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Thursday, November 15, 2007

Of Ayu



Kate Yokies: Hang ni dah jadi keras hati dah, hang tau tak?

Kate org len: Awak dah banyak berubah!

Kate sorg lagi: Awak dah mcm bukan kawan saya yang dulu!

And said another: You've changed a lot!

And yet another: I can hardly know you now.. what happened?

Kate Ayu pulak: Tak pun, mane ade saya keras hati.. mane ade saya berubah.. saya masih 'Ayu' yang same. Masih 'Ayu' yang dulu!

Tapi kate mereke lagi: Nope! You've REALLY changed!!!

Maybe..

Sekarang Ayu dah tak lagi biar orang kate ape². Klau dulu, semua sindiran diterime dengan fake smile dan muke like she doesn't get the sarcasm at all, tapi skrg, sarcastic remarks more often than not receive counter sarcasm too.. much to Ayu's amusement, and the horror of others..

Sekarang Ayu dah tak lagi nak baik² sangat dengan orang yang baru dikenali, realizing that the people you learn to care for are capable of hurting you more than anything, intentionally or not.. no longer dah any stranger is welcome into my life until they prove they are worthy (which actually means takde sape pun, since Ayu's trust pun dah agak ilang.. lucky for her, old friends kinda understand this!)

Sekarang ayat² nak bg Ayu rase bersalah tak lagi affect hidup Ayu. Klau dulu, she'd take it seriously and try to rectify the situation, but now, sape berani dgn sengajenye buat ayat² kesian supaye Ayu rase bersalah, akan buat Ayu lagi menyampah dah meluat lagi tak mau layan.. enough said!

Sekarang Ayu dah tak lagi burst into tears at anything. Eg. One day a lecturer asked her, kenape Ayu suke sgt melayan budak² ni buat macam² (eg. send cards.. old friends know, this is the real me and Memory Lane sama Hallmark would be proud of me using their cards to full use heheh..) so her simple answer was, "Takpe Dr, sekali sekale menghiburkan hati diorg ni, ape salahnye? Kite pun seronok kan?" But the lecturer, jokingly I assume, said, "Hmm, bile pulak ye ade org nak hiburkan hati kamu nanti?" W/pun hati rase sedih, tp dgn 'berlagaknye' Ayu jawab,"Takde orang nak hiburkan pun takpe.." sambil buat muke stone and trus pergi.. Uhhh, harapnye takde la bunyi cam kurang ajar kan?

Sekarang, w/pun tiap² hari tingt, tapi buat² tak heran je.. bukannye senang, tapi nak buat camne, bukannye boleh dipakse :(

Sekarang bile ade mase lapang, selalu ingat yang buruk² je, pk nak balas dendam je kat sumer org. Nasib baik pengecut, so setakat pk dalam kepale je la, nak wat tak berani hahaha..

N sekarang, dendam macam susah nak ilang compared to before. Dah jadi hypocrite, buat baik je ngan diorg tp mengelak dari nak melayan sangat atau untuk tolong ape² (except for emergencies la, kejam sgt tu klau tak tolong). Buat la hint² nak tengok wayang ke, hint² nak ajak jalan² ke ape ke, Ayu dah pandai wat bodo n tak paham and ubah topik..

Bile pk² balik.. hmm, betul la Yokies, saya dah keras hati dgn sgt negativenye! Betul kate sumer org, Ayu dah berubah.. tapi kenape berubah negatif sgt?

And frankly, for now, I don't even miss the old Ayu!