasting mcm² on the pages or envelope. And eventhough I don't expect people to reply it that much, I ♥ getting replies and replying jugak to that reply hehe..

  • Sy tak pandai masak dan sy sgt heran nape ramai org ckp camtu haha.. even kwn² skola also say that so I'm like, bile mase korg makan bende sy masak? But its a good motivator to make me really try to cook ☺

  • I'm not a risk-taker. In fact, I run away from anything that I have NO inkling of the outcome if I try it but I recently did something I would've never imagined myself doing in a million years. well, that was before la, now that I've done it, I can't really say that la kan..

  • I'm also a very private person.. though recent happeneings have made me question on how 'private' I am hahahah..

  • I'm a lefty.. and proud of it! And no matter how many tags I have to do 'about myself', I'm always gonna write this down

  • and last but not least, I love collecting quotes where my current favourite is pasted on my FB wall: ‎"Love is not blind - it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less."

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

Tag from kwn baru di Blogspot ☺

Ohh.. sy suda lame tidak buat tag dan kini ditag oleh kwn baru di cyber space: LeeZha

Name one person who made you laugh last nite?
Dayah ☺

What were you doing 1 hour ago?
Sembang with Jaja pasal dia nye detox patch (promote²!) and pasal Sedim ☺

What was the last things you said out loud?
Mengong! (Favourite out-loud word haha..)

Where's the next place you're going to?
Err.. Jawi, for my class tonight (?) Aci ke jwb camtu?

What was the last thing you paid for?
Butterscotch chip and pecan cookies @Famos Amos.. Yummy! (dalam takde duit tuuuu!)

Where were you last night?
Airport.. anto Salleh ramai² ngan budak² ni and bercadang nak bg Salleh nangis hehe.. sekali kak Ayu dia plak nangis.. aparaaaa Ayu!

What's the best ice dream flavour?
Contrary to the belief that I'm a sucker for chocolate, I don't like chocolate flavoured ice-cream. Jap, bkn don't like, more like don't prefer it that much. My favourtie is the ol'skool flavour: Raspberry Ripple! Tp skrg jarang jumpe so I'd settle for Vanilla.. lgpun, raspberry ripple tu is basically vanilla with ripples of raspberry sauce pun kan ♥

Do you wanna cut your hair?
Uishh.. cam tau² ja Zha ni =p Actually, planning tu ade la since my hair almost at my waist dah skrg.. but as usual la, malas giler nak gi potong rambut. Potong sendiri kang, lain plak jadinye hehe..

Do you love to 'melatah'?
Love tu tak la.. but sometimes can't avoid it hehe..

Ifs thats so, what will you said out loud?
Ooo sayang oiii..

What does the last text-msg received say?
From Jaja: Nk bg dtox ptch.nt akak ad kt kiub gtaw eh (Sy type balik verbatim ok hehe..)

Will you get married in the future?
Erkkk.. hahah.. tidak dpt ku jawab ketentuan Tuhan =p Tp InsyaAllah ☺

Do you chew your straw?

Do you make-up your own word?
Hehe.. mase mule² blaja ckp Penang, bnyk la TERmakeup my own words sampai kene gelak ngan kawan² sbb reke perkataan baru =p

Is there anyone you like/love right now?
Waaaaahhh~~ Adekah patut sy jwb soklan ini hahaha.. =p

And the tag goes to:

The Usual Suspects:
Sentot, Ana, Adi, Mael (Ohh Mael, kak Yong baru pasan ade tag jugak di blog anda)

Mas, Papakechee, Mash, Ili, Watie, Ija, Irfan, Zaini (sbb baru bukak blog hehe..), Elie

Friday, October 01, 2010

Sy diganggu gangster Taman Sempadan =)

I've been having migrains for the past few days and yesterday wasn't an exception. Trus je tak dpt nak pegi jamuan raya for school (though adekah sy mmg tanak pegi? Hahah..) So smlm tido la sy sampai pukul 4.00pm.. sgt la nyenyak ok! The afternoon spent reading some books (novels.. bukan academic!) then menjelang malam, bersiaplah mau ke kelas dengan perasaan sangat ceria sbb dah tido lame and dah tak sakit kepale (klau tak cam malas je sbb ngantuk and penat kann hehe..)

Anyway, when I went home, as usual I parked the car under the porch and switched off the engine of the car. As I went to close the gates of my home, I realized that a pair of eyes was watching me..

The horrors of it!!

So I pretended NOT to notice those eys and continued to close the gate while my heart was beating so fast. I wanted to quickly open the doors to my house and escape to the privacy and safety of my home but those eyes never left me.

The owner of the eyes was sitting near the drain at my house with his hand drapped casually over the pipe near the drain. It took me a while to open the door as I was shaking badly. When I finally opened the door, I actually jumped into the house and slammed the door.

But then a thought came to me: Who the hell does this guy think he was, scaring me outside my own home?!!

So defiantly I opened the door and stared back at him (though I was still scared). I was hoping it'd scare him a bit to know (or think) that I wasn't afraid of him.. but he didn't budge. So I did the next best thing..

I took a bottle a threw it to him!

But he didn't run away, in fact he kept staring at me.. *creepy*

I found another bottle and again threw it at him but he was very stubborn.. never moved an inch!

It was then that I gave up and ran back inside the house, slammed the door shut after locking up and stuffed the gap underneath the door with newspapers..

Oh Mr K, bile la nak benti stalking sy ni?!!?!?

Monday, September 27, 2010

..and at this very moment, my heart feels like its leaping outta my chest!!

I was playing around with my data for my research just now and opened my FB just outta habit, not coz there was something I wanted to check/see/stalk (hahah..) and immediately my heart skipped a beat when I saw something I didn't expect..

..and right up till now, my heart can't seem to slow down hahaha..


Friday, September 24, 2010

Saya kah? Awak kah?

Last day I watched the last episode of Epilog Syurga Cinta. Now, I'm not someone who follows any kind of soap actually tp sbb mase bulan puase aritu dah tertengok, jadik la berperasaan nak tengok lagik. Mau pulak ade si budak Mia itu. I'm not good at rating any soap series ke movies ke but for this, I'd say ok² je la kot. Pleasing la nak tengok cume sedikit kuciwe with the finale yg cam tak bes langsung.. seriusly!

Anyway, sy pun bkn la nak tulis pasal the series. Tgk pun dah separuh dah start aritu. What tickled me was the scene between the kids. Bukan la sbb budak² tu lucu.. tp sbb conversation between two kindergarten kids menggunekan kate ganti diri 'saya' dan 'awak'.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the trend we have here for Malays is kids usually use their names when referring to themselves while talking to anyone.. btul ke tak? Mane ade budak² kecik cakap 'saya' and 'awak'.. so those scenes kinda felt unrealistic la.

Though it did make me wonder, growing up, did I ever sound that strange ek?

When I was in primary school, I took a leaf outta everyones book and used 'kami' to refer to myself as well as 'hangpa' (the Northeren dialect) for you. But as I entered the second term of school and my friends progressed to 'aku' and 'hang' (also Northeren dialect), I stuck with 'kami' and 'hangpa'. That was until cikgu Noerida corrected me, pointing out that 'kami' actually referred to A LOT of people (as in 'we') so she suggested I started using 'saya' and 'awak'. Since she was my FAVOURITE teacher, I followed suit and guess what.. it stuck till now! I was 7 years old then and 30 now haha.. bayangkan brape tahun dah sy ckp camni..

Even to my immediate and extended family, I don't refer to myself using my name, Ayu. Instead, I also use 'I' or 'saya' so I'm the odd one out in Abah's extended family (all my siblings and cousins use their names when refering to themselves) and almost an odd one out in Mama's except that some of my cousins, my Mak Yang's children also all use 'saya' when talking to everyone.

I think I wrote about this once la dulu.. haaa.. --> here

Anyway, this habit of mine always raises an eyebrow or two whenever I go someplace new. Like when I first entered secondary school, I was teased for being too proper (gune 'saya' and 'awak' tu was like sgt la ikut bahasa buku kaaaaannn) but in the end my friends accepted this in me though most still thought I was strange (dah la tatau ckp Penang kaaaaann hahah..)

In matrics I was also teased. A guy even called me 'biawak' for the sole reason of me using the word 'awak' when most of them used 'hang' or 'kau' but I really couldn't change the way I talk.. despite feeling a bit hurt when some girls called me 'skema' just for talking that way.

Then, sometime during my undergraduate years, I realized my 'aku' 'ko' friends were using 'saya' and 'awak' when talking to their partners or to people they like. Aisehhh.. this made me squirm when talking to boys coz I didn't want people to misunderstand me but try as I might, I still couldn't change.

And now, using 'saya' and 'awak' seems to be the cool IN thing la plak tetibe hahahah.. even if most of them sound a bit fake (acikah sy ckp camtu?). If people only knew what I went through growing up using these two words in all conversations.. ☺

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Okay.. skrg sy rase malu la plak ngan kawan².. =p

Hahahaha.. gelak jap bg ilang malu skit =p

Blog sy ni bkn la private blog kan, tp wpun bukan private blog, sy tau sy tak ramai readers and I like it that way. The only reason I opened a free blog was coz I needed somewhere to write as I really loved writing during my school days. I don't advertise my blog nor do I post the URL on my FB or whatsoever just so only my friends know about the existance of my blog. And klau ade yg stumble upon my blog mase dok bloghopping tu, takpe la..

Anyway, since I always assume that my blog doesn't have that much visitors, I've used it as a tool to express pent up emotions I feel day to day too. Little did I know, my tak-malu-confession about thinking of someone I should've forgotten years telah dibace oleh beberape org hahah.. malu okay!

And lebih malu bile Dayah and Yun bace since they always knew what I never realized and were witness to some of those things ahahahaha.. and to think that when they were around here, I NEVER told them anything about this! Adehhhh.. malu sehhhhh..

Now I'm gonna find a big rock to hide under..

And just to answer some questions from the previous entry that I avoided to answer sbb malu bile tetibe org tanye: He's not in my life anymore and hasn't been in it for almost 8 years now but since he started as one of the best friends I could ever have here, he has this great impact in my life. Thats why it still feels like a huge gap. And yes, I don't really wanna remember someone who couldn't even tell me he was getting married after three years of not talking to me (he asked his mother to tell me.. ada ka?!) and no, I'm not THAT pathethic to still want him now (though pathetic enough to whine about it once in a while kaaan hahaha..) so kwn² ku, jgn la risau ye.. sy still ade principles ☺

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Sy teringat.. mlm raya 8 tahun lepas..

Tak berniat pun nak teringat sebenarnye tp maybe kot tahun ni bnyk bende yg sy bnyk teringat balik..

My parents promised to come pick me up on the way back to Kuala Kangsar from Penang that morning but for some reason, they were late. It didn't matter that much since I'd already gone home to Penang the previous week for spring-cleaning the house and for cookie-baking with my brothers and sister so there wasn't really much to do before we went back to kampung.

I was quite bored since I'd already finished packing days before. I was excited this year since I had bought the baju raya for my whole family. It was the first time I earned money and I wanted to do something for them so of course la excited skit nak raye kan..

But the early morning turned to late morning and late morning turned to midday. During that time, IM was still in my life and I spent the time just smsing him to and fro. In the afternoon, when my parents still hadn't come to pick me up, he was more worried than me though I had assured him that I already called my family and was told they'd be late.

He'd been worried since the day before, knowing that all in-campus cafes were closed and I didn't have my trusty PFK yet then so I can't go out to buy anything for iftar. He was worried when I told him I might just go walk to the Pusat Islam alone for tarawikh that night and again he was worried that I might not have anything to eat for sahur that night. He kept calling me asking if it was ok for me if his non-Muslim friend (whom I tak kenal langsung) went to buy food for me. To some people, this might be annoying, but I was enjoying the attention he gave me.. yes, I admit to that!

So that day when by iftar my family still hadn't picked me up, again he kept calling me asking if I had anything to eat or if I was afraid (since I was the only one left in the block) He even expressed his wish to come to the campus (which was like almost 150km from his home). Of course it made me smile.. and all fuzzy inside.

It had been a great Ramadhan for us where before we were a bit shy around each other since our friends loved to tease us. But this time, our friends had all graduated, he was doing his MSc while I was working while contemplating on doing my MSc. We'd YM through the night and still emailed each other constantly eventhough we were in the same hostel block. He even sent me 2 raya cards haha.. one of it hand made by himself so yes, I was really happy then though very much confused on my feelings for him. It was this Ramadhan that he first called me. He had my number for almost 2 years then and we never called each other even though we'd known each other for almost 4 years then. I was secretly pleased too when he told his mother I was his Ayu, though I never admitted that, so the simple truth then was: I was happy!

When my parents finally arrived after Isya', he was more relieved than me, even called me to make sure I was really surounded by my family instead of lying to him just to make him feel better.. I smiled the whole night then.

It didn't annoy me when he kept texting to ask if I'd arrive safely at my kampung, nor did it annoy me when his sms was the first I received that raya morning. I wasn't tired of his text updates throughout the day, I even looked forward for it and his call..

I don't even know why I'm suddenly remembering all this and I felt a bit guilty of remembering him.. so guilty that when on the night of raya this year, his mother called, I just couldn't pick up the phone (Mintak maaf sgt, Mak Cik.. :( ) I was suddenly worried if she knew I was thinking of him again..

I dunno.. I guess sometimes I just wonder, would someone ever care for me like that again?


Thursday, September 02, 2010

Doa --> Tazkirah forwarded by a friend

This was forwarded to me by a friend via email (Thanx Ismeth!). Might be a bit long la but worth the read. I actually cried when I read it. I guess as a human being, sometimes I wonder if He hears my prayers (sy tau, sy jahat kan!). This helped open up my eyes a bit on things I already knew but have forgotten through the years so sy harap ini pun bleh bantu korg semua jugak..

Tidak kira sama ada doa itu dalam keadaan terdesak atau semata-mata menunaikan kewajipan, setiap doa pasti Allah beri perhatian. Allah berfirman yang bermaksud: “Berdoalah kepada-Ku nescaya aku (Allah) akan perkenankan.” (Surah Ghafir : 60 )

Rasulullah s.a.w. bersabda yang bermaksud: “Sesungguhnya Tuhanmu yang Maha Suci lagi Maha Tinggi itu pemalu lagi mulia. Dia malu terhadap hamba-hamba-Nya yang mengangkat tangan berdoa, tiba-tiba tidak diberi oleh-Nya akan permintaan itu.” (Riwayat al-Tirmizi no. 3556 dan Abu Daud no. 1448)

Lihat betapa hebatnya sifat Pemurah dan Pengasih Allah, Dia bukan sahaja memerintahkan kita berdoa, malah Dia mengajar apa yang patut kita doakan dan bagaimanakah caranya kita harus berdoa. Tidak cukup sekadar itu, Allah berjanji untuk mempertimbangkan doa-doa itu. Sebuah syair mengungkapkan hakikat ini dengan begitu indah sekali:“Allah s.w.t. murka jika engkau tidak memohon kepada-Nya. Sebaliknya manusia murka apabila kau sering minta kepadanya.”

Berdoa itu satu langkah yang produktif. Bahkan menurut pandangan ulama tasawuf, apabila Allah telah ringankan lidah seseorang hamba-Nya untuk berdoa, itu petanda Allah telah memberi lampu hijau untuk memperkenankan doa itu. Kata Imam Ibn Ataillah: “Tatkala Allah membukakan mulut anda dengan bermohon kepada-Nya maka ketahuilah, sesungguhnya Allah berkehendakkan doa anda diperkenankan.”

Yakinlah bahawa apabila Allah mengilhamkan kepada hati kita untuk berdoa, maka sudah tentu Allah akan memperkenankan doa kita itu. Tetapi jika Allah tidak berkehendak memperkenankan sesuatu doa, maka sudah tentu Dia tidak mengilhamkan kepada hati kita ke arah itu.

Bukan mudah bagi seorang hamba Allah mengerakkan hati dan lidahnya untuk berdoa jika tidak kerana taufik dan hidayah Allah. Apabila hati dilembutkan untuk berdoa, bererti seseorang itu telah berasa kefakirannya di hadapan Allah. Apabila kita sudah benar-benar berhajat kepada-Nya, maka Allah pasti tidak akan mengecewakan hajat kita itu.

Sebenarnya doa itu sendiri merupakan satu kurnia daripada Allah. Malah doa itu adalah modal asas yang memungkinkan seseorang itu menerima kurnia-kurnia Allah selanjutnya. Malangnya, orang yang mengetahui hakikat ini tidak ramai dalam kalangan kita. Firman Allah yang bermaksud:“Apakah ada siapakah yang memperkenankan doa orang yang dalam kesulitan apabila dia berdoa, dan menghilangkan keburukan dan menjadikan kamu sebagai khalifah di bumi? Apakah ada di samping Allah tuhan yang lain? Terlalu amat sedikit apa yang dapat kamu mengingati.” (Surah al-Naml 27: 62)

Hamba Allah yang benar-benar mengenal Allah (arif billah) dapat rasakan apabila seseorang itu diizinkan Allah untuk mengucapkan doa (ada sesetengah orang dikelukan lidah lalu tidak boleh berdoa) adalah lebih berharga daripada termakbulnya doa itu. Hal ini kerana seorang yang berdoa itu hakikatnya sedang berdialog dengan Allah. Bagi mereka, ini adalah satu anugerah Allah yang lebih bernilai berbanding apa yang diperoleh daripada doanya. Bukankah Pemberi hadiah itu lebih patut kita hormati dan kasihi daripada hadiah yang diberikan-Nya?

Mungkin ada yang bertanya apakah benar Allah akan memperkenankan setiap doa hamba-hamba-Nya? Jawabnya, ya jika apa yang kita ajukan itu doa yang benar dan elok. Dalam hadis Rasulullah s.a.w. yang diriwayatkan oleh Abdullah bin Umar r.a. bahawa Rasulullah s.a.w. telah bersabda yang bermaksud: “Sesiapa antara kamu yang dibukakan pintu hatinya supaya berdoa, nescaya Allah bukakan padanya pintu-pintu rahmat. Dan tidak ada doa yang dipohon itu yang lebih disukai Allah selain daripada memohon kemaafan (keselamatan di dunia dan akhirat).” (Riwayat al-Tarmizi no 3548)

Jelas di sini, doa yang dimaksudkan itu mempunyai ciri-cirinya. Antara ciri-ciri doa yang baik ialah isinya mestilah ke arah memohon kemaafan dosa dan kesalahan terhadap Allah. Rentetan daripada itu mereka pasti berdoa akan keselamatan diri dan orang lain, bukan permusuhan dan kekacauan). Dan yang paling penting, berdoa dalam keadaan merendah diri dan penuh harapan.
Oleh sebab itu, janganlah berdoa dalam keadaan terlalu mendesak dan memaksa Allah. Itu bukan sifat seorang hamba yang baik. Untuk mengatasi sikap ini tanamkanlah ke dalam jiwa satu keyakinan bahawa nikmat yang telah Allah berikan adalah lebih banyak dan lebih bernilai daripada apa yang sedang kita minta dalam doa kita itu.

Cara Allah Makbulkan Doa
Bagaimanakah cara Allah memakbulkan doa hamba-hamba-Nya? Ini memerlukan penjelasan yang tersirat dan maknawi. Sesungguhnya akal kita yang terbatas tidak akan dapat menjangkau ilmu Allah yang Maha Luas. Fahaman kita tentang makbulnya sesuatu doa mungkin hanya mampu menyingkap selapis daripada kenyataan itu, tetapi di sisi Allah punyai makna dan tafsiran yang berlapis-lapis.

Untuk menyingkap rahsia itulah Rasulullah s.a.w. telah bersabda yang bermaksud: “Tidaklah seorang yang berdoa kepada Allah dengan doa kecuali Allah akan memberikan kepadanya, sama ada dengan dikabulkan segera di dunia lagi. Atau disimpankan untuknya kebaikan di akhirat atau ditutupkan (kifarat) dosanya setakat doanya selama dia tidak doakan unsur-unsur dosa, memutuskan silaturahim atau mohon disegerakan. Maka sahabat berkata: “Ya Rasulullah bagaimana doa minta segera itu? Baginda berkata; seseorang itu berdoa, aku berdoa tuhanku, maka perkenanlah segera.” (kata Abu Isa hadis ini gharib, sunan Al-Tarmizi, 3968)

Melalui hadis ini para ulama telah merumuskan bahawa doa itu dikabulkan menerusi pelbagai kaedah dan keadaan. Antaranya termasuk:

1. Doa Itu Dikabulkan Serta-Merta
Kebanyakan doa yang diajukan oleh para rasul dan nabi dikabulkan serta-merta. Doa Rasulullah s.a.w. menjelang perang Badar misalnya, dikabulkan oleh Allah serta-merta. Begitu juga doa Ibn Abbas r.a. ketika meminta hujan semasa umat Islam dilanda kemarau yang dahsyat. Belum pun sempat Ibn Abbas meletakkan tangannya ke bawah, hujan telah turun mencurah-curah.
Begitulah juga dengan cerita bagaimana tiga orang pemuda yang berdoa dengan wasilah amal masing-masing apabila terperangkap dalam sebuah gua seperti yang diberitakan dalam sebuah hadis yang panjang lagi masyhur. Pintu gua itu tergerak (membuka ruang) serta-merta setiap kali salah orang mereka selesai berdoa. Inilah bukti jaminan Allah melalui firman-nya yang bermaksud: “Dan apabila hamba-hamba-Ku bertanya kepadamu mengenai Aku, maka beritahulah mereka sesungguhnya Aku (Allah) sentiasa hampir kepada mereka. Aku memperkenankan permohonan orang yang berdoa apabila dia berdoa kepada-Ku.” (Surah al-Baqarah 2: 186)

2. Dikabulkan pada Waktu Lain
Acap kali juga sesuatu doa walaupun baik, dan datang daripada orang yang baik, pada waktu yang baik, tetapi Allah tangguhkan ke waktu lain. Hal ini kerana Allah sayangkan hamba-Nya itu. Allah sengaja berbuat demikian bagi mengujinya sehingga seorang hamba itu bersedia untuk menerima nikmat-nikmat-Nya. Misalnya, Allah kurniakan kekayaan apabila hati seorang hamba telah ada rasa syukur kerana memberikannya sebelum itu akan menjadikan seseorang itu kufur. Allah kurniakan kekuasaan setelah ada dalam hati seseorang ada rasa tawaduk dan sifat adil, supaya dia boleh menjadi pemerintah yang baik apabila sudah berkuasa.

Jika tidak bersedia, dibimbangkan nikmat itu boleh bertukar menjadi bala. Itulah yang disebut “istidraj” – yakni pemberian Allah yang merupakan satu kutukan dan memudaratkan untuk iman dan Islam seseorang yang derhaka kepada-Nya. Oleh sebab itu, sering kali juga Allah menahan pemberian-Nya kerana kasih sayang-Nya terhadap seseorang. Inilah yang dinukilkan oleh Prof Dr. K.H. Muhibbuddin Waly dalam bukunya Hakikat Hikmah Tauhid dan Tasawuf: “Sebab kadang-kadang Allah memperlambat dalam memperkenankan doa mereka kerana Allah sangat sayang dan cinta mendengar suara doa yang selalu diucapkan oleh hamba-Nya itu kepada-Nya.”

3. Menghindarkan Bahaya
Doa kita kadang-kadang dikabulkan Allah dengan dihindarkan daripada bahaya yang mungkin datang. Kita tidak tahu apa bahaya yang ada di hadapan, lalu Allah datangkan halangan. Boleh jadi kita akan ditimpa penyakit yang kronik, mengalami kemalangan jalan raya, difitnah atau sebagainya. Namun dengan doa yang kita panjatkan kepada Allah, Allah selamatkan kita sebagai ganti apa yang didoakan.

Hakikat ini sangat sulit untuk difahami kerana ditunaikan tanpa sedar. Mengapa? Yalah, kita minta yang lain, tetapi Allah berikan sesuatu yang lain. Namun yang lain itu lebih besar dan bernilai ertinya berbanding apa yang kita minta. Misalnya, kita minta kejayaan dalam perniagaan, sebaliknya Allah hindarkan kita daripada penyakit-penyakit kronik. Bukankah itu sesuatu yang lebih baik?

Ingatlah apa yang Allah tegaskan menerusi firman-Nya yang bermaksud: “Difardukan kamu peperangan padahal kamu membencinya, boleh jadi ada yang kamu benci baik untuk kamu, dan boleh jadi apa yang kamu sukai tetapi itu mungkin membawa mudarat bagi kamu. Allah lebih mengetahui sedangkan kamu tidak mengetahui.” (Surah al Baqarah 2: 216)

4. Allah Berikan Sesuatu yang Lebih Baik di Akhirat
Hidup di dunia cuma sementara. Akhirat itu yang lebih baik dan lebih kekal. Firman Allah, mafhumnya: “Dan akhirat lebih baik dan kekal.” (Surah al-A‘la 87: 17) Beruntunglah jika kita mendapat sesuatu kurnia di akhirat berbanding kurnia di dunia ini.

Sebagai perbandingan, sehelai rumput di syurga adalah lebih baik daripada sebutir mutiara di dunia. Kenapa? Kerana rumput di syurga itu lebih kekal berbanding sebutir mutiara di dunia. Itu baru sehelai rumput, bayangkan sebutir mutiara di syurga. Ia sesungguhnya, bukan sahaja lebih kekal malah lebih bernilai daripada sebutir mutiara di dunia.

Orang yang berdoa dan doanya tidak dikabulkan di dunia, akan dikabulkan doa itu di akhirat kelak, insya-Allah. Doa yang dikabulkan di akhirat itu sesungguhnya lebih baik dan kekal daripada dikabulkan di dunia lagi. Kadang-kadang Allah menahan kekayaan yang kita pinta di dunia kerana Allah hendak memberikan kita kekayaan di akhirat. Kekayaan di akhirat bererti syurga.

Menyedari hakikat ini, seharusnya kita tidak akan jemu berdoa dan tidak akan berputus asa hanya kerana doa kita belum ataupun tidak dikabulkan di dunia. Kita tahu doa itu akan menjadi “saham akhirat”. Oleh sebab itu, keyakinan kepada hari akhirat sangat penting ketika kita berdoa di dunia ini. Bagi orang yang yakin akan kehidupan di akhirat, mereka akan terus-terusan berdoa sekalipun doa mereka seolah-olah tidak dikabulkan di dunia ini.

Banyak doa-doa yang diajarkan oleh Allah kepada kita, manfaatnya untuk hari akhirat. Doa minta dimatikan dengan iman, masuk ke dalam syurga dengan iman, terhindar daripada api neraka, minta dibangkitkan dalam keadaan bersama-sama orang yang membuat kebaikan dan jangan ditempatkan bersama-sama orang yang zalim. Misalnya, Allah menganjurkan kita berdoa dengan doa ini: “Ya tuhan kami, berilah keampunan bagiku dan kedua ibu bapaku dan sekalian orang Mukmin pada hari terjadinya hisab (hari kiamat).” (Surah Ibrahim 14: 41)

5. Dijadikan Kifarat kepada Dosa-Dosa
Manusia sentiasa berdosa kepada Allah sama ada yang disengajakan atau tidak disengajakan. Dosa adalah pendinding untuk kita mendapat bantuan, keampunan dan kasih sayang Allah. Kita mengharapkan dosa itu diampunkan dengan taubat. Dan untuk itu kita diwajibkan untuk bertaubat atas dosa-dosa yang kita sedari.

Namun, apakah jaminan taubat kita telah diterima sekalipun telah menempuh syarat-syaratnya? Dan bagaimana pula dosa yang kita lakukan tanpa kita sedari? Itu lebih sukar diatasi. Mana mungkin kita bertaubat atas dosa-dosa yang kita rasa kita tidak melakukannya? Maka di sinilah peranan doa-doa yang kita panjatkan kepada Allah s.w.t. Doa-doa itu menjadi sebab untuk dosa-dosa kita itu diampunkan walaupun bukan itu yang kita pohon daripada Allah s.w.t.

Orang yang berdoa kepada Allah, sentiasa disayangi-Nya. Tanda sayang Allah kepadanya ialah mengampunkan dosa-dosa orang itu walaupun dia tidak meminta ampun. Inilah kehebatan dan kebesaran sifat al-Afu (Yang Maha Pemaaf) dan al-Ghaffar (Yang Maha Mengampuni) Allah s.w.t. Salah satunya ialah Dia mengampunkan dosa-dosa hamba-Nya walaupun hamba yang berdoa itu tidak meminta ampun.

Walau bagaimanapun doa yang dipanjatkan masih tetap ada adab dan syarat-syaratnya. Selain adab-adab lahiriah, seperti menghadap kiblat, berwuduk (lihat adab-adab berdoa seperti yang dinyatakan), ada lagi adab batin (soal hati) yang lebih utama dilaksanakan. Antaranya termasuk:

i) Berdoa dengan penuh keyakinan
Hendaklah berdoa dengan penuh keyakinan bahawa doa itu akan dikabulkan. Jangan ada rasa ragu, syak dan waham (waswas) waktu berdoa kerana Allah tidak akan mengabulkan doa orang yang dalam hatinya berbolak-balik antara percaya dan tidak akan doanya diperkenankan. Jadi, sangka baik (husn zan) terhadap Allah itu penting apabila kita berdoa.

Bagaimana membina keyakinan dalam doa? Tentulah ini bersumberkan keyakinan kita kepada Allah s.w.t. Oleh sebab itu, kita terlebih dahulu mestilah mengenali sifat-sifat dan asma’ (nama-nama) Allah s.w.t.

Antara sifat Allah ialah al-Rahman, al-Rahim, al-Wahhab, al-Ghani, al-Razzaq, al-Afu, al-Ghaffar, al-Salam dan lain-lain lagi, pasti akan timbul keyakinan semasa berdoa. Apabila sudah kenal sifatnya, barulah kita boleh memohon kepada Allah dengan penuh yakin. Sebagai contoh yang paling mudah, apabila kita yakin seseorang itu pemurah, tentu kita yakin bahawa dia akan melayan permintaan kita. Apabila kita yakin seseorang itu kaya-raya, maka kita yakin dia mampu memberikan apa yang kita minta.

Oleh sebab itu, kita dianjurkan berdoa dengan menggunakan Asma’ al-Husna (nama-nama Allah yang baik) mengikut keperluan doa itu. Firman Allah yang bermaksud:“Dan Allah mempunyai nama-nama yang baik (yang mulia), maka serulah dan berdoalah kepada-Nya dengan menyebut nama-nama itu.” (Surah al-A‘raf 7: 180)

Satu cara lain untuk menambah keyakinan kita dalam berdoa adalah iringilah doa itu dengan usaha dan persediaan yang baik. Keyakinan juga dibina oleh persiapan. Apabila kita berdoa minta kesihatan, usaha dan persediaan kita juga selaras ke arah itu, maka keyakinan diri kita akan meningkat. Ya, doa yang digandingkan dengan usaha akan meningkatkan lagi tahap harapan dan harapan yang tinggi itulah yang akan membuahkan keyakinan.

ii) Jangan Berdoa Sesuatu yang Membawa Permusuhan dan Dosa
Doa yang buruk hakikatnya bukan doa. Doa yang berpaksikan permusuhan tidak akan dimakbulkan Allah. Oleh sebab itu berhati-hatilah agar tidak berdoa dengan hati yang kotor. Jangan kita ajukan kepada Allah sesuatu yang berbentuk dosa dan kefasiqan. Doa hanyalah untuk yang baik-baik dan dengan tujuan yang baik-baik pula.

Begitu juga berdoa untuk menang dalam pertaruhan (judi), berjaya dalam pertandingan yang dalamnya ada perbuatan mendedahkan aurat dan pergaulan bebas, kaya dengan perniagaan yang berunsur riba, berkuasa melalui kaedah yang kotor dan fitnah serta lain-lain bentuk kemungkaran yang seumpamanya adalah dilarang dan tidak akan dikabulkan. Kita juga tidak dibolehkan mendoakan sesuatu yang boleh memutuskan ikatan silaturahim sesama Islam.

iii) Jangan Berdoa Tanpa Bertahmid dan Berselawat
Ulama ada menjelaskan bahawa sesuatu doa itu tidak akan dikabulkan tanpa bertahmid (memuji) kepada Allah dan berselawat kepada Nabi Muhammad s.a.w. Kedua-dua faktor ini sangat penting untuk melahirkan rasa bersyukur dan berterima kasih kepada Allah s.w.t. dan Rasulullah s.a.w. Tanpa rasa syukur, sukar doa kita itu didengari dan seterusnya diperkenankan oleh Allah s.w.t.

Bayangkan jika seseorang meminta tambahan atas nikmat yang sedia ada, dia mestilah menunjukkan rasa berterima kasih atas nikmat yang telah diberikan itu terlebih dahulu. Rasa syukur itulah yang akan menggamit turunnya nikmat yang baru. Firman Allah yang bermaksud: “Jika kamu bersyukur nescaya kami akan tambahkan nikmat-nikmat Kami. Dan sebaliknya jika kamu kufur, azab Allah amat pedih.” (Surah Ibrahim 14: 7)

Dengan bertahmid, kita menyatakan syukur kepada Allah. Dengan berselawat kita mengucapkan terima kasih kepada insan yang paling banyak berjasa kepada kita yakni Nabi Muhammad s.a.w. Hanya setelah bersyukur, Allah yang bersifat al-Wahhab (Maha Pemberi) akan menambahkan lagi nikmat-nikmat-Nya. Benarlah seperti yang dinyatakan oleh Rasulullah s.a.w. melalui sabdanya yang bermaksud: “Sesiapa yang tidak bersyukur dengan yang sedikit, tidak akan bersyukur dengan yang banyak.”

Itulah tiga sebab mengapa doa terhijab. Dalam konteks yang sama, apa yang dinyatakan oleh Ibrahim bin Adham (seorang ahli tasawuf) tentang punca-punca doa terhijab sangat perlu dijadikan renungan. Namun, walau apapun keadaan kita, sama ada dalam keadaan taat atau derhaka, dalam keadaan senang ataupun susah, doa mesti terus dipanjatkan. Makbul atau tidak itu soal kedua. Yang paling utama adalah jangan sekali-kali berputus asa untuk terus berdoa kepada Allah s.w.t.

Dan jangan sekali lupa, apa yang telah Allah berikan kepada kita sebenarnya lebih banyak daripada apa yang sedang kita minta (doa).

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Saya ingin menyeru pak² Imam sekalian..

..supaye len kali bile nak angkat takbir, bace kuat skit bleh tak?

Dua malam lepas, seperti biase sy ke surau Taman Sempadan untuk solat Isya berjemaah dan diteruskan dengan tarawikh. Awal² lagi kami telah diberitahu kemungkinan terdapatnye imam jemputan, tak kisah la.. sy suke je bile tukar² imam. Dulu sy suke ke surau Taman Pekaka (mase tu bleh ke takmo solat di surau taman sendiri wpun surau tu tak sampai 50 tapak kalki pun dari umah?) sbb imam²nye sentiasa bertukar dan yang menariknye, kebanyakkannye adelah pelajar² asing USM. Ohh, sungguh seronok mendengar 'laguan' pembacaan ayat² suci alQuran dari negare² berlainan..

Ehh, dah lari topik la pulak..

Semasa solat Isya, di rakaat ketige semase imam tidak lagi membace AlFatihah dengan kuat, kami di belakang dgn khusyuknye mengikuti beliau (khusyuk ke, Ayu? Yakin? Heheh..). Apabile beliau mengangkat takbir untuk rukuk, sy pun rukuk lah dan..

..sgt terkejut bile mendapati hanye sy dan akak di sebelah sy sahaje yg rukuk di sepanjang saf kami. Jem!! Trus ilang khusyuk sbb sy dah konpius, btul ke sy dgr imam angkat takbir tadi?

Actually, sy jugak terpanik seketika dan terase muke sy merah kembali. Nasib baik tak terdetik kat hati sy mase tu (skrg ni baru terdetik) yg ini adelah satu lagi sbb makcik² disini takkan mau jadikkan sy menantu diorg.. tp seryes, panik ok!

Kemudian.. 'Samiallahulimanhamidah'..

..dan berpusu² la makcik² di kiri kanan kami rukuk sementara kami berdua bgn semula.

1. Nmpk sgt la sy dah tak khusyuk kat sini kan
2. Sy tak gelak ye
3. Sy rase lega sbb sy tak salah dgr.. aci ke?

Dan sy tak salah kan mereke sbb sbnrnye imam tu bace sangaaaaaaatt perlahan, ok! Hampir tak dgr so sbb tu sy rase makcik² tu sumer konpius, tatau nak rukuk ke tak..

Aishhh la en Pak Imam, kami dibelakang tabir make toloooooong la bace kuat skit ye len kali.. sian kami ni..

Friday, August 20, 2010

Tgk kuih pun buleh nostalgic~

Yesterday me and Arep did our usual 'penjelajahan bazaar Ramadhan'. This time we went to the one in Nibong Tebal. Truthfully, I never knew there was one in Nibong Tebal. It was in front of Yawata and was really small, about 20 stalls only.. no, scratch that, tak sampai 20 pun rasenye..

..and they have this really nice roti kirai with yummy curry. Definitely nak pegi lagi ☺

Anyway, at one of the stalls, I saw this..

Kuih sagu. Yeah, I know, ape la yg unique sgt ngan kuih sagu tu kan.. but it kinda reminded me of someone we lost 7 Syawals ago.

When I was doing my industrial training (LI), I stayed with my late grandfather since the company I was attached to was doing a bridge across the Sg Perak and right in Kuala Kangsar. He was already quite elderly then, around 80 I think.. ke lebih lagi ye?

My daily routine was to wake up for Subuh and get ready. Then I'd go to the kitchen to make Tok's kopi kampung (what us kids called the strong coffee that is NOT instant like Nescafe), a whole flask of it. I'd take it with a fresh cup and some breakfast to his room before going for my LI. Then wehn I came back in the afternnon, I'd usually buy some kuih or banana fritters for our tea I'll then rest before getting ready for Maghrib and dinner. Sometimes Tok would come down but most of the time he'd stay in his room since he wasn't really that strong anymore. After dinner I'd talk with him a bit before he reitred and I'd watch tv till I was sleepy.

On weekends was a different matter. I'd have some time on my hands and would do most of the cooking (mcm la terre kan, bodo² je buleh la..)

One day, I came with this idea to make some kuih sagu. I liked that kuih when I was smaller and since the theory of making it seemed so simple, I decided to make some. My cousin watched me do it (budak laki kan) and we were excited of the outcome since I never really made any traditional kuih before..

When it was ready, I cut it up and rolled it into some coconut and immediately served it to Tok.. and I didn't even taste it since I was still full from lunch. Tok finished it and asked for more while telling me it was, "Sedap!"

I was really happy and gave him more. It was only late in the afternoon when I finally tasted it and OMG! Was I soooooo embarassed!

You see, my family doesn't really take much sugar even when we were smaller (thus the reason my housemate called me 'kedekut gula') so when making it, I thought I had used A LOT of sugar. I repeat, A LOT! But it turned out, my kuih sagu was tasteless.. didn't have even a hint of sweetness!

Malunye Tuhan je yg tau and when Tok asked for more that night, I cringed when I asked him, "Tawar ek sy buat, Tok?"

He smiled at me and told me he never tasted anything more delicious than mine and proceeded to finish it all up..

Demi cucu dia yg tak pandai masak itu..

Alamak.. tetibe rase nak nangis. I miss him soooo much. When we came back from UK, he used to talk to us in English, maybe he was afraid we'd forgotten how to talk in Malay la kot.. and he still cut my chicken/meat/fish into small pieces and arranged them around my plate when I was already in primary school. He was always interested in what I WANTED to do insteadof asking me to do what he wants me to do and he always asked my opinion on the suppliments he took, even though he knew I was studying engineering NOT medicine.

He was so proud of me when I graduated and when I showed him the pictures of my convo, he asked a lot of questions. When I stayed with him, he used to ask about what I did and never judged me on my answers. When I didn't have any money during my stay there, he gave me some and made sure I had enough everyday, even gave me more for 'just in case'

I remember when me and my cousin, abg Sher were scolded by him haha.. Served us right as we were in our late teens already by then and still dok main tak senonoh. Know what we did? I'd go take my wudhu and my cousin would touch me just to batalkan. Then I'd do it to him too and we'd end up laughing so much until we heard a voice say, "Kome dah beso!" Opsss.. terdiam trus kitorg and tak berani dah main² camtu depan dia.

What I regret the most was the last time I went back before he moved on, I didn't salam him. This was because I had planned to go back to early but since all my aunties were home, I didn't realize we were talking way up to 11pm. Then kelam kabut la I wanted to go home and I didn't salam him since I thought he was already asleep and also because I know he would be worried about me if he knew I was doing an hour-and-half trip alone at night. The next news I got was from Mama who told me Tok was being strange a few day later. He was asking for Chendol kat Lembah and he finished it and asked for more, when before this, he couldn't even finish a pack.

He left us as I was on the way rushing back to Kuala Kangsar and I didn't get to say goodbye :(

I stayed beside him through the night reciting the Quran and the next day, ALL OF HIS GRANDSONs (except one!) bathed him. It was a beautiful sight and even the men from the masjid wept. They didn't have to do a thing except guide my brothers and male cousins on the proper way to bathea and kafan him. I'm sure Tok was happy too..

I really miss him a lot, especially now in Ramadhan. I hope that he is surrounded by Allah blessing always.. Al Fatihah!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Sgt malu, ok! Damn my bladder

(Please excuse the tak senonoh picture that was Googled heheh..)

This Ramadhan is the first Ramadhan which I don't have class throughout the month, sgt suke ok! The first week we still had classes as usual, thus the 'syahdu bukak pose sensorg dlm kete' status on my FB last week, but until a week after raya, we are free.. yes!

(Thought sedikit risau la kan sbb gaji pun tak dpt la sebulan klau dah takde kelas.. aiseh!)

Anyway, for years I've only been able to go for tarawikh on Sundays je since I usually have classes every night, this year I was looking forward to tarawikh every night. So on Sunday, check! Monday pun check! Then Tuesday tak pegi coz I went for iftar at kak Zura's and she did a birthday celebration for her twins gak so I tarawikh alone kat umah je after that..

..which made yesterday cam over skit semangat nak pegi la kan!

I made sure I didn't eat much during iftar as to make sure tak la ketat perut nak solat kan hehe.. then since the musolla was just a few meters from my house, I went about a minute or two before azan. As usual, sampai surau wat ala² dara sunti pemalu (Okay, tipu! Ni sbb segan tak kenal sape kat surau tu je pun kan =p) waiting for the azan la sume kan.

Then just as I finished my solat sunat, I felt this urge to pee. But not the REALLY need to pee nye la.. just the feeling you get when you know you wanna pee. I looked at the watch and thought, "Takpe je ni nak tahan sejam.."

But then, as the minutes went by, the feeling intensified dgn sgt cepat, parallel with pertambahan orang di surau itu. Dah la I was in the first saf, dah mule rase uncomfy dah ni but still pujuk ati, ok kot.

When the imam started to Iqamah my bladder was starting to buat hal. I look behind me and saw the saf behind me was already full. Dah malu dah rase nak kelaur tetibe kan celah² orang time dah nak solat sgt so I told my bladder to behave..

..but of course la it refused!


Then tak tahan, as the imam was reciting Fatihah (the womans saf dah ramai start solat while us in the front saf still ade yg dok betulkan saf lagi), I couldn't stand it anymore. Luckily the mak cik beside me hadn't started her solat yet so I aksed her wher the toilet was, grabbed my keys and practically ran outta the musolla..


Adoiii.. ape lagi, berlari balik rumah la pulak kaaaaaaannn.. sheeshhh!

Terserempak la pulak ngan my neighbour a few houses yg agak la alim kan, makin malu plak rasenye. Ntah ape dia pk seeing me in my telekung. bkn going towards the surau but away from the musolla and back home.. adessss!

After doing what I had to do, tetibe malu la pulak kan nak balik ke surau.. sekaligus terase sorg lagi makcik pun mesti rase, "Tak leh buat menantu ah budak ni" (The first being the makcik I talked about in my FB status)

Maka sekali lagi lah sy solat di rumah..