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Friday, December 30, 2005

...

I'm having some mixed feelings here..

Today, I have accomplished something I have never done throughout my 25 years here on earth. Drum roll please.. I became an emcee!

Yeah, big deal! Yup, I can hear most of you saying that. It might not be a big deal to you guys, but ts a WAY big deal for me! You see, I'm this timid mouse when it comes to public speaking and I'd find 1001 excuses to escape. But how was I to know that the senior facilitators at the programme I was involved in had noticed this and decided to give a little nudge to me.. or more like a sudden shove la hehe..

Ironically, the programme is about Communication and Public Speaking. Even before agreeing to be a facilitator, I had question Remy and Yun about how I'm supposed to help these students in this, when I myself am petrified of public speaking but they assured me that I'm just supposed to be a facilitator and just help the group I was assigned to.

So imagine my suprise when I was supposed to be emceeing the pulic speaking competition we held. I was shaking from head to foot but to prove to the cheeky senior facilitators (En Raffic and En. Sezali, who btw are VERY entertaining pak cik² heheh..) that I CAN do it, I put on a brave face and just.. well, just did it! And hey, I didn't do bad, did I?

Well, okay.. at first I DID stumble on my words. Even forgot to talk about the time limit. But once I got the hang of it, it wasn't really as scary as I thought it would be. And to be frank, I'm GLAD I did it.. I'm glad they tricked me into doing it and I owe a huuuuuuuge debt to the both of them.. terima kasih banyak-banyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkk tu!

Really, God must have been smiling when He sent me here haha.. yup, and I GET the joke here, goodnaturedly, I must add! At first I didn't want to go, knowing how my thesis would suffer with a two-day absence, but when Yun and Remy persisted, I finally agree. I mean, not all of you know my weaknesses when it comes to being a facilitator. I guess, to me, this is the only way I can contirbute to the community.

I also had another reason of not wanting to go. You see, this week is kak Shima's last week here and I wanted to spend as much time as possible with this housemate of mine. But knowing how sad I was, I also wanted to hide from her, fearing the tears that would surely fall whenever I think of staying with new housemates, after this. Its not that I don't like new housemates, its just that I've been so comfortable with kak Shima and kak Kathy, that I'm afraid I won't feel as happy when they're not here.. and yeah, I AM a crybaby anyway!

However, only God knows why at last I agreed to go with Yun and Remy and am I glad. I got to know other active facilitators who became our mentors and in the short span of two days, I must've learn a whole bunch of new things I never thought I'd understand. These are the people I really admire as their purpose in the programme is not the money, but the change they hope they can give to other people.. and I really hope we all did!

The first day, we had the icebreaking which took up most of our afternoon. Then I rushed back home to help kak Shima make some coleslaw and turn some leftover salad into.. well, something edible haha! But somehow, all the while, I tried to push away the nagging feeling that this was the last night kak Shima would be my housemate, and I'm missing her final night here. I might have succeeded in doing it, or maybe not since I realized that I was trying my hardest to concentrate on shredding the veggies and figuring out what kind of dip should I make to go with the lettuce someone had mistakenly bought.

That night, we went back to the programme that continued to the next day, which included the 'Lets trick Ayu into being the emcee' thingey. I knew that they had been wanting to ask me to try it out from the very first conversation we had and I thought I had 'expertly' avoided it, forgetting how much more experienced they really are. But hey, I DID it, didn't I.. and really glad I stepped up to the challenge!

I was still basking in the GLORY of being able to do something I never dreamed I would and was already planning of telling this to my housemates. The smile was still on my face when I arrived home but..

I noticed kak Shima's things arranged in the hall.. and her room was already empty. With a heavy heart, I went to my room and found a red parcel there that was a gift from her. Along with the gift was a card, handwritten by her..

..and that's when the hot tears started burning, and with it the realization that everythings already changed.. all that I know is, I already miss my two housemates.. VERY much!

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