Saturday, June 30, 2007

My day!

"Ayu the Golliwogg!"

Whew! What a day it was for me yesterday :)

Woke up a bit late as I had woke up earlier for sahur (my last day for puase nazar!) then went to sleep after Subuh prayers. After taking my shower, did my usual face routine starting with the toner and YEEEOOOWWWWW!! It hurt!!!

My sun-burnt face was peeling and the toner was so painful on the delicate skin underneath the peelings. Shhheesssh! It was then that I realized, "Gosh! I look like a golliwogg!!!" So hitam la I was heheh.. and I don't even remember sitting in the sun during our traffic survey the past two days. But then I remembered, it was near the sea, and though the sea breeze was sooo comforting, it also bought along the heatwave that we couldn't feel, thus making us all looked like brunt steaks hehe.. Oh well, it'll go.. I hope!

Then, early (well, not-so-early la actually!) in the morning at school, I received the balance for the payment of the traffic survey.. yeay!! Moolahhh hehe..

But then, something happened. I was talking with kak Win and Remy, commenting on the new organization chart downstairs and as we wen up the stairs, kak Win asked me if I wanted to hear something. Sensing that she seemed a bit upset, I just agreed.. and to my annoyance, I found myself irritated with a colleague of mine.

Two days before, we were supposed to start our traffic counting at 6.30am. I'm usually quite fussy when it come to this as we are paid quite handsomely for a simple job so I usually think it shouldn't be a big probelem to try to be on time. The day before we started at 6.45 but this was because we didn't know the actual site. That day, however, we knew genarally which site it was but didn't know the exact intersection. However, our leader made us promise to meet at this intersection near the jetty, and reminded us constantly where to park and meet.

So the next day, me and the girls (Dgon, Wani, Yanti and kak Sue) made sure we arrived at the USM mosque at 5.45am to ensure us arriving at the site at a considerable time before 6.30.. not wanting to be late like yesterday.

We arrived at the promised intersection at 6.20am, and quite proud of being early until we realized our leader had yet to arrive. I wasn't quite surprised as when Dgon called him at 5.20am, he had only woken up while we were already on our way to pick up kak Sue, the last one in our group.

But then, we were left waiting till 6.40am. By then, Dgon once again called our leader and found out he had ONLY GOT OF THE BRIDGE which in his language actually means I'M STILL HALFWAY ON THE BRIDGE!

We were quite annoyed, but thinking that since it was the leader who was late, no one could blame us. Then, when he arrived, he went straight to HIS intersection and asked US TO GO TO HIM, instead of he himself, who was already nearly half an hour late, come to the promised venue. I was a bit pissed at him by now but I thought maybe we had changed sites.. but believe it or not, he asked us to go to his site JUST TO TELL US OUR SITE WAS RIGHT WHERE WE WERE WAITING!


I was membebeling all the way BACK to the place we had been waiting, thinking that can't he just tell us on the phone where our site was when he knew perfectly well we were already there? Wani, Yanti and kak Sue (Dgon went with Ramadhan) just smiled, letting me be the only one venting out our frustrations.. as a result, we started at 7.00am.

Well, back to yesterday morning. It turned out, our leader had cheated in his data and stated that he had started at 6.45am (when he hadn't even arrived yet at that time) while our group were goody-two-shoes and written down that we had started at 7.00am.

Kak Win and Leong questioned our leader about the different time in the data collection and know what he said, "Group Ayu datang lambat, so diorang start lambat. Saya dah sampai awal dah tunggu diorang tapi diorang lmbat sangat so saya start dulu.."

And I sat there, open-mouthed at kak Win's explanation, all the while thinking, "Great! Now I'M the one to blame, since I was the one driving, and they (the traffic team) won't ask me to go for traffic counting again!"

Luckily, there was Wani and Yanti who were kak Win's sisters. Kak Win has suspected that our leader was trying to put the blame on us as she was home when I went to pick up Wani and Yanti at 5.05am that morning, so she was quite confused on how we could arrive so late. And she told me, Yanti especially was VERY defensive when kak Win questioned her, even told kak Win how I was membebeling in the car because he was late and we had to wait for him while Dgon had called him twice while we were waiting for his orders.. AND to think that he repeated the same 'Ayu's-group-came-fashionably-late-for-the-traffic-counting-even-if-she-knew-how-important-time- was' to Leong. Man! Was I annoyed.. but I was glad I didn't hafta defend myself.. Yanti and Wani had done that for me.. Bravo!

I have always been a bit uncomfortable, being imfamous for being a bit too much fussy about punctuality during traffic counting that my juniors assosciate me with, but yesterday, I was glad everyone knew I was that fussy!

Good thing our leader didn't come that day (he had actually raised his voice to kak Win when she questioned him and I dunno if its true or not but Leong claimed it was as if he was ready to gaduh too!)

But now, all of us (except our leader who was kinda banned from traffic counting-and I don't think its fair that he shouldn't be allowed to join us boo-hoo!) have to REPEAT the data collection for that day on this Tuesday.. see why I'm irritated with him? He was the cause of us having to repeat it yet he won't hafta do it with us this Tuesday.. eeeeeeee!!! Marah tul..

Then, last night, Abah had this BBQ for his students who had just finished their industrial training with him and he had asked us to come. I had brought Dgon along with me as we had planned to watch Transformers after the BBQ.

What I want to talk about isn't about the BBQ, but about Abah and Iskandar.

At the start of the feast, before the doa and all that, Abah made some announcements. I was listening half-heartedly so I didn't actually know what Abah was talking about. Suddenly, I heard Abah saying that he wanted to introduce his anak to the guests and I was like, "Uh-oh!" but I noticed Iskandar straightening up instantly with a hint of smile on his face.. he used to be Abah's favourite, you know.. :(

And, somehow, I don't think I can forgive Abah for what he did after that. He took Annisa and told everyone that this was his anak while he didn't even glance at Iskandar. Me and Izati, we don't care anymore! But it hurt to see Iskandar's expression change.. like I said, Iskandar was once Abah's favourite that everone called him 'Notebook Abah' coz wherever Abah went, he was always tagging along. But last night, Abah acted as if Iskandar didn't mean anything..

Iskandar stayed inside, even when I persuaded him to eat. I saw that he was trying his best to not cry while pretending to be mad at Abah. Luckily, Izati and Mira came so when all of us forced him to go eat, pretending to make a joke out of it, he reluctantly went. But all the while, he was quiet and I wish I could just take that hurt away from him, and let him enjoy the night. Towards the end, he suddenly said that he didn't care.. but as we know, he was just trying to convince himself. Mama told him to loosen up and don't be so tense and he started to say out his mind but all of us cut him by telling him it wasn't good to be angry in front of the food..

You know, its a good thing he loves Annisa too much to hate her for taking all the attentioin away.. and Abah should really realize that before he loses the only child left who sincerely wants his attention.

He should realize, his 'Notebook' needs him.. :(

Hehe.. whoever grew up in the 80s must really have a dose of the Transformers. When I was smaller, I wasn't actually a fan of the Transformers but since The Boys (Iwan and Adi's joint nickname) loved them and since I did nearly everything with them, I watched the Transformers too..

However, for the movie, I wasn't really excited about it. I just wanted to watch it coz that was what I do with movies hehe..

Went straight ot Megamall after the BBQ and we were lucky to secure some not-so-front tickets.. I still haven't gotten over watching Star Wars in the third seat from front, where I had a headache that lasted the whole night through the next day :D

Anyway, when the movies started, my mind wasn't actually into the movies yet.. until I heard the familiar sound the Transformers make whenever they wanted to change (this was in the first scene where one of the Decepticons transformed at someplace, a military base or something)! Hehe.. all at once, the memories of the 2D cartoon I grew up with started to come back to me :)

Even at the scene where Sam wanted to buy a car.. and somehow, I have a vague memory that in the cartoon, his name was Spike.. am I right? The yellow Camero at first didn't attract my attention until Sam went into the car and I saw a Bumblebee at the rear view mirror.. and hey presto! I remembered my favourite Autobot, Bumblebee.. though I'm really quite sure Bumblebee was a Yellow Beetle.. am I right here again, or what?

All in all, I enjoyed it though it was a bit hard to accept Optimus Prime explaining to Sam (I still think its Spike) that the Autobots learned English from the Wrold Wide Web haha.. I still remember their planet Cybertron and was delighted when Optimus Prime talked about it.. though it was a bit strange to see the Autobots NOT in their actual form (the same goes for the Decepticons actual, with Megatron not even resembling what I remembered him to be). Like Optimus Prime, he was still a kepala trailer but he had these flame designs on him instead of just being plain blue and red.. but at least he still maintains his same colour.

Then there was Jazz, the second in command for the Autobots whom I also liked because he always seemed to be ghe brain of the Autobots. I couldn't seem to find Starscream though, and I loved to hate him coz he was so poyo and always acting as Megatron's second man (though he actually really was huh?). And even Soundwave (I think it was Soundwave la..), I thought he was supposed to be quite big, but in the movie, he's just a small radio..

The other Transformers, I don't quite remember.. but it seemed to make me remember that once upon a time ago, I grew up with these robots hehe..

Good movie.. those from the 80s, you shouldn't really miss it, you know! :)

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Nothing Last Forever

Nothing Lasts Forever
-Maroon 5-

Its so easy to see
Dysfunction between you and me
We must free up these tired souls
Before the sadness kills us both

I tried and tried to let you know
I love you but I'm letting go
It may not last but I don't know
Just don't know

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you

With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

A bed that's warm with memories
Can heal us temporarily
The misbehaving only makes
The ditch between us so damn deep

Built a wall around my heart
I’ll never let it fall apart
But strangely I wish secretly
It would fall down while I'm asleep

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you, babe

With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

Tough we have not hit the ground
It doesn't mean we're not still falling,
Oh I want so bad to pick you up
But you're still too reluctant to accept my help
What a shame, I hope you find somewhere to place the blame
But until then the fact remains

With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes you so hard to stay
Nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Those were the days..

Ohhhh nooo.. Soraya! Look at what you've done..

Heheh, as usual, I was blog hopping when I came across Soraya's entry on our primary school years and instantly, though I tried not to, I was grinning like silly in no time..

God! I've even forgotten about some of those things :)

And yeah, I always associate those years with you, Adam and Alfy.. and I know, that only means standard 1 to standard 4 (wait a minute, all of us were still in the same class after streaming, right.. except Adam la, of course, who went 'missing' after that). Hmm, I guess during standard 5 and 6, I didn't actually enjoy it anymore as everyone in class was always competing with each other, having to live up to the supposedly high level of our class, huh?

Anyway.. wow! I really do miss you guys!!! :)

Soraya was my bestfriend during that time. Really bestfriends and the fact that our fathers worked in the same school didn't hurt. I remember the times we'd go to each other's houses with our families.. and Soraya, I remember Uncle Ahyaudin and Aunty Aini very much. Uncle Ahyaudin was very interested in everything our childish mind wanted to speak out. It was very easy to go and talk to him about anything. Sometimes when me and Iwan went to Abah's office after 'mengaji', being a bit bored looking at plants in Abah's lab, we'd go down to Uncle Ahyaudin's office to look at all those fishes instead.. and he was always there to answer EVERYTHING we asked him :)

Then there's her sister. You see, with us, its was 'your sibling is mine too'. With my siblings, we even had this name we used when playing games on the computer.. Ayayuwandi! Haha, thats 4 names in all.. Nway, Soraya's sister, Syuhada was always around. She's sorta the sister who kinda liked tagging along, but NOT in the irritating kinda way. She was very bubbly and cheerful, you can't help loving to have her around. She loved singing and we always asked her to sing this song she sang while waiting for her Daddy to come home.. "Tunggu Daddy tak balik², ayaq mata berlinang².." Hehe, cute, huh?

But that girl was VERY observant! No wonder she's halfway around the world studying. Its one trait I loved about her, but once, I wanted to shut her mouth because of it haha.. Sorry Syuhada! You see, usually on Saturdays after Ko-K, me, Soraya and Iwan would walk up to Soraya's house just up the hill in USM. We'd usually have a bite there before me and Iwan headed off to Abah's office. Syuhada would always be waiting at home.

Now, during this time, I was kinda 'growing' into a lady hehe.. Had these uninvited 'bulges' coming outta nowhere but at the appropriate place for 'ladies' that I really hated and tried my best to hide.. and Soraya, to tell you the truth, I hated you for not 'growing' as fast as I was haha.. Anyway, it was during one of these visits to Soraya's place that Syuhada suddenly exclaimed in her sing-song voice, "Kak Ayu dah ade ------! Dah jadi young lady daaahh" I felt my face grow hot and panicky, I quickly denied it, to which she, with her small finger, pointed out at them while saying, "Tuuuuuu!"

Then my dunce of a brother just HAD to agree with Syuhada and then tell her that Mama had started asking me to wear.. well, wear the approprite apparel for it and Syuhada was laughing happily that she was right. I wanted to strangle Iwan there and then!!! You guys talking as if I'm not there eh?

My God! Was I sooooooooo embarrassed.. at that exact time, I wished she wasn't THAT observant. I really wished the floor would swallow me up then. That was the only time I resented her chit-chat and really wished she'd stop talking hahah.. Thank God their parents weren't around (they were both working) but I avoided looking at Iwan's face for the whole time, even if he's my own brother haha..

But like I said, "Your sibling is my sibling!" I forgave her immediately (well, almost!!) but made sure I changed the topic whenever she started to tease me again.. that's Syuhada for you haha!

Besides, Adam and Alfy were actually the first ones to comment (yeahhh, and laugh and giggle and smirk at me) about it in class (when you weren't there to defend me, Soraya.. boo hoooo!) and I would've smacked them in the face if I wasn't so embarassed. Those guys, I'd get to a bit later in this entry, but because of their comments, I had built this pretend wall that I didn't care what people saw or say hahah.. thats why Syuhada got off the hook easily :p

I remember, the only time I was really separated from Soraya was when Uncle Ahyaudin did his sabatical in US. Gosh, it was the longest time of my life, having to be the only one to argue with Adam and Alfy everyday. I remember how suprised I was when she came back WITH LONG HAIR haha.. She seemed (as I recall la..) to always have short hair while I was the one with the long hair (which became the tool for the guys to torment me by pulling it everytime they got a chance). And too think that I had only cut my hair a few weeks prior to her return to Malaysia.. God, was I jealous hahah.. Regretted cutting my hair (even though I had been pleading with Abah to let me cut my hair before haha..).

She told me, in her class during her time there, she was the one with the most beautiful handwriting.. and its true. Well, yeah, compared to those kids, hers was THE most neat handwriting (I mean, no offence, but you should've seen their handwriting!) but also compared to us, she won hands down. I've always loved her handwriting :)

We did a lot of things together. Our parents didn't mind us spending time at each others house and we'd swap books everytime we bought new ones.. with Adam and Alfy who were also kinda bookworms, we were perfect as a group.. well, if you ignore the constant bickering among us haha..

Once, when we were in standard 3, we decided we wanted to wear the hijab to school. The funny thing is, both of us came to school without it, we had bought our hijabs in our school bags. Then, we went up to Cikgu Noerida and asked her if it was okay that we wanted to wear a hijab hahah.. God, when I think about it, Cikgu Noerida must've felt very amused by us, asking permission like that. When she gave her permission, we dashed of to the girls toilet to wear them.. but the novelty of the hijab wore off after a few weeks hahaha.. then Soraya was back to her cute-bob head and I was my usual pony-tailed girl!

Another thing I just remembered. One day, Soraya came up to me and said, "Ilah nak cakap mase rehat nanti!" and I was jumping with excitement. Well, it may seem normal but Ilah was special. You see, for the four years (we were in Standard 4 at that time) being in the same class with her, she NEVER spoke. Even if asked to read aloud, her voice was soooooo soft, you had to really strain to hear her. Cikgu Noerida even called her 'suara emas', saying that gold would come outta her mouth if she spoke so thats why she was quiet.

I dunno how Soraya did it but her power of persuassion must be at the upmost level. She managed to persuade Ilah to talk to us. So that recess found us following Ilah to the toilet where I first heard Ilah talking more than I've ever heard her talk in those four years (and was a bit disappointed seeing no gold coming outta her mouth hehe..)

We kind drifted off after entering different secondary schools but imagine my surprise when one day, Baizurah (who had moved to St Georges after form 3) called me and asked me if I knew 'Mickey'? I was like, bile mase saya ade kawan name Mickey? But when Baizurah said 'Soraya', I had this sudden grin on my face, realizing that this world is kinda small after all :)

Then there was Adam, Cikgu Noerida's dear little sweet heart *note the spiteful tone here*! I guess me and Soraya had this love-hate relationship with him. We loved being friends with him, I mean, he had this great big unimaginable collection of books and when it suited him, he'd just hand it out to us to read. Besides, our desks were always near each other in class and we were all in Kumpulan A. And we loved talking and all that..


He can be a real tyrant when he wants to.. and God know how many times I hated him for it! For one, he was ALWAYS class monitor. I used to complain why we didn't choose anyone else but I guess at that time I didn't realize he was actually the ONLY one in class who LOOKED like a class monitor. Ohh, the times he abused his position.. I still remember, once he had put these dead leeches in Soraya's bag thinking it was a great prank. I don't really remember what we did to him for this feat but boy! was he mad. Know what he did?

The next time Cikgu Noerida had to go outta the class, he had his revenge. One of his duties was to write down the names of student who were noisy on the blackboard. Once Cikgu Noerida was outta sight, he promptly wrote my name and Soraya's name, much to our bewilderment. When we asked him what did we do, he simply answered that he hated us. We tried erasing our names but he wrote it down twice after that and as a result, me and Soraya were rapped on our knuckles (I'm sure most of you remember how painful THAT was!) twice!

Then there was another time when the whole class was late after music lessons in another part of the school. Usually if we were late, most of us took a short cut across this small patch of grass (where there was this 'Dilarang memijak rumput' sign), him included. However, this one time he was being just plain 'poyo' and didn't cut across the grass but me and Soraya did. Within minutes, we were summoned to the 'Penyelia Petang's office, Cikgu Asiah, who was known to be very garang asking why we did it. I was so mad at Adam at that time. He did that just because we chose to ignore him after he had played a prank on us and, as he admitted to me a few years ago, he hated it when we ignored him hahah..

The second reason I hated him was because Cikgu Noerida always seemed to favour him, and she was our class teacher for three years. To this, Adam always boasts to us which just made us roll our eyes. You see, Cikgu Noerida had actually taught ALL his brothers previously, I guess thats why she had a soft spot for him. But hey, his brothers were really handsome to my childish eyes back then haha.. Still, to me, it wasn't a reason for him to be the favourite.. yea yeahhh, poor jealous me eh hehe..

But there were times he was quite a dear. There was one time I lost my stamp collection with these stamps I really loved. I had bought them to school to trade with him and he was being his usual annoying self, only wanting to trade with me if I traded 3 of my stamps with one of his. After successfully trading with him however, I lost these stamps and was ready to cry (was a crybaby already then hehe..) Know what he did: he gave me a few of his rare stamps, just to cheer me up.

Then sometimes, whenever he gets a new book, he'd bring it just for me and Soraya :) So you see how we could hate him one second and love him the next? Though admittedly, his teasings were unbearable and he wouldn't stop until he saw me on the verge of crying and was always putting DEAD THINGS in Soraya's bag (though I DO wonder why he seldom did that to me? I guess cause Soraya was tease-proof hehe..)

Thats why, Soraya, I could never understand Sentot when she wanted Adam's number haha.. Sorry Baizurah, but thats the truth! You didn't grow up with him haha..

After standard 4, Adam followed his parents or brother (I'm not sure which) to New Zealand or somewhere and only came to school for a couple of weeks each year. By then, I had started to be terrified of boys so when Adam came, I avoided talking with him that much (yeah I know, pretty stupid, huh?) But I remember during form 3 when Sentot first had her eyes upon him and insisted on wanting his phone number.. oh God, I'm having a laughing fit remembering Sentot and Adam. For those who don't know the story, you can click here (sowii Baizurah, couldn't help sharing it heheh..)

Adam sure was mad at me, saying I was stuck up.. All high and mighty for ignoring him even then.. when in reality, I was still terrified of boys. I heard that he even gave out some 'colourful' words haha.. but he denied it when I had a chat with him a couple of years ago.

We found each other in cyberspace actually. By that time, he was already married and was sharing pictures of his daughters. I was touched to realize he remembered me and Soraya very clearly and when he said that those years meant the most to him. He even admitted he was afraid of leaving behind his friends and that was why he was so unbearable especially before he started drifting away. In his own words, he told me he just wanted our attention so we won't forget him.. yeah Soraya, I guess behind that devil, he actually is really sweet. I can't believe he remembered all those things :)

But my, has he changed! He's grown very lanky and his face has changed quite a bit, but the gleam in his eyes are still the same. He's quite pious (is that the word?) and very, very different from the schoolboy who must've worn half a bottle of Code 10 in his hair during school, but its a good change.. I'm glad we talked. I got the chance to apologize to him, though he was right when he insisted that I was wrong to be afraid of him and should've tried to contact him as we were one close knit group once.. glad he accepted my apology and I hope this friendship won't end.. though as Soraya says, he's not here any more. Migrated, huh Adam Shah Abd Majid (see, I DO remember your name!!!)

The last one is Alfy. He came a bit late, in standard 2 or standard 3, I think. When he first came, everyone thought he was 'anak orang putih'.. just because his name was Alfy Merican haha.. and I guess coz he was quite fair too. And the fact that he obtained the highest english marks for our first quiz, surpassing me, Soraya and Adam who were the usual high-achievers in this subject, helped making us feel he really was from the US.

He wasn't quite a book worm, I think but I guess he just picked up the habit hanging around us and before long, he became one of us. So by then, we were even. I had Soraya and Adam had Alfy who also picked up Adam's habit of tormenting us, though he was a bit merciful. He was more like Adam's personal cheerleader.

Adam loved to tease me with Alfy but I knew better. Hahah, I was the only one Alfy told about his girlfriend.. yeah, in lower primary and already keeping a passport picture of this girl in his wallet haha! He used to repeatedly tell me, "Besaq nanti saya nak kawen ngan Huzeima" and his solemn expression made me believe him so much eventhough at the back of my head, I was confused on how he was supposedly in love while the rest of us were busy arguing with each other with girls thinking that all boys stink, and boys thinking all girls had cooties.. and btw, I got to know Huzeima during matriks and she laughed at how they traded pictures back then. She's a really nice girl and just recently married a mutual friend from KMK too..

Alfy became sorta a hero in Iwan's eyes when he helped Iwan after another classmate of mine (Shafie or something la that boys name) threw a stone at Iwan's head and for a while I kept hearing 'Alfy this' and 'Alfy that' from Iwan. It didn't help that Alfy's house was near mine so they usually met with each other during Jumaat prayers.. and yeah, another round of 'Alfy this' and 'Alfy that' hehe..

But as with Soraya, we kinda drifted off after entering secondary school. Sometimes I'd see him at Sunshine while I was shopping for groceries with my family and he was always with Wan, his cousin who was also a classmate but by then I just exchanged waves with him. Like I said, I was terrified of boys so whenever I saw him coming for a chat, I'd just wave and run off haha..

During form 4, when I no longer stayed in the hostel, I'd sometimes see him waiting for the bus and sometimes, when he'd notice me on the bus, we'd exchange smiles and waves but that was just it. We finally talked during our reunion, but with me more talking to the floor than to anyone around me (Thank God there was Soraya whom I sorta clung on to, coz I was even shy with the girls in my class too :D)

Haha.. and for Soraya. He never did call me back then. My friends had told me he'd been asking about me and had been asking around for my number from most of them after that, and even Wan teased us during the second reunion a few days later BUT, he never called me. And since its been nearly 10 years now, I hearby admit that I WAS waiting for him to call *My God, I can't be blushing now, can I?*

I mean, everytime the phone was for me, I was kinda hoping it was him hahah.. but it was always either Azral or Khairil (yeah, and while talking to them, I kept thinking if only this was him haha..), whom by the way are now both married and with a daughter each (No la, they didn't marry each other laaaaaa.. mane nak dpt anak camtu :p) And ironically, Alfy is also in the same league as them :)

He finally DID call me though, but that was 2 years ago. As with Adam, we stumbled upon each other in cyberspace, in the fotopages if I'm not mistaken. By then, I was no longer feeling butterflies in my tummy at the sound of him but I really was tempted on teasing him and asking him where was he when I waited for that call. But thinking on how much it might feed to his ego, I decided to skip it.

He was still the same as he was, nothing had changed much. He told me he had a girlfriend (whom he later married) and asked about me (who was still heartbroken over IM..). We swapped stories about the time we were small but I guess he just couldn't resist calling me 'the untouchable AlMashoor girl'. I laughed out loud when he said I was this 'gadis sopan', knowing if he see's me now, he might be surprised.. and yes, he also remembered Adam and Soraya and he echoed Adam with the sentiments of those years being among the favourite part of his life..

Still Soraya, I wanted to tell you right there and then that the call finally came.. but I guess a bit of the 'gadis sopan' was still in there so I decided to keep it to myself.. but yes, I really laughed out loud when he called and he must've wondered WHY I was laughing.. but I was smiling for days after that hehe..

So there.. these were the three earliest true friends I had in my life. The kinda friendship where you're not worried to leave for a while, cause you know you'd be picking up right where you left it. Sometimes, I wonder how did I find these great people to grow up with and how the friendship is still there, just as it was and almost not changed a bit? But then I realize, I guess I am blessed.. :)

Aiyak.. panjang nye!!!!

Monday, June 18, 2007

Red River Valley

I had been reading this book of mine, The Green Mile by Stephen King. Its one of my favourite books and I've been rereading it over and over again :)

Anyway, there was this part near the end where John Coffey was about to be executed and the prison guard, Paul Edgecombe was thinking of this song.. From the valley they say you are going.. we will miss your bright eyes and sweet smile.. It only had those two lines but I found myself humming to this song.

This song was either sung during school whenever someone was moving or it was a scouts song (I'm thinking more of the latter now). If its a scouts song, must be Iwan or Adi who taught me this song and really loved it, so sing the tune just seemed to stay in my head, I decided to recheck the two verses I was familiar with but imagine my surprise when it actually had a lot more than only two stanza.

Anyway, checked with wikipedia and found a quite interesting explanation of the song so I'll share the URL here -->

Well, as for the lyrics, I found that there were a few versions as given here below..

Check it out!!


Red River Valley (vers 1)
arranged and adapted by Arlo Guthrie

From this valley they say you are going
We will miss your bright eyes and sweet smile
For they say you are taking the sunshine
That has brightened our pathways awhile

Come and sit by my side, if you love me
Do not hasten to bid me adieu
Just remember the Red River Valley
And the cowboy who loved you so true

I've been thinking a long time, my darling
Of the sweet words you never would say
Now, alas, must my fond hopes all vanish
For they say you are gong away

Do you think of the valley you're leaving
O how lonely and how dreary it will be
And do you think of the kind hearts you're breaking
And the pain you are causing to me


They will bury me where you have wandered
Near the hills where the daffodils grow
When you're gone from the Red River Valley
For I can't live without you I know



(vers 2) (source)

From this valley they say you are going
We will miss your bright eyes and sweet smile
For they say you are taking the sunshine
That has brightened our path for a while

Come and sit by my side if you love me
Do not hasten to bid me adieu
But remember the Red River Valley
And the cowboy who loved you so true

Won't you think of the valley you're leaving
Oh how lonely, how sad it will be?
Oh think of the fond heart you're breaking
And the grief you are causing to me

As you go to your home by the ocean
May you never forget those sweet hours
That we spent in the Red River Valley
And the love we exchanged mid the flowers


(vers 3) (source) longer one I think :)

From this valley they say you are going,
I will miss your sweet face and sweet smile,
Just because you are weary and tired,
You are changing your range for a while.

Then come sit here a while 'ere you leave me,
Do not hasten to bid me adieu
But remember the Red River Valley
And the girl that has loved you so true.

I've been thinking a long time, my darling,
Of the sweet words you never would say,
Now alas, must my fond hopes all vanish?
For they say you are going away.

When you think of the valley you're leaving
Oh how lonely and drear it it would be,
When think of the fond heart you're breaking
And the pain you are causing to me.

From this valley they say you are going;
When you go, may your darling go too?
Would you leave her behind unprotected
When she loves no other but you?

I have promised you darling that never,
Shall the words from my lips cause you pain;
And my life is still your's forever,
If you only will love me again.

Must the past with it's joys be blighted
By the future of sorrow and pain,
And the vows that were spoken be slighted?
Don't you think, you can love me again?

As you go to your home by the ocean
May you never forget those sweet hours
That we spent in the Red River Valley
And the love we exchanged 'mid the flowers

There never could be such a longing
In the heart of a poor maiden's breast,
That dwells in the heart you are breaking
As I wait in my home in the West.

And the dark maiden's prayer for her lover
To the Spirit that rules the world:
May his pathway be ever in sunshine,
Is the prayer of the Red River girl.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Is this really my pc?


"Here By Me"

I hope you’re doing fine out there without me
‘Cause I’m not doing so good without you
The things I thought you’d never know about me
Were the things I guess you always understood
So how could I have been so blind for all these years?
Guess I only see the truth through all this fear,
And living without you…

And everything I have in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

I can’t take another day without you
‘Cause baby, I could never make it on my own
I’ve been waiting so long, just to hold you
And to be back in your arms where I belong
Sorry I can’t always find the words to say
But everything I’ve ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love…

And everything I have in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

As the days grow long I see
That time is standing still for me
When you’re not here
Sorry I can’t always find the words to say
Everything I’ve ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love

And everything I have in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

And everything I have in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

Ok, thats the lyrics I promised a few days ago.. lovely lyrics huh? Didn't even know I had this song in my pc hahah.. but its the song I'm currently repeating (yeah, and everyone else has already stopped listening to it 5 years ago hahah!). I'm thinking of making Izati listen to this song, she hates it when I do it coz she'll end up liking the song :D

Back to the intended entry..

Hmm.. like I said in an entry a few days ago, I've been organizing the files in this borrowed pc. The pc I was actually using years ago is still in 'my room' upstairs and I think I haven't even touched it for a year and a half now. THAT pc, I've already cleared all my files and whatsoever that I've been storing in there, mostly my MP3 collection and files on my data analysis.

This pc however was supposed to be Erwan's UNTIL he decided he didn't wanna use the postgraduate room and wanted to return the pc to Hasrul (the RO in charge of 'harta projek'). Since I had already decided to use the postgraduate room, my chair in my cube doesn't have my butt print hahah but at least I managed to 'lend' it a couple of friends who were 'cubeless' then (Pojie and kak Maria ONLY, I think!), and imagining the burden of having to lug around my upstairs pc down here, I decided to swap pcs with him, thus, the reason I've been using this pc for almost two years now.

Anyway, imagine 2 years worth of junk!!! Heheh.. Ok la, I DO have my thesis (or rather, the chronicles of my thesis-YES! I keep ALL drafts of it!) and the rest of my analysis files in here, but I also have a few 'rubbish' in here too.. Rubbish here would mean MP3s (what else?), thousands of pictures, games installers, flash files, media files, Word files with quotes collected through the years that I haven't managed to put in my quotes blog, inspritional stories I also collect and yeah! Wow, the list is actually endless.. :D

Well, going through all of these, deleting files that need to be deleted but mostly copying them in cds (Hey! I need all those files hehe..), I realize that aside from procrastinating when it comes to my thesis (which I still can't believe I finished haha..) and pretending my world revolves around the games, things actually DO happen in my life.

Take the inundated collection of picture I have! I mean, wow! I actually did have a life aside from my thesis, huh? Hehe.. and I actually SMILED at the camera too on some of these photos! Yeah, people who know how I hate taking pictures might be suprised, just as much as I was. Usually I'm the one to offer myself as the unoffical photographer, but I realize that in some of these collections, especially the recent ones, I'm actually IN the picture.. and even looking at the camera instead of pretending the camera is not right in front of me.

I mean, ok, from the pictures, of course la its apparent. I can see the smaller version of myself a few years ago (haha, VERY long time ago, me thinks!) then the ballooned up version.. then, I believe, a bit smaller one of me, though not la like a few years ago.. thats like wishful thinking! C'mon la Baizurah, you guys keep saying it so maybe la my mind is making me see it in recent pictures haha (Sapa suh cakap camtu kat saya aritu? Hehe..)..

Oppss, that wasn't was I planned to talk about hehe.. Anyway, from the pictures, I see that some of the time, I really did have a great time hahah.. Birthdays, kenduri s, school activities, our own personal activities, graduations.. I caught myself smiling while going through those as I relieved the memory from each and every photo, and suddenly I realize how much I'm gonna miss all of these :'( Even our room now is quite quiet, gone are the voices and laughter I used to hear every single day..

Errkkk, now how did I get so teary-eyed suddenly hahah? We're totally off the topic now with the sentimental me coming out here :D

Well, going on to the other files, gosh! I DO have a lot of games installers.. the ones I collected during my procrastinating period! And I also realize that eversince I really sat down for my writing, I haven't even got around to downloading recently released games.. but still, there are hundreds of games in here haha..

Then talk about my MP3s!!! Haha, I don't usually go out to find current songs, I'm usually content with the MP3s I get from the cds sold in Parit Buntar. But then again, some close friends usually like to send me songs they are currently listening to (I think the song above was one of them). Like 'Hanging by a Moment'. I really love this song when I heard it on the radio and I was trying to find the MP3 but believe it or not, I didn't know the title even if I've been listening to it for years. More than a year ago, I think it was Pojie who sent me this song but it was left in its folder as I didn't update it in my playlist.. that was until Baizurah wrote about this song in her blog so I told her I think I have it in my pc. Imagine my suprise when I FINALLY realized the song I've been searching for so long was actually sitting quietly in my pc? Hahah..

Another thing is about the file sharing these kids are doing. I didn't know about it until Pojie taught me how to retrieve them and believe me, after that, I've been quite a frequent visitor hehe.. that explains the other songs in my pc here.

The other files, I don't think I have time to write it down here.. but well, as the title, I can't really believe this is my pc, with so much junk.. and a bit disorganized especially in the pictures and MP3 department where its cluttered everywhere!! And the real reason I wanted to organize this pc was because I wanted to copy ALL personal files into cds and 'arrange' some files for a friend too and copy then give it to him..

I thought it'll be a one-day affair.. now I don't really think so hehe..

Monday, June 11, 2007

Ohhhh.. tidaaaaaakkk!!!

Hahaha.. I suddenly see this sign looming in front of me when I think of the prospect of working at KUKUM a.k.a UNiMAP..

2 reasons..

1. Though I'd be able to pursue my PhD supposedly anywhere I want to, and this year too, I'm supposed to switch my majoring into environmental engineering (You mean MORE chemistry??? No way, jose!)

2. Abah just started his 'professorship' (if that word exists la..) over there today.. yeah! Of ALL places..

Just don't think I'm THAT suicidal yet!

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Random musings..

"..On my knees, I'll ask, last chance for one last dance, 'cause with you, I'd withstand all of hell to hold your hand.. I'd give it all, I'd give for us, give anything but I won't give up, 'cause you know, you know, you knoooow.."

Haha.. just as I was coming to school just now, I had switched on the radio lah as usual and this song was on air.. ape lagi, its one of my favourite songs hehe.. Nway, if Izati was with me, mesti lawan nyanyi ngan dia :D Nice song..

Anyway, there are lots of things I'd wanna talk about but not here kot.. life has a way of giving you little surprises every now and then and as the mere 'hamba Allah', we just have to bear it all la kot, I guess. Its just a bit funny, how something so simple and fun could turn out to be so complicated and in a way, regretful la kot.. Complicating simple matters, huh? Well, thats life, I guess..

*I'm not making sense, am I? Hahah..*

Anyway, I'd love to write about my first trip to Langkawi, but only time would tell if I'd like writing bout it.. somehow, something's missing.. We'll see, if I could just put my finger to it, I might just write about it..

Btw, last night I was reading one of my Stephen King books and I came across this. Just thought it was a good idea to share it with you guys..

The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because word diminish them-words shrink things that seem limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But its more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie to close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within, not for the want of a teller but for the want of an understanding ear..

Beautiful, ain't it?


Anyway, back from Langkawi, Ajha wanted to go catch the Pirates.. well, that WAS the initial plan but in the last minute, we went to see Shrek. Had a good laugh, I love ALL Shrek movies.. but somehow, there was a bit of sorrow inside me. Couldn't stop a few tears that sorta forced itself out.. *sigh* Wonder when I'd get over it?

Still, I DID enjoy myself coz the movie was great though.. short! I mean, one hour and a half only and I heard Pirates was around three hours.

Anyway, looky at what I got hahah.. Ajha banjer kak Ayu dia :)

Thanx Ajha :) :) :)


Death is not the greatest loss in life, the greatest loss is what dies inside of us while we live..

I got this quote from Bart's YM status. Aduhai Bart, awat sume org sedey ni? Don't be like that.. nanti saya lagi sedey :'(

I guess, there's a point in life where you realize a lot of things have actually died inside of you. Childhood innocence is one of them, where you always knew a heartache could be cured with a trip to McDs or a simple ice-cream cone. No wonder most people wish they were still children, huh?

And still, sometimes, what you see are the things that have died inside the people around us. Things that once made them unique and special are suddenly torn away by an invisible force you didn't know was hovering around. Unsurprisingly and unfortunately, it hurts you too, doesn't it?


I feel it's an interesting human condition to look at, because I myself have never been able to understand how, sometimes, something as beautiful as Love can threaten to end something else that's just as beautiful - Friendship.

-quoted: Yasmin Ahmad-

Something's wrong with me. I dunno if its due to being tense or stressed out or whatever it is they say in the books but my period came early, could you believe it?, around 10 DAYS?!? I mean, one or two days, I can understand.. but NOT TEN! I mean, c'mon..

I know I should see a doctor but I guess for a while, I'm just gonna accept the 'stressed out' excuse for this early period.. at least its not late, huh? Hahaha.. now that'll freak out Mama and Abah hahaha.. Heck, it'll freak even ME out!!!
Evil, huh?
Hey! Nearly forgot to add. I've been 'clearing' out this borrowed pc, copying important (read: MP3s, tv series haha.. and, oh yeah, my thesis heheh!) and I found this not-quite-old-but-still-old song that I suddenly find as a quite nice song. I'm gonna find the lyrics first ok before I share it with you guys ;)