Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Notice Board Dilemma

*Heavy sigh*

Our society has been asking for our own notice board eversince forever. However, it had seemed that NO ONE was gonna listen to us until we had this workshop going on, and since the school wanted the notice board to look like it was being used, we were asked to fill it up.. finally! After a few suggestions thrown here and there, one of us volunteered to be in charge of it and promised to give us the most spectacular notice board ever in the history of PPKA haha.. Well, we didn't really expect a GRAND one, a normal acceptable one was enough but his words kinda rubbed the wrong way with a few of us. Me? I was thankful I wasn't put it charge of it so I welcomed anyone who'd wanna do it voluntarily..

However, it came with a condition that he wasn't to be bothered with the workshop so we readily agreed.. as long as we didn't hafta do the notice board. I'm already sick of notice boards eversince my school days hehe..

Come Monday, I had woken up late and only arrived at the school around 10.30am. As I arrived, the first question abg Fadzil asked me was if I had seen the postgrads notice board. Feeling a bit ashamed (I had assumed the committee member in charge had done his job well and abg Fadzil wanted us to notice it), I admitted that I hadn't and quickly went out to see it. However, I was a bit surprised to see it.. it was.. you know.. like.. in one word: EMPTY!

I only saw this WHITE board with ribbons there were already falling off, and charts that were crooked and all that. I was like: Oooo-kay! I have to admit here, I don't have any esthetic consciousness (the reason I HATE being put in this kinda committee) and at first, I thought I was the only one who was 'uncomfortable' with the notice board..

When I went back in the room, most committee members had complained of it. Aiyak! Why complain to me maaa? Then, the 'higher posts' of the association decided to do a make-over for the board and since it was assumed that I didn't have anything to do, me and Farah were asked to do it. I tried to call the person responsible, just to inform him of what was happening but he told me he was not feeling well, and in my haste in trying to ask him if he was okay, I forgot about informing him.

That night, me and Dgon stayed up till 2am, just doing the smallest notice board.

The next morning (a day before the workshop), once again I woke up late. When I arrived at the school, a few 'higher posts' were gathered around in the room, along with the one responsible for the notice board. I joined in with them for a breather before we started the days work. Then, as I was getting comfortable, along came the question..

"Who changed my notice board?"

Erk.. I was in an uncomfortable position as I was facing him. The others, including the 'higher posts' were looking at me expectantly. Truth is, the day before, they were afraid he'd be mad so they asked me to take the blame, in hoping that since I'm older than him, he might accept it. Well, can't really blame them as they had told me he'd been moody the day before and even complained that this was a girl's job when he was the one who volunteered to do a 'bombastic' job outta it. I didn't really wanna take it as this person doesn't exactly like me eversince I had confronted him on stabbing the back of my dear friend without his knowledge while pretending to be his friend but at that very moment, everyone else was quiet!

Double 'aiyak'! Especially since I just remembered I had forgotten to inform him the day before.

Then, trying to put on a VERY straight and indifferent face, I told him, "WE did!"

*A very long awkward silence*

Him: Why didn't anyone tell me about this?

I didn't know what to reply until he went outta the room. I was a bit upset though. Alaaa, takkan la nak save your asses, I plak yang kene! But then again, there wasn't time to feel upset, we still had a lot to do..

Then, as we told Dgon about it (she came a bit later), she asked me why didn't I put the blame on her? Alooohhh, ade plak! But at least she was braver than me to tell it to his face WHY everyone had voted to change the notice board. I mean, he DID promise to do a great job as long as he wasn't assigned to other tasks so we never bothered him with anything. She had a point though and I wondered why didn't I think of it before haha..

Besides, Farah vouched when I said I had tried to call him..


I hope he won't be mad for long..

Updated at 3.15pm --> He talked to me hehe.. guess he also didn't wanna be mad prior to the workshop. *whew*

My life.. at 7pm, Mondays to Fridays!

A few weeks ago, while waiting for my turn to shower, I sat down with Elie to watch this pilot episode of a Taiwanese drama. Not really a fan of these soap operas (my weakness is, not matter how boring the thing is, I'd usually stick around to watch it till the end if I started watching one), I had really wanted to pass time while waiting for Yana, but it turned out, I got hooked!

Its just a simple story, as can be told by other viewers of this drama, but I didn't expect to actually wanna watch the drama through and through. For Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays when I had afternoon tuition classes, I'd rush back home (my classes end at 6.45pm) to sit in front of the tv for this drama. And on days I have night classes (Tuesdays till Thursdays), I'd sneak to get ready during commercial breaks eg. 1st commercial break: wash my face and brush my teeth, 2nd commercial break: a quick bath, 3rd commercial break: Maghrib prayers.

Tuesdays and Thurdays are the hardest coz I have to get outta the house at least after the third commercial break as my class is in Bagan Serai (an around 20-minute drive), thus miss the final quarter of the current episode.

Me and Elie get a kick outta watching this. Ok.. ok.. real word here: EMOTIONAL!

Haha.. we'd be shouting at the actors, oohing and aahing at the right places, even nearly cried together at some scenes, give sighs of relief at certain scenes and so on and so forth hehe.. I might even laugh at myself if I had to watch myself in emotional stress during the drama hehe..

Whenever one of us misses an episode, the other one would always be ready to talk about it once the one who missed it arrives home. Gives me and Elie a topic to talk about nearly everyday :) In fact, during those nearly-six-weeks, my life revolved around this mini series, where I'd plan my activities around the showtime of the drama.. even broke my fast (ade ke perkataan tu?) at 8pm, due to not being able to tear myself away from the tv from 7pm to 8pm.

Then, while browsing to Ayeen's blog (which btw was the site I 'stole' this image), I found out she too was having the same experience.

But yesterday was the last episode for it. We nearly shrieked pretty well emotionally when they did a typical 'hindustani' scene where Shen Shen finally found her voice just to call out Wei Yi's name as he was fighting his diesease at the swim meet. The ending was thankfully not 'hindustani' enough where no miracle came to Wei Yi's rescue..


Now, my days at 7 o'clock are empty..

Btw, there's this english song in the drama that I've grown to like.. Ayeen, lagu pe tu eh?

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

The long weekend has come and gone.. but my tuition classes were still on so I didn't manage to go home earlier. I only went home on Sunday morning, with a few stops on the way :)

My first stop was Abah's place as Mama and Izati were already there that morning. I arrived as Izati and Annisa were fighting about a packet of crisps.. and to think there's a 16-year differance between them haha..

Annisa has started babbling, like me when I was smaller (Abah and Mama la cakaaap.. btw, a few days ago, Yun described me to her friend as a QUIET person haha.. guess thats what happens to friends who knew you before you become the non-stop talking machine!). She has trouble saying 'kak Yong' and 'kakak' though, but she knows which is which now. I had a fun time replying in her baby talk with Izati making faces to show how ridiculous I looked haha! Annisa kept sitting with her Umi until I took her. I love the way she fits in my lap :) :) :)

Then we went out for lunch at Taman Bertam Putra.. or was it Taman Putra Bertam? Played peek-a-boo with Annisa when she came trotting towards me with a cheeky look in her eyes that were actually eyeing the icecream atop of my ais kacang. Mama shook her head while Umi was open mouthed in shock seeing a 26-year-old reduced to being a 1-year-and-a-half like her sister.. but then again, what do I care? Its good to be able to laugh now :) :) :) Especially seeing the look at Izati's face when Annisa preferred to play with me hahah.. sape suh gaduh ngan budak kecik tu pasal keropok?

The mystery of our lunch over there (really outta way from Abah's place) was answered after lunch. Turned out, Abah and Umi had bought a home there and wanted to show it to me and Izati (apparently Mama already knew about it).. and I guess in trying to be fair, it was also a corner lot (ours is a semi-D.. corner lot la jugak kan kirenye heheh..). Had a bit of a garden for Annisa to run around, quiet a pleasant house.

Annisa was red in the face and sweaty from running around the house (and she was actually sleepy before we arrived there) so when we arrived back at Abah's place, I wanted to bathe her as I also wanted to take a shower. I love bathing her just as she loves the water.. it took Umi to call her for us to stop frolicking in the water (Hehe, takut gak kat Umi ye, Ayu!). After putting her in her nappy and dress, I wanted to go to my car to get my towel but she raised her arms to me, wanting me to pick her up so she could follow me.

I didn't think anything of this until she refused to get outta the car. Then I remembered, the toy lion I had in front that has caught her eye for ages.. huh! Tricked by a nearly-two-year-old!!! No wonder she wanted to follow me to the car. I decided to take her for a ride and shouted to Umi to inform her, but then Izati demanded to follow us so there we were, the three Zainal sisters hehe.. I drove around until Annisa was half asleep (as our original plan) then went back.

Then I took my own shower. Very refreshing (imagine cold kampung water on a hot day!). By the time I finished my shower, Annisa was already sleeping..

It was then I noticed one of my slippers missing. Looking around, I noticed a puppy I had scolded earlier carrying my slipper in his mouth while watching me. I could've sweared he was laughing at me but since I still had my towel wrapped around my waist, I decided to let it be first.

When it was time to go home, I decided to go get my slipper and samak it. However, that puppy, with revenge in his mind, no doubt about that, had chewed it until it was useless. Damn that puppy! Good thing it was outta sight or I might've strangled it as I had no other footwear with me and in the end had to wear Mama's seliper jepun.

Thats when me and Izati decided to go to KBJ. She wanted to find footwear for sports while I decided that I DID NOT wanna go back to Pt Buntar with Mama's seliper Jepun. So Mama went back alone while Izati went with me. Initially we had thought of going to Megamall, but since it was already sixish, we decided to go somewhere near home instead. However, on the congested bridge, while I was loudly complaining about drivers who jump queue (while singing along with Izati who kept repeating 'Faraway' haha), Izati suggested we go to Queensbay since she hadn't been there. I have also never been there so I thought it might be a good idea.

When we arrived there, I made sure I noted where we had parked the car. Written on the column beside my car was a big 'A12'. Then me and Izati spent the next 15 minutes trying to find a way into the building haha.. The arrows were so confusing. Not matter how much we followed them, we didn't find a way into QBay. I was starting to feel that is wasn't such a great idea after all when voila! We found the entrance :)

Spent a good 3 hours there. What with fussy Izati dragging me around but at least I got my sandals (which btw, I still haven't regretted buying yet, though yesterday I suddenly felt that the colour was rubbing me off the wrong way now). I noticed a cute red mini football at the Nike counter, depicting MU's logo around it and I know someone who'd have loved it. I also found a lot of interesting shops there, though the only bookshop that was open, 'Borders' or something, actually failed to interest me. Thats a first hehe.. There was also this shop that sold frilly² skirt and all that stuff and Izati WAS ACTUALLY INTERESTED IN THEM. The tomboy Izati!!!! She scowled when she saw me trying my best to supress my laughter..

Then, finally we went to get some dinner. A full table for only the two of us. Here, I discarded Mama's seliper Jepun with my new sandals, much to the annoyance of Izati who was still so sure I was gonna regret the outta-line-for-kak-Yong purchase. After nearly bursting with food, we decided to head back home BUT an acessories shop caught our attention and before I knew it, I had bought her and myself, not one, but two bracelets each! I really have to check on my expenditure now!!!

WE had another adventure here. After getting outta the lift, we went to find the column labelled A12. However, A12 did not have my car near it. I would've panicked had I not noticed that earlier, my car was parked near the aircond outlet (or whatever that thing is) but even THAT was missing.

Then.. to my dismay, I realized that ALL floors have A12. Aiyak!!!! Took me another 15 minute to finally locate my car haha..

Went home, took a shower. I was brushing my hair which surprisingly has grown a lot longer than I expected when I heard voices.. IKRAM! Yeay..!

Practically ran down the stairs and sat with him and Izati in front of the tv though we weren't exactly watching it. Ikram, as usual, kept talking about his comic books and was happy when I asked him if I could borrow one or two since he seemed to be really interseted in them. The 'one or two' finally turned out to be about 40 issues when he insisted I read them all.. aiyak! Takpe la, Yam punye pasal, kak Yong bace laaaa..

Then he went to fry some 'bishops nose' (a still-hideous name for bontot ayam, his favourite part of the chicken though!) for all of us to munch on while he and Izati argued over whatever-topic-they-feel-that-could-be-a-good-argument and I just laughed on, enjoying he 'noisiness' of it all :) It was late before I was finally sleepy enough to retire..

Woke up the next day to Izati insisting it was a great day for a movie. I told her that I had a class that afternoon, but did she care? JANGAN HARAP heheh.. She'd already watched Ghost Rider with Hazwan and Mira as Hazwan had wanted to watch it early Saturday morning. Hazwan asked Izati to 'ajak la kak Yong hang, aku dah lama tak jumpa dia' but 'kak Yong hang' had class la Hazwan, so I was left out of the outing boo-hoo.. However, Adi had talked a bit about The Holiday and Izati wanted to watch it. I was also looking forward to go catch a movie since its been ages I've gone to see one. The last one was Death Note 2 (on second thought, my 'ages ago' might not actually be that long ago hehe..)

Besides, I'm a movie buff, its very seldom I won't enjoy any kinda movie haha.. so I agreed but told her, I'd only watched movies which strated the latest at 12.30 as I had a class at 5.15.

Turned out, I cancelled the class in the end.

Went to KBJ but Izati didn't find the shoes she wanted. Then the movies there were quite a let down as they kept saying 'kene tunggu at least 4 orang nak tengok dik, baru kitorg bukak'.. What the..? Baik tak yah buh kat listing maaaaa.. After a frustrating wait, we decided to head off to Prangin, with hopes, Izati would find her shoes and that there'd be a decent showing of movies there.. but first, we went to Kenny Rogers so Izati could go exchange some loose change with her old manager.

On the way to Prangin, Izati suddenly shouted when she realized a Bata shop open (the other were closed) and she pretended to give me an 'oh well' attitude about it. Sheesh, had to u-turn to go there but it paid off as she finally found a shoe she liked.. and at a bargain too! So I DEMANDED she pay for my movie ticket ince she had a whole lot of leftover cash from what was her initial budget.. yeay!

Hazwan wanted to follow us at first but suddenly felt 'aku rasa segan la pulak ngan kak Yong'.. pulaaaaaaaaaakk!

Went to Prangin and finally decided to watch 'Songs and Lyrics'.. Hmm, or was it 'Music and Lyrics'? Hahah.. forgot already maaa! The movie was ok la (said I enjoy most movies, didn't say I'd LOVE them a LOT hehe..), kinda movie that you just sit down and watch and don't have to think though I won't actually suggest the movie to anyone but it was pleasant. I loved the song though.. Way Back Into Love. Even Izati loved it and she's already planning to go find the MP3 which I begged her to send to me if she found it. I've been searching for the lyrics but can't seem to find it yet..

Anyway, by the time we arrived, I had already called to cancel my class so I had the whole afternoon to kill. After the movie, we went to grab some pastries (had already eaten at KBJ wif my sis) then Izati dragged me around to go find some socks (6 pairs at three different stops!!!) It was after 4 that we decide to go home (once again with her repeating Faraway.. I think I'm gonna make her a CD with only THAT song haha..)

Discovered Ikram had gone out with Sofi to catch Ghost Rider.. uwaaa, kene tinggal lagi :( He had already piled his comics in a neat stack for me but I fell asleep just as I was thinking of how I was gonna bring them all to my car. Woke at 6, then decided to quickly pack my things in the car. Asked Izati for help with Ikram's comic..

Thats when I found the picture above.. I can hear some 'Oooohhh, patut la ade gambo tu!' going around here hehe..

It was taken during raya and though the picture's colour isn't impressive enough, I love the picture. I was really happy during that Aidilfitri.

I love this picture enough to even put it in my Yahoo! 360 :) As I wrote in there: Clockwise from the top, with the hideous goatee and looking like a lost goat in the city is my closest brother Adi. On his left is Ikram who's happily pointing to me to prove I'm the shortest of the lot. Beside me is Izati and behind her is Iskandar, the youngest of our clan. Iwan didn't come home for raya so he's not in the picture and Mama was the one who took it, after we came home from prayers.

It was actually in Ikram's album but I 'stole' it.. for a while :)

When I look at it, I can't really believe we're siblings. We look quite different from each other, don't you think? Yet, when we're together, we could bring the whole house down. No wonder Mama's headache rate is directly proportionate to the head count of her children in the house (yes, to her we're STILL children.. just last week, she called us from the top of the stairs, "Children.. dah makan ke?" Hehe.. children huh?)

Wow!! This is quite a long entry, huh? Heheh.. better stop. Till next time :)

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Cinderella.. Ayurella hehe..

For a typical girl, its time to buy footwear (which includes sandals, slippers bla.. bla.. but would hereby be called 'shoes' after this point to make it easier for me haha..) when..

..you go out and suddenly see a shoe you like!
..you get your pay and dunno what to do with the money! (Duh!!)
..you haven't got a certain colour one (when in reality, you've got a dozen shoe racks full of shoes with every colour in the world) (Double 'Duh!!')
..you don't have the right shoe to go with a certain outfit you have!
..your friends are buying one and so that means you HAFTA buy one too (or your shoes would be one less than your friends! (Rolling eyes and a triple 'Duh!!')

Haha.. okay! I'm being sarcastic here but really, I don't quite understand what is it with girls and shoes (I'm a girl too, okay!). It amuses me though.. My friend Yun once laughed at me when I insisted that the essentials are just a pair of sandals to wear to class, flip flops to wear at home when going to the groceries or just hanging out the clothes, formal shoes to wear on certain occasions and maybe a pair of shoes to wear when exercising. The reason: She believes ALL those activites can be done with only a pair of flip flops.. hah! Now, she has a car trunkful of shoes, ranging from peculiar sandals to pencil thin heels.. and now I laugh back at her coz I'm still holding on to my shoe philosophy while she's now off the charts with her shoes.

My housemates both have half a dozen shoes each in all kinds of shapes and colours. Sometimes I feel like the odd one out when I only have
i. ONE sensible sandal
ii. ONE selipar buruk to wear ANYTIME I want
iii. A pair of sportshoes that I wear once in a while

Okay², I have a pair of pink sandals which I SELDOM wear which therefore is not fit to mention here, but thats all!

I don't even have sensible shoes which lands me in trouble whenever there's a function hehe.. I love my sensible sandals which is btw, sometimes called 'sandal orang tua' by my friends. Its the bulky Comfit sandals which by the way are VERY comfy and good enough to use for running in (especially when I wanna run away from my supervisor) or for walking long distance.. which says a LOT especially when compared to the pretty² sandals the others might prefer. So insult my sandals as you want, you KNOW they're more comfy than what you're wearing haha..

Mama has always complained on my lack of sense in the shoes department. Her reason is because she thinks I don't have enough shoes which I answer with an open mouth since I think I have more than enough. Even Yun keeps telling me I should buy more.. quadruple 'duh!' here!

The only time I buy my shoes is when
i. my current shoes are obviously fallen apart
ii. when my sandal snapped right in the middle of Megamall

Haha.. which bring me to the real reason of this entry.

On Sunday, I was awaken by Izati practically screaming (it was by sms actually, but I could imagine her haha..) telling me to wake up and meet them at Abah's place. I had planned to go home anyway so I thought 'what the heck'.. I haven't seen my sister in a long time anyway.. err, sister as in 'youngest sister' that is <--marah Izati hehe..

Anyway, when I arrived, it was the usually noisy bunch of us (Izati and me actually) but thats a different story and I'll talk about it in my next entry coz I wanna scan a picture I just found first..

Well, as we were going back, I noticed I had lost one of my selipar buruk. Trying to search for that particular one, I remembered a doggy in front earlier. I had scolded it when it came to play with me.. waaaaaaaaaaaaa! Of course I chased it away.. turned out, it had its revenged and was actually grinning at me with my selipar buruk in its mouth.

After a while, I decided to go get my selipar and samak it as the doggy had grown bored with it. However, to my dismay, it had chewed my selipar until it snapped and was no longer wearable. Boy! Was I mad..

The others laughed at me when I told them I had NOTHING else to wear so Mama let me borrow her selipar buruk. Waaa, I didn't want to go around in that selipar so me and Izati decided to go to KBJ and buy one as Izati also wanted to go get some sport shoes. However, on the way, we decided to go to Queensbay as the both of us have never been there (this is also another story)..

I just realized how true Abah was when he said Izati is VERY fussy.. and this is when not ALL shops were open because of the CNY holidays. I can't imagine how my feet would've killed me if ALL shops were open. We must've went into ALL shoe shops and sports shops that were open. I thought I'd never get a chance to buy something to replace my selipar buruk.. specially since most shops that were open sold silly sandals that are more pretty than practical and which I know would really murder my feet if I had to wear them for a long time..

Then we came to this sports centre. I was ready to sit down when I noticed a display of foot wear intended for people to wear when they've finished their sports activities. I decided to go through them as Izati went around looking at the display of other shoes. Then I noticed a strappy BUT practical sandal, the kind I used to wear when I was smaller. I laughed at the display but found myself attracted by the display. After trying on some, Izati came to me and suggested a few typical-kak-Yong sandals (she didn't know the strappy-sandal me I once was haha..)

Then my eyes rested on these GOLDEN sandals hahaha.. and to Izati's surprise (and to mine too!), I insisted on buying them. Izati was shocked!!! As I was too la, but I refused to let her know that. She knows me as this black or brown shoes person and here I was, stubbornly telling her I wanna buy the GOLD ones. Okay la, maybe not gold, more like copper.. but still, it wasn't the typical me type hahah.. no wonder Izati started to look around, trying to find if she had lost her sister somewhere in the store..

She kept asking me if I was sure, so confidently I told her, I was positive I wanted to buy them.. She didn't even wanna follow me to the counter, afraid I'd suddenly come to my senses and demand my money back thus creating a scene, perhaps hehe..

Then, as we sat to eat, I quickly exchanged Mama's selipars with the sandals and I had a fun time showing them off to Izati as she rolled her eyes, still confident I was gonna regret the purchase. I have to admit though, I DID think I was gonna regret it the next day so I decided to savour the moment as I enjoyed my GOLDEN sandals (impractical colour if you ask me) hahah..

Guess what? The next day when Izati asked me if I regretted it, I still didn't :)

Well, lets see how long this I-dont-regret-it-feeling would last.. I'm still suprised that I actually bought that thing :D

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Spoilt for choices.. or follow what my head tells me to?

Yesterday, I came to school <--skema²!

Okay.. lets start differently. During my masters, I kept hoping to finish it quickly, and be happy about it. I was anticipating the day when I'd be free of any thinking.. turns out, even when I've finished, I'm still required to think A LOT haha..

For weeks, I had my mind made up. I wanted to get outta here. Go and teach somewhere or maybe apply for the ASTS and hope to be sent someplace far away from here, at least for the moment. I know, I've been saying this alot, but I have my reasons why I don't wanna stay here anymore..

I had already updated my resume, photocopied the appropriate certificates I might need and even filled in the ASTS form (halfway through la tapi hehe..). Even prep-talked to myself to accept whatever place God puts me in.. I've also passed my address book around to my 'family' here, just in case I might just one day disappear from here!

The idea of getting away from a place so familiar is quite frightening but its what I have to do. Yes, I can stay, try get some work here (there's a job waiting anyway, though its only on contract basis), but I think (or thought) this is the best for me, at least for the time being. So these days, I find myself trying to be excited of the prospect of getting outta here.. even if once upon a time I go, I didn't really wanna do that.. :(

Then, last week, I finally (or so I thought) accepted that it was better for me to go. Staying here actually hurts haha.. I called up my friend and told her that I was finally submitting my resume to her, then called another little friend, assuring him I'm posting my resumes to all the places I had promised him, just so they won't feel worried much. Knowing they they were happy with this decision I made, also made ME happy!

Then, yesterday as I went outta the toilet, guess who I met. The greatest mentor I ever had, Dr Farhan! He was just opening the door to his room when I passed by. Well, it isn't that I was avoiding him, but I didn't actually wanna see him as he's been asking about my plans after submitting. I've always known him as a very concerned supervisor, therefore I respect him a lot. I know he means well. He volunteered to be my referee if I wanted to apply for ASTS. Also offered the job I mentioned earlier to both me and Erwan. I didn't have any absolute answers for him yet, thats why I didn't actually wanna see him..

When I saw him, I didn't have any place to run. I couldn't possibly run back into the toilet so I decided to give him a smile then rush to the post grad room. However, he had his own plans and called me hahah.. tak bley lari la jawabnye..

He asked about his copy of my thesis and I told him I'd get it for him as it was in the room. He then told me to go get it and come see him, he said he had things to discuss.

O-oh, I thought.. not another, 'what-are-you-gonna-do' question..

Turns out, he had a PhD topic for me. Didn't quite expect that as I thought he wanted to ask about my plans. He already had a grant for this research and asked me if I was interested. I tried to make an indifferent expression as I had just convinced myself that I didn't wanna stay here but I guess he pretended to not notice.. or maybe I was the bad actress?

It was an interseting topic, a topic he knew I'd like. To my surprise, he also gave me a few papers for me to read, maybe to get me warmed up to the idea of this research. I still haven't touched the papers yet, but they seem to be screaming at me, asking me to read them. He assured me that since he already had the grant, I didn't have to worry about the allowances.. and THAT is tempting!


Coz, I DO plan to pursue a PhD, but I had told myself, not yet! Still, this offer is quite good. I DON'T have to think about a topic, he's already given me one. Its even something I like to do. The scope of the research is already given to me which makes my job easier (I hope!) and I won't have to worry about finding for finances during my study (which is usually the biggest problem!)

I could reject this offer, but the next time, I might have to find my own topic like most people. Then, there'd be the question of fundings..

I could accept, but how about my resolve to get outta here? I have my reasons for wanting to get outta here ASAP too.. but my future out there is still quite hazy.. and I might land in a job I dislike! But at least, I'd gain some experience, right?

But still, I'm gonna have to pursue my PhD sooner or later.. right?

Yet, I'd might need a short rest after completing my masters.. and what better way it is than to go find anther job SOMEWHERE else?

Arrrggghhhh!!! What am I supposed to do?

One thing for sure, I'm NOT telling Abah coz I know what he'd want me to do, and I know I'm gonna have to do it. Let it be my choice this time.. and yet, I can't think!


Wednesday, February 14, 2007

JPJ and Izati

Hahah.. nope! JPJ and Izati have nothing in common. Just didn't know what title to put up there.

What I wanted to write was of two different things :)

The first thing being the lembapness of JPJ. Well, err, ok, firstly, I was the initial lembap one here haha.. My car insurance and roadtax starts on the 14th of February last year, so naturally it ends on the 13th of February this year which was yesterday (Tuesday). Usually I have always been quick to renew both, around one week before. But this year, due to my lembap wages from USAINS, I didn't get the chance to renew them earlier. Luckily, I have some friends who are willing to help me out a bit until I get my checque (malu.. malu.. but thanx Yun and Cik Wa).

Monday noon found me marching up to Takaful to renew the insurance policy. Once again I met the kakak who remembers my name when I still haven't the slightest idea of what her name is. She asked why I've never gone there anymore for my personal insurance which I answered with a sheepish smile haha.. I've missed a couple of months I think..

After paying, the person at the counter checked with JPJ if the information had already been received online. However, the person at the other end explained that there was something wrong with the server but assured us it with be solved in 10 minutes. Still, I couldn't renew my road tax yet till the afternoon since the problem still persisted.

The next morning (yesterday), after playing tennis ala Ayu-Dgon, I rushed to the post office to renew the road tax. After standing in the line for nearly half an hour, I was disappointed when the clerk told me that JPJ still hadn't updated the information, therefore I couldn't renew my road tax.

I then called Takaful, informing them of what had happened and they promised to find out about it. Turned out, their server was still ^&*%#!


They told me to wait while JPJ tried to resolve the problem. I waited until noon, then proceeded to call Takaful to ask about it. Once again the kakak at Takaful told me that JPJ was still in the same problem. By then, she said that a lot of people were getting annoyed at this.. Well, JPJ would fine you even if you're late for your road tax for 1 day but when the problem starts from them, they just ignore all the complaints and pretend that it was still our fault.. sheesh!

ONLY at 4.15pm did the problem be ok but by then, it was too late to go to the post office. I arrived at the post office as they were closing up.. and this is when the post office is only a stone's throw from my house. I wasted the whole day waiting for their call at home, should've gone to school and do something productive (like knocking off Dgon's name on the high score list of Dynomite!).

So this morning, once again I rushed to the post office at 8.30am to be one of the earliest in the normally long line. FINALLY I got it.. no longer afraid of the police who usually do their road blocks whenever I go home from my tuition class at Bagan Serai :D

The next thing I wanted to write was about Izati..

*will be continued* nak balik tgk Amarte Asi 3.30pm TV3 <--promote!!!

A couple of days ago, Izati smsed me telling me that my stepmother was pregnant again and she had just dreamt that Annisa would get an 'adik'. I told her, she's not the only one getting an adik as the whole lot of us would be getting one too. I thought she'd be happy for it.. but she replied with a "Tapi Ti tak ske.."

I was quite confused as Izati is very fond of Annisa, claiming she'd rather have Annisa as her 'same mother-same father' adik, rather than Iskandar haha.. In fact, if I tell her about the things I do with Annisa, she'd be quite jealous, telling me Annisa still prefers HER to me hehe..

I replied, asking her what she meant.. but she didn't answer..

The next day, I sent her another sms asking her the same question.. still she didn't answer..

Then yesterday, I sent her another one, but this time I DEMANDED an anwser.

Her reply left me in stiches. Apparantly, she didn't like a new addition to the clan as she was afraid she'd lose ALL her abangs (Hilang kakak dia tak takut plak.. cisssss!!). Hehehe.. Being the only lil' sister in the house before, we usually spoil her, especially Adi eventhough they love to fight. Ikram on the other hand always finds fault with her, but they still got along okay when talking about anime and comics they both love. Yeah, they figt coz they've got so much in common. Iwan, I dunno.. don't ask me. I'm not sure if he's fond of any of us but I guess he's ok with her. Even Iskandar and Izati who are more like cats and dogs than brother and sister are quite close.

True, eversince Annisa's arrival, everyone has been spoiling her. Starting with Iskandar who was happy to finally have an adik, then Izati and me who went to see Annisa for the first time together. And with Adi, though she was afraid of him at first, now, whenever Adi comes back, she'd ignore all of us and only want Adi as her companion. But her favourite brother right now is Ikram, where whenever she see's our van, she'd peek into it to search for Ikram FIRST, before giving her attention to us OR ignoring us completely when she decides she want Ikram.

No wonder Izati's jealous hahaha..

Even Adi told me, she had once told him, "Ti dah tak sayang kat Annisa" Hahah, for God' sake la Izati, Ti tu dah 18 laaaaa.. ade nak jeles² lagi ngan adik sendiri hehe..

When I asked her, how would she feel if I said the same thing about her? She replied, "Kak Yong tak penah ade abang ke ape ke.. ade adik je.. so ape kak Yong tau!" Cehhh.. very hampeh my sister laaa..

Anyway, I'm just crossing my fingers to see what'll happen next coz I'm damn sure, she'd be the most excited when our new sibling finally arrives :) :) :)

Sunday, February 11, 2007

'Teacher kene tipu..'

I bought my paper this morning (more like at noon.. being bitten by the insomnia bug the past week has been keeping me awake at night, and sleeping after Subuh right till noon <--anak dara ape ni?). Went through the news, reading aloud to Yana who had just come home from her kampung at Kulim. Not that she asked me to anyway hahah..

At the cartoon section, my horoscope caught my attention by telling me to focus on something that makes me happy. Hmm, interesting as I've been a bit blue this weekend. Then I remembered something I had wanted to write about on Thursday..

I just had my form 1 class at Bagan Serai. I like this class as the students are either bright or posses a high level of inquiry. A mix of malay and indian student, I sometimes laugh at their antics in class.

Now, I've always encouraged my students to bring their schoolwork to class if they can't do it. This is so they could share the problem with the class while we try to solve it together. This particular day, my brightest student, Dinesh, asked me for some help with his work. Turned out his class was also learning the same chapter as we were.

Dinesh had some problems with factors. I had noticed he had 5 question, to find the factors of 48, 64, 100, 175 and 500. He had completed the first three questions but was having problems with 175 and 500. Since the other students were also calling out to me, and knowing that Dinesh actually KNEW how to find the answers, I just gave him the answers and asked him to check. I felt an unappropriate swell of pride when he commented on how he wanted to be like me, to answer straight from the head without calculating on paper or calculator so I told him, he could be like that if he wanted to.. he just had to love maths AND complete his exercises. He nodded in agreement and his bestfriend, Riisyinder gave me a smile that left me wondering if I had done something wrong..

I quickly shoved that thought away as I helped my other students with the exercise I just gave them. After that, we had a half hour of discussing the exercise. As I was ready to move on to the next topic, Nafisah called out to me, "Teacher, minggu lepas teacher ade bagi homework. Bile nak discuss?"

Opppss, nearly forgotten about that so I borrowed her book to copy the questions on the white board.

"List down all the factors for the following numbers
1. 48
2. 64
3. 100
4. 175
5. 500"

Hmm.. those number DO look familiar! As I turned around, I saw Dinesh sheepishly looking away while Riisyinder trying his best to keep 'something' from getting outta his mouth.

I looked at the board again..

"Dinesh!!!! Awak tipu saya yeeeee!!!!"

And Riisyinder gave up trying to keep it to himself. "Teacher kene tipu.. Teacher kene tipu!"

The other students were already protesting, with one girl saying to me, "Tu la Teacher, saya dah cakap jangan percaya kat dia. Mentang² la dia pandai, semua orang percaye kat dia!"

Yeahhh right.. saying that while the whole class laughed at me for being tricked into giving him the answers to MY OWN questions. Even the clerks rushed into my class, wondering what the ruckus was all about haha..

And to think that I was tricked by a form 1 student :p Hahah.. how careless can you get, Ayu?

Takpe Dinesh.. ade ubi ade batas! You wait.. one day, I'm getting back at you haha..

Friday, February 09, 2007

How blind I was..

"Liar.. Liar! Pants on fire!"

Haha.. what childish taunts could do when we were smaller, huh?

I'm sure most of us have seen the image above. Different things that can be seen when viewed differently.. or like they always say, there are two sides of every story. But most of the time, people only listen to the first version that usually determines their view of the second version which they'd probably accept half heartedly. Its how the world works..

Once, I had believed in that too.. that to be heard, maybe you should be the first to speak up! That is, until I realized how unfair it really is, especially when it happens to you (baru sedaq diri la kononnya niii..). Thats why, most of the time, I prefer to keep quiet about it.. and when I say, I didn't tell anyone about it, I really mean it..

I just got to know something.. and though I know that I should be mad, I'm still shocked at it. It started harmlessly enough. In fact, I was actually laughing about it at first when suddenly.. a slip of the tongue or fingers (depending on chatting one-on-one or online hehe..) or maybe a wrongly sent sms/email or maybe a sudden comment from the happy-go-lucky person that was followed with a dreadful silence and a hastily changed subject.. or maybe even all! It made everything click..

I had promised someone to NOT.. NEVER suspect my friends of anything. I had promised someone I'd trust them with their words. I had promised that no matter how suspiscious I feel, I'd NEVER give in to the need to accuse anyone of anything, in fact, its just the ugly side of me on wanting to blame someone so I should get rid of it. However..

Like someone once told me, God works in mysterious ways. Maybe He wanted me to know.. :'(

I had frantically wanted to believe in the little things. The small, "I didn't tell!". The hope that everyone wishes everything to be better too.. but it turned out to be lies. I didn't realize how upset I was until it finally registered in my head on how blind I was. How desperate I was to believe that there was the same goal to make everything back to normal. I should have trusted what I had first believed when it started, huh?

Its jut a bit disturbing to realize, while I had kept mum about it, the other part of the story was already circulated. I'd understand why, if only the truth had been told. I mean, sometimes, we need to talk to someone, right? But, is it so hard to tell me the truth when I asked the simple question?

Am I not trusted when I say, I didn't talk about anything? Or is it that its a wanting to display me as the big bad wolf who's so evil, you just can't stand it? And the other part of the story as Little Red Riding Hood who just couldn't do anything about it? I find it hard to believe that though.. it can't be true, right? Thats not the reason, is it?

How 'heavy' I felt when I realized all this (no that I'm not heavy now hahaha..) and still, I don't want to believe it but everything seems to be pointing that way. No wonder everyone is like that.. no wonder everything is like this.. just when I thought no one knew :'(

Betrayal of trust? Hurt? Should I feel all that, or should I just feel plain mad at everything?

Right now, I'm still in a haze of shock and disbelief full with a million 'how could you's swimming along in my head.. I learnt something though, don't say anything you don't mean, especially to other people, coz that act could make me feel so guilty and it hurts even more when I realize its not actually true.

For now, whilst I'm still in this hazy blur.. I guess I should go on like nothing has happened.. coz I'm sure, one day, the anger would come finally.. And when it comes, I wouldn't want any part of it at all. Maybe then, it'll truly be like NOTHING at all has happened :(

Ooo Lord, if I'm supposed to be mad, please let me stay long enough in anger to be stronger in my stand. So I won't feel like a fool in trying to reconstruct a broken structure that doesn't want to be fixed. So I won't be laughed at. So there won't be any, "Bodohnye Ayu.. tu pun nak percaye!" Don't make me give in to the weak 'me' I've always been. But please, don't make me stay in anger too long to even ruin other things in my life. Help me to trust people, without trusting to much. Help me to care for people, without caring too much. Help me to see more clearly and to not repeat the same mistake again. Help me to chase away the bad feelings of being sad and help me to make the others around me as well as myself, a little more happy.. Amiiinn

Whats with me?

These past few days have seen me not in the mood for anything. I dunno why, but I can't seem to find anything to make me wanna wake up early and get ready.. I'd wake up for my prayers then go back to slumberland as if there's where I really belong..

Eversince Sunday, I've been feeling this way..

Sunday morning: Woke up at 12.30pm (not exactly morning ehh..) after a night with Dgon and Helmi hehe..

Monday: Woke up at 2.30.. I had actually woken up at 8.30 with a severe headache. SMSed Dr Meor telling him I couldn't come in the morning but I'd try to come in the afternoon. Luckily he called and told me to rest.. haaa, dah dapat green light, ape lagi.. I was dead to the world until 2.30pm *gulp*

Tuesday: Woke at 12.30pm and had to force myself to go take a bath.. the whole day was a blur, just sitting on the couch doing NOTHING!

Wednesday: Didn't sleep the whole night as I having my usual insomnia and I watched 5 cds back to back. Slept only after Subuh prayers and woke up at 1.30pm.

Thursday: Had forced myself to go to sleep early, 12.30am the night before to make sure I'd wake up early. Alas, didn't things didn't work as planned. I woke up at 12.30pm

Today: Managed to force myself to not oversleep again. Had to practically drag myself to the bathroom and arrived at the school at 10.05am.. an accomplishment if you ask me haha..

Still, I'm not in the mood for anything. Not good.. not good at all :(

Remember a time, not so long ago when I always managed to come to school anyway. My days always started with an enjoyable breakfast that I always look forward too, thus helps me to wake up haha.. Then there'd be the 'ditch-the-thesis-while-layan-gem' thingey I always do when I arrive at school. There's the playing hide-and seek or peek-a-boo with my supervisor. And usually at the end of the day, there'd be the I-wish-I-was-already-finished headache I'd have haha.. through it all, I enjoyed it though, even if it meant running away at the slightest sight of my supervisor.. though I also kept dreaming of the time I'd finally be rid of this hide-and-seek thingey, as well as the slaving of the thesis writing..

Right now, I miss all those.. I thought I'd enjoy the idleness, but its no fun when there's nothing to look forward too.. even the unpleasant encounters with my supervisor once upon a time ago. Now he's confused why I don't run away from him anymore haha..

Like right now, i'm supposed to be working with Dr Razip but the equipment he ordered has yet to arrived, thus, the I'm-BORED feeling engulfing me..


When am I gonna get a real job? So at least I could force myself to wake up early again. Maybe I just need a new routine.. running away from my new boss aka Dr Razip is no fun when there's nothing he could ask me about..

Or maybe I'm just plain sick of this place.. huh? I've got so much negative vibes about this place nowadays, I wonder how did I EVER enjoy it..

*Ayu merepek lagi...*