Sunday, July 31, 2005

A trip down memory lane..

Yesterday.. me, Yun and Jenet made our trip to Bota to attend Hawa's wedding. I had almost forgotton about the kenduri until Yun reminded me of it a few days ago.. nasib baaaaiiikkk!

We started our journey at 9.30am, I still hadn't put on my tudung when Yun and Jenet had arrived and I was dashing around like mad, trying to find my brooches, telekung and tuition books (since I still HAD classes that afternoon). Last², ngan tudung berserabut la masuk keter Yun, I had to 'repair' tudung in the car.

Now, one thing I hate about not driving is that I get all sleepy once the car starts to move. This also happened yesterday, especially since I was sitting at the back, my eyes resembled Garfield's just 10 minutes into the journey. I tried to stay awake for Yun's sake, kang ngantuk plak minah tu but by the time we hit the highway, I must have already fallen asleep.

I woke up when we entered Ipoh. Now, I've been to Ipoh a few times after USM moved to Transkerian but I've never driven through the roads that lead to our campus (or now, UTP). Maybe because, all this while, I always took the bus (or Yun was always driving if we rented a car) to go to Ipoh so I've never been quite sure on which roads to take. However, with Yun in the drivers seat AND since our destination was Hawa's home, I was once again on the roads that had been so familiar years ago.

The first familiar landmark I recognized was the gigantic peanuts on this roundabout in Menglembu. When I first saw it, I shouted in delight, much to my embaressment! Yun and Jenet just laughed at me and I managed to give a weak smile.. still malu woooo!

Then along the road, Yun pointed out all the familiar landmarks, intersections, buildings bla.. bla.. bla.. We started talking about all the places we went to during our two years here. Much to my annoyance, though I tried so hard to shut up my mounth, I found myself talking excitedly about these places again and all at once, I felt myself go back to a few years back too.

I still remember the first day I came to Tronoh. It was our registration day and my family were sending me off to the Engineering Campus of USM there. Seeing the main gate of the campus for the first time reminded me of how scared I was. As we entered, a sudden feeling of confusion filled me as THERE WERE NO CARS IN SIGHT! I mean, I know I'm forgetful but could I have possibly forgotten the exact date of the registration. It took us a while to finally arrive at the desa where cars were parked everywhere. Wow! It sure was a long way from the main gate!

When registering, I frantically tried to search for familiar faces. I was at the point of giving up when I realized Hawa was standing right beside me. Relief washed over me when I also noticed Fidah and Dayah nearby so we went upstairs for our Desa registration at Desa Lembaran. We finally got rooms, I was to room with Dayah while Hawa with Fidah then we went to start the agonizing climb up to our rooms on the 3rd floor.

The rooms were spacious (where in a few months time became spots for our 'makan²') and very comfortable, with partitions dividing the room into two individual areas for each of us. Though me and Dayah weren't THAT close in KMK, we hooked on instantly!

After taking all my baggage upstairs, we had to go listen to the briefing in the Dewan Serbaguna (DSG). That was the first time I really got to take a good look at the campus. It was kinda' nice. We had a very pleasant walk from the desa to the DSG.

At the DSG, I was looking around trying to find out who else have been placed here when I noticed my invisible friend waving at me. He was sitting with his family at the back of the hall. I felt a bit relieved seeing yet another familiar face. I also noticed Superman there.

Our orientation started after lunch and boy, did we feel all grownup! During lunch, we realized that Yun's room was just opposite mine and As's was on a different wing but still on the same floor and we stuck together like glue hahah.. I don't remember much about the orientation apart from the time I was scolded by kakak brutal. Apparantly, as she claimed, we had been told earlier not to wear black tudung but it so happened that the bunch of us (including Aida, Shiken, Jida, Un bla.. bla. bla..) were wearing this colour.

Now this kakak brutal has been shouting at all of us from day one that most of us just ignored her. But, just my luck, when she was shouting at us, I was the only one looking at her so I was the only one she screamed at. How embarassing! I mean, I thought it would be rude not to look at her when she's talking until I realized I was the only one stupid enough to think I was being polite when the truth was, she was just having fun humiliating me! What made me mad was, the announcement of no black tudung ONLY came AFTER that! And to think that I apologized ("Ingat boleh mintak maaf je ke? Baru masuk first year dah kurang ajo ngan kitorang" <-- The ayat she said to me, right in my face!)

After the campus orientation, we had another week of desa orientation (quite tiring) before the final week of school orientation (kurang skit tired but menakutkan when we had to introduce ourselves in front of all our seniors).

But then, orientation came and went, and we had finally settled down in our new life. The first week, Hawa took us out (by bus la tapi) to Ipoh and how refreshing that was. We took the oppurtunity to go to the CC (not realizing that we had internet facilities down in the lab hahah..) and went to buy things and have lunch. I still remember the name of the CC, SpyderNet (err, rasanya la) and I have a photo we took at the place we had lunch (Koay teow goreng and limau ais for me).

Not that the food in the campus was not good la. Most of us might still remember 'Pak Cik calculator'. He was one of the foodstall owners at Cafe Staff and he was always punching his huge calculator. Even if you only bought ais limau, he'd still punch that one price on his calculator before telling you how much to pay. Tapi sangat baik, he sponsored a bit for our Kayak KCP Open without any questions! Then there's the cafe at Desa Jaya with the sangat sedap Nasik Ayam. I can't recall the name of the owner but she sure was creative. In the morning, there were this variety of kuih you could get there. She made this kuih lapis, but 'modified' the traditional one with her own type which includes slices of bananas in between the 'lapis'. Though I have never been a fan of sweet kuih, I was always on the look out for her creative ones.. yummy!

For our classes, though we were in different schools (Me and Yun in Awam, Dayah in Bahan while Hawa, Fidah and As in Kimia), first years usually have most of their classes together so we mostly did our studying and hanging out together. Sometimes we'd go out shopping for things (Yun is someone who really knows how to find these places) then buy a pizza before heading back to USM and it was either my room or Hawa's room where we'd crash and sort out all the things we'd bought, while munching our food. Going out was quite a chore though, as it took a good half hour just to walk from the desa to the main gate where we'd catch the bus but I liked staying in the campus, anyway.

Then there were our schools. Me and Yun were in the civil engineering school. Though most of our classes were done in the lecture theatre, we had one class in the first semester all to ourselves. Ukur Kejuruteraan or now known as Geomatics! For most of us, it was the first time seeing a levelling meter, EDM (betul ke ni?) and Total Station and boy, was it exciting. It was here that we started to know our coursemates. I was in the same group with kak Wahid (bless her!), Irwan Beskal, Ah Khang and Shaiful. Every Thursday (ke Wednesday ntah?) we'd be all over the campus doing our 'ukur'.

The best part was during the holidays when we'd have the Khemah Kerja Ukur (KKU) where we'd basically have this practical assessment of the subject. This time, we had a new member, Gah Hon a.k.a shampoo boy. His group had be reassembled into other groups. We'd wake up early each morning and walk to school where the bus would be waiting to take us to Kg Layang² Kiri where our assessment would be held. Then we'd only go back late in the afternoon but it was exciting.. really exciting!

However, Yun really HAD to remind me about an incident that happened during KKU. We passed Kg Layang² Kiri on the way to Hawa's house so she just had to tell Jenet about it. During the report writing, Gah Hon was being so 'barky' when drawing the plan. This made all of us hide in the computer lab, trying to finish the report. It so happened that while I was trying to save the file, an error happened and would you believe it, THE WHOLE FILE VANISHED! I tried my best to pretend I wasn't upset, but when my coursemates showed concern to me, I, as expected, burst into tears! I felt as if I had disappointed my group since the file was lost IN MY HANDS!

Even Gah Hon who was at the time being a jerk (sorry Gah Hon) talked soothingly to me. I was too busy feeling upset that I didn't realize some of my friends missing from the Bilik Lukisan. Turns out, they were scanning all the pcs to find my missing file. Once, Firdaus thought he had found my file, he excitedly ran upstairs to the Bilik Lukisan to tell me he had succeeded in finding it but when we went down and I realized it wasn't my missing file, the silly me just burst back into tears, leaving Firdaus with this guilty look, though it wasn't his fault anyway!

I learnt the true meaning of helping each other here. We were supposed to submit the report in 2 hours time and would you believe it, ALL the other groups gave us their reports and asked us to copy it. I was so touched by their generosity because they were risking their own marks if the lecturers realized there were some serious copying here, but Dr Sanusi (bless his heart) told all of us,"Takpe, saya tak nampak dan takkan perasan ape awak semua buat sekarang!" One thing though, I'd always be remembered as the girl who cried during KKU haha.. serves me right, huh? Oh, another thing, could you believe that in the next semester, when I was using the pc in the lab, the first file that came out was the MISSING FILE!!

Then when we passed through this intersection during the journey, we remembered something else.

"Kat simpang ni la arwah Pau meninggal masa on the way ke hospital"

There was this intersection that lead to Ipoh, Batu Gajah and Parit. Once when we were in our first year, our friend died in an accident. Arwah Fauzul. He went to Taman Maju to settle things up with his landlord since most of us were going to be renting in our second year but though his friends wanted to stay and grab a bite, he wanted to go back to USM. The roads at that time didn't have streetlights and unfortunately, he rammed into a cow or something.

By the time his friends found him, he was already unconcious. They took him to the hospital but as Amli told us, just when the van arrived at the intersection, arwah Pau took his last breath. I still remember when I first heard the news from Gunn. Me and Dayah were studying when Gunn knocked on our door to bring the news. At first we didn't believe it, I mean, me and Dayah just saw him that afternoon when we were having our dinner, but the I heard someone wailing from outside and when I saw Alin with Yati and Sid, I guess I just knew that it was true.

A lot of people came for the solat jenazah at our masjid in USM. His family came and you could see the grief in their eyes, losing their eldest and only son. He had already finished his finals by that time and was ready to go home but as they say, Tuhan lebih sayangkan dia! AlFatihah to arwah Pau.

As we passed through UTP (which was once our beloved campus), we saw the lakes we once used for canoeing. All of us, except Fidah were members of the Cross Water Elite. Nama je cam best but we mostly did kayak activities. The most memorable one being the Canoe Expedition from Lumut, going around Pangkor and back to Lumut. It was the first time I joined such activity (though when I joined the Belum Expedition when I was in KMK, we had to make our own rafts and spent the whole next day rowing it around Belum). I mean, we were all canoeing in the wide open sea here. And though at first I was so afraid, I guess not 5 minutes into it, all of us were laughing as if we had done it all our lives.

I nearly didn't join this xpedition if not because of the fact that the seniors threatened to 'discard'(betul ke ni?) us from the group. Yours truly is one of those who finished the expedition without having to ride the TLDM boat hehe.. bangga²! We went to class the next day with burns on our faces, but smiles in our heart.. cheeewaaahh! Other than that, we mostly just canoed in the lake in our campus every afternoon.

Aside from that, I still remember, when we weren't canoeing, I'd be cycling around the campus. It was fun cycling then since the campus was quite.. what do you call it? Nice? Err.. wrong word here! I'd go from the desa to the main gate, then head off to the tiny roundabout near EE. sometimes I'd go with Un where sometimes Firdaus would join us but mostly I'd go alone since my friends weren't keen on cycling.

Then when we were in our second year, we started renting in Taman Maju. Till today I still don't understand how we could even think of renting there when not one of us had transportation but I guess, most of us were so much excited about renting outside than staying in the hostel. This time, Dayah went to stay with her schoolmates and Lin came in to take her place when she didn't get to stay in the desa.

Our house was just a single storey semi-d. Very small if you ask me but we still managed to squeeze in the 6 of us. It only had two rooms where one room was used for sleeping, and the other was for our clothes and for praying. The hall was used for our studying ang eating. Against the wall there were 6 identical study desks with 6 identical plastic green chairs. From left to right was Lin, me, As, Hawa, Fidah and Yun. People used to say it looked like sekolah tadika :-). I was a fan of Hitz at that time so since Yun liked ERA, I had to listen to my fav radio station on my walkman. Since I was always singing along with the radio@cassette (masa tu mana mampu nak dengar CD), As had to endure my singing coz Lin, a Hitz fan too at that time, also stuffed her ears with her walkman. I wasn't suprised when one day, I heard As singing to my favourite song and she 'complained' to me, "Saya pun sampai dah hafal lagu² awak, Ayu!" Hehe..

It was really much more fun, I mean, Taman Maju was more like 'Desasiswa Maju'. You'd see USM students everywhere. In the afternoons, food stalls would open in front of the taman and you can get anything you wanted here. I especially remember Wak's Lot 10, where you are guaranteed the best food! For lunch, most of us would go and have Nasik Ayam Halimah Bachik (and her restaurant is still there today!) I haven't heard anyone complaining about her food, even the nasik campur was good but my favourite (and most of the Taman maju residents too) would always be her nasik ayam.

Sometimes, we'd cook at home.. but sometimes la. Yun especially loved to try out new recipes and her nasik ayam has my thumbs up. I usually made my nasik tomato while As was famous for her nasik goreng. She could whip up anything into the nasik goreng and it was still yummy! Once I wanted to make nasik himpit and kuah kacang, I called Hawa's mother to ask for her recipe and walaaaa! We succeeded in making our very first kuah kacang.

But I'll never forget the buah Melaka incident where we had used the wrong type of flour (tepung beras instead of tepung pulut). When making the mixture, it still looked ok but we should have guessed something was wrong when the buah Melaka took quite a long time to float in the boiling water. Since all of us were fasting, we didn't taste it at first haha.. When it was time for buka puasa, we must have laughed hysterically when we realized our buah Melaka was so hard, kalau campak kat dinding, dinding boleh pecah hahah.. Ok, I'm exagerating here, but still, it was not as soft as it was supposed to be hahahah..

Whenever I was bored, I'd go to Dayah's or Seti's house. They lived just a walking distance from where we lived. Sometimes I'd go to kak Wahid's and kacau her studying. It really didn't feel much different from staying in the desa. Cik Wa and Jida lived on the same road as my invisible friend while Nida and Fila just lived around the corner. Ika, kak Maria, kak Azfa, Bob and Din all lived in the newer phase of the taman so it still felt like staying in the desa here, see! I remember one night, before our Geotech I paper, me and Seti went around Taman Maju to find someone who'd teach us about i-dont-quite-remember-the-problem! I loved it!

After Taman Maju, we passed through this Taman Farmasi where I first learnt how to drive. I still remember when Pak Cik first asked me to drive, I was soooo scared. Then I remember this embarassing moment when his son was teaching me to drive. I never liked his son who was such a show-off and always saying that USM girls like him. Once, he was asking me to learn to change the gears without looking down so I tried. I was suprised when the gear wouldn't budge and how malu I was when I realized that I wasn't holding the gearshift, but rather gripping his kneecap. Gosh, I wanted the floor to swallow me right then!

We also passed through the junction heading to Bota. This reminded me of our project Mahasiswa Turun ke Sekolah (MTS). To tell you the truth, we were sick of having to do paperworks, then waiting for approval of the projects before we could proceed to Yokies came up with this idea of doing our 'underground' motivational programme. Together with the gang, kak Maria (ni la first time depa jumpa.. dah kahwin dah pun.. anak satu hehe..), kak Azfa, Toroque, Salam, Bebe, Yun, Hawa and some other friends, we organized the project. We even had the Kursus Pemantapan Fasi where Yokies found this great mentor who gave us wonderful tips on being a fasilitator so on the day itself, we were able to give our 100%. We were so satisfied with it, we didn't realize our excitement came to the attention of the HEP. So the HEP, I'd rather say were impressed with us, BUT we were asked to legalize our movement and bring back the spark in Kelab Pra-Kaunselor Pelajar (KPKP). Knowing that what we had done was wrong, we agreed but I guess, maybe, in a way, we did help to put KPKP back on its feet!

Jenet must have been suprised to see how much me and Yun remembered about USM Tronoh or better known as USMKCP. There were so much memories during our 2-year stay here. I still remember when we used to go to Hawa's house. Hawa's mother or Mak Tok as we call her is a great cook. A REALLY great cook and she looks after us like her own cildren. Once we had a BBQ at her home and it was the best we ever tasted (perasan haha..) owing to the fact that we had GREAT company. She always gave us tips for everything from cooking to ailments. I still remember when I was suddenly having these rashes (bukan rashes, ape eh.. ulat gatal² or something) and she took out a knife and I was like, huh? She quickly used the back of the knife in these rashes and within an hour, they had disappeared, though my heart still beat so fast remembering how I felt when I first saw the knife haha..

Wowwww.. memories, memories! And gosh, what a long entry it is this time! Still, the trip to Hawa's wedding made me remember how much I loved staying in Tronoh once upon a time ago.. *sigh*

Congratulations to Hawa and Mozaid! I still have the photos taken on your first date where ALL OF US (me, Yun, Dayah, As) accompanied you guys!

Friday, July 29, 2005

A total a*****e!


I just read my entry yesterday and *gulp*, I am SO ashamed of myself!

I sound like a total jerk! A self-centred moron who doesn't like to be bothered by things that do not concern me. Like a selfish a****** who can't even help her friend.. Waaaaaa, why can't I feel happy being mad like that? WHY do I have to feel guilty?

Gosh.. am I REALLY selfish here?

I thought about deleting that entry but after thinking twice, I don't think I am gonna delete it.. just as a reminder NOT to EVER say/write something in anger.. sangat buruk la it sounds!

But still.. am I really THAT selfish?

I am pissed off..


I am soooooooooo MAD!!!




Yesterday, when buka puasa, kak Shima and kak Zura were talking about how they hate waiting for people. Kak Zura had just lost her patience with Dr Azmin for his late submission of some work he was supposed to do, causing this supplier or someone to wait for him 2 hours! I agree with her argument though. She questioned why she should wait for someone else who is selfish enough to do their personal things in their own sweet time without caring wether they are wasting other peoples time.

Kak Shima also struck a chord when she exclaimed, "Kalau orang tak hormat masa aku, kenapa pulak aku kena hormat masa diorang?"

So here I am, fuming over certain people who don't respect my time!

I'm so mad here! I mean, I, myself, try to accomodate to their whines and all. Whenever I know I'm borrowing their time, I try to get along with their schedule BUT why is it that when they are 'tumpang' ing my time, they can't do the same?

I mean, helllllooooo.. Before this, its not as if I didn't tell them about the plan (Okay.. okay.. though my desk might not be so organized, whenever doing things, I prefer to plan first, and stick to the plan.. my plan almost always includes the time span of what we planned to do and I usually tell them about it!). If its just about 'going to the cinema', I don't mind NOT having a plan but when I need to do other things before 'melagho', I ALWAYS tell them what I'm planning to do before we finally go watching the movie. Then I leave it up to them to chose whether they wanna follow me or not. C'mon, its not as if I don't give them choices!

But hey.. whats this? Suddenly asking me, more like forcing me, to take them somewhere else first that is outta the way and I'm like, "Huh?"

I hate it when people interfere with my plan, especially when they wanna do their personal business ON MY TIME! I don't mind them having fun, I mean, I asked them in the first place, anyway. Besides, I also wanna relax and laugh too, but pleeeaaaassseeee, respect my time! I've already told you, what I'm supposed to do before the 'having fun' part so please oh please, don't do this to me!

I especially hate it when they start giving me 'ayat²' that makes me feel so bad. As if I'm too 'kedekut' for them, like I'm going to 'ungkit' for the petrol and toll. Hoiiii, have I ever done that? If I plan to do that, why should I ask you in the first place? Besides, this is me being cruelly honest here, I don't think I'm the one who keeps saying that I'm wasting petrol when I take everyone else in my car.. duh? Sapa yang suka sangat ngungkit tu.. I know its not me!

Then when they succeed in making me feel guilty, I'll promise to make the unneccesary trip that sadly, sometime makes my plan haywire or destroyed completely (THEN I'd have to GO AGAIN just to finish MY business pulak).. and though I'd be smiling ("Takpe.. takpee.."), I'd be fuming inside, vowing NOT to ask them again! But then, after a few weeks, I'd go back to doing the same thing again!

I guess I'm mad because the only times our roles are reversed, I HAVE to follow their plan. I don't really mind, since I'm the passenger at this time BUT it sure makes me mad when they do this to me. PLUS when I have to hear them complaining about the petrol and all.. huh? I thought you guys were the one who volunteered to drive in the first place, and its not as if we don't pool for the petrol and toll when its your turn (and mind you, when its our turn, WE DON'T bising to others to pay too! WE, on the other hand, don't mind much about petrol or toll!)so you DON'T have to talk as if we're a bunch of ungrateful, penny-pinching brats!

Darn! I hate feeling this way.. makes me feel sooooo bad!

Its not always like this. Not everyone is like this. I especially like going out with my colleagues (Paijah, Nomi, Wamlah) on Fridays after 'gaji' hehe.. THEY are not like THAT! Even my juniors, especially the ones graduating this August, are fun to hang out with. Their main concern is having fun, NOT berkire!!! But there are certain people THAT just love to test your patience.. and I mean PEOPLE bukan one person! These people sometime make me cringe when they start talking about going out together, I mean, coz it almost always ends up with these unpleasant feeling... waaaaa, I really hate feeling this way!

Well, patience IS a virtue, anyway so we'd just have to sit down, listen and smile as if we're not offended. So people, keep your fingers crossed so that I won't EXPLODE in the near future :-)

Monday, July 25, 2005

Here without you

On the way to USM, I was cranking up my radio when this song played. Its a favourite of Baizurah and Amin (depe punya theme song la kot nooo.. *wink²*) but, lets just admit it, I like this song too!

Anyway, dari tadi la lagu ni dok dalam kepala so c'mon y'all.. lets sing along :-)

Here Without You – 3 Doors Down

A hundred days have made me older
since the last time that I saw your pretty face.
A thousand lies have made me colder
and I don't think I can look at this the same.
And all the miles that seperate
disappear now when I'm dreamin' of your face.

I'm here without you baby
but you're still on my lonely mind.
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time.
I'm here without you baby
but you're still with me in my dreams.
And tonight, it's only you and me.

The miles just keep rollin'
as the people leave their way to say hello.
I've heard this life is overrated
but I hope that it gets better as we go.

I'm here without you baby
but you're still on my lonely mind.
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time.
I'm here without you baby
but you're still with me in my dreams.
And tonight girl, it's only you and me.

And everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love.
And when the last one falls, and when it's all said and done
It gets hard but it won't take away my love.

I'm here without you baby
but you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
and i dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
but you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, it's only you and me

The truth is, sangat tension coz I couldn't really sing along to the lyrics so paste lyrics kat sini in hopes that the next time I hear the song, I'd be able to fully sing along, and bukan humming in some places macam pagi tadi hehe..

Saturday, July 23, 2005

When a girl cries..

Ni sebenaqnya curi dari blog Sentot ni.. Sowi naaaa, Baizurah, couldn't help it.. sangat sedih bila baca.. it pierced my soul, right at the core! Echeeeeeeewah hahah..

If a girl cries in front of u,
It means that she can't take it anymore.
If u take her hand,
She would stay with u for the rest of ur life,
If u let her go,
It wil be hard for her to go back to being herself with you once again.

A gal wont cry easily,
Except in front of the person whom she loves the most,
She becomes weak.

A gal wont cry easily,
Only when she loves u the most,
She put down her ego.

If a gal cries bcoz of u,
Please hold her hands firmly,
Coz she's the one who is willing to stay with u 4 for the rest of ur life.

If a gal cries bcoz of u,
Please dont give her up,
Maybe bcoz of ur decision,
You'll ruin her life.

When she cries right in front of u,
When she cries bcoz of u,
Look into her eyes,
Can u see n feel the pain n hurt she's feeling?


Which other girl has cried with pure sincerity,
In front of u,
And bcoz of u?

She cries not because she is weak,
She cries not bcoz she wants sympathy or pity,

She cries,
Because crying silently is no longer possible,
The pain, hurt n agony have bcome too big a burden to be kept inside.

Think about it,
If a gal cries her heart out to u,
And all because of u,
Its time to look back on wat u have done,
Only u will know the answer to it.

Do consider it,
Coz one day,
It may b too late for regrets,
It may b too late to say "im sorry".

Yup.. sangat remind me of someone.. but then, life should go on, right! :-)

Thursday, July 21, 2005

My nicknames and I

I was driving home from my tuition class in Bagan Serai, singing on the top of my voice along with the songs on the radio (somehow, yesterday was full of my favourite songs) when something Aldeena said (don't ask me what she said, I've suddenly developed a severe forgetfulness and can't even remember what happened yesterday) reminded me of my 'cousin' and what they used to call me so lets talk about nicknames :-)

I guess all of us have nicknames and those names aren't always pleasant ones. My 'cousins' are called Toroque and Korn/Pak Lan, very much different from their actual names and there are always stories behind them though I won't tell it here haha.. My brother Iwan has this circle of friends who call him Ewok and I have a friend whom I'll always love to call Sentot (sorry, Bai!)

I don't really have nicknames. I've always been known as Ayu to everyone.. or in some cases, Kak Yong! However, I do have names my friends used to call me, just for the childish satisfaction in teasing everyone.

The most obvious one would be 'IKAN YU'. Everyone with the name Ayu would get this pet name from their friends. I was called this during my primary school years by this group of friend who loved to 'sakat' everyone, even Soraya wasn't spared and they called her 'Hantu Raya'(Hehe.. remember, Soraya! Adam, Alfy, Iswadi and the gang). Gradually, 'Ikan Yu' graduated to 'Jerung' and continued on to 'JAWS'.

I was never really offended with the name because I knew they just loved to tease, I mean, I mostly went into crybaby mode when they teased me with other people haha.. but sometimes, I'd get irritated when they go a bit far and draw this shark wearing tudung on the blackboard or jumble up the nickname with another boys nickname and writing it all over my books. My simple solution to it was to take the thickest book ever, usually Maths or Alam dan Manusia and slam the book on their heads. Heheh.. yup! I hurt them physically when I'm mad, it'll be no wonder if they just get crazier and crazier. Come to think of it, I feel ashamed now doing that JUST because they teased me but back then, I couldn't think of anything else.

In standard 6, Suri and Azwati suddenly developed this urge to give family names to everyone.. I mean, like Mama, Papa, Pak Long and all that. The few names I remember is Papa for Jalis, Mama for Jesreen, Baby Dome' and Baby anje for Suri and Azwati, Mummy Kalut for Nurul, Pak Ude for Azral, Mamak Nizam for Nizam, Pak Long for Faisal (I think).. I myself was called Mak Su though I still wonder why, since I'm the eldest in my family and I'm still one of the eldest in the class, being born in the earlier part of the year.

Another name I got, which still baffles me till now, (I mean helllooo, I'm wearing tudung remember) is one given to me by this boy in my class, Hairil Ikram or something. He used to call me Wonderwoman and that always made me mad because I hated the sexy superhero's choice of garments and I was paranoid that he'd imagine me like that! I mean, I don't even dress like that, I was always in baju kurung during that awkward time (when I realized I was a lady hehe..) so it was a huge insult to me.

In secondary school, I didn't really have any nicknames anymore besides when once or twice someone would call me a book worm coz I always had my nose buried into a book (not academic books, mind you! I wasn't the studious type but when it comes to fictions, my attitude ws like,"Bring it on!")

Hey! Wait a minute.. I remember people calling me Clown, not because I'm funny (which I know I'm not.. much more clumsy than funny!) but because I was always sneezing nonstop every morning, making my nose red EVERY SINGLE DAY. This also leads to the nickname Kilang Tissue where, in order to prepare myself for my sneezing fits every morning, I always had at least 2 packs of tissues in my pocket, and another 3 packs in my school bag. Everyone knew where to ask for a tissue when I was around.

I also remember another name in form 4 or 5. Ayu Calculator! During my upper secondary, Cikgu Nooriah succeeded in opening my eyes to the wonder of numbers that I always had my pocket calculator in my, well, pocket! Even Cikgu Pah knew she could always find a simple calculator when I was around. Its still my most favourite calculator since everyone including my teachers recognized my calculator so I had no worries of it being lost.

During my matrics aka the dark ages hahah.. I wasn't really comfortable during the 9-month matriculation. Nope, I wasn't an outcast, I was just.. still trying to know myself I guess. I was too shy in classs and only my immediate classmates knew me. But it was different in my dorm. I loved my friends in the dorm! One girl particularly loved to play with my long hair. She couldn't get enough of plaiting it and doing all sorts of things. (Btw, I just remembered another nickname --> Tali Ferry, given by someone who also made my hair as her toy since my hair was so thick, it looked like a rope, once it was plaited). Her name is Syida and she gave me the nickname Tomato. This was particularly cause I was prone to blushing. Sometime, they purposedly teased me so I'd blush. I mean, the slightest thing could make me blush furiously and though now I've learned to control it, I wasn't really good in hiding my blushes then.. sangat malu la kalau cepat sangat blush! And I'm not even THAT fair to blush so much. Even when laughing, blood would just rush up to my face, making me as red a beetroot, or in Syida's case.. as a tomato!

When I entered USM, I thought I was rid of all the nicknames and would be just plain, Ayu. I was wrong! My 'cousins' whom I just got to know during the inter-year holidays in my first year suddenly came up with a new nickname for me.. *sigh* and I thought I was done with nicknames.

Apparently, we had so much 'fun' doing the project I did during the holidays that they told all their friends about me. Some of them already knew me in our Cross-Water elite group but there were a few whom I didn't know. One of them was this guy whom I don't remember his name except that he was called Tok something, I guess.. ape eh nickname budak ni? Anyway, this guy commented on me being a bit 'bulat' thus, the nickname created! Okay! Okay! I admit, I DID gain a bit weight during the holidays but I wasn't THAT chubby. In fact, now I'm way chubbier than then but lets just ay, this guy memang very 'slim ' pun so no wonder he saw me as 'bulat' during that time.

My 'cousins' were calling me Hantu Gigi during that time due to As's story about me always biting her, Yokies even displayed 'Hantu gigi' at EE's pameran statik during konvo that year when he was showing me how to use the software but after that, there was no stopping the name Bulat! I always tell them that its their fault I gained so much weight last year. Ye ah, panggil orang 'bulat' je memanjang. Kalau sehari panggil 10 kali, setahun berapa kali dah? Tu baru sorang, kalau 4-5 orang lagi.. uwaaaaaaa!!!

During my final years, I received more nickname, mainly concerning my height --> Pendek and Kenit and Ketot and Tak cukup tinggi bla.. bla.. bla..

But my most recent nickname was given to me by my friend 2 years ago. I can't remember the reason, maybe because I was always climbing my desk to reach my books, he called me Spidergirl @ Spiderwoman where, I in turn used to call him the Invisible Man since he was nearly always invisible in YM.. and yes Baizurah, I'm talking about my invisible best friend!

By the time I reached home, I was smiling. Reminiscing all those memories and all those names. Reliving all those happy times.

Truth is, today I miss all those friends. I miss being called all those names and Baizurah, not just by my invisible best friend, but by all my friends who've helped to shape the 'me' everyone sees now! What I'd give just to hear someone call me 'Bulat' again..



Sunday, July 17, 2005

Harry Potter fever!!!

Yup.. announcing proudly (especially to Baizurah)

I have finished reading "Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince"

Hehe.. I'm now officially one of those who have completed the task of reading the book, that sadly is not as thick as Harry Potter and The Order of The Phoenix.. and no Baizurah, don't pester me for my review of this book yet at our blog coz I'm still.. well, still reeling from the unsatisfied feeling I've been feeling since I turned the last pages of the book

Ok.. ok.. as an avid fan of this series, I know I shouldn't say that. I can just imagine all the other fans out there staring at me in shock for what I've said but hey, this IS a free WORLD! Beside, I know a few people who share the same view as me but then, THAT is the entry for the Caterpillarbuku Club, not here.. right? Will do it in a few days kot, Sentot.. till then, you can start yours too.. :)

Anyway, I've been waiting for this book for so long.. I even came up with the idea to give this book to kak Shima for her birthday when me and kak Kathy were stumped on what we should buy for her. Hey, kak Shima is a fan too so when I went to 'book' my book, I also 'booked' one for her too.. so glad she was ecstatic about it.

We were excited when we heard about the Harry Potter party held at Prangin Mall, but the day before, I got confused about the party so, sadly, me and kak Shima missed it.

On THE day, I woke up early, and couldn't go back to sleep. The anticipated day has finally come! By 8.30, me and kak Shima were so jumpy, we HAD to get out of the house. Blabbering non-stop about Harry Potter, we were truly driving each other crazy haha..

We had our breakfast at McD Juru, still jumpy and couldn't sit still. Just as I was sitting down, I got this phone call from Baizurah, GLOATING over her copy of the book which she picked up at 7.07am that morning. Haha.. had to endure all that and I was sooooooooo jelous of her when she told me that they had given out Harry Potter gifts (wands, hats, candles bla.. blaa..) Ok.. ok, Baizurah, you won!! But still, I finished reading it first hahahah..

After finishing our breakfast (without the slightest idea what we were eating), we headed to Megamall Pinang. Upon arriving, we quickly realized that not many people were picking up their books then. Surely they were having a blast at the Harry Potter party.. nyesal²! Me and kak Shima buat muka 'welfare' in front of Popular until the sales people were smiling in amusement.

While waiting, this apek came to and asked me what time would Popular be opening. Quite suprised that someone 'older' was there, I asked him what brought him to Popular so early in the morning. He seemed embarresed when he confessed that he was coming to pick up a copy of Harry Potter for his nephew. Awwww.. so sweet! I mean, sanggup datang awal for his anak sedara punya sake.. how touching is that?

By the time Popular was ready to open, a group of people have already assembled in front of the store. However, yours truly was the very FIRST one to get the book. When I think about it, malu pun ade, tak sabo sangat hehe.. but during that time, it WAS important for me to get the book as soon as possible. Popular even took my picture as the first recipient of the book for this store hahaha..

After safely receiving our books (I went to get kak Shima's copy too.. she was sooo happy!), we browsed the store, looking for other books. I wanted to buy a book for Pojie's birthday that Monday while kak Shima wanted to find Angels and Demons for her brother, Yazid. The next time I got in line to pay for the new book, a long line was at the counter with people mostly there to get their Harry Potter copy.

On the way home, kak Shima was teasing me by trying to read her book. It seems like everyone wants to be the first to complete the book. We had lunch at kak Tuty's so we didn't get the chance to read the book yet but after that, kak Shima got the headstart since I had tuition that afternoon.. shucks!! Kak Shima even had the cheeks to send me an sms about what was happening in the book while I was teaching, double shucks!!

Throughout classes, I sneakily read bits of the book while waiting for my students to finish their work.. oooo, how the day seemed sooo long! I only managed to really sit down and read that night and by then, kak Shima was on the 200 over page.

We spent the next day, trying to outdo each other hehe.. had to stop a while (nearly 4 hours, mind you!) when we went to Abg Zahir and kak Sri's house for Laksa Johor lessons.. yummy! At least we learnt something.. :-p

Back home, the both of us took our positions in the living room and continued our book. When my eyes got tired, I sent an sms to Baizurah(whom obviously was also not wasting her time to do anything else than read the book), joking that Dumbledore was dead. Little did I know, the joke turned out to be true.. Managed to surpass kak Shima by then hehe..

When I came to the part of Dumbledore's death, I couldn't help but give out a cry and talk about it, much to the annoyance of kak Shima who hasn't got to that part yet.. Hehe, Ayu sangat jahat nak balas dendam to all who made her jelous the day before hahahaha (gelak jahat!)

When I finally finished the book, the whole house must've known haha.. though, still, I DO feel a bit disappointed.. tsk.. but then again, alls fair in love and war! Hmmm.. ape kena mengenanyer entah!!!

So now begins the wait for the supposedly final book of the series, though, I've heard other rumours that makes me understand WHY this book disappoints many. Well, we'll just wait and see, huh!


Friday, July 15, 2005

My Wisdom Tooth

Yesterday, I went out with kak Shima, kak Kathy and Kak Zura for buka puasa. Hehe, but I wasn't really fasting, time of the month maaa.. We wanted to try out the Nilam Cafe which we have never even stepped into eversince it had opened a few months ago but we never had the chance. The deco was lovely, such nice settings if you want a quiet meal descreetly.

Anyway, we ordered our food and, boy was I thirsty. However, I had to supress my desire to take a big gulp from my pineapple juice to respect those who were fasting. By the time we heard azan from the nearby masjid, I had already finished half of the glass.

After eating, I noticed this irritating piece of meat stuck in my mouth, right at the very back of it. I tried to get it unstuck by using my tongue but with no avail. I didn't want to stick my finger into my mouth in front of everyone but it was irritating me more and more. Finally, after trying to refrain myself from doing it in public, once in the car, I took out a tissue and tried to pry the piece of meat from my teeth. Imagine my suprise when the tissue tore as it snagged on something sharp. A bit afraid that a splinter of a bone might be stuck to, I decided to wait until I got home to check it out.

Once at home, I rushed into the toilet. I was dumbstruck to find out that the crown of my first wisdom tooth was visible.

I know its not a big deal, but I have so long ago given up hope of having wisdom teeth. I mean, I'm 25 with no sign of wisdom teeth when my brothers who are younger than me, ALL have their complete set of teeth. I read somewhere that some people never get their wisdom teeth so I never looked out for it after that anyway. Besides, after watching one by one of my previous housemates/roomates and friends 'tortured' over these so called 'wisdom' teeth (wonder why they're called wisdom tooth anyway?), I mean with all the fever plus the pain of having sharp teeth pushing their way through your soft gums, it didn't really appeal to me to have them. They're at the back of you mouth, for God's sake!

Another reason I was glad that I might not have wisdom teeth is because, some old wives tales say that once the first of this set emerges at the back of your mouth, you'll never grow taller. Now, being a dwarf at 150cm, I still dream of growing taller (Haha.. fat chance!!) so the sudden appearance of this tooth has already dashed all my hopes of growing taller hahah..

I can just imagine Adi saying,"Haha! Kak Yong dah tumbuh gigi bongsu! Kakak aku tak boleh tinggi dah.. dah la pendek, pendek la seumur hidup".

Somehow, I DO wonder, how come I'm not all feverish like almost everyone I know! I mean, I'm sure the lot of you have also experienced the 'Wisdom Tooth Fever' like everyone else, right? Thats why I never realized the arrival of this tooth, I guess! Well, hope it really does bring 'WISDOM' to to the scatterbrain me hehe..

Looks like I'm finally in league with everyone else now, eh!

Hail Ayu's wisdom tooth :-)

Thursday, July 14, 2005

My horoscope of the day

It's not easy to capture one of your kind. You want someone who's physically attractive, intellectually appealing, and brave enough to handle your warrior spirit. All that needs to happen well before the hopeful applicant can even become remotely close to being invited into your heart. If you've already found someone who's up for the challenge, you'll let them know how much they're appreciated. If you haven't, you'll spend yet another day on the prowl -- but now, you might have some luck.

I was browsing thru my Yahoo! Homepage when I came across my horoscope. Now, I don't depend on my horoscope to go through my day, I just read it for the fun of it but today's horoscope grabbed my attention. Hmmmm.. somhow, I find most of it suprisingly true, though I never realized it until today especially this part --> All that needs to happen well before the hopeful applicant can even become remotely close to being invited into your heart.

At first, I was just laughing at it. Though it DID struck a chord in me, I just shruged it off. But then, going to tuition, with nothing else to do, this horoscopse crept into my mind once again and before I knew it, I was dwelling on the issue.

Lets say, I might have ignored it if not because of the fact I got a phone call from a close friend a few weeks back. As usual, whenever I get phone calls from these 'cousins' (we used to say we were cousins so people won't misinterpret our relationship) of mine, I always complain of being single and being left alone by them, who btw are already married. While talking to him, I was playing with this kitten and me being me, I was scolding the kitten like I'd scold Izati or Iskandar.

Yokies: Hang ni cakap ngan sapa ni?
Me: Kucing ni.. sibuk panjat kete orang hehe..
Yokies: Hang ni dah tak dak orang len ke nak sembang.. ngan kucing la pulak sekarang
Me: Ye la, korang dah tinggalkan saya sorang².. semua p kahwin buang.. kesian kat saya.. tu pun nasib baik ada kucing
Yokies: Kesian sangat eh.. tu la hang
Me: Apa saya pulak.. korang la tinggal saya.. pasni budak kecik plak nak kahwin, memang tinggal sorang la saya
Yokies: Alah.. macam la aku tak tau pasai hang.. banyak citer aku dengaq.. lagipun aku kenal hang dah lama la, Bulat
Me: Ni merepek apa pulak
Yokies: Aku nak tanya hang, kenapa kan, kalu ade je orang suka kat hang, hang mesti lari?
Me: Lorrr.. ni citer dongeng mana pulak ni
Yokies: Citer dongeng apa, aku tau la, aku kenal hang lama
Me: Meghapu dah kawan saya sorang ni.. salah orang dah ni
Yokies: Aku kenai la hang.. berapa lama dah kita kawan.. weii, tak pa la, anak aku dah jaga.. Assalamualaikum

Well, well, well, I didn't expect to hear THAT from him though what he said DID hover in my mind for the next few days. I mean, it does coincide with what Liana said to me, as in my previous entry (Honest comments, anyone! I think..).

As I said, on the way to my tuition class, I was thinking of the horoscope and the question Azren asked me a few months back, loomed in front of me, "Kak Yong, dun you trust anybody?"

Well, in the entry I said above, I did admit that he was true but I didn't realize how true. I mean, even with my friends, it takes me quite a while to open up. Though funnily, thats not the case with my 'cousins' here whom I trusted on sight.. AND for the first time my instincts were right, really am glad bout that! But with others, it genarally takes much longer.

I really hate not trusting people as I want people to trust me too and I know how hurt I'd be if I know people don't trust me but sometimes I can't help it. The only good thing I see about this is that, though I have a difficult time trusting people, once I do, it'll also be a hard for me to feel otherwise.. so in this case, no one can change the way I feel about my friends, no matter how hard they try.. but thats about it. All the other parts of this feeling are just so.. ugly!

With my 'cousins', I instantly felt they would accept me as I am, all the good and bad. Believe me, I have a good reason for thinking this way. They first got to know me when I was screwing up a project I was handling, but did they judge me? No! In fact, they helped me to improvise and even after the project, they were still there. I guess that's why I totally trust them. They saw me at my worst point but, hell, it was nothing to them!

But with other people, they might have only seen me in my usual mode.. the not-doing-anything-wrong-yet mode so I get afraid to do the wrong things in front of them, just in case they'll have different views of me later.

Those people whom I trust, even a tiny bit, have all seen worse of me than the way I usually am. Sometimes, I hate myself for feeling this way. I mean, like Yun, she trusts even strangers and her instincts are usually right. I envy her ability to be like that. Nearly everyone I know are like that and I feel so terrible. It's not that I feel I'm better than anyone else, its bcoz I feel I'm worse that I'm like this. But in my experience, the people I try to put my trust in early on, would hurt me in the end so I'm just afraid.

Even in the matters of the heart. For example, my invisible best friend. I had been close to him for nearly 5 years before I realized that I had set my heart loose. Never had I imagined of feeling that way but it just happened and look what it got me into. A total heartbreak that even 2 years later, I haven't quite recovered from it. I mean, look how long it took for me to let someone into my heart, and I've been trusting him for a long time before that too! Makes me shudder to think how much longer would it take for me to find someone else :(

Recently, some friends of mine tried to matchmake me with someone I cannot stand. Junior pulak tu, in case they don't realize, I am VERY particular about age differance! I'm not mad at them, they never knew I couldn't stand him but I do feel a bit hurt. I mean, why didn't they ask me first? I know what Yokies and Toroque would say,"Alaaa, kalau kami habaq pun, macam hang mau!" but still.. I mean, give me time to learn to trust, to know, to be comfortable.. don't just push someone into my face (Oppsss.. Yokies ngan Toroque, I'm not talking about you guys hehe.. I know if it were you guys, korang takkan buat canni).

Yeah, like what my horoscope said up there, maybe for once, I admit that once in a while, what they say, does really reflect you, though I'm not comfortable with the way it described me. Though I like it or not, it really is me!

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

And then there were 7..

1980 - Nurikhwani Idayu
1981 - Izuan Bakhtiar
1982 - Idham Mursyidi
1986 - Ikram Abadi
1989 - Nurikhsan Izati
1992 - Iskandar Muhammad

The list above shows the full names of my siblings along with our year of birth.. until earlier this year la somehow..

There's my name on top of the list a.k.a kak Yong (eldest sister) to my brothers and sister and cousins as well as close family friends. My nieces and nephews (the reason 'nephews' come second is because they are outnumbered by my nieces) have been trained by yours sincerely to call me Cik Yong. I didn't like the normal Mak Yong.. cam nama tarian traditional.. nor did I like the other name Wan Yong coz Wan means grandfather in the northern dialect, compared to 'Aunty' in our Perak dialect.. waaa, nanti kena gelak ngan orang utara!! Good thing my aunt prefers the Cik Yong version too hehe.. sayaaaaaaang Mak Yang!

Then there's Iwan who's a year younger than me, known as Abangah (shortform of Abang Ngah) by the younger ones coz they're too lazy to call him the longer name. I was the one who started calling him Iwan since I couldn't pronounce Izuan when I was small. To our anak² sedara, I'm not sure how he calls himself though.. never heard him bahasakan diri dia ape yet.

A year after Iwan, came Adi or Abalang (also short form but this time from Abang Alang). He is my closest brother. I'm always nagging on everything about him.

"Adi, your rambut dah panjang.. potong la!"

"Adi, stop pulling my hair"

"Adi, cuba beli baju kemas sikit"

"Adi, seluar pun berlubang"

"Adi tu.. Adi ni"

Hehe.. but he's still the brother I love to hang out with. The both of us have come to one understanding, that I'm not publishing here.. and boy I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling like that! We agree on most things though we might have different views. And he's the one I love ganging up with Izati to gaduh².

Next came Ikram, much to the jealousy of Adi. See, Adi had been the youngest for 4 years before Ikram came along. Ikram is known as Anchik by the younger one's (another shortform from Abang Chik) but to the older ones, he affectionately calls himself Iyam, though we told him Iyam is a girl's name when he was smaller. Still, in front of his friends, he asks us to call him Ikram hahah.. I wrote an entry about him earlier.. one of my earliest entries. Now he's back here though I haven't had the chance to meet up with him. Ye la, bila kak Yong balik kampung, Iyam dah balik KL, cammana nak jumpa?

Then there's Izati or Ti ('kakak' to Iskandar). She's my one and only sis (errr.. until April this year la..). I wanted to have a sister so much when I was small and how happy I was when I finally got one. 9 years younger than me, I felt the gap when I was in school, but now, I feel as if the gap is thinning and I'm finally accepting the fact that my sister has grown up. I remember once, when choosing her 'pangkat', she wanted to be called Mak Su by our anak sedara but we told her, 'Su' was only for the youngest, in this case, Iskandar la. She was stubborn and still wanted that name until finally, after months of persuading her, she agreed to choose another name. Me, being the usual irritating eldest sister, announced to everyone that she was to be called Mak Tam and how furious Izati was. I finally stopped calling her Mak Tam when she cried after I was teaching my niece, Majdah (who's, by the way, real name is Majdah Izati) to call her Mak Tam. Mak Yang scolded me hehe.. "Kome ni, kawan tu elok putih, panggil dia Mak Tam kenapa?"

Then finally there's Iskandar.. my youngest brother! Stubborn as a mule and turning Mama's hair white is his specialty. He's always been doing cheeky things since he was small that he's the source of 'kena kutuk' at home. I mean, ade ke bawak ayam katik tu baring sekali ngan dia? Then, trying to hatch eggs on MY bed! Reciting azan Isya' at the surau when the elders were not looking, with the speaker on full blast, mind you! The list goes on hehe..


2005 - Nuribtisam Annisa

Huh? Who's this?

Some of you who have been following my blog would have noticed a blog entry I published in mid-April.. about having a new sis. Well, the truth is, I really wanted to talk about her in this entry. I just went to have my first peek at my new sister 2 days ago. Baizurah calls it "the Nasik Lemak Project".

I've been meaning to go and see my sis since I first got to know about her. But somehow, thinking of Mama, I always have put off the meeting. However, my sister's instinct overpowered me last week. Suddenly, I just wanted to see my new sister.

The whole week, I had to prepare myself, mentally and physically for the 'meeting'. I didn't tell my parents coz.. well, if I told Mama, I know I wouldn't hear the last of it.. and if I told abah.. well, that's another story altogether. Besides, if I suddenly developed cold feet, no one would know, right?

Anyway, the day came. I woke up early, couldn't even take a nap after Subuh. I had already rehearsed what I was going to converse about and I kept replaying the scenes in my head. I mean, Abah has always been trying to find fault in me EVERYTIME I see him, especially after he got married again, so I was frantically finding ways to avoid these confrontations or how to retaliate, just in case. My nerves were not in their best conditions and my heartbeat must have been to the point of abnormality!

After a few moments of deciding what was the best thing to wear, so no faults could be found there, and after trying to make myself as presentable as ever, I started my journey to Tasek Gelugor. I stopped at Bkt Panchor to buy my favourite nasik lemak (Thus the name 'Nasik Lemak Project") but the mak cik didn't open her stall so I settled for the stall next to hers.

The whole way there, my mind was busy. Even my favourite songs on my favourite station couldn't take my mind off THE MEETING. Approaching the Butterworth-Kulim Expressway, I had this sudden urge to go back but part of me was determined to get over with it. I mean, it was only a few miles more.

When I arrived, I saw some of the workers in front of the container. I was half-hoping that Abah wasn't there so I could just speed back home but I noticed his car so I knew he was there. After asking about his whereabouts to a worker, I took a long breath and stepped towards the room. However, the appearance of Iskandar there took away all my anxieties as I was too suprised to see him!

I guess my wittle bwudder here helped me to relax. After salam with my father and exchanging a few pleasantries, I was finally calm. In fact, I suddenly realized how much I missed Abah though I have never been close to him.

I finally told Abah I wanted to see my sister and he answered with the most obvious answer,"She's your sister, apa salah pulak?" Hehe..

However, she was nursing with my stepmom so I waited a bit. Now, I've been avoiding meeting with my stepmom before, I always had this impression that she hates us but I guess, or maybe I'm hoping, wishful thinking perharps, I might be wrong! I avoid calling her Ummi or Mak Cik, I'm just not THAT comfortable yet with her. But when she saw me, she stopped nursing Annisa (or Echa.. I heard Iskandar call her something like that) so I went to salam her. All at once, my resentment dissolved when I lay my eyes on my sister.

I guess, thats why most of us wonder how some people can be so ruthless to mistreat thier children. Just look at the cases of 'penderaan kanak²', some are just so senseless, you'd couldn't even compare them to animals as even animal are better. I was looking at my sister and this warm pleasant feeling came flooding my heart. I forgot all my worries and all negative thoughts and just wanted to hold her in my arms.

She's 'botak', just like I was until my 2nd birthday but I assured my stepmom that she'd grow up like me, with hair so thick that tends to grow long overnight that she's have the same problem as I had when it comes to 'stuffing' our hair in our 'anak tudung'. And she looks exactly like Iskandar, I still have Iskandar's baby picture and I plan to give it to Abah, just so they could see the similiarities we have.. Yup! Shes definitely my sister.

Once, Abah was starting to go back in his habit to scold me for something but instead of hearing his voice rising, I heard it faltering as he watched me and my sister. Dari suara yang macam nak marah, it just ended in this unaudible mumble and from the corner of my eyes, I saw him smiling.

I was having the time of my life. My sister was already 3 months old so she was starting to notice people and she kept cooing at me, as if she had so much to tell me. She's already an expert at smiling (like most 3 months old la.. I'm not bragging here, I know the torture of listenig to people saya their child is a genius.. hey! I have 5 smaller siblings so though I'm not an expert, I know this is NORMAL) like her namesake, which by the way means "The light of a woman's smile" or cahaya senyuman wanita.

After eating the nasik lemak with Abah, my stepmom and Iskandar, I was ready to go back home. I didn't want to overstay my welcome, besides, I was filled with this stab of guilt whenever I thought of Mama so I excused my self after nearly 2 hours there. Abah and my stepmom, along with my sister sent me to the car. After the goodbyes, and a last kiss to my sister, I went home.

I guess you could say, it all went well, unexpectedly. I mean, I've always cried whenever I meet Abah since he's always finding my fault but this time, it was different. I thought I saw a flicker of sadness on Abah's face when I waved goodbye, and the truth is, I'm sad too. I wish things were different but I know, this is takdir. The fate bestowed on us eversince we were up there with Him.

One thing I noticed, no wonder Iskandar has been making frequent visits here, he's totally smitten with the sister he so much wanted for such a long time. He used to bahasakan himself 'abang' to all our feline friends and even to 'Atik' our ayam katik we had years ago. The differance between me and him is 12 years AND 4 siblings in the middle but he only got a younger sibling in his 13th year and it felt so good seeing him happily playing with his sister. Somehow, I know that I'll back him up whenever Mama 'teases' him about going there instead of just leaving him alone to face it. He's definitely 'big brother material'! :-)

Monday, July 11, 2005

Waaaaaa.. penaaaatt!!

Sob.. sob..

Penat giler.. tulih panjang², tetiba server down, pastu entry ilang..

Mengong tul..

Iskk.. iskk..


Sunday, July 03, 2005

The Summons

Haha.. to my Caterpillarbuku club members, THIS is not a review of the John Grisham book. I'm still not that senile to confuse my blogs yet. And NO, this is not about a judge summoning me up for a reprimanding or something, more like the story of my samans (in plural, mind you!!).

I first got my driving license in my second year at USM, back in the year 2000. Well, it might be a little late for some people who jump up at the chance to get their license after completing SPM, but during that period, I was busy taking care of my siblings since my parents were doing their haj. In fact, I took my license secretly that not many people knew. Haha, call me a coward, I was afraid if I didn't pass the first time and that everyone might know. Even my housemates only knew after Mama called Yun to ask how my driving test went, when Yun didn't even know I was going for my test on that day but Alhamdulillah, I did pass.

Anyway, I practiced driving everytime I went back to Penang but once I got into my final year, I stopped. Thus, I grew afraid of driving though at first I was so perak that even going to the kedai runcit, I just had to drive.

When I started working as a research officer, I still didn't feel the need to drive yet since I could still stay in the hostel but after a year, we were sort of forced to get out of the hostel and rent some place else. When this happened, the majority of us knew one thing for sure: We needed transportation!

Thus, started my lesson of driving, all over again. Since I already knew that Abah and my uncle arranged for me to buy an automatic car (my uncle was afraid that I'd never remember the gear shifts AND about my low confidence on the road), I practiced road confidence using kak Ana's car where everyday we'd drive around till I was confident enough on the road and of my steering control.

The day I got my car, I was in Lengong with Lili, Hasni, Medoff and Amir regarding the MIMOL project. Dari mula lagi, Amir and Medoff kept persuading me to drive (all of them knew I was waiting for my car) but I refused since I wasn't THAT confident yet. But then, who would have expected them to play a trick on me. When going for the Jumaat prayers, Medoff parked the car right in the middle of the road and handed the keys to me. Amir then said,"Kak Ayu buat la apa yang kak Ayu suka dengan keter ni" and to add insult, they laughed and hurried into the masjid before I could call out to them.

I was the only one with a driving license at that time so whether I liked it or not, I HAD to drive the car to the nearest surau in order for us girls to pray. Besides, I can't leave the car in the middle of the road, could I? All of the sudden, the 10 minute journey felt like an hours worth of driving. Thankfully I could still drive the car, though it was a manual tramsmission one, but throughout the drive, I must have sweared buckets. Good thing the only word I know is 'bodoh, bengong' or those two little brothers of mine would get more nasty words to their name!

When we finally went to Lenggong for the actual project, I had already had my car for a week, and had been driving for only a week too! I'd always wondered how people could drive pass the speed limit, and even curse while driving that I had vowed NOT to do that. Besides, I was still a bit afraid, anyway but during that time, I really obeyed the rules. I mean, this highway (takde tol la.. just jalan biasa but like higway) had a 90km/hr limit and I followed it, to the exasperation of Yun who had to follow me from behind, since she didn't know the way. If it was up to her, she was sure to speed things up. In fact, budak² ni loved to tease me and being the lurus bendul me, I had to accept it haha.. but I don't mind, they were the best, even when Juty teased me on this 60km/hr road --> "Kak Ayu, dah 61km/jam dah ni.. dah lebih!!"

Well, my first speeding ticket was in last year. In fact, I even saw the traffic police and I knew Abah was about to receive a ticket. But that first time was really because of this Merc 'lembap' in front of me, and when I wanted to potong him, it just speeded up, causing me to accelerate even more, thus, my first speeding ticket! I received a good lecture from Abah (who ironically IS a lecturer haha!) and ashamedly paid for the summon.

Unsuprisingly, when I told my juniors, their first reaction was,"Kak Ayu kena saman laju???? Hahah.. tipu lah.. Nak bawak lebih dari had laju pun takut, takkan dah pandai kena saman dah kot?" Hehe, good ol' adik² of mine!!

Then, just a few months after that, while browsing at this online service for TNB, JPJ bla.. bla.. bla.. I suddenly wanted to check the car's summons, just for the fun of it BUT, the fun went right outta it when I discovered another TWO summonses. Darn!!!

I had to wait a few weeks before being able to pay for them, and was glad that they had this discount if paid during this certain period. However, my instincts told me to bring more money than I intended to. Well, upon arriving at the police counter, I was told that I had yet another summon. Ratsss!!! That makes it 4 speeding tickets in not even a year and YES, I had to use all the money I brought along with me.

After that, I vowed not to speed. Hahah, if there was a Speeding Anonymous, I might have to join. For week I had to endure teasing from my colleagus and juniors who loved to asked me, "Ayu tak dapat saman lagi dah ke?".

I was feeling good about myself after a few months samanless but one day, after teaching tuition in Parit Buntar, I headed to Jawi. On the way, rain started falling so I switched on my windshields (btw, why to we call it windshields? Shouldn't it be called rain/snow shields?) and imagine my suprise to see a piece of paper stuck on it. Waaaaaaaaarrrgggghh.. I got a new ticket but it was a parking ticket this time. All because I accidently paid my parking fees at the wrong parking meter!! Duhhh..

That ticket was followed by another two: the first one, I admit, I didn't pay on purpose but the second one, I totally forgot!! And now I'm like.. what is it with me and summons??

Then, a few days ago, I was chatting with Bebe on Yahoo! and he was busy checking his summons online. I smugly told him,"Saya dah insaf sekarang, tak kumpul dah saman laju" but he insisted on my i/c number so he could check. Wanting to prove how good I am on the road now, I checked it out myself and suprises of suprises! I GOT ANOTHER SPEEDING TICKET! And to tell you the truth, I'm not sure if I'm supposed to get this since I've really repent on my old ways. Insaf giler dah ni weih..

Well, like Faezah commented on my Friendster, "Kak Ayu dan saman memang sinonim.. tak dapat dipisahkan!"

I guess I'd always be haunted by these summons. Kena mandi bunga kot baru ilang rasa nak dapat saman ni agaknya.. hmmm..