Ilang serabut jap..

Actually I'm not being fair to my other studetns who had given me some Teacher's Day gifts. I hadn't actually planned to write anything for Teacher's Day since I seem to be writing the same thing all over again every year as evidently seen here (2008), here (2007) and here (2005).. I was actually wondering where my 2006 entry had gone to but when I went through the entries during that period, I realized I must've forgotten Teahcer's Day altogether that year as it wass around this time that I got THE invitation card that broke me.. (360! blog)

Anyway, these past two week have been quite a stressful period for me. The constant I-wanna-cry feeling mixed with the I-hate-myself feelings and so much more. One thing though, I realized, though I sometimes complain of my classes (mostly to myself je la), through these two weeks, THEY have been the sunshine that peeks through once in a while. Its hard to feel sad in those classes, and I thank God for making my 'boss' give me a class nearly everyday (which I had actually complained about when I first got my class schedules).

Last night was another sleepless night for me.. last² melayan quiz² ngarut in FB. Was getting a bit worried when I realized it was 8.00am and I still hadn't slept a wink. Bkn ape, I don't wanna be cranky in class.. then one of my favourite students smsed me. Hmm, I seem to have a lot of favourite students eh hehe.. Last week tu budak len, this week was a boy with the name of Hafizuddin.

First time I met him, I thought he was shy.. Now I don't think so.. but he IS quiet la. Shy? No longer, especially when he has questions to ask me. He's the dream-student of every teacher, with a lot of questions and requests for more work haha.. Slacknye, with him being so scholarly, I can't be close to him like my other students. Tak pandai la nak joke around with him like I do to other students.. but thats okay! I still like him :) REALLY like him, in fact..

..anyway, he was asking for more exercise for this school break and of course la I was happy. He was also asking me to come early, much to my suprise since I usually coach him between classes je, seldom before my own class. I just figured he had questions regarding the last two topics he told me about earlier (budak ni boley study sendiri.. sy dulu, jgn harap laaaa! Tunggu cikgu Nooriah ajar dulu, baru sanggup nak study kat umah.)

He came smiling to me as I was struggling with my books from my car (budak ni muke bersih giler.. you can;t help smiling at him!) and handed me this..

..automatiknye, senyum ku bertambah lebar hahah.. Especially after reading what he wrote in the card!

Like I said, I'm not being fair. Nape adiah Hafizuddin je masuk blog hahah.. my alasan is that the other gifts are at home and I'm currently in school after coming straight here after class. The actual reason is, I REALLY needed a smile and some kind words and this came just in time :)

Thanx! :)

P/S

I could now actually have a cabinetful of mugs I've got as gifts hehe.. this will be another addition to it :)

Data ilang?!?!

At least sy dah ade bende baru untuk serabutkan kepale sy.. dari ptg smlm, dah tak pk sgt pasal bende yg 'merunsingkan' fikiran sy tu :(

Semalam pegi Chemor, data collection utk project Prof Meor (still not used to calling him Prof yet.. sib baik he doesn't mind me calling him Dr). Had to collect the volume data for 5 intersections and since we only had 9 enumerators, we had to use 4 handycams to help with the data collection. Me and Man were driving so we both took a camera and site each. The other two were given to Ramadhan and Afzan for the bz Chemor town intersection. Kak Sue, Fira and Zulmi did manual collection at one site while Syafiq and Wani took another site.

After the 1st phase, we went to recharge the batteries on our cameras. Man went through all cameras and he noticed some file 'tak berkenaan' on my camera (muke Hasrul.. Mus doing an 'overview' of the RO room) so he deleted those files..

..somehow, my morning file was also deleted!

WhaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaTTTTttt!!?!?!

Gile tul! Frantically I asked him to recheck and though they (Man and Ramadhan) assured me, the file must've snaked somewhere inside the hardisc of the camera and they'll be able to retrieve it once we connect it to the pc, I still wasn't convinced..

..and true to my non-conviction (perkataan direke sendiri huhu..), we couldn't find the file!

Mati sy!

Ape nak jawab kat Dr Meor..

Aiyoooo, kepale makin berserabut :(

Pretty Flowers.. This is What I'd Want!

Most of you must've watched the American Idol finale right? Did you notice the song by famous comedian, Steve Martin?

When I heard it, I thought it was okay.. until I listened to the lyrics! Its about a 30-year love affair between two people.. and its soooooo sweet! Seriuosly! Sape ade the MP3, please³ send it so me..

..and yes! This is the kind of love I would want! :)

If I gave you pretty flowers
If I took you out to dinner
If we walked home by the river
Would you invite me here?

If we sat down on the sofa
If I told you funny stories
If I moved a little closer
Would you put your hand on mine?

If I told you you were lovely
If I put my arm around you
If I touched you on your shoulder
Would you rest your hand on mine?

If I took you out to dinner
If I moved a little closer
And I touched you on the shoulder
Would you make love to me?

Ahh...
Mmm...

Oh my darling I have loved you
Since you took me out to dinner
Since we walked down by the river
Over 30 years ago

When you told me that you loved me
I hadn't felt so lovely
Since the day I decided
That I would marry you

Oh... oh oh oh...
Ooooo...

Well I took you out to dinner
And I told you funny stories
And I moved a little closer
And you made love to me

If I gave you pretty flowers
If I took you out to dinner
If we walked down by the river

La la la la la la la
Oh oh oh oh
Ooooo...
La la la la la la la

Jiwa kacau.. :(

serabut serabut serabut s.e.r.a.b.u.t serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut s.e.r.a.b.u.t serabut serabut serabut s.e.r.a.b.u.t serabut s.e.r.a.b.u.t serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut s.e.r.a.b.u.t serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut s.e.r.a.b.u.t serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut s.e.r.a.b.u.t serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut s.e.r.a.b.u.t serabut serabutserabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut S.E.R.A.B.U.T serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut s.e.r.a.b.u.t serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut s.e.r.a.b.u.t serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut s.e.r.a.b.u.t serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabutserabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut serabut s.e.r.a.b.u.t serabut serabut serabut serabut s.e.r.a.b.u.t serabut

Rollercoaster..

I'm still in the rollercoaster of feelings I've been having since Thursday. I stayed in bed on Friday morning and had to practically force myself outta bed at noon. I realized my tummy was growling like an angry bear and only then remembered I hadn't had anything to eat since the day before (but no weight loss there haha..)

Went throught the day unfocused and was sooo wishing the day was over. But that night I was ok when I was with my From 1 class in Bagan Serai. This is my most well-behaved class from all my 7 weekly classes so I'm usually relaxed in this class. And another thing that made me smile was when two girls stopped to talk to me. Apparantly I had once replaced their teacher, so they remembered me.. Suddenly it felt so good to be remembered :)

So that was an 'up'!

Then when I was ready to go home, those girls stopped me outside my class and ask me, what was I teaching hahah.. I didn't realize everyone in their class was watching my class just now. It seemed like we were playing around instead of learning since those kids were laughing throughout the class. But like I said, this is my most well-behaved class. We were actually merely having fun learning :) These students actually love it when I quiz them so its become our little game now.. THAT was the reason for the laughter.. and the reason for the 'up'!

Malam tu felt a bit okay. Layan Ven Helsing jap before trying to go to sleep but then the 'up' I was feeling was starting to go downhill and I couldn't sleep. So I did what I usually do when I can't sleep. Go to school and cari ubat tido (Read: bace journal!)

Know what, it was 8.30am when I left the school this morning! Uhhh, kacau..

..and I still WASN'T sleepy!

So, no sleep+time of the month+rollercoaster= EMO Ayu!

Finally managed a nap and was woken up around 12.45pm. Was still in the blank-and-blur stage as I got ready for my class but smses from one of my favourite students helped to kembalikan sy ke alam nyata! Haha..

Then I went to class singing along with the radio.. and of all things to happen, as I arrived at the tuition centre, this emotional feeling sorta washed over me and I was suddenly trying my best to stop the tears that were flowing freely.. Ya Allah! Ape kene ngan budak Ayu ni?

I was mad with myself for having no self control.. and a bit confused since I was SINGING la not 5 minutes ago.. tetibe jadi empangan pecah! Bongok tul la sy ni in times like these. I had a class in not more than 5 minutes and how was I supposed so face my class like this? It was as if my mind was determined to NOT enjoy the class.. and to ruin it for my students too!

Sheesh!

I know the girls were whispering as I entered the class, even when I had cast my face downwards, to avoid them seeing my puffy eyes. Thank God the usual noisy boys in the back were late (in this case, tak dtg langsung.. tgk Syurga Cinta -which I have something to share later about- kat Sunway la pulaaaaakkkk)..

I was sooo worried and even more when I found I couldn't face those student without feeling like breaking down. This new Indian girl in my class whose hobby is poking me in the ribs (Budak² ni sejak tau kelemahan cikgu deme niiii, uuhhh, pantang! Sungguh malu terjerit² sy dlm kelas nak lari dari kene cucuk!) looked at me with this concerned face that I just had to go outside for some air.

After that, it was a bit easier. In fact, I actually enjoyed the class afterward as there were a lot of questions.. and I love questions (Only when I know the answers je la kaaannn heheh.. obviously!). Dari depan sampaaaaaaaaaaaiii la ke belakang, semua rajin tanye soklan (tatau la sbb nak amik ati ke ape ke kan since semua tanye nape muke cikgu pucat.. rasenye bdk² ppuan tu nak tanye nape cikgu nangis tp tak berani tanye direct hahaha.. and I just pretended tak dengar soklan² sebegitu)

I left the class so much cheered up than what I felt in the car right before class.. but right now, I'm starting to feel a bit downhill.

Psycho kah Ayu?

I hope not..

I just hope this rollercoaster ride would end soon..

*cross fingers*

Small things can cheer you up :)

I was feeling a bit blue yesterday afternoon. Something came up and I was more than a bit upset. Went home and had a good cry until I fell asleep.

Woke up around 7.00pm without any feelings at all. I was a bit glad of it since I didn't want my form 4 class that night seeing me like that. Got ready and drove to Jawi. But whilst driving, the blues got back to me and I was forcing a smile for 2 of my students sake. They were riding with me to class.. both are in form 5 but they take my form 4 class for revision purposes (and they're actually quite bright!)

Arriving at the tuition centre, I thought I'd take a walk to the farthest shop there, just to hope that the night wind would blow those blues away before my class started. But I guess that didn't work much..

Why?

As I went to my car to get my books, I saw one of my form 5 students (he had another class that night!) near my car. I avoided looking at him, just so no one would notice my turned-down mouth. Then..

Student: Cikgu? Nape ni cikgu? Senyum la cikgu. Sy tak nak la tgk muke cikgu sedih..

I expected to cry, just as I always do when I feel like people are sympathizing me. But to my suprise, I felt my mouth turning upwards. So I looked up at him and..

Student: Haaa, camni la cikgu Ayu yg sy kenal!

Gosh! How could a mere boy cheer me up like that. Just by asking me to smile?

The lump in my throat started to disappear and for once, I was grateful someone said that to me.

Thanx!

Thank you, Dr Farhan!

I don't deserve an understanding supervisor.. but I got one!

Thanx Prof!

Sy dlm dilemma..

6 June ini tarikh istimewe. Sebabnye, 2 org kawan baik sy menyambut ulangtahun kelahiran pade hari tersebut. Jida akan berumur 29 seperti sy dan Farah pule akan berumur 27 tahun.

6 June tahun ini juge tarikh istimewe untuk 2 org kenalan sy. Sebabnye, kedue²nye akan menjadi raja sehari pade hari tersebut.. tahniah untuk mereke.

Mule² Aza yang jemput sy dulu. Last week mase kelas hari Khamis kot, dia panggil sy sbb nak bg kad jemputan dia. Sy ckp kat dia, sy malu nak pegi sbb tatau nak pegi ngan sape (amik ngkau Ayu, len kali tak kenal sgt cikgu² lain hehe.. tp, sy kan pemalu heheh..). Tp Aza suruh pegi jugak. Pastu sy bg la alasan, aritu ari Sabtu, sy sayang nak tinggal kelas sy. Then Aza tunjuk umah dia yg sgt dekat ngan tmpt tuition.. adeh! Takde alasan la pulakk..

Tp, sy dah lame kenal Aza pun. Sejak sy mule mengajar di Jawi sy dah kenal dia. Dia pun, kenal sy dari mase student panggil sy 'kak Ayu' sampai la skrg time student dah mule panggil sy 'cikgu/Teacher Ayu'. Sy suke kenal ngan dia sbb dia baik so sy rase tak patut jugak klau sy tak pegi..

Still, rase malu la jugak sy, takkan nak gi sorg? Cikgu² lain yg sy kenal sumer ade family, mesti diorg gi ngan family kan? Lagipun, sy nak kejar ke kelas sy kul 2.15ptg tu lagik. Mesti sy nak balik umah dulu salin baju kan? Malu dah nak gi ngaja ngan baju gi kenduri cam 2 minggu lepas.. control je muke bile kene usik ngan student sbb ngaja ngan 'segak'nye hahah..

Ingat nak ajak student memane temankan.. tp sape? Bkn sy kenal mak ayah diorg, nnt mak ayahnye ingt cikgu ni menculik pulak.. camne?

Then dilemma kedue: Smlm kak Ina dtg tmpt tuition kasik kad dia jugak.

Sy baru lepas ngelat makan burger dlm kelas sy (mkn dpn student plak tu). Tangan sy kotor so nak basuh tgn pastu sy nmpk cikgu Rosemaria (kak Rose) ngan cikgu Shukor tgh sembg ngan someone. Sy trus je tunduk lalu depan diorg nak basuh tgn pastu dengar org panggil name sy. Menjerit sy dgn excited bile lihat kak Ina (dah lame giler tak jumpe dia).. sampai cikgu Shah kuar kelas dia nak tgk nape sy jerit (malu, okay!)

Bile tgk tarikh, aiyak! Same ngan Aza..

Tp dari dulu sy dah janji ngan kak Ina sy gi kenduri dia, InsyaAllah. Dari sejak dia mule citer pasal bakal husband dia lagik.. so sy rase serba salah la pulak. Lgpun sy kenal kak Ina dari undergrad lagik wpun kami cume baik lepas same² mengaja kat sini.

Kak Rose ajak konvoi sekali ramai² ngan cikgu Shukor n cikgu Shah untuk gi umah kak Ina.. pastu kami sumer pasan Aza muke sedey haha.. cian Aza. Dua² bakal pengantin suruh jugak pegi 2-2 rumah.. camne ni? Umah Aza dekat, bley la nak lari jap.. tp kak Ina kat Pendang. Camne tu?

Kak Ina kate, sejam je gi umah dia (Cikgu Shah protes kate takdenye sejam!) Dia suh gi umah dia kul 11am dari sini so sampai kul 12pm. Makan kejap then bleh la 'pederas' ke Jawi ni utk kenduri Aza sblm kelas kami pukul 2pm (kami sumer plak tu ade kelas kul 2 kat Jawi ni). Abis la macam² idea kuar dari kak Rose ngan cikgu Shah hehe.. siap diorg ckp nak suruh cikgu Arun isytihar cuti kat Arun Jaya tu so cikgu² ngan murid² leh gi 2-2 kenduri..

Sy senyum je dgr diorg ckp. Pastu pelan² sy tanye, klau tak gi 2-2 bleh ke? Kasik la adiah (sbb sy still takde kawan nak gi n malu la nak gi sorg).. Gulp! Trus kene marah ngan diorg sumer. Ade patut diorg kate, dlm ramai², sy yg paling patut pegi 2-2 kenduri untuk kutip berkat.. cehhh!

So camne nak wat nih? Sy tak leh nak miss kelas dan sy pun takde gang la nak gi. Takkan nak ngekor cikgu² yang dah ade family tu kot?

Haissshhh.. dilemma²!

Transport Modelling Workshop

I've actually forgotten about this workshop, due to the excitement of waiting for the bowling tournament. But yesterday, I found this photo in Dr Wan's FB hehe..

We took this picture right after the workshop. Well, I won't say its a workshop, more like a few people 'advertising' their software for use in transport modelling. Some softwares were quite interesting due to its ability to project the outcome in a 3D video form. Almost 'nganga' la watching those haha.. and quite impressed to since the desicion makers ni kan not all from the engineering side so usually when we want to present anything, you could almost see them in their blur trance-like state, pretending to understand what we were trying to tell them. When we have these 3D videos as an alternative to portray the outcome, klau diorg tu tak paham gak lagik, tatau la kaaannn..

There were also the usual lullaby-like presentations that would have lulled us to sleep if not because we kept having ideas on what to whisper about haha.. though a pak cik in front of me actually dozed off.

All in all, okay la kot. All softwares boast on GIS intergration and one new software caught my attention as it can do analysis on motorcycles (which have usually been cast-off in the analysis). I immediately thought of Leong as she's the motorcycle expert in our school and I'd certainly love to learn to use it one day. Its been quite a hassle la jugak kan using softwares that disregard the number of motorcycles on roads when Malaysia punye motorcycles are almost 40% of the total vehicles on road. I hope we'd buy that software though :)

Anyway, in regards of teachers day, in the above photo is one of my mentors, Dr Wan Hashim Wan Ibrahim. He was my (and Un's) PA during our undergraduate studies and we always found way to NOT see him haha.. student² yg ampeh!

Even during my M.Sc, when he was my SV, I avoided him. He was the cause of many tears during my writing period and he once told me I had the worst English he had ever seen *sedey*

But thanx to him, I 'created' history by having a 30-minute only viva! Yeay! Much to the disbelief of my friend who just had a 3-hour viva the month before. I guess the tear were worth it so..

THANX DR WAN.. opppsss!

Silap weih.. Prof Wan Hashim Wan Ibrahim! :)

Edisi lepas geram!

Sebenarnye, sy mule geram hari Sabtu lepas. Tp sebab Sabtu lepas merupekan Bowling Tournament kitorg, sy malas nak cakap ape². Lgpun, sy takut sy jadik tak ikhlas plak klau sy bebel² pasal ni..

TP UPENYE ARINI BYK LAGI BENDE SY DPT TAU.. SO TAMBAH JE MARAH SY!

Kitorang sebenarnye agak excited utk tournament itu. Sebabnye, ini la chance nak relax² bersame staff dan postgrad. Fahmi pun pandai carik sponsor so adiah² nye agak la mewah jugak kot. Dan kami juge tak mengenekan bayaran penuh untuk main (patutnye RM17 tp kami charge RM15). Maknenye ko bayar utk main je, BKN UTK BENDE² LEN!

Sy plak seorg yg tak pandai buat cuppies lawo², tp sangat la suke order cuppies. So untuk tournament ini, sy pun terfikir nak sponsor cuppies yg theme bowling untuk semua org yg main. Maknenye, ko menang ke ko kalah ke, ko mmg bwk balik SATU! SATU YE!!

Ko ingt murah ke? Ko ingt limeposen satu?

Sy tanak berkire asalnye, sbb sy nak seronok². Sumer org kat school tau sy suke cuppies so sy tak kisah pun nak blanje sumer org cuppies ni.. SORG SATU! Dan mmg sy suke, bile tgk sumer org excited ngan cuppies tu. Dan sy sgt suke, tgk sumer org senyum bile dpt tau SUMER org akan dpt SATU SORG. Asal ko main, atau ko jadik AJK, mmg akan ade satu utk ko.. sy dah kire dah!

Sy bukan chop duit tau! Sy mmg la dpt duit tuition, tp duit tuition tu la penyambung nyawa sy spjg sy nak belajo ni. Jd tolong jgn ingt, sbb sy suke beli bende camni, maknenye sy ni kaye raye. Sy cume suke bende² kecik camni, sbb sy tau, sumer org happy ngan bende² kecik camni. Tp bende kecik pun, ko kire la.. semua 10 team. Satu team 4 org. Ko darab la sendiri, ko kan tgk smbg PhD. Pastu ko kire lagik AJK² yg tolong jayekan program ni.. So ko bygkan, wpun dpt satu sorg, baper byk yg disediakan.. ko kire tgk! Nak calculator ke?

Tak salahkan anak ko.. anak ko innocent. Tatau ape! Tapi yg BAPAK nye dah nampak anak²nye AMIK HAK ORG, kenape ko tak tegur? Ko bukan saje biar anak ko amik bende org, ko siap mntk sudu lagik sbb anak ko makan byk sgt sampai comot.. ape ke bangang sgt ni?!? Ko tak malu ke? Ko ingt ko bayar ke bende tu? Tolong skit, yg ko bayar tu, fees main pun tak lepas, OKAY!

Yg ko tak bg ko punye kat diorg tu kenape? Pastu ko biar je diorg amik org len punye. Alasan ko, sape suh org len tatau jage diorg punye. Hey bengap!! Org len tgk budak² amik, takkan diorg nak marah kot. Ko tu bapak! Ko la tegur!! Ko suke ke org len marah anak ko? Tak suke kan.. camtu la jugak diorg, diorg tanak marah anak² ko jugak. Diorg harap ko sendiri akan tegur anak² ko, tp ko tgk and buat tatau je..

Ko tau tak, antare diorg tu, ade org luar dari Palestin. Bawak anak sampai 3 org, tp anak diorg giler well behaved, tak kacau org langsung. Klau diorg buat perangai, paham la jugak, ngan keadaan diorg kat negare diorg camne. Tp ni ko, yg duk Malaysia! Yang tak penah tak cukup ape². Ko tau ape ayah budak 3 org tu buat? Dia bg dia punye tu suh anak² dia kongsi. KONGSI 3 org SATU cupcake. Klau ade lebey, mmg kitorg bg. Tp kitorg bkn kaye raye nak order lebih sgt.. ko tak leh pk ke? Ko tak malu ke ngan diorg? Anak ko upenye makan byk giler sorg.. semua org len punye.. ko tak pk?

Ko tau tak, antare semua tu, ade 2 org ibu. 2 ibu ni dah plan nak bwk balik cuppies tu untuk bg anak² diorg makan. Ko bygkan, anak diorg bukan sorg dua tau.. tige empat org. Tp diorg tingt anak² diorg, and diorg nak simpan yg diorg punye untuk anak² diorg. Tp ko biar je anak ko amik diorg punye. Ko ingt diorg tak frust ke? Ko ingt, diorg diam sbb suke? Diorg nak bg untuk ANAK diorg, sebaliknye, anak ORG LEN yg makan ngan selambenye.. ko ade otak tak? Ko tak takut ape anak ko pk, klau nnt diorg rase bende tu betul? Klau 'pengajaran' camtu, 'pengajaran' yg its ok amik bende org len tu adelah betul? Ko tak pk?

Anak ko tak salah.. ko tu! PhD konon, boleh blah!

Ko ingt, kat Padang Masyar nnt Tuhan tgk ke PhD ko? Tuhan tgk ke pangkat ko yg tak seberape tu? Ko ingt ape? Kat Padang Masyar tu ko leh bwk CV, sijil² ko tu? PhD pun tak dpt lagik, nak berlagak je lebih! (Iyer, sy tau sy pun tak dpt lagik!)

Ko dari dulu suke pandang rendah kat staf² tu kan? Mmg dari dulu.. tp cube ko tgk diorg tu camne. Cube ko blaja manners dari diorg. Cube ko blaja perangai manusia sebenar dari diorg! Jgn ingt sbb kunun ko tu tgh wat PhD, diorg tu kene ikut je ckp ko.. blah ahhh! Takde maknenye sijil beso², klau perangai cam haram! (Okay, sy rase sy pun dah melampau kat sini.. bangge la ko, itu 1st time perkatan camtu kuar tau! Tak penah org len wat perangai yg layakkan diorg dikatekan berperangai camtu!)

Arini bile dpt tau ko buat camtu kat org len, tau tak trus rase tak ikhlas! Dosa yg ade ni pun tak tertanggung, tak pasai arini tambah dose sbb marahkan ko..

Pk la org lain. Jgn pk diri ko sendiri je.. dah lame sgt dah ko wt perangai camni.. sedar la weiiii!

P/S
Iyer, sy sgt bengang! Excuse this entry please tp sy nak lepas geram jugak ngan org camni. Mentang² dia tau org tak marah budak², dia biar je anak dia amik hak org lain depan mate dia. Maybe pade dia bende tu kecik, tp dia kene ingt, tak sumer org senang cam dia. Paling sy kecewe, ibu² terbabit langsung tak dpt bg kat anak² diorg padehal diorg dah plan awal dah. Dpt kat anak org len plak tu yg khabarnye makan 2-3 bijik sorg yg diambil dari org² lain. Ayahnye bukan tak nmpk, NMPK! Tp yg bes tu, bukan nak larang, sebaliknye mntk sudu kat kitorg sbb anak dia dah comot makan byk sgt! What the hell!!!

Itu kes yg sy tau.. kes yg sy tatau?!?

Bongok tatau nak cakap!!

Iyer, sy jugak tau, byk dosa sy dlm entry ni. Bkn sy tak kisah pasal dose, tp skrg ni rase marah tu terase sgt²!

Astaghfirullahaladzim..

Ya Tuhanku, jauhkan la sifat sebegini daripada memasuki hati hambaMu ini.. Amiiiiinnn.

Why I was so excited waiting for today :D

Teachers Day?

Nope! Not really..

Bowling tournament?

Hmm, ade le kene ngene skit.. but its not THAT!

Heheh.. so why ah?

Tadaaaa..

Hehehe.. chumel tak? I ordered these for the bowling tournament. Made sure everyone got one each. Ade la extra for my kakak² opis kak Ja and kak Hafsah. Then untuk kak Shelly for helping me with the ribbons :) Jugak for ibu mengandung kite, Mas.

NO! I DID NOT make them. I wish I was creative enough though. Mama is creative. She took a cake decorating class when we were in Newcastle after she finished her degree. Since Abah still hadn't finished his PhD, she took this class and every week we were treated to her creations. I grew up with the most beautiful cakes to take to class every year when it was my birthday. I wish she still made them though.. she could make tonnes of money out of her talent.. I rmember when she did one for abg Lan, my cousin's, wedding. I loved it!!

I also ordered another one hehe.. actually a bit terbalik la kot haha.. I didn't realize it was teachers day but I bought these for my students. They are smack in the middle of exams right now and I thought I'd cheer them up, alang² dah order cuppies from kak Wan ni kan, order je la lebey hehe..

I loved that 'pengkamiran' formula one hehe.. sape tah amik.

I just realized: I didn't get one! Aiyaaaaaaaa..

School makeover.. and unfortunate 'individual' as collateral damage! Hehe..

Klau sesape ade bace blog Mas, they'd know our school is going through this make over. The whole school smells of paint and turpentine.. yucky!

However, one plus I saw was the toilet makeover.. lawa wa ckp luuuu! Heheh.. just like toilets we'd want in our own homes (if we could afford it la..) Cantik! Jgn sampai org lagi suke duk toilet dah le kot ekk..

Anyway, personally I think our school looks ugly (Sorry pade sesape yg pilih kaler) We have these mustard-coloured doors all around us. Konpem la tak ngantuk klau dtg school. The door frames plak, grey(?!?) Apekah..

Well, at least tak la cam disaster school Bahan a few years back haha.. I remember telling my frined in Bahan that thier colour reminds me of something that I can't put a finger on. In the end I settled with 'spoilt mustard'.

Tau dia kate ape?

"Ayu buat baik pulak!! Ngaku je la school kitorg kaler t***! Huh, sape tah pilih kaler!!"

Erkkk..

Hahah.. a few days later, diorg cat lain kaler school tu heheh..

Anyway, I was going to the toilet when I passed Dr Wan Aminuddin's room. Looky here..

Apekah itu ye?

Here's the closeup..

Heheh.. cian! Mangse keadaan :)

P/S Sowi kualiti gambo tak seberape :p But the lalat already 4-5 days stuck there maaaa..

The Weekend Project :)

Just came back from KL for the Transport Modelling Workshop. Since I didn't have much money on me, I didn't buy anything.. luckily, I'm not the type that like shopping kan! Except when it comes to bookstores la kaaaaann hehe.. So there's no entry on going to KL lah kot ni. But I wanna write about my project for Sunday of last weekend.

In the morning (Read: AFTER waking up pas tido after Subuh :p), did the usually once-a-week look over gor the house before settling to what I've been planning to do for weeks now. Ape ye? Heheh..

Jeng.. jeng!

Took a few hours whipping it up though since I don't have an electric mixer. Mix by hand maaa.. Exercise tangan hehe.. Was really excited on my very first try of it. At least I put my oven to full use dah kan :)

So after I took it outta the oven and let it cool a bit, dengan poyonye I sent that picture to almost everyone. Tau ape deme teke?

PIZZA!!!

Huh! I'm insulted! Dari Izati ke Ana ke Adi ke Bart ke Ikram. Izati said it looked like overcooked sauce on the pizza with almond-shaped cheese pieces while Ana said it looked like it had mushrooms on top. Aiyaaaaaa.. sungguh kuciwe!

I let it cool a bit in the fridge before trying it that afternoon.. then thought of taking another picture of it.

..after this picture, BARU sumer org teke ngan betul! Hehe.. yeay!

Baked cheesecake! The name given on the recipe is Italian Oreo Cheesecake. I was a bit afraid of giving it around since I personally prefered the unbaked version.. but to my suprise, it received thumbs up from everyone. Yeay! <--Sekali lagi, this is NOT my own recipe! Sy amik dari buku so no reason utk sy kate 'yeay' pun kan hehe..

P/S
While waiting for it to bake, I did another favourite green dish..

The baked cheese salad I've grown to love!

Though I have no illusions its gonna help me lose weight (C'mon la, it has CHEESE in it!), but at least I eat a whole lot of greens after discovering (also from a cook book!) this fun way of preparing leafy salads!

Sedap woooo :)

Dah selamat dah Dr As kite :)

Yesterday was a big day for my long-time friend, Noraslina Ab Samat. Dari Cik, dia dah jadi Puan (not that she uses it pun kan dah Dr, konpem la kawen tak kawen pun org tatau beze haha..)

I actually promised her I'd be there around 10am to nyibuk² during her preparation. Tp bese la Ayu, pas Subuh tertido then woke up around 8.30am dan dgn kelam kabutnye lah bersiap. Sib baik dah iron my baju the night before.. Bart was waiting for me. Dia lagi la, klau sy tak bersiap, takde nye dia nak start bersiap since I promised to go to her house first :D

We got to Misa's around 10.30am then trus menuju ke rumah As's grandparents. The best thing was, kitorg sesat haha.. The reception was in Permatang Damar Laut. I'm from Sg Ara, Bayan Lepas.. Misa is from Teluk Kumbar.. but both of us weren't familiar at all with this district that is only a few kilometres from our respective houses.. teruk kan!

Still, we managed to arrive before the solemnization, which we had promised her. As is not one to wear make up so of course la we oohed and ahhed at her. Sempat jugak took a picture with her in her room :)

Then, there was this tahlil and doa selamat. Me, Bart and Misa were the first to eat, right before the org² masjid came for the tahlil. Aiyak! Malu sehhh.. tp bak kate Bart, tak yah malu coz right after we took the food, a long line queued behind us hehe..

After they had finished, it was time for the sarung cincin. Since me and Bart had got to know Amri a month ago, we were a bit at ease with him utk warning² dia hehe.. So here they were. I couldn't take a picture at a better angle sbb ramai sgt photographer nye kan heheh..

Then before we went back, took another picture with her as a PUAN. We were the first to take pictures at the dais hehe.. Kunun berkat abis la tu ek, Ayu hahah..

So here is the picture of the pengantins and the pengantin wannabes :D

P/S We actually took tonnes of pictures at her house but since this entry is dedicated to her, gambo² kitorg tu tak yah la post sini ekkk

AND..

I figured out another song for my soundtrack kawen hehe.. Listened to this otw to As's house and it is one of my most favourite songs of all time (at least from the first time I heard it la kan) The type of song that would make me stop doing whatever I was doing just to listen to it.

..and I also seldom sing along to this song coz to me, this song is too beautiful to mar with my off-key singing hehe.. A bit cheesy though, in a rock-y kinda way :) But I really love this song so I'm dedicating this song to the two newlyweds with a big Congratulations from me..

BUT its still my song! Hahah.. :p

Amazed ~ Lonestar

Every time our eyes meet

This feeling inside me

Is almost more than I can take

Baby when you touch me

I can feel how much you love me

And it just blows me away

I've never been this close to anyone or anything

I can hear your thoughts

I can see your dreams

Chorus

I don't know how you do what you do

I'm so in love with you

It just keeps getting better

I want to spend the rest of my life

With you by my side

Forever and ever

Every little thing that you do

Baby, I'm amazed by you

The smell of your skin

The taste of your kiss

The way you whisper in the dark

Your hair all around me

Baby you surround me

You touch every place in my heart

Oh, it feels like the first time, every time

I want to spend the whole night in your eyes

Chorus

*Solo*

Every little thing that you do

I'm so in love with you

It just keeps getting better

I want to spend the rest of my life

With you by my side

Forever and ever

Every little thing that you do

Baby, I'm amazed by you

Ayu mata 'hadiah'an hehe..

*blink* bunyi mate Ayu disaat entri ini ditulis hehe.. :p

Friday

Ain, Fatimah and Atifah were whispering excitedly while I was teaching. not that i'm not used to noisy classes, but they were being mysterious somehow..

Then, when I finished giving them their usual '5-question-exercise' (Rashdev sgt suke perli sy sbb suke bg 5 questions after every subtopic!), I went around checking on their work. It was then that Ain gestured at me to go to her.

I thought she wanted to show me her work when suddenly the three of them shouted, "Happy Teacher's Day"

I regretted saying, "Teachers Day minggu depan laaa.." when I saw their fallen faces. Cepat² nak pujuk, I said thank you and told them they were the first to wish me it. Apparantly, they had gone to buy their Mother's Day gift and I guess they thought it would be a good idea to buy one for me as well hehe..

Thanx korg.. wpun telah diberi amaran supaye JGN BUKAK LAGIK sampai Sabtu depan hehe.. ok!

Aiii, bile la nak dpt adiah Mother's Day pulak kaaaann heheh.. :p

Saturday

Went to As's kenduri with Bart and Misa. will update later once I upload the pics in my pc. What I wanted to show was the gift.. or rather giftS from Misa which she bought when she was in Sabah!

Tadaaa..

Heheh, yeay! Bertambah la my bracelet collection :)

Misa actually bought five bracelets for me and Bart to choose, tp sy sgt teruk and maybe my muke sgt la welfare while choosing between these two that in the end Misa bg sy amik 2-2 hahah..

Aiyak! Sgt malu.. tp malu² pun, amik gak tu 2-2 hahah.. Sian Misa dpt kawan cam sy kan hehe.. tp kan Misa, THANX!! Sy mesti pakai dgn bersungguh² nye ni heheh..

Dan jugak, dpt brooch gantung² from Bart dan dipakse oleh Bart utk pakai wpun dia tau sy tak pandai pakai brooch camtu.. adess! Hehe, but thanx for the belated besday present tau Bart :)

Tag lame giler.. 25 Things!

Note: Actually, I just got a tag from Ana yg rasenye sedikit susah kot haha.. so utk ngelat, sy telah menyelongkar pc mencari tag lame yg blum dijawab :p (Ini adelah alas an utk tak jwb tag Ana lagi hehe..) This tag pun, ramai yg tag me.. Ogy, Dzul, Ana, Marlina and others.. sy nak tag org len pun sy rase sumer org dah penah buat dah tag ni. Sy sorg je ketinggalan hehe.. Ni adelah entry lame sy update skit² and tambah ape yg tak cukup :p

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

P/S Sy ngelat citer bende yg sumer org dah tau, bley?

1. Sy giler ngan buku especially buku citer (*yawn* Sumer org dah tau kan hehe..)

2. Sy jugak giler ngan gelang mcm² (http://ayuikhwani.blogspot.com/2009/03/mari-main-gantung-d.html)

3. Sy dah takde idea untuk number 3 :p~

4. Rambut sy panjang smpi bwh pinggang dan sgt lebat. Ade org suke panggil sy tali ferry sbb bile dia ikat rambut sy, dia kate rupenye mcm tali ferry yg berat itu. Dan wpun sy tak suke org men ngan rambut sy, sy terpakse bg dia men sbb klau tak bg nnt dia tarik muncung hahah.. ape la khabarnye budak itu skrg ye? Rindu kat dia..

5. Sy ade B.Eng dan M.Sc dlm civil engineering.. TAPI SY NAK JADI CIKGU!! Nape la ayah sy tak mau paham perasaan sy.. :(
(Ini tidak la bermaksud sy cikgu yg baik pun.. sy cume NAK jadi cikgu dari kecik..)

6. Sy ade love-hate relationship ngan students sy, especially budak² cuti sekolah ni. Kadang² sy rase nak tarik² je telinge diorg tu.. tp kadang tu sy rase nak bwk diorg gi picnic dan bersuke ria :p

7. Sy suke ape² yg kene ngene ngan kentang. Fries ke, mashed potato ke, baked potato ke, begedil ke, potato gratin ke, karipap inti kentang yg byk ke.. even kentang yg masak dlm kari pun sy kutip satu per satu untuk makan begitu saje hehe..

8. Sy sampai skrg simpan angan² nak kutip balik Dragon Ball sy yg adik² sy bg ilang dulu (Iyer Misa, sy masih nak kumpul balik wpun bende tu dah 12 tahun lepas hehe..)

9. Sy suke tido dlm keadaan sgt gelap. Wpun sy duk sensorg je skrg, tp bile mlm je, umah gelap gelite.. susah maaaa nak tido klau ade walau sikit je pun cahaye!

10. Sy sgt kuat berangan. Serius! Sblm tido pun bleh berangan mcm² topic. Cth cam ape sy nak buat bile dah abis PhD (yg tatau la bile tawun kan!), berangan nak ubah bilik blkg umah sy jadik library (kunun haha..), berangan klau sy jadik cikgu, berangan klau sy ade anak (Iyer, bunyi nye agak gatal ye haha.. tp sy tak penah dpt berangan kan sy kawen ngan sape.. mesti dlm angan² tu sy ngan anak² sy je *YES! Its plural!* Takpe, mlm ni sy berangan sy kawen ngan sape plak ek.. klau tak leh nak byg muke sesape, sy byg je Brad Pitt ke sape ke ek :p)

11. Sy suke pasar Ramadhan hehe.. wpun raye d ah 3-4 bulan lepas, tp sy look forward to pasar Ramadhan yg baru J Sbb makanan Masya Allah nye byk choice hehe.. tp sedikit kecewe tahun ni tak dpt gi pasar Ramadhan sekerap yg sy nak.. rasenye 4-5 kali je kot?!?!

12. Sy suke kaler biru dan pink. Tp klau org tanye, sy mesti jawab biru :p Tatau nape! Tp kawan sy Aniza, mase sy jumpe dia aritu, dia sebut dia ingat sgt sy dulu suke kaler pink mase sekolah.. aik!! Sy rase time tu sy sgt berusaha untuk tunjuk sy suke kaler biru haha.. Uhh, bahaye la cikgu Aniza ni, bleh bace fikiran sy kot!

13. Sy sayang Neopet sy! Heheh, sy bg name Eilma dan dah bele 3 tahun dah kot.. ke lebey ek? Wpun dah byk lagi pet yg muncul (adik sy tgh suke main Pet society kat Facebook), sy tetap setia pade Neopet sy!! *Update* Sy dah bele sekor pet kat Pet Society.. dan jugak sekor lagi kat Moshi Monster.. tp Neopet tetap feveret sy :D

14. Sy dulu (Read: DULU!) selalu masuk quiz kat paper ke kat radio ke.. dan sy selalu memang heheheh.. Bab² ni sy rase sy lucky skit kot J Tu yg adik² n kwn² sy jeles sbb sy selalu je dpt bende² free dari quiz² mudah ni (http://ayuikhwani.blogspot.com/2005/11/am-i-lucky-or-do-odds-just-favour-me.html) Skrg ni je dah tak masuk sgt.. Last sy menang pun tahun lepas, ticket movie apetah kat FlyFM

15. Rambut sy dah pendek dah hehe.. baru potong 2 hari lepas. Tp kan, org tu potong pendek giler, skrg nak ikat pun tabley.. uwaaaaaaa!

16. Sy takde idea utk num 16 (nmpk sgt dok ngelat!)

17. Sy suke lembu heheh.. (http://ayuikhwani.blogspot.com/2009/04/my-love-affair-with-lembus.html, http://ayuikhwani.blogspot.com/2009/04/my-lembu-love-affair-updated.html and http://ayuikhwani.blogspot.com/2009/04/lembu-affair-lagikkk-p-and-birthday.html )

18. Dulu mase sekolah, sy penah sgt sgt sgt sgt sgt minat BSB (http://ayuikhwani.blogspot.com/2007/12/cont.html) dan Spice Girls (http://ayuikhwani.blogspot.com/2007/12/sedikit-bosan.html) (Penah 2-3 kali menang CD Spice Girls tau! :p) Siap hafal name, DOB dan sumer² la yg budak² suke hafal hehe.. (Actually skrg klau dgr lagu² diorg yg lame² tu, mesti sy senyum sorg²!)

19. Haaa.. jugak minat giler kat 911. And jatuh chenta ngan Lee haha.. siap tulis name Lee byk kali dlm buku teks Sejarah Malaysia yg F5 tu(beli sendiri, bukan skim pinjaman punye so bleh la conteng.. mesti Iwan ngan Adi malu gune buku tu sbb penuh ngan Lee Anthony Brennan <-- Tgk, masih ingt lagi name mamat nih!) Masih bleh nyanyi lagu² diorg tau smpi skrg hehe..

20. Dulu dlm kelas Kimia, suke main penunu Bunsen ngan my lab mate, Ezrin Niza (nape sy buh name penuh ek?) Takde la sampai kitorg jadik pyro psycho, tp tiap kali kitorg boring bile Cikgu Zainiyah ngaja (which was like almost everyday haha..), mule le tgn gatal dok ngusik penunu Bunsen atas meja tu!

21. Eh lupe! Penah buat ‘buku’ beramai² ngan kawan² mase form 2. Tak ingt sgt sape lg co-author tp there was me, Mak Su, Ami, Shareena, Bai (?), Sarina. Style buku yg sy tulis skit pastu nanti ade org len sambung then pass² la kat sape yg tgh boring. We complied dekat 2 buku kulit tebal tu tau hehe.. Mane la ye perginye buku tu.. teringin nak bace balik!

22. Ohh, sy jugak bgn di pagi Sabtu semate² untuk tgk cartoon :D Current feveret is Ben 10 hehe..

23. Sy kidal (bkn keldai!!!)

24. I personally think guys who are shy are absolutely adorable hahah.. :p

25. I love presents! Hahah.. not only in receiving, tp jugak in giving. Sy suke kumpul birthday org and if I’m close enough to them, sy mesti cari adiah yg sy rase sesuai. Tp klau sy tak close sgt, paling kurang sy mesti bg card. Tak kire perempuan atau lelaki, sebaya atau tua atau mude. Bukan shj utk birthday, tp klau sy pegi mane² n jumpe bende yg sy rase kawan sy akan suke, mesti sy beli (KALAU ade duit lebey la.. klau pokai takde rezeki la hehe..) Dan sy jugak suke bile kawan² sy pun suke suprisekan sy klau diorg nmpk bende yg diorg rase sy suke hehe.. I ♥ everyone!!

Huh.. penatnye pk nak isi ape smpi 25 hehe.. Nak tag sape ye? since ramai org dah jawab tag ni, sy rase sy nak tag Dgon yg ade blog baru and Sentot yg sdg menjadi stay@home mum skrg dan tentunye mempunyai byk mase terluang :p

Sile²..

Hey Mister.. I thought of you today..

I know I'm not supposed to and that in a way, its wrong.. but I guess something triggered the memories of you.

DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT! I'm not this crazy person coming to distrupt your pleasant life. Chill out, ok! You know me more that you would admit and you KNOW I won't do anything stupid.. at least I think you know..

It just that, Mister..

Last Saturday, coming back from class, I turned on the radio as usual, switching stations as more and more advertisments were filling up the air. Then at this station, there was a live telecast of a local award and a group of girls were singing a classic by Allahyarham Sudirman (Personally, I like Sudirmans version. The version by KRU and these girls are soooo tak bes!) I dunno why, while enjoying this lame-tak-dengar song, when they came to the chorus, I remembered you..

But hey Mister..

Don't get me wrong. I'm not obsessed with you, ok. Its been six long years now, and I'm past being that unrecognizable mess I was then. I've forgotten the reason we fought and most of the time, I only remember the good memories I had with you. In fact, those are almost the only things I remember now..

..and Mister..

I get it. You're married now. With your own son/daughter to lighten up your day. Not that I know much of it pun since everytime your mum brings up the subject, I'll quickly move on to another topic, being a bit rude by ignoring what she wanted to say.. I'm sorry! But I get it.. thats why I'm saying, don't worry. I'm not THAT pathetic.. you know me, don't you?

Believe me Mister..

I don't wish for bad things for you. I don't wish for misfortune or bad luck. I don't wish that the sun stops shining in your world, nor do I wish it will always be in the storm. I never did.. you know that don't you?

But Mister..

There are times I still wonder. There are times I still question everything.. even now!

And believe me Mister, its not for the sake of finding reasons to fight. Its just for me to know the truth once and for all. Its just for me to know what really happened.. thats all.

Like yesterday, I became a fool once again while watching tv. You've always known how secretive I was once upon a time ago, don't you Mister? How I never liked sharing my intimate feelings with anyone to the point when my 'cousins' in EE said, Ayu takde perasaan! I laughed whenever they said that to me, which was always haha.. but I didn't laugh when for the first time in my life, I broke down after being asked if I was okay, instead of smiling and saying my usual, "Takde ape².." For the very first time in my life, I admited I wasn't okay and for the first time, someone else had a chance to listen to my secret thoughts I've always hidden from other people. When I saw a similar scene on TV, without warning I thought of you again and I didn't realize I was crying until my sight was blurred by my tears. Thats twice in a matter of days.. something I haven't done for a long time..

..and for a while, I wondered. Will I ever stop acting this way?

And I'm not judging you, Mister. I'm selfish, yes I am! I wanna know for my own personal reason. For my own validation on the kind of person I was and if it was my fault entirely.. just so I don't feel like such a fool every now and then..

..coz you were my BESTFRIEND once upon a time ago, weren't you , Mister? You're the one who supposedly knows me more than I know myself and you're the only one who could tell me the truth of it.

All the while, this was all I wanted. I'm past everything else.. I just want to know what really happened. I just want an honest explanation.

I'm not asking you to fulfill your promises to me all those years ago. I'm not asking you to mend my heart after you broke it.. besides, it now races for someone else :) I just want a piece of mind, something that will help in my confidence for the future. And I promise to swallow it all, no matter how bitter, no matter how sweet..

So Mister..

Can you give it to me?

For the sake of ol' times..

Can you?