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Tuesday, February 14, 2017

First Wordplay of 2017 ;)

Sesungguhnyaaaa gambo takde kene ngene haha..
In keeping with my previous post, I decided to paste another word-play in my blog haha.. Taaaaaak, tak terre lagi aiihhh.. 

Ni more sebab saja nak save and senang nak cari balik nnt =) Klau harap FB, harus tunggu On-This-Day plak, jenuh setahun baru jumpa balik :p

So this was my 1st long (long la sangat) word play for 2017. Macaaaaam ade sepantun dua jugak this year tp kene cari balik la plak nnt :p

Apa dalam peti,
Simpan bok sorok,
Apa dalam hati,
Simpan elok-elok
Apa dalam tangan,
Jaga, jangan lalai,
Apa di fikiran,
Jaga, jangan terbuai
Apa dalam laci,
Simpan biar tak terbuka,
Apa dalam mimpi,
Simpan biar terus rahsia
Apa dalam gua,
Yang tahu yang teroka,
Apa dalam doa,
Yang tahu hanya saya

Posted on FB on Jan 18, 2:21pm

Sunday, February 12, 2017

When You Need To Do What's Best For Your Heart..

Tell me your story
Things that are true
Let me in on those secrets
Let me know the real you

Tell me your fears
What keeps you awake
We'll chase them away together
Whack and beat them till they break

Tell me your sorrows
That cling to your heart
We'll untangle them, we'll free them
Separate them, keep them apart

Tell me your grief
What breaks you deep inside
We'll put the pieces back together
You can trust me, you can confide

Tell me your dreams
Those precious gems you hold on to
I'll believe in them, protect them
And help you make them all come true

I'd shared this on FB after a few days of writing and rewriting. I've never been the play-with-words kinda of student but nowadays I get fascinated with them, thus, my amateur attempts at ringing them together to form things like this.

The first verse came to me like it was already in my head (which I'm praying it really was. Don't really want to be accused of plagiarism, do I?). I would have left it at that if it didn't remind me of someone. So I tried to make it longer, and somehow, other people came into mind too..

When I say other people, I don't really mean that I'm already this kind of friend. What I mean is I WANT to be this kind of friend to them, just as they had been for me at my times of need.. Even when I didn't know that I needed them.. and I hope that one day I'd be given the chance to be so :)

What has been nagging me for a few days is that, the person who I had first thought of suddenly, after months of silence, contacted me to give some thought on what I had written. No, I'm not annoyed, far from that. I'm always afraid of being criticized but I really welcome it from these people who I know are sincere. It's just that I felt it was kind of irony that this person wanted to share some thought on something I had written for this said individual. I didn't even know how to respond except say thanks (when I would've liked to say so many other things too :( )

It makes me a bit sad that now I don't know how to be comfortable around this person anymore..

I don't think I'll ever be able to get back to how things were until I learn to control these unexplainable (is this even a word?) feelings and to stop questioning the 'whys' that have been messing around in my head these past few months but I know one day I will :) 

*cross fingers*

Thursday, February 02, 2017

The Thing About Hugs.. that most of the time, you don't know you need a hug until you get one.

I've had two instances this has happened to me.

The First

It was around the time we first got to know about my father's second marriage. Naturally, everyone was upset but we handled them differently.. at least on the outside. Somehow people I loved forgot that I was upset too..

People expected us to choose sides but how was I supposed to do that? I could barely grasp on what was happening, let alone decide if I wanted to throw one parent away or not. So both were mad at me because both thought I chose the other. I was even called anak derhaka more than a few times just because I refused to choose but in this case, Tuhan lagi tahu. He is the better judge than any accusation thrown in my way so I left it all to Him.

Still, my heart and head was in turmoil. I was trying to a good daughter, the peacemaker and trying to understand it from both point of views while keeping takdir Tuhan in sight (it has been 'written' dulu lagi, and God has His reasons on everything that happens) yet my heart was broken by the two people I loved the most. I couldn't turn to anyone of them as both were full of venom with the other so it won't help in matters, but I couldn't just go share it with anyone, could I?

So I bottled it up inside. Only sharing snippets of it to people I trust.

It was during this time that I had temankan IM balik Jitra to go got his computer as the one he was currently using has just quit on him. The plan was to just go get his other computer and go back to the campus while I had plan to hide in the car saja. Of course he had other plans..

He had told his family beforehand so his mother had cooked extra for us to join in dinner. His granma had made some kuih kasui and saved some for us. I his in the toilet to gather my wits but was still nervous like hell as we sat down for dinner.

Before we headed back to the campus, after salam-ing his mum, she suddenly gave me this unexpected hug. I was so surprised that I didn't hug back at first.. the only thing in my mind was, "Please don't let go of me.."

I didn't even realize I needed a hug until she gave me one.. and all of a sudden, all the weight on my shoulders and in my head felt lighter.

Thank you, mak cik!

The Second

Just a few days ago, while I was lazing around at home, my sister called and told me she was coming with my mum for some food hunting. It was still the CNY holidays so she was on leave (I already had a class that night but I was free all day) and I was looking forward for some enjoyable company.

When they arrived, I noticed someone else with them.. and a very rough voice saying 'Cepat laaa' over and over again. It was my brother and sis-in-law ♡ They didn't even tell my mum or sis until they had arrived *grins* and it made my heart give out a little dance as I haven't seen them since raya.. aka BEFORE

I had a great few hours as they rummaged through my stuff (sorok my dancing Groot and Hot Wheels), went food hunting ("semua kedai sini tak suke kt Ti sbb semua yg Ti nak pegi asyik tutup je" haha..) and buat kecoh. They stayed here till after Maghrib as I had my class at 8.15 pm and they went back to Sg Ara.

As we salam-ed before parting, my clown of a brother was still pretending that he had my baby Groot and stuff like that when all of a sudden he said, "Meh peluk skit"

As a rule, we have never been physically affectionate as siblings. We'd joke, prank, laugh and all but other than that memang mcm tak je. In fact, my first reaction was, "Haaa, buat salah ape plak ni?" as I looked around to see if my Groot was safe.

But somehow, once again I felt like saying, "Please don't let go of me.." and I struggled to stop the tears from falling and try maintaining a cheery disposition.

I don't know if he knew I needed that but I'm glad for once he broke the rule..

Friday, December 09, 2016

To Gelak or To Nangis.. That Is The Question! =)

As usual, I love checking my FB's On This Day, just to see what exactly was I thinking on those particular days and I found this..





Now am not sure if its better to cry or laugh hysterically (sbb takmo rase sedih/stupid/silly)..

One day, Ayu.. One day. Then, it won't be sebab kesian.. It'll be the real deal and it's gonna stay.. :)

One day.. =)

Thursday, December 08, 2016

Check up.. and ME time! =)

I had my post op check up on Wednesday the 7th. The appointment card stated that I had to be there at 8.00 am and since this was my first experience, I imagined I'd be sent straight to the doctor. Turns out I was wrong haha..

The specialist clinic was full of people even when I arrived at 7.50 am. I had to go register again at the nurses station, given an evaluation by a very friendly doctor before being given my number. Looking around, it didn't feel so lonely (okay, so I'd been feeling more that just a little bit blue about what had happened) bu somehow, I suddenly felt like crying and wished someone was there with me.

When it was my turn, I got this very nice older doctor who explained to me about the lab results on the cyst they had removed and the pros of removing my right ovary. It was something about the type of cyst I had, if they hadn't removed the whole thing (they usually only removed the cyst), it could still happen again but since they had to removed it due to my gangrened Fallopian tube, the chances of it happening again should be zero.

However, just to be on the safe side, she wanted to do an ultrasound on me. It was deja vu all over again but this time I got good news saying there didn't seem to be anything wrong. She even told me my left ovary was working perfectly as it was actually ovulating (and once again I felt like crying..) but I was amazed when I got to see it. Before, I didn't understand anything on the screen but as the doctor was discussing with her technician and since I was trying not to cry, I somehow saw the exact shape I've only since in my science/biology textbooks.. it was pretty much awesome to me. I guess mothers who get to see their babies in their wombs must feel even more happy.

When we went back to the doctors desk, I was feeling much better with the good news and what I just saw but somehow, my mouth gatal jugak to ask, why did it happen and what did I do wrong. I was just curious (I think) but they way the doctor looked at me made me well up again and she reassured me, it was nothing that I did wrong. Takdir Tuhan saja..

I then had breakfast at the hospital (which I only did the last 2 days I was there due to having to fast before and after surgery kan), bought some yummy sambal tempe (why didn't I know about this then?) and bought the sought after donut yang I terliur sangat dok teringin while I was there :p

Since it was still early and I had already cancelled my classes for the day, a lil' celebration was in order. I went to Aeon Big (formerly Carrefour) just beside the hospital and splurged on some Whittakers chocolates (yes, plural heheh..).. Even got the mint one for RM1 though I dunno what was on offer that day.

Then I decided to go look around since its been ages since I went there. Managed to buy some much needed pins for my tudung. Since I only wear the ones resembling safety pins yang dah out of date lamaaaaa dah maka sangat la susah to find any. When I saw some at this makcik's stall, terus la beli. And my rezeki, instead of 4 for RM10, she sold them to me 5 for RM10. She even threw in another simple brooch for me.. Moga murah rezeki mak cik ♡

Somehow, while chatting with the makcik, she asked me if I was ok. I laughed la sebab I was feeling ok then but I told her I had just come back from the hospital for my check up. She told me I had that 'recuperating' look, thats why she asked.. Err..

Then she told me about this jamu that was good for my condition. Sold by some Indonesian who brewed it themselves, fresh from the market. I don't really like jamu, the smell alone sometimes makes my eyes watery but in my condition, anything goes. I think I was also curious with the fresh from market concept too so I went to buy 2 bottles. Smelled better than what I usually smell and didn't taste bad too. Sayangnya sini tak jual (or I dunno sape jual) but I think I'd like to try lagi kot =)

After that, I headed to Sunway Carnival. Had already planned to watch movies and have lunch there anyway. I went to Sam's Groceria for their yummy mac and cheese after I bought tickets to watch Moana and Dr Strange (again? Didn't expect it to still be on sebab dah mcm bnyk minggu je dah kot). Met Amirah, Fatimah and their brother as they were also watching Moana the same time as me. Moana was surprisingly good. I'd expected a so and so movie but I wouldn't mind watching it again or buying the dvd nnt. Dr Strange doesn't need any reviews la kot. I loved it the first time, I enjoyed it even more the second (sbb bleh tgk after credits would be one of the reasons.. Kt sini kalu, movie dah abis je diorg terus pasang lampu mcm nak halau) even if the part where Dr Strange was sleeping while his astral projction was reading brought some tears to my eyes because it reminded of something.. or someone..

I DID got to Popular but no book caught my attention.. surprise! Macam konpius je hehe..

Anyway, after performing my prayers, terus balik je la lepas tu. My usaha mencari comic jugak gagal but I thinks its due to the closing of Comic House je la kot.. Tolonnnnng la ganti cepat, I need my comic fix!

All in all, it was a good day.. if some thought would stop bugging me la.. But am glad that healthwise, I'm improving much and hopefully the new year would bring me better health and no more surprises like this one =)