Right now? No where 🥰
I used to want to run away. The first time I tried to run away, I was around 9. I was at my kampung. I had just been scolded because of something my brother did and was told that no matter what, I need to take responsibility because I was the eldest.
I wanted to run away because at that very moment, I hated being the eldest. I hated that when I tried to be good (or as good as a normal 9 year old can be) I was still being blamed for something that wasn't my fault. So yes, I wanted to run away.
Didn't matter where, just away..
But we were at my kampung, a place I didn't really know much about since I lived more that a hundred miles away from there so I hesitated.. And arwah Ayah Chik caught up with me and brought me home.
The second time I wanted to run away was when I had to go to KMK. I didn't want to.. I really didn't. I'd been accepted to UIA and was so happy. But the joy was shortlived when I was asked to send an appeal to USM.
Mind you, contrary to what some unimportant people might say, I was more than qualified to enter USM. I just didn't want to. It still hurts when I remember how those unimportant people used to tell anyone who would listen that I could only enter USM with the help of Abah. I felt like slapping my SPM results slip in their faces but of course I just kept quiet and let them say whatever they wanted. I just didn't have the strength to fight it and do just that..
And where did I want to run away? To UIA, of course. To be with my best friend who was also accepted to the same course. To go smack in the middle of that beautiful campus and have great pleasure studying with the people close to me. To enjoy growing up together, turning into adults together..
But of course I didn't. I just let myself be sad, hating my first few months in KMK and only allowing myself to enjoy this different path after making friends with some of the greatest people I've ever met in my life.
The next time I wanted to run away was when my heart got broken. I just wanted to go some place where there was no one around. I just wanted to be somewhere where nobody knew of my broken heart. And if I couldn't find that place, I just wanted to keep on running.
Never knew I'd be running for more than a decade then..
I had another reason to run a few years later after completing my MSc. I never really wanted to do it in the first place but it was expected of me, so I did it. I truly believed that once I did that, I'd be able to do whatever I wanted to but boy was I wrong.
This time I just wanted to run away to the largest city in Malaysia. I could get lost in there and no one would ever be able to find me. But then, I didn't want to be lost. I had a great job offer that, though wasn't my passion, was something I knew I was good at. I was giddy with excitement when I received the offer and was already planning on my new independent life but of course, that wasn't in the cards.
So, I stayed.
But now, where would I want to run away if I could?
No where, I guess.. I'm more than content. I've found my home 🥰
I've found a place where I'm not expected to follow someone elses wants. I've found a place where I don't have to worry. I've found a place where I feel safe where my thoughts and my worries matter. I've found a place that I belong..
So if there ever comes a need or a want to run away, I'll go anywhere my heart desires. Most probably (and when we can afford it), I'll be running to New Zealand, specifically to Hobbiton 😝 And I'll only be running there because I've dreamed of it for so long BUT I'm bringing this place with me.
He's my home sweet home 🥰
P/S Tp those itching to ask awat tk kata nk lari ke Makkah, please refrain from it. Sana is a given for all Muslims. Mana adaaa Muslim yg tkmo gi sana so please.. Diam lebih baik 💕
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