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Sunday, January 07, 2018

Blessing in Disguise, Maybe? *sedapkan hati*

My phone has been acting up for almost a year now but since I don't use it much aside from the occasional messages and calls as well as the Instagram post, I didn't really take much notice of it.

Few weeks ago, it threw a tantrum and refused to, whatchamacallit, 'rest'? The screen was always on even a few minutes after locking it. I didn't know what to do except take out the battery and give it a whole night of time out. The next day it was better.. a bit.

Then two days ago it started giving me blank screens whenever I exited Instagram or the gallery. Then when I restarted the phone, the phone's memory would suddenly be full and no matter what I checked, I couldn't find any addition to what was already there in the first place. I kept getting warnings to clear some space but I really didn't know WHAT was it that was taking up too much place anyway.

Yesterday, it did this thingey again a bit too many times. This year, Saturday is my busiest day with classes from 10am to 9.45pm at night with only 1 primary school tutoring and the others all being exam classes. By the final class, I was feeling exasperated by the phone that I decided to just restore to factory settings. I only did this after they asked if I wanted to back up the data in my sd card which I promptly did. But maybe because I was still in the middle of class, I didn't pay much attention to it and by the time the phone had been, errr, formatted(?), I realized I had lost a lot of things that I had assumed would be backed up.

Most are just trivial things, I guess, kept out of sentiments and such but, there were other things that were more than just a sentiment to me 😢

Messages with voice notes I've been secretly listening whenever I missed someone. SMSs during the time I felt very low. Tokens that made me happy once upon a time ago.. I lost it all.

I never thought I'd actually cry to badly when I realized those things were missing as I'd promised myself to never again pour any feelings into this.. But thats the truth of what happened. It felt like I'd lost something much more precious that I ever thought it would be..

Truth is, I might get some back, at least the texts, if I'd ask this certain person on the slight chance the person kept it but

1. I didn't want this person to know I was still holding on to those.. Might be little things to other people but meant the world to me

2. I didn't actually wanted to know that this person has deleted the whole thing months ago.

So here I am.

Upset.

I know, those are nothing. Just words that I guess didn't mean much but to me, they did.

I had asked Allah to help me move on. To help me let go of all these since I'm starting to realize it was all only in my head and only meant something to me but I guess I haven't done my part in forgetting. I' assuming, this is His way to help me let go since I don't seem capable of doing it on my own.

I should be thankful.. I AM thankful. Just a bit sad, I guess..

So here's to letting it all go now.. :(