Saturday, May 23, 2009
I'm still in the rollercoaster of feelings I've been having since Thursday. I stayed in bed on Friday morning and had to practically force myself outta bed at noon. I realized my tummy was growling like an angry bear and only then remembered I hadn't had anything to eat since the day before (but no weight loss there haha..)
Went throught the day unfocused and was sooo wishing the day was over. But that night I was ok when I was with my From 1 class in Bagan Serai. This is my most well-behaved class from all my 7 weekly classes so I'm usually relaxed in this class. And another thing that made me smile was when two girls stopped to talk to me. Apparantly I had once replaced their teacher, so they remembered me.. Suddenly it felt so good to be remembered :)
So that was an 'up'!
Then when I was ready to go home, those girls stopped me outside my class and ask me, what was I teaching hahah.. I didn't realize everyone in their class was watching my class just now. It seemed like we were playing around instead of learning since those kids were laughing throughout the class. But like I said, this is my most well-behaved class. We were actually merely having fun learning :) These students actually love it when I quiz them so its become our little game now.. THAT was the reason for the laughter.. and the reason for the 'up'!
Malam tu felt a bit okay. Layan Ven Helsing jap before trying to go to sleep but then the 'up' I was feeling was starting to go downhill and I couldn't sleep. So I did what I usually do when I can't sleep. Go to school and cari ubat tido (Read: bace journal!)
Know what, it was 8.30am when I left the school this morning! Uhhh, kacau..
..and I still WASN'T sleepy!
So, no sleep+time of the month+rollercoaster= EMO Ayu!
Finally managed a nap and was woken up around 12.45pm. Was still in the blank-and-blur stage as I got ready for my class but smses from one of my favourite students helped to kembalikan sy ke alam nyata! Haha..
Then I went to class singing along with the radio.. and of all things to happen, as I arrived at the tuition centre, this emotional feeling sorta washed over me and I was suddenly trying my best to stop the tears that were flowing freely.. Ya Allah! Ape kene ngan budak Ayu ni?
I was mad with myself for having no self control.. and a bit confused since I was SINGING la not 5 minutes ago.. tetibe jadi empangan pecah! Bongok tul la sy ni in times like these. I had a class in not more than 5 minutes and how was I supposed so face my class like this? It was as if my mind was determined to NOT enjoy the class.. and to ruin it for my students too!
I know the girls were whispering as I entered the class, even when I had cast my face downwards, to avoid them seeing my puffy eyes. Thank God the usual noisy boys in the back were late (in this case, tak dtg langsung.. tgk Syurga Cinta -which I have something to share later about- kat Sunway la pulaaaaakkkk)..
I was sooo worried and even more when I found I couldn't face those student without feeling like breaking down. This new Indian girl in my class whose hobby is poking me in the ribs (Budak² ni sejak tau kelemahan cikgu deme niiii, uuhhh, pantang! Sungguh malu terjerit² sy dlm kelas nak lari dari kene cucuk!) looked at me with this concerned face that I just had to go outside for some air.
After that, it was a bit easier. In fact, I actually enjoyed the class afterward as there were a lot of questions.. and I love questions (Only when I know the answers je la kaaannn heheh.. obviously!). Dari depan sampaaaaaaaaaaaiii la ke belakang, semua rajin tanye soklan (tatau la sbb nak amik ati ke ape ke kan since semua tanye nape muke cikgu pucat.. rasenye bdk² ppuan tu nak tanye nape cikgu nangis tp tak berani tanye direct hahaha.. and I just pretended tak dengar soklan² sebegitu)
I left the class so much cheered up than what I felt in the car right before class.. but right now, I'm starting to feel a bit downhill.
Psycho kah Ayu?
I hope not..
I just hope this rollercoaster ride would end soon..