WARNING: THIS ENTRY MIGHT INCLUDE WORDS YOU'VE NEVER HEARD ME UTTER OUT LOUD. BE WARNED, IT WAS WRITTEN IN A STATE OF 'SERIOUSLY TAK FAHAM APA BUDAK NI (X) FIKIR' PLUS A DOSE OR TWO OF ANGER!
Another entry for the forth consecutive day. I'm really getting into trouble here and if my thesis could speak, it'll scream bloody murder to me haha..
Anyway..
I've been thinking.. sape yang nak kate, "Oh! You mean she can think?", my reply to you is, "Haha.. very 'cute'!" I'm trying to be serious here (haha, now I feel like laughing out loud!!)
Hmm.. how should I start? A few days ago, a friend of mine came here. Lets call her C. As usual, when old friends come, we'd be talking about each others lives and so on and so forth. It so happened that my friend now has found her 'soulmate' (I'll call him K) and is very happy. She confided in me that he is THE one and I'm happy for her and pray that 'ada jodoh' for the both of them.
There's also another friend, X. The three of us were having a good time talking and laughing with each other. However, when C was about to go back, X teased her about her boyfriend and instantly she was defensive while playfully warning X not to tease her like that again. To me, thats normal. I mean, sapa nak orang kacau boyfriend/husband dia, betul tak? However, X had a different view.
Just now, we went to a kenduri. Me, X and another friend plus her husband. On the way to the kenduri, we were looking at their recent wedding photos and I was teasing them when the husband said to me,"Cuba tengok gambar K and Ayu!" My friend (his wife) and I scolded him for mispronouncing C's name and using my name. "Nanti marah pulak C nanti", we said. However, I was suprised when X spoke up and said, "C tu jelous tak kena tempat la!", and proceeded to talk a bit about what happened a few days before.. a bit je la but still, I was suprised!
Why, you might ask!
Well, first and foremost, I don't think X has the right to say that, even if it was just a passing remark (she always say things like this even if she doesn't mean any harm but in this case, I don't really like it!). I mean, if there's anyone out there who somehow doesn't deserve some respect in this 'situation', sad to admit, but its her!
X is a good friend, great one even but there's something about her which I really hate. She has this somewhat 'affair' with a married man! What makes me mad about it is that she knows its wrong but still she continues doing it eventhough a lot, and believe me I really mean it when I say 'a lot', of people have been advising her about it. I mean, who's she to say, "Jelous tak bertempat" when she's the kind who makes people feel that way. To me, she doesn't have respect to the other peoples 'belongings' so she shouldn't be suprised when people act defensive.. benda tu normal la especially bila defending hak sendiri. Bukannya defending hak orang lain yang diri sendiri nak pun!!!
To be frank, I don't think this is LOVE! Because love means knowing when to let go. Knowing not to be selfish and to respect other peoples rights. Not to argue,"Hati bini dia je ke yang aku kene pikir, hati aku?" <-- This is pure selfishness that I just couldn't accept!
Its not that I haven't talked to her. The first time I argued about this with her, she avoided me for a month.. and I didn't even raise my voice to her, hoping it'll somehow get 'through' her. I might as well talk to a brick wall! After that, whenever I bring up the issue, she'd be arguing ntahapahapantah with me. Susah cakap dengan orang yang pandai bercakap ni.
For example, a couple of days ago, I asked her if she ever felt guilty for doing this and she just laughed. I reminded her that one day 'awak kene mintak maaf kat isteri dia sendiri, dosa sesama manusia kan kene minta maaf sendiri.. dah bersedia ke?'
Know what she said? "Oh, time ni, nampak la salah aku! Yang kite mengata orang tu tak fikir berapa orang kite kene mintak maaf? Tu lagi ramai yang kite nak kene mintak maaf, lagi susah!" Lailahailallah! I wanted to strangle her! I told her, 'itu dosa yang SEMUA orang buat, SEMUA orang pun mengata and SEMUA orang pun minta maaf bila ada peluang.. tapi ini dosa yang sedikit 'luar biasa'.. tak semua orang sanggup nak buat camni kat orang lain'
Her answer,"Mengata orang tu tak salah la ye?"
Mangkuk ayun!!! (Kan dah kene mangkuk ayun<-- perkataan yang sangat jarang saya guna!) Just look at how she avoids the issue, making me feel berdosa because it was as if I belittled the sin of 'mengumpat orang'! She always does this and since I'm not good in arguing, I always just keep quiet after that.. and I hate being weak like that!!
Really, I wish I could open her eyes to how ugly she is to the eyes of many people.. and ugly here isn't physical ugly! I know some people who don't trust her and who really hate her guts to the point of not wanting to have anything to do with her. Some even don't want to take notice, saying that if she wants to dig her own grave, then be it. And others, sadly, hope that one day she'd get a taste of her own medicine, naudzubillah! But can we blame them? Once, I asked a friend to 'cari someone for X' but he said to me, "Tak nak aku cari orang untuk dia, nanti kesian kat kawan aku tu pulak kalau aku kenenkan (read: matchmake) dengan dia!"
I mean, none of this has directly happened to me but somehow, I understand the feeling of betrayal Mama felt when Abah admitted to his second marriage. The same goes for my friend C who's father also had another wife so its easily understandable if she acts defensive, even though in my eyes, tak dak la over defensive pun, biasa macam orang lain gak je.
How can I shake some sense into her? What does it take to make her realize that she's hurting this guys wife and son, eventhough they might not know anything? Laki tu pun sama tak guna!!
I hate being such a coward to confront her again about this issue but I get too speechless whenever she starts her ntahapahapa arguing and that is just a sign of victory for her! Sometimes her comments also hurt me, really hurt me, when she indicates that I'm jealous of her because, unlike me, 'ada gak orang yang sayang kat aku'. Sayang? Boleh belah la.. macam bangang je 'sayang' camni! I mean, she should be cautious that, if he can do it to his wife, he can also do it to her, betoi dak? She should at least have thought of this (eventhough it sounds selfish!) but benda ni pun dia tak nampak!
Sometimes I really hate it when she talks about this guy and how she plans to meet him sneakily behind the wifes back. I especially hated it when she said she still wants him, no matter what. I really hate her when she does this but all that aside, she's a great friend! God, help me!!
I dunno, maybe I think too much about things that don't concern me. Maybe I should just let it be. Maybe I don't want this happening to me. Whatever it is, I hope one day she realizes what she's done and REALLY regrets it. Its not a nice thing to do, and it might backfire towards her one day so before anything really bad happens, I pray that she realizes what has she done and leaves it ALL behind!
Amiiin
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