Sunday, November 27, 2005

Am I lucky.. or do the odds just favour me?

"Ayu ni selalu menang benda² macam ni.."

Thats what kak Kathy said to me when I told her of my lucky sms to Mix FM. Yup, I won a CD for their free CD weekend AND got the chance to talk to my favourite deejay. Truth is, sometimes I DO feel lucky.. but like right now, when I'm sitting down pondering about it, I guess I'm not really lucky at all, its all in the math :-)

Confession: I'm a quiz buff. Not the school-science-quiz type of quiz, but the freebie quiz you can find everywhere now, in the newspapers, in the radio, in magazines, from the internet. This craze started in form 3 when Abah started subscribing to the NST, Mingguan Malaysia and Sunday Mail for our Sundays (hari biase, NST je..). Sunday Mail was always having these quizes and one day I thought I should try it out. I still remember, it was the Free Willy 2 contest and imagine my suprise when I won two movie passes and limited edition stickers. After that, I was hooked!

There was no stopping me. Every Monday (sometime even on Sunday nights), you could find me huddled in a corner answering the two simple questions while racking my brains for the slogan. Stamps and postcards were aplenty during that period as I was sending quizes every week. My second prize was a Dragon Heart t-shirt and two movie passes and this just became the incentive for me to send more and more.

My family, understanding my obsesssion with these type of quizes would sometime put aside the pages for me. Somehow, they were also excited whenever a parcel was delivered to our home knowing that 90% of the time, it would be for me.

Haha.. I remember in form 5 when I was the president of the English Society. One of my responsibilities was to distribute Youth Quake to the students. Somehow, I had won this Spice girl contest in there and the next thing I knew, these girls were buzzing about me winning the contest. I totally forgot that they'd print the name of the winners in the page and maybe it was just me, or maybe its true that some teachers glared at me for weeks haha.. setting a bad example to my peer, I guess..

To date, I've won movies passes, movie posters, stickers, t-shirts, CDs (Romance 2, Spice Girls, Spice Up Your Life single, Bodyshakin' 911 single, NKOTB Greatest hits etc..) , cassettes (though I never even listened to them), a Peter Pan nightgown (which I gave to Pian for his niece), perfume sprays and even books (though I don't understand why I won the Brad and Jen book since I didn't put much effort anyway.. come to think about it, I only win those which I don't really think hard at). The list is endless :-)

So why do I say its all in the math?

Well, come to think of it, its not really luck. You see, like I said earlier, I'm this quiz buff so I send in any entry I come across. Its no wonder that I win a lot, I mean, if I participate in a lot of these quizes, for sure I should win at least one, right! Lets say the odds to winning are 1 to 10. This just means that if I send one entry per week, I might win at least 5 prizes per year (and let me assure you, I win MORE than 5 prizes per year haha.. not being a show off here, just giving out the statistics :-p)

I mean, some people send in ONE quiz, and they expect to win it but if they don't, they just give up and stop. How could you win anything if you don't keep trying? Like me, I've had my fair share of losses. In fact, most of the quizes I REALLY want to win are the ones that I don't get anything but hey, I don't care, they're free stuff anyway so if I don't win 'em, its not as if I lost anything.. right!

Hehe.. anyway, to those who think its a stroke of luck, think again! Remember the odds in it and keep trying, one day, you'll win something.. I promise!

Friday, November 18, 2005

The Klutzy One

Confession Time: I'm clumsy!

Really clumsy!

Extremely clumsy!

No wonder more than 1 person (I'm not revealing the actual number) has called me that hehe.. IM especially enjoys reliving my Hall of Fame clumsy moments (Okay, I won't talk about him anymore, Sentot!)

Not that I'm proud of it, but sometimes its my clumsiness that make people realize I'm really this normal girl who'd like to make friends, thank you very much, instead of the seemingly snobbish exterior I might display to people I've just met. I guess, my problem is I've got this 'unfriendly' face, perharps, that sometimes makes people think I don't like people hahah.. But when I do something clumsy, and my usual facade is replaced by this red-faced girl, giggling while trying to hide her embarassment, that people seem to warm up to me after that.. like I said, I'm not proud of it, but I'm not actually hating it too :-)

On more that a hundred occasions, I've mis-sent (ade ke perkataan nih?) emails and sms to other people, that now my friends have grown so accustomed to it, they don't tease me about it anymore.. well, a few DO keep tab of how many emails or sms are mistakenly sent to them so when I meet them, they'd present me with the statistics of my clumsiness.

Thats without mentioning the walk-into-a-pole incidents, the tripping-over-everything, forgetting to unlock my car before opening the car boot that will set the alarm off while I try to figure out how to shut the noise down.. but no, I've never worn different sets of footwear though once I wore my selipar buruk to work and only realized it once I entered the building.. really Ayu, you're quite a mess!

And now, since I'm the only one using room 3.27, this bad trait of mine seems to have gone up a few notches (okay, it might just mean that I just couldn't care less about the cluttered state of the room.. more like a store if you ask me!). I'd leave my keys all over the small room but STILL I'd have a hard time finding them. The key manufacturers should supply a phone number for the keys so in case of losing it, we could just try to call it to locate them (just like what happens whenever we misplace our mobiles)!

Somehow, yesterday I lost my car keys again. Unfortunately for me, EVERYONE had gone home by the time I realized it was missing. Knowing how forgetful and unreliable I am in the where-did-I-put-my-things department, I must've turned the room upside down, searching every nook and cranny for my dear keys. For the last resort, I tried calling kak Sue and Zul to inquire wether they had seen my keys since kak Sue was in my room and Zul loves to hide my things. Kak Sue didn't know about it while Zul's phone was being repaired so I was already at my ends when I remembered kak Shima.

Calling kak Shima, she asked where my spare keys were and I confidently told her they were at home so she promised to go fetch me and we'd go get my spare key but I should've known the silly me better. My spare keys were really IN my car since I had bought them along to replace the battery so once again I had to call kak Shima to ask if she knew anyone who could somehow 'break' into my car and she was already thinking of asking Lekuk. I also asked Erwan who couldn't quite think of anyone and I called Pojie, in case his friends knew how to do it! In short, I could've 'kacau' the whole town of Parit Buntar, just because of my keys..

Then outta no where, Hasrul called. I was a bit suprised since his motto is 'Working is for office hours' (Tipu la.. tapi betul la, dia biasa tak kacau time bukan office hours and klau ye pun, memang for work purposes). I was starting to think,"Kerja apa lagi la dia nak ni?" when he asked me if I had gone home. Considering the situation I was in, I found it a bit odd until he confessed of hiding my keys and forgetting to return it.

I could have been mad, I could've screamed.. instead I gave a great big laugh of relief and demanded he send my keys immediately. After getting off the phone ONLY did I realized what a havoc I have created over nothing and I was instantly ashamed.. Haha, buat malu je!

Anyway, I got my keys back, and had to spend a considerable time explaining the situation to everyone. Still, I got the last laugh seeing how guilty Hasrul looked like (Dia mana penah rasa bersalah, toi dak Paijah!)

So I vow to be more careful now.. err, jom tengok berapa lama azam ni bertahan!!! :-)

Wednesday, November 16, 2005


I was ironing my checkered shirt this morning. Its already worn out, a result of too much wear and tear during my undergraduate studies but that just makes it more comfy and since I wasn't expected to see Dr Wan today, I thought I'd one again adopt the laid back appearance this well-worn shirt gave me.

As usual, whenever I come across momentos of my past, my mind would surely go back to those times and suddenly, something a friend once said to me popped up into my mind.

Our relation nie macam tangki air yg pada mulanya penuh ngan air. Then suddenly, tangki air tu bocor sket. Air mula keluar sikit2. Pada mula nya orang tak berapa perasan tangki tu bocor sebab air yg masuk dlm tangki tu still flowing and paras air tinggi lagi. Pastu tiba2 air yg masuk tu tiba2 plak stop. So, air dlm tu makin lama makin kurang. Then dah lama sangat takde air yg mengalir masuk,baru la nampak sangat tangki air tu bocor sebab paras air dia dah rendah sangat or maybe dah takde langsung. Tangki yg bocor tu macam relation kite nie la. Itu je contoh yg saya bleh bagi untuk awak paham. I hope that the tank still have water inside it.

Ok.. I admit, this came from the IM! And yeah, he has a point.

I was pondering on the metaphor, and well, I dunno.. I guess it got me thinking! Yup, sent me going down memory lane once again and trying to understand everything that has happened.

I remember telling IM that maybe someone had tried to repair the water tank here but somehow, she used the wrong materials that might have not worked or even made the tank 'corrode' much worse (Hahah.. this is what you get when Civil Eng, Mechanical Eng, Material Eng and Chemical Eng are all thrown in together in one campus.. okay, I'm not leaving out Electrical and Elecktronic as well as Aerospace.. kecik ati plak kang haha..) Well, what if that happens, what is there to do? Especially if the 'expert' doesn't help in matters and chooses to be quiet about it without offering any advice on the Science of Water Tanks, eventhough help was inquired?

I dunno.. I guess, no matter how much I ponder upon this, I'll never really get the answer. Its not that I've never tried, in fact, I've tried to the point of feeling stupid hahah..

The best I can do now is to make sure lightning doesn't strike twice.. pisang tak berbuah dua kali..

Wish me luck!

Friday, November 11, 2005

Okay.. that does it

I woke up this morning to the sound of my phone beeping, indicating I had a new message. Thinking it was my junior Salimin who usually sends me sms during this time of the morning (mentang² la Sabah Sarawak punya masa awal lagi..), I just ignored the sms. But when my phone beeped another 5 times, deja vu suddenly came over me..

I was right! I got another message(s) from THE WIFE.. for crying out loud! This is certainly NOT a good beginning to my Friday here and this time she really succeeded in raising my temper to a dangerous level. I tried to sleep it off, c'mon la, I still had half an hour of sleep before my alarm goes off, but the thought of the insults and degrading kept popping up in my head that I woke up and FINALLY replied to the accusions thrown at me!

Well, she sort'a forced me to say all those things, so thats what I did. Nak sangat kan.. haaa, amik!!! Nak kata kat orang tu, selidik dulu boleh tak, ni aci redah je.. ingat saya ni ape? I told her, just because I kept my mouth shut, it doesn't mean I'm admitting to what she accused me of so since she asked for it, she got what she wanted all along!

I'm not going to write down exactly what I told her, its enough to say that tomorrow I'd be so ashamed of myself for acting so emotional, but for today, I think she needs a taste of her own medicine! Lain kali kalau orang dah senyap tu, sudah² la tu, bukan maknanya orang membenarkan semua tuduhan tu, cuma malas nak panjangkan cerita. For God's sake, grow up la, woman!

I also made up my mind to go and have a 'talk' with her husband, the RA but haha, I guess she must've told her husband about my sudden outburst (didn't expect it did ya?) that her husband suddenly called in sick this morning. Penat je karang ayat pagi tadi but thats okay, I still have Monday!

NO ONE is going to keep degrading me like this AND get away with it, okay!

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Usaha Tangga Kejayaan

Hahah.. cam ape je tajuk die!

Anyway, what brings us to this topic..? :-)

Haha.. lets start with this morning. I've been sick of staring at my thesis for the past weeks so since Izati is here, I asked her if she wanted to go to her old school to get her PMR certificate. Truth is, I just wanted an excuse to go somewhere else than USM. Another reason is, yesterday, while reading the newspaper, a McDonald's pull out fell from the newspaper I was reading. Hmm.. I really wonder why is it that whenever I religiously go to McD, there are no interesting toys on offer but when I don't go for just a fortnight, there'd be new items that I'd sure love to have (Ni umoq berapa ni sebenaqnya ni?) In this case, it was the Chicken Little soft toy and when I noticed that the offer had started a week ago, I was already jumpy on going to go grab one before it is sold out!

We went to Izzti's school early on, konon takut Chicken Little tu abis la kan but when we entered the school office, I noticed the new headmistress (on a picture on the organisation chart) of her old school who really seemed familiar. Without my glasses on, I had to really stare at the name until it came into focus and BINGO! It was Cikgu Nab (ref:Happy Teacher's Day.. May blog entry). Sadly, she was on-leave so I spent a few minutes writing a note to her, passing it through the administrative staff who were on duty.

Well, on with my quest. The first stop was the McDonalds in Sungai Dua. As I entered, I noticed that there was no Chicken Little promotion banner so Izati went to ask the cashier about it. Disappointed to learn that they had just given out the last one a few days ago (A FEW DAYS AGO.. imagine that! Cepatnye habis!!), we went back to my car to go find another McD haha.. I was already not feeling as if I'd even manage to get it!

The next stop was at Megamall. My housemates and I had planned on seeing Chicken Little anyway so I went to buy the tickets AND choose the best seats. C'mon la, its the school holiday so only the early bird catches the worm. Lambat sikit, confirm dapat seat tak bes! Then we went to the McD on the 1st floor just to discover that they too, have run out of stock.

Remembering that we had another McD at Juru AutoCity, I dragged Izati over there, dengan perut lapar semua tu la telling her, usaha tangga kejayaan, but only to learn that the usually slow-to-go-out-of-stock McD here also didn't have any Chicken Little anymore. We went in line anyway, since I was already hungry and was ready to admit defeat. But then, inspiration struck (cehh.. poyo jek..). I suddenly remembered the drive-thru at Sunway so once again, I dragged a hungry Izati over there. She was already laughing at me by this time, but did I care? Haha..

This time I promised her, no matter what, we'd have our lunch there. Even MY tummy was singing to the NumaNuma song. And hey, wonders of wonders, they still HAD the soft toys over there.. yeay! So we went home feeling very content.. and full too!

See, betoi la cikgu suka cakap dulu --> Usaha tangga kejayaan! :-)

Monday, November 07, 2005

Lets talk about raya..

It's the 5th day of Syawal now.. which means its been 5 days since we celebrated Eid UlFitri..

Hmmm.. kinda hard to categorize my raya this year. Lets see..

This is the first year where Eid is celebrated without both my maternal grandparents. Pah passed away when I was in form 5 but Tok (Hassan) left us right after Aidilfitri last year. Usually, he would be the one most excited about Eid but this year it seems like something is missing.

However, I was suprised to learn that not one of Mama's siblings were coming home for this first raya. Okay, I know, no one could force them but c'mon la, give some logical excuses boleh tak? I mean, all of us are not stupid to just take all those lame reasons you call excuses. It feels as if, with Tok now gone, this family too seems like disappearing in to thin air :'(

Not to mention that now I'm busy with my writing up and all that! Man, I hate my thesis! I've hated doing my masters anyway.. The whole Ramadhan has been filled up with staring at the dissertation and I'm quite sick of it though I really want to submit ASAP. Somethime, I feel as if I don't know anything and I hate feeling stupid. Writing up is a true eye opener here *sigh* So truth is, I wasn't really looking forward to raya in the first place :(

Then there's the question of Abah's relatives. Eversince Abah and Mama seperated, its as if we ourselves have detached ourselves from them. I mean, it was Abah who discreetly got remarried so why are we as if trying to distant ourselves from our relatives, its not THEIR fault. Besides, its a sin to break-off silaturrahim but I'm torn between what I know is right, and what some other people think. Just a frown on the face when I suggest a visit would make me shrink back. I had a hard time convincing Adi to follow me to see our relatives and only succeeded the night before raya. With Izati it was easier.

Come 1st day of raya, all of us (me, Mama, Adi, Izati, Iskandar, Abg Sher and kak Na) woke up to get ready for Eid prayers. Tu nasib baik abg Sher ngan kak Na balik.. After prayers, we went to the graveyard to pay our respects to Tok Hassan and Pah. Somehow, it felt so strange to be visiting two graves instead of one, and knowing that we won't be greeted by Tok when we arrive home. Its been years since he's been able to go for prayers at the masjid but he was sure to wait for us to return with a smile.

Back home, I tried to bring up the issue of going to visit Abah's relatives but what I got is this frown. Nope, no words were being said but I DO understand the look so I just kept quiet. I was a bit hurt though, as I had been talking about visiting kampung eversince the start of Ramadhan and it was soooooo hard to persuade my siblings but all that turned out worthless and I feel like I'm such a coward for backing out! We went to Tok Chu and Pah Chu Jamaliah's house though and met up with Mak Cik Hawa, Pak Cik Amir + Mak Cik Maria + Son, Pak Cik Zai + wife + sons (Farhan and apentah nama sorang lagi tu), Pak Cik Harris and Pak Cik Hassan. Then we went to Mak Yong Min's house before heading of to.. hmmm, pegi mana lagi ah?

Later that day, Abah came with Ummi and Annisa. Thank God nothing 'bad' happened but everyone was in such a false happy mood, I felt like suffocating. Luckily, Annisa drew the tension away :-) No wonder everyone loves babies, huh! Adi had his first glimpse of his new sister here and I'm glad. She's still our sister no matter what, right! But yeah, Abah had to be Abah and spoil everything for me.

Just when I thought I could convince them to give him a chance by reminding them how much he's trying, HE had to call me and scold me for no apparent reason. I wonder why he likes to do that.. find such a small fault and shout at me as if I've done something wrong (and for the record, the mistake was HIS since HE forgot to give me something.. tp, kenapa saya pulak yang kene marah? :'( ) Then suddenly talking about what a teruk punya kakak I am. My already battered emotions were just further hurt and I had to bottle them all up inside without daring tell my family just in case they said to me, "I told you so!"

Sometimes I just wanna give up!

The 2nd raya wasn't really much better. First I got THOSE messages I've been ranting about. I can't believe I got this whole message which equals to the size of SIX standard sms! That itself had thrown my 'its a new day' mood down the drain. However, for raya's sake, I had to put on a cheery face. It didn't help that that morning, while Adi and Izati were 'mengutuk' their abang, Mama suddenly said, "Kak Yong la yang ajar ni!" Ya Allah, kenapa tiba² ni? I didn't even say a thing and I hated it when, in defence of myself, I raised my voice saying that Adi and Izati had the right of saying anything they saw themselves! I realized how much my voice quiverred when I said I never taught them anything. I had to stop myself from admitting that I HAD read the smses between her and Iwan that broke my trust in them. I mean, for everything, am I to blame? God, it was so hard to pretend I didn't care..

However, by that afternoon, I was already laughing (while trying to pretend those two incidents didn't just happen that morning!). Ikram and Iwan were coming back and I was looking forward to see them. Okay, maybe since the morning incident, I wasn't really keen to see Iwan but I really missed Ikram. Adi was buying us lunch at the newly opened Chicken King (hahah, klau tak, ade KFC je) when they arrived but we still had one more stop (Lubuk Merbau.. umah Tok Chu and Wan Chu Rozi pulak) before going home.

As expected, the cheery atmosphere only lasted for a while with Iwan barking to everyone now and then. I nearly lost my temper when he scolded me in front of everyone when Chik Im asked me about my work. Typical! But then again, all of us pun kene bark depan semua orang so we did what we were best at: IGNORING IT! And note to all here, I DID NOT teach the others to do this! In fact, it was Adi who taught me the art of ignoring the suara² sumbang!

The next day, me and Izati planned to go to Penang to go raya with our friends and to go to Annisa's akikah. No one else seemed to want to go when I first asked them to go with me to our sister's akikah so imagine my suprise when Adi, Ikram and Iskandar wanted to tag along. I was really happy. Well, maybe all of us really wanted to go meet our friends but at least they were also willing to go see Abah, Ummi and Annisa. Once again, I'd like to stress here, I didn't teach them anything but throughout the way, the topic was the-person-who-refused-to-follow. I wanted them to stop, since I was still hurt about the remark of 'Kak Yong yang ajar', but when all of them wanted to talk about it, I just listened je lah.

I dropped Izati at Sg Ara, Ikram at Taman Tunas Muda and Adi at KBJ before heading to Toroque's house with Iskandar in tow. Boy, was I glad to see my friends! There was Yokies + kak Maria + Amad, Toroque + Azu, Md Nizam and Fauzi 'Tok Mufti'. To be frank, this was the only time I really smiled and laughed AND relaxed during the whole holiday but the 3 hours together just flew by :(

I went back to Penang to pick up the others and we headed to Tasek Gelugor for the akikah. Somehow, I was a bit relieved to see Abah's relatives there. Macam ganti balik the promised visit I made for first day of raya. I met Pah (Kiah), Mak Nyah, Mak Yang+Ayah Alang+family, Ayah Uda+Mak Uda+family, Mak Su+PakSu+family+baby baru -->Darwis, Pak Chu+Wan Chu+family, Along and Suhir.. err, ade yang tertinggal tak? Oh, and yes of course la, Abah, Ummi and Annisa!

After that, we went to Yokies+Kak Maria's house. I wanted my siblings to know my bestfriends and their families. Heheh, boleh buat tak malu, tambah air sampai 3 kali tukar teapot! Then we went to Carrefour before heading to Taiping to Mak Yang's house.

Once again I met Abah's relatives and we were just settling down chatting when Pah suddenly called out my name and Yeop's. Okay, let me make it clear here that Yeop is the eldest grandchild while I'm the eldest grand daughter. Ayat Pah," Ayu.. Yeop.. Pah teringiiiiiiiin nak timang cicit. Cucu dah banyak, cicit je belum lagi. Kome ni, bile nye nak bagi Pah cicit ni. Tak kisah la sapa bagi dulu.. Ayu pun boleh, Yeop pun boleh! Nanti sape kahwin dulu, Pah bagi hadiah besooo nak?"

Hahah, Yeop dah buat² tido while I was squirming and looking around for someone to save me. Aiseh.. kene jugak ke time raya² ni hehe..

Well, we went home around 1 in the morning and I slept as soon as my head touched my pillow.

So people, thats how my raya went. A roller-coaster ride which is very uncomfortable and in a way, hurting! Sometimes I wish things were different but He has a reason to make it this way, saya je yang tak nampak lagi so please, pray that one day I'd understand all this confusion! And yes, pray that I'd always accept the thing I can't change and that I'd always remember that, "Every cloud has a silver lining!"

Saturday, November 05, 2005


Yes, I'm pissed off!

Yes, I'm mad!

Yes, I feel like screaming bloody hell!

Yes, I wanna shake some sense into someone!

and Yes, I want my name cleared and the truth to be declared once and forever!

Heheh.. kire power la orang ni, sampai keluaq 'aku' from me! Baizurah mesti gelak guling² tengok perkataan aku kat atas tu.. toi dak, Sentot?

But seriously..

I was minding my own business on the second day of raya when I received a message from one of the RAs here. Thinking it was another 'Selamat Hari Raya' sms, I just took my phone to read the message. The smile faded from my face when I read the first sentance.

Apparantly, I have been 'dalam pemerhatian' of his wife. It appears that I'm not like my other colleagues who respects her as the wife of this RA. Ok, for the record, my other females colleagues are either RAs or ROs for programming or ROs for finance. So, I want to make it clear that sometimes I call the RAs but specifically about work which by the way, is Dr Wan's order! I have never saje gatai telefon depa untuk bersembang kosong sahaja.. tak dak kerja la nak buat macam tu, saya ni nak jaga jugak maruah diri saya sendiri la!

If thats not enough, she had to add salt to the wound by telling me that she also works with guys, 'tapi takde la sampai macam awak tu.. orang bijak macam awak ni, pasti lebih faham etika kerja profesional'! For God's sake, saya ni gatal miang sangat ke? I don't think so! Saya sangat menjaga pergaulan dengan rakan sekerja berlainan jantina. I mean, maksud dia, saya ni teruk sangat ke, tak macam orang lain? As far as I'm concerned, I always make sure that I know their wives and acknowledge them whenever we meet BECAUSE I RESPECT MY COLLEAGUES AND THEIR SPOUSES!

And 'dah bertahun dah saya bersabar ni'.. Ya Allah! Apa dia yang saya dah buat bertahun ni? Allah maha mengetahui.. Dia tahu apa saya buat dan apa niat saya. I mean, BERTAHUN??? Jahatnye la saya ni buat perangai sampai bertahun.. :'(

Tak payah la nak merendahkan saya ke tahap perempuan murahan. Saya belajar agama. Mungkin tak sempurna.. silap, memang la tak sempurna, tapi knowledge yang sikit ni saya jaga. I felt soooooooooo low but seriously, tuduhan tak berasas tu!

And, you had the guts to ask me to keep this quiet! I mean, tak mau bagi peluang saya bela diri ka? Kang kalau bela diri kang, panjang cerita.. but if I don't say anything, its as if I'm agreeing with her! Serba salah giler.. masuk keje nanti, mesti tak tau nak act cammana ngan RA ni..

In a way, lawak pun ade.. I mean, when you think about it, it could somehow bring out a hysterical laughter outta me.. but on the other hand, this is way downgrading! I'm NOT a slut, okay! Just because I'm single, it doesn't mean I'm desperate enough to go kejar laki orang.. duh! Tolong la logic sikit.. and please don't throw my pride on the muddy floor and stamp on it *ouch* It really hurts! :'(

My conclusion: I'm this desperado who'd do anything to get a guy, tak kisah la laki orang ke ape ke.. I'm also this very gatal girl who knows professional work ettique but doesn't bother to practice it. I'm this tak sedar diri person who somehow deserves to be treated badly since I don't respect people and a peruntuh rumahtangga orang. AND, I've been doing this for years.. and yeah, I don't deserve a chance to defend myself since I'm such a slut. Not even allowed to defend myself to those people involved (i.e. her husband) but must always accept the accusions thrown right in my face.