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Thursday, October 27, 2005

If only I could turn back time..

Most people wish they could really turn back time.

Myself included.

Some people hope to undo some things they have done, but for this moment right now, I don't think I'd want to do that. Instead, if I could only turn back time, there are lots of moments in my life I'd love to capture in still life and keep them some place where I could one day just sit down and bask in the memories that come with them. A time when I could be reminiscing about every smile and laughter that has found its way in the path of my life. A little peek of joy here, and a burst of pride and triumphant there.. *sigh*

But I realize that I'm human. Most of the time, we'd rather be in the moment and savour every second of it. We don't excuse ourselves just to step back and really watch these moments while taking into every single detail. Instead, we stay put and try engraving every detail of it in our hearts. Maybe we'd say, I'll remember this moment, but its not always that we remember the exact feeling that came along in the moment.

For major events, MAYBE, we'd remember it all. I still remember how I felt on my graduation, though I'm not sure how 'much'.. yeah, AS IF we could measure our feelings! But what I'm talking about is the small things in life. A friendly gesture from a total stranger, a caring thought from a friend or precious time spent with a sibling..

Truth is, these are the things that make life worthwhile and for now, I wish I could recall all those moments that might seem small, but in reality gives a great impact in us. Sadly, we can't really remember all that, could we? Thats why I wish I had captured the moment while it happened, so at times like this, I could flip through and smile at all the memories.

Why am I talking like this?

Lets put it this way.

Kak Kathy is getting married and won't be staying with us any longer after December..

Kak Shima is waiting for her viva and plans to resign as an RO next month..

Yun has completed her thesis and will be going home for good tomorrow..

HiTEG will cease to exist (temporarily la until there's a new grant) come January..

Izati will be taking her SPM when I still feel she's my too little sister..

And I'm suddenly feeling so lonely, as if too many changes are happening now and I don't seem to be ready to face them..

But I know changes happen. And though I also know I take it quite hard, I know its about time.

Thats why I wish to grasp all those memories and time together to the tiniest detail, and lock them up in my heart forever..

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