Yesterday, I went out with kak Shima, kak Kathy and Kak Zura for buka puasa. Hehe, but I wasn't really fasting, time of the month maaa.. We wanted to try out the Nilam Cafe which we have never even stepped into eversince it had opened a few months ago but we never had the chance. The deco was lovely, such nice settings if you want a quiet meal descreetly.
Anyway, we ordered our food and, boy was I thirsty. However, I had to supress my desire to take a big gulp from my pineapple juice to respect those who were fasting. By the time we heard azan from the nearby masjid, I had already finished half of the glass.
After eating, I noticed this irritating piece of meat stuck in my mouth, right at the very back of it. I tried to get it unstuck by using my tongue but with no avail. I didn't want to stick my finger into my mouth in front of everyone but it was irritating me more and more. Finally, after trying to refrain myself from doing it in public, once in the car, I took out a tissue and tried to pry the piece of meat from my teeth. Imagine my suprise when the tissue tore as it snagged on something sharp. A bit afraid that a splinter of a bone might be stuck to, I decided to wait until I got home to check it out.
Once at home, I rushed into the toilet. I was dumbstruck to find out that the crown of my first wisdom tooth was visible.
I know its not a big deal, but I have so long ago given up hope of having wisdom teeth. I mean, I'm 25 with no sign of wisdom teeth when my brothers who are younger than me, ALL have their complete set of teeth. I read somewhere that some people never get their wisdom teeth so I never looked out for it after that anyway. Besides, after watching one by one of my previous housemates/roomates and friends 'tortured' over these so called 'wisdom' teeth (wonder why they're called wisdom tooth anyway?), I mean with all the fever plus the pain of having sharp teeth pushing their way through your soft gums, it didn't really appeal to me to have them. They're at the back of you mouth, for God's sake!
Another reason I was glad that I might not have wisdom teeth is because, some old wives tales say that once the first of this set emerges at the back of your mouth, you'll never grow taller. Now, being a dwarf at 150cm, I still dream of growing taller (Haha.. fat chance!!) so the sudden appearance of this tooth has already dashed all my hopes of growing taller hahah..
I can just imagine Adi saying,"Haha! Kak Yong dah tumbuh gigi bongsu! Kakak aku tak boleh tinggi dah.. dah la pendek, pendek la seumur hidup".
Somehow, I DO wonder, how come I'm not all feverish like almost everyone I know! I mean, I'm sure the lot of you have also experienced the 'Wisdom Tooth Fever' like everyone else, right? Thats why I never realized the arrival of this tooth, I guess! Well, hope it really does bring 'WISDOM' to to the scatterbrain me hehe..
Looks like I'm finally in league with everyone else now, eh!
Hail Ayu's wisdom tooth :-)
Friday, July 15, 2005
Thursday, July 14, 2005
My horoscope of the day
It's not easy to capture one of your kind. You want someone who's physically attractive, intellectually appealing, and brave enough to handle your warrior spirit. All that needs to happen well before the hopeful applicant can even become remotely close to being invited into your heart. If you've already found someone who's up for the challenge, you'll let them know how much they're appreciated. If you haven't, you'll spend yet another day on the prowl -- but now, you might have some luck.
I was browsing thru my Yahoo! Homepage when I came across my horoscope. Now, I don't depend on my horoscope to go through my day, I just read it for the fun of it but today's horoscope grabbed my attention. Hmmmm.. somhow, I find most of it suprisingly true, though I never realized it until today especially this part --> All that needs to happen well before the hopeful applicant can even become remotely close to being invited into your heart.
At first, I was just laughing at it. Though it DID struck a chord in me, I just shruged it off. But then, going to tuition, with nothing else to do, this horoscopse crept into my mind once again and before I knew it, I was dwelling on the issue.
Lets say, I might have ignored it if not because of the fact I got a phone call from a close friend a few weeks back. As usual, whenever I get phone calls from these 'cousins' (we used to say we were cousins so people won't misinterpret our relationship) of mine, I always complain of being single and being left alone by them, who btw are already married. While talking to him, I was playing with this kitten and me being me, I was scolding the kitten like I'd scold Izati or Iskandar.
Yokies: Hang ni cakap ngan sapa ni?
Me: Kucing ni.. sibuk panjat kete orang hehe..
Yokies: Hang ni dah tak dak orang len ke nak sembang.. ngan kucing la pulak sekarang
Me: Ye la, korang dah tinggalkan saya sorang².. semua p kahwin buang.. kesian kat saya.. tu pun nasib baik ada kucing
Yokies: Kesian sangat eh.. tu la hang
Me: Apa saya pulak.. korang la tinggal saya.. pasni budak kecik plak nak kahwin, memang tinggal sorang la saya
Yokies: Alah.. macam la aku tak tau pasai hang.. banyak citer aku dengaq.. lagipun aku kenal hang dah lama la, Bulat
Me: Ni merepek apa pulak
Yokies: Aku nak tanya hang, kenapa kan, kalu ade je orang suka kat hang, hang mesti lari?
Me: Lorrr.. ni citer dongeng mana pulak ni
Yokies: Citer dongeng apa, aku tau la, aku kenal hang lama
Me: Meghapu dah kawan saya sorang ni.. salah orang dah ni
Yokies: Aku kenai la hang.. berapa lama dah kita kawan.. weii, tak pa la, anak aku dah jaga.. Assalamualaikum
Well, well, well, I didn't expect to hear THAT from him though what he said DID hover in my mind for the next few days. I mean, it does coincide with what Liana said to me, as in my previous entry (Honest comments, anyone! I think..).
As I said, on the way to my tuition class, I was thinking of the horoscope and the question Azren asked me a few months back, loomed in front of me, "Kak Yong, dun you trust anybody?"
Well, in the entry I said above, I did admit that he was true but I didn't realize how true. I mean, even with my friends, it takes me quite a while to open up. Though funnily, thats not the case with my 'cousins' here whom I trusted on sight.. AND for the first time my instincts were right, really am glad bout that! But with others, it genarally takes much longer.
I really hate not trusting people as I want people to trust me too and I know how hurt I'd be if I know people don't trust me but sometimes I can't help it. The only good thing I see about this is that, though I have a difficult time trusting people, once I do, it'll also be a hard for me to feel otherwise.. so in this case, no one can change the way I feel about my friends, no matter how hard they try.. but thats about it. All the other parts of this feeling are just so.. ugly!
With my 'cousins', I instantly felt they would accept me as I am, all the good and bad. Believe me, I have a good reason for thinking this way. They first got to know me when I was screwing up a project I was handling, but did they judge me? No! In fact, they helped me to improvise and even after the project, they were still there. I guess that's why I totally trust them. They saw me at my worst point but, hell, it was nothing to them!
But with other people, they might have only seen me in my usual mode.. the not-doing-anything-wrong-yet mode so I get afraid to do the wrong things in front of them, just in case they'll have different views of me later.
Those people whom I trust, even a tiny bit, have all seen worse of me than the way I usually am. Sometimes, I hate myself for feeling this way. I mean, like Yun, she trusts even strangers and her instincts are usually right. I envy her ability to be like that. Nearly everyone I know are like that and I feel so terrible. It's not that I feel I'm better than anyone else, its bcoz I feel I'm worse that I'm like this. But in my experience, the people I try to put my trust in early on, would hurt me in the end so I'm just afraid.
Even in the matters of the heart. For example, my invisible best friend. I had been close to him for nearly 5 years before I realized that I had set my heart loose. Never had I imagined of feeling that way but it just happened and look what it got me into. A total heartbreak that even 2 years later, I haven't quite recovered from it. I mean, look how long it took for me to let someone into my heart, and I've been trusting him for a long time before that too! Makes me shudder to think how much longer would it take for me to find someone else :(
Recently, some friends of mine tried to matchmake me with someone I cannot stand. Junior pulak tu, in case they don't realize, I am VERY particular about age differance! I'm not mad at them, they never knew I couldn't stand him but I do feel a bit hurt. I mean, why didn't they ask me first? I know what Yokies and Toroque would say,"Alaaa, kalau kami habaq pun, macam hang mau!" but still.. I mean, give me time to learn to trust, to know, to be comfortable.. don't just push someone into my face (Oppsss.. Yokies ngan Toroque, I'm not talking about you guys hehe.. I know if it were you guys, korang takkan buat canni).
Yeah, like what my horoscope said up there, maybe for once, I admit that once in a while, what they say, does really reflect you, though I'm not comfortable with the way it described me. Though I like it or not, it really is me!
I was browsing thru my Yahoo! Homepage when I came across my horoscope. Now, I don't depend on my horoscope to go through my day, I just read it for the fun of it but today's horoscope grabbed my attention. Hmmmm.. somhow, I find most of it suprisingly true, though I never realized it until today especially this part --> All that needs to happen well before the hopeful applicant can even become remotely close to being invited into your heart.
At first, I was just laughing at it. Though it DID struck a chord in me, I just shruged it off. But then, going to tuition, with nothing else to do, this horoscopse crept into my mind once again and before I knew it, I was dwelling on the issue.
Lets say, I might have ignored it if not because of the fact I got a phone call from a close friend a few weeks back. As usual, whenever I get phone calls from these 'cousins' (we used to say we were cousins so people won't misinterpret our relationship) of mine, I always complain of being single and being left alone by them, who btw are already married. While talking to him, I was playing with this kitten and me being me, I was scolding the kitten like I'd scold Izati or Iskandar.
Yokies: Hang ni cakap ngan sapa ni?
Me: Kucing ni.. sibuk panjat kete orang hehe..
Yokies: Hang ni dah tak dak orang len ke nak sembang.. ngan kucing la pulak sekarang
Me: Ye la, korang dah tinggalkan saya sorang².. semua p kahwin buang.. kesian kat saya.. tu pun nasib baik ada kucing
Yokies: Kesian sangat eh.. tu la hang
Me: Apa saya pulak.. korang la tinggal saya.. pasni budak kecik plak nak kahwin, memang tinggal sorang la saya
Yokies: Alah.. macam la aku tak tau pasai hang.. banyak citer aku dengaq.. lagipun aku kenal hang dah lama la, Bulat
Me: Ni merepek apa pulak
Yokies: Aku nak tanya hang, kenapa kan, kalu ade je orang suka kat hang, hang mesti lari?
Me: Lorrr.. ni citer dongeng mana pulak ni
Yokies: Citer dongeng apa, aku tau la, aku kenal hang lama
Me: Meghapu dah kawan saya sorang ni.. salah orang dah ni
Yokies: Aku kenai la hang.. berapa lama dah kita kawan.. weii, tak pa la, anak aku dah jaga.. Assalamualaikum
Well, well, well, I didn't expect to hear THAT from him though what he said DID hover in my mind for the next few days. I mean, it does coincide with what Liana said to me, as in my previous entry (Honest comments, anyone! I think..).
As I said, on the way to my tuition class, I was thinking of the horoscope and the question Azren asked me a few months back, loomed in front of me, "Kak Yong, dun you trust anybody?"
Well, in the entry I said above, I did admit that he was true but I didn't realize how true. I mean, even with my friends, it takes me quite a while to open up. Though funnily, thats not the case with my 'cousins' here whom I trusted on sight.. AND for the first time my instincts were right, really am glad bout that! But with others, it genarally takes much longer.
I really hate not trusting people as I want people to trust me too and I know how hurt I'd be if I know people don't trust me but sometimes I can't help it. The only good thing I see about this is that, though I have a difficult time trusting people, once I do, it'll also be a hard for me to feel otherwise.. so in this case, no one can change the way I feel about my friends, no matter how hard they try.. but thats about it. All the other parts of this feeling are just so.. ugly!
With my 'cousins', I instantly felt they would accept me as I am, all the good and bad. Believe me, I have a good reason for thinking this way. They first got to know me when I was screwing up a project I was handling, but did they judge me? No! In fact, they helped me to improvise and even after the project, they were still there. I guess that's why I totally trust them. They saw me at my worst point but, hell, it was nothing to them!
But with other people, they might have only seen me in my usual mode.. the not-doing-anything-wrong-yet mode so I get afraid to do the wrong things in front of them, just in case they'll have different views of me later.
Those people whom I trust, even a tiny bit, have all seen worse of me than the way I usually am. Sometimes, I hate myself for feeling this way. I mean, like Yun, she trusts even strangers and her instincts are usually right. I envy her ability to be like that. Nearly everyone I know are like that and I feel so terrible. It's not that I feel I'm better than anyone else, its bcoz I feel I'm worse that I'm like this. But in my experience, the people I try to put my trust in early on, would hurt me in the end so I'm just afraid.
Even in the matters of the heart. For example, my invisible best friend. I had been close to him for nearly 5 years before I realized that I had set my heart loose. Never had I imagined of feeling that way but it just happened and look what it got me into. A total heartbreak that even 2 years later, I haven't quite recovered from it. I mean, look how long it took for me to let someone into my heart, and I've been trusting him for a long time before that too! Makes me shudder to think how much longer would it take for me to find someone else :(
Recently, some friends of mine tried to matchmake me with someone I cannot stand. Junior pulak tu, in case they don't realize, I am VERY particular about age differance! I'm not mad at them, they never knew I couldn't stand him but I do feel a bit hurt. I mean, why didn't they ask me first? I know what Yokies and Toroque would say,"Alaaa, kalau kami habaq pun, macam hang mau!" but still.. I mean, give me time to learn to trust, to know, to be comfortable.. don't just push someone into my face (Oppsss.. Yokies ngan Toroque, I'm not talking about you guys hehe.. I know if it were you guys, korang takkan buat canni).
Yeah, like what my horoscope said up there, maybe for once, I admit that once in a while, what they say, does really reflect you, though I'm not comfortable with the way it described me. Though I like it or not, it really is me!
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
And then there were 7..
1980 - Nurikhwani Idayu
1981 - Izuan Bakhtiar
1982 - Idham Mursyidi
1986 - Ikram Abadi
1989 - Nurikhsan Izati
1992 - Iskandar Muhammad
The list above shows the full names of my siblings along with our year of birth.. until earlier this year la somehow..
There's my name on top of the list a.k.a kak Yong (eldest sister) to my brothers and sister and cousins as well as close family friends. My nieces and nephews (the reason 'nephews' come second is because they are outnumbered by my nieces) have been trained by yours sincerely to call me Cik Yong. I didn't like the normal Mak Yong.. cam nama tarian traditional.. nor did I like the other name Wan Yong coz Wan means grandfather in the northern dialect, compared to 'Aunty' in our Perak dialect.. waaa, nanti kena gelak ngan orang utara!! Good thing my aunt prefers the Cik Yong version too hehe.. sayaaaaaaang Mak Yang!
Then there's Iwan who's a year younger than me, known as Abangah (shortform of Abang Ngah) by the younger ones coz they're too lazy to call him the longer name. I was the one who started calling him Iwan since I couldn't pronounce Izuan when I was small. To our anak² sedara, I'm not sure how he calls himself though.. never heard him bahasakan diri dia ape yet.
A year after Iwan, came Adi or Abalang (also short form but this time from Abang Alang). He is my closest brother. I'm always nagging on everything about him.
"Adi, your rambut dah panjang.. potong la!"
"Adi, stop pulling my hair"
"Adi, cuba beli baju kemas sikit"
"Adi, seluar pun berlubang"
"Adi tu.. Adi ni"
Hehe.. but he's still the brother I love to hang out with. The both of us have come to one understanding, that I'm not publishing here.. and boy I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling like that! We agree on most things though we might have different views. And he's the one I love ganging up with Izati to gaduh².
Next came Ikram, much to the jealousy of Adi. See, Adi had been the youngest for 4 years before Ikram came along. Ikram is known as Anchik by the younger one's (another shortform from Abang Chik) but to the older ones, he affectionately calls himself Iyam, though we told him Iyam is a girl's name when he was smaller. Still, in front of his friends, he asks us to call him Ikram hahah.. I wrote an entry about him earlier.. one of my earliest entries. Now he's back here though I haven't had the chance to meet up with him. Ye la, bila kak Yong balik kampung, Iyam dah balik KL, cammana nak jumpa?
Then there's Izati or Ti ('kakak' to Iskandar). She's my one and only sis (errr.. until April this year la..). I wanted to have a sister so much when I was small and how happy I was when I finally got one. 9 years younger than me, I felt the gap when I was in school, but now, I feel as if the gap is thinning and I'm finally accepting the fact that my sister has grown up. I remember once, when choosing her 'pangkat', she wanted to be called Mak Su by our anak sedara but we told her, 'Su' was only for the youngest, in this case, Iskandar la. She was stubborn and still wanted that name until finally, after months of persuading her, she agreed to choose another name. Me, being the usual irritating eldest sister, announced to everyone that she was to be called Mak Tam and how furious Izati was. I finally stopped calling her Mak Tam when she cried after I was teaching my niece, Majdah (who's, by the way, real name is Majdah Izati) to call her Mak Tam. Mak Yang scolded me hehe.. "Kome ni, kawan tu elok putih, panggil dia Mak Tam kenapa?"
Then finally there's Iskandar.. my youngest brother! Stubborn as a mule and turning Mama's hair white is his specialty. He's always been doing cheeky things since he was small that he's the source of 'kena kutuk' at home. I mean, ade ke bawak ayam katik tu baring sekali ngan dia? Then, trying to hatch eggs on MY bed! Reciting azan Isya' at the surau when the elders were not looking, with the speaker on full blast, mind you! The list goes on hehe..
However..
2005 - Nuribtisam Annisa
Huh? Who's this?
Some of you who have been following my blog would have noticed a blog entry I published in mid-April.. about having a new sis. Well, the truth is, I really wanted to talk about her in this entry. I just went to have my first peek at my new sister 2 days ago. Baizurah calls it "the Nasik Lemak Project".
I've been meaning to go and see my sis since I first got to know about her. But somehow, thinking of Mama, I always have put off the meeting. However, my sister's instinct overpowered me last week. Suddenly, I just wanted to see my new sister.
The whole week, I had to prepare myself, mentally and physically for the 'meeting'. I didn't tell my parents coz.. well, if I told Mama, I know I wouldn't hear the last of it.. and if I told abah.. well, that's another story altogether. Besides, if I suddenly developed cold feet, no one would know, right?
Anyway, the day came. I woke up early, couldn't even take a nap after Subuh. I had already rehearsed what I was going to converse about and I kept replaying the scenes in my head. I mean, Abah has always been trying to find fault in me EVERYTIME I see him, especially after he got married again, so I was frantically finding ways to avoid these confrontations or how to retaliate, just in case. My nerves were not in their best conditions and my heartbeat must have been to the point of abnormality!
After a few moments of deciding what was the best thing to wear, so no faults could be found there, and after trying to make myself as presentable as ever, I started my journey to Tasek Gelugor. I stopped at Bkt Panchor to buy my favourite nasik lemak (Thus the name 'Nasik Lemak Project") but the mak cik didn't open her stall so I settled for the stall next to hers.
The whole way there, my mind was busy. Even my favourite songs on my favourite station couldn't take my mind off THE MEETING. Approaching the Butterworth-Kulim Expressway, I had this sudden urge to go back but part of me was determined to get over with it. I mean, it was only a few miles more.
When I arrived, I saw some of the workers in front of the container. I was half-hoping that Abah wasn't there so I could just speed back home but I noticed his car so I knew he was there. After asking about his whereabouts to a worker, I took a long breath and stepped towards the room. However, the appearance of Iskandar there took away all my anxieties as I was too suprised to see him!
I guess my wittle bwudder here helped me to relax. After salam with my father and exchanging a few pleasantries, I was finally calm. In fact, I suddenly realized how much I missed Abah though I have never been close to him.
I finally told Abah I wanted to see my sister and he answered with the most obvious answer,"She's your sister, apa salah pulak?" Hehe..
However, she was nursing with my stepmom so I waited a bit. Now, I've been avoiding meeting with my stepmom before, I always had this impression that she hates us but I guess, or maybe I'm hoping, wishful thinking perharps, I might be wrong! I avoid calling her Ummi or Mak Cik, I'm just not THAT comfortable yet with her. But when she saw me, she stopped nursing Annisa (or Echa.. I heard Iskandar call her something like that) so I went to salam her. All at once, my resentment dissolved when I lay my eyes on my sister.
I guess, thats why most of us wonder how some people can be so ruthless to mistreat thier children. Just look at the cases of 'penderaan kanak²', some are just so senseless, you'd couldn't even compare them to animals as even animal are better. I was looking at my sister and this warm pleasant feeling came flooding my heart. I forgot all my worries and all negative thoughts and just wanted to hold her in my arms.
She's 'botak', just like I was until my 2nd birthday but I assured my stepmom that she'd grow up like me, with hair so thick that tends to grow long overnight that she's have the same problem as I had when it comes to 'stuffing' our hair in our 'anak tudung'. And she looks exactly like Iskandar, I still have Iskandar's baby picture and I plan to give it to Abah, just so they could see the similiarities we have.. Yup! Shes definitely my sister.
Once, Abah was starting to go back in his habit to scold me for something but instead of hearing his voice rising, I heard it faltering as he watched me and my sister. Dari suara yang macam nak marah, it just ended in this unaudible mumble and from the corner of my eyes, I saw him smiling.
I was having the time of my life. My sister was already 3 months old so she was starting to notice people and she kept cooing at me, as if she had so much to tell me. She's already an expert at smiling (like most 3 months old la.. I'm not bragging here, I know the torture of listenig to people saya their child is a genius.. hey! I have 5 smaller siblings so though I'm not an expert, I know this is NORMAL) like her namesake, which by the way means "The light of a woman's smile" or cahaya senyuman wanita.
After eating the nasik lemak with Abah, my stepmom and Iskandar, I was ready to go back home. I didn't want to overstay my welcome, besides, I was filled with this stab of guilt whenever I thought of Mama so I excused my self after nearly 2 hours there. Abah and my stepmom, along with my sister sent me to the car. After the goodbyes, and a last kiss to my sister, I went home.
I guess you could say, it all went well, unexpectedly. I mean, I've always cried whenever I meet Abah since he's always finding my fault but this time, it was different. I thought I saw a flicker of sadness on Abah's face when I waved goodbye, and the truth is, I'm sad too. I wish things were different but I know, this is takdir. The fate bestowed on us eversince we were up there with Him.
One thing I noticed, no wonder Iskandar has been making frequent visits here, he's totally smitten with the sister he so much wanted for such a long time. He used to bahasakan himself 'abang' to all our feline friends and even to 'Atik' our ayam katik we had years ago. The differance between me and him is 12 years AND 4 siblings in the middle but he only got a younger sibling in his 13th year and it felt so good seeing him happily playing with his sister. Somehow, I know that I'll back him up whenever Mama 'teases' him about going there instead of just leaving him alone to face it. He's definitely 'big brother material'! :-)
1981 - Izuan Bakhtiar
1982 - Idham Mursyidi
1986 - Ikram Abadi
1989 - Nurikhsan Izati
1992 - Iskandar Muhammad
The list above shows the full names of my siblings along with our year of birth.. until earlier this year la somehow..
There's my name on top of the list a.k.a kak Yong (eldest sister) to my brothers and sister and cousins as well as close family friends. My nieces and nephews (the reason 'nephews' come second is because they are outnumbered by my nieces) have been trained by yours sincerely to call me Cik Yong. I didn't like the normal Mak Yong.. cam nama tarian traditional.. nor did I like the other name Wan Yong coz Wan means grandfather in the northern dialect, compared to 'Aunty' in our Perak dialect.. waaa, nanti kena gelak ngan orang utara!! Good thing my aunt prefers the Cik Yong version too hehe.. sayaaaaaaang Mak Yang!
Then there's Iwan who's a year younger than me, known as Abangah (shortform of Abang Ngah) by the younger ones coz they're too lazy to call him the longer name. I was the one who started calling him Iwan since I couldn't pronounce Izuan when I was small. To our anak² sedara, I'm not sure how he calls himself though.. never heard him bahasakan diri dia ape yet.
A year after Iwan, came Adi or Abalang (also short form but this time from Abang Alang). He is my closest brother. I'm always nagging on everything about him.
"Adi, your rambut dah panjang.. potong la!"
"Adi, stop pulling my hair"
"Adi, cuba beli baju kemas sikit"
"Adi, seluar pun berlubang"
"Adi tu.. Adi ni"
Hehe.. but he's still the brother I love to hang out with. The both of us have come to one understanding, that I'm not publishing here.. and boy I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling like that! We agree on most things though we might have different views. And he's the one I love ganging up with Izati to gaduh².
Next came Ikram, much to the jealousy of Adi. See, Adi had been the youngest for 4 years before Ikram came along. Ikram is known as Anchik by the younger one's (another shortform from Abang Chik) but to the older ones, he affectionately calls himself Iyam, though we told him Iyam is a girl's name when he was smaller. Still, in front of his friends, he asks us to call him Ikram hahah.. I wrote an entry about him earlier.. one of my earliest entries. Now he's back here though I haven't had the chance to meet up with him. Ye la, bila kak Yong balik kampung, Iyam dah balik KL, cammana nak jumpa?
Then there's Izati or Ti ('kakak' to Iskandar). She's my one and only sis (errr.. until April this year la..). I wanted to have a sister so much when I was small and how happy I was when I finally got one. 9 years younger than me, I felt the gap when I was in school, but now, I feel as if the gap is thinning and I'm finally accepting the fact that my sister has grown up. I remember once, when choosing her 'pangkat', she wanted to be called Mak Su by our anak sedara but we told her, 'Su' was only for the youngest, in this case, Iskandar la. She was stubborn and still wanted that name until finally, after months of persuading her, she agreed to choose another name. Me, being the usual irritating eldest sister, announced to everyone that she was to be called Mak Tam and how furious Izati was. I finally stopped calling her Mak Tam when she cried after I was teaching my niece, Majdah (who's, by the way, real name is Majdah Izati) to call her Mak Tam. Mak Yang scolded me hehe.. "Kome ni, kawan tu elok putih, panggil dia Mak Tam kenapa?"
Then finally there's Iskandar.. my youngest brother! Stubborn as a mule and turning Mama's hair white is his specialty. He's always been doing cheeky things since he was small that he's the source of 'kena kutuk' at home. I mean, ade ke bawak ayam katik tu baring sekali ngan dia? Then, trying to hatch eggs on MY bed! Reciting azan Isya' at the surau when the elders were not looking, with the speaker on full blast, mind you! The list goes on hehe..
However..
2005 - Nuribtisam Annisa
Huh? Who's this?
Some of you who have been following my blog would have noticed a blog entry I published in mid-April.. about having a new sis. Well, the truth is, I really wanted to talk about her in this entry. I just went to have my first peek at my new sister 2 days ago. Baizurah calls it "the Nasik Lemak Project".
I've been meaning to go and see my sis since I first got to know about her. But somehow, thinking of Mama, I always have put off the meeting. However, my sister's instinct overpowered me last week. Suddenly, I just wanted to see my new sister.
The whole week, I had to prepare myself, mentally and physically for the 'meeting'. I didn't tell my parents coz.. well, if I told Mama, I know I wouldn't hear the last of it.. and if I told abah.. well, that's another story altogether. Besides, if I suddenly developed cold feet, no one would know, right?
Anyway, the day came. I woke up early, couldn't even take a nap after Subuh. I had already rehearsed what I was going to converse about and I kept replaying the scenes in my head. I mean, Abah has always been trying to find fault in me EVERYTIME I see him, especially after he got married again, so I was frantically finding ways to avoid these confrontations or how to retaliate, just in case. My nerves were not in their best conditions and my heartbeat must have been to the point of abnormality!
After a few moments of deciding what was the best thing to wear, so no faults could be found there, and after trying to make myself as presentable as ever, I started my journey to Tasek Gelugor. I stopped at Bkt Panchor to buy my favourite nasik lemak (Thus the name 'Nasik Lemak Project") but the mak cik didn't open her stall so I settled for the stall next to hers.
The whole way there, my mind was busy. Even my favourite songs on my favourite station couldn't take my mind off THE MEETING. Approaching the Butterworth-Kulim Expressway, I had this sudden urge to go back but part of me was determined to get over with it. I mean, it was only a few miles more.
When I arrived, I saw some of the workers in front of the container. I was half-hoping that Abah wasn't there so I could just speed back home but I noticed his car so I knew he was there. After asking about his whereabouts to a worker, I took a long breath and stepped towards the room. However, the appearance of Iskandar there took away all my anxieties as I was too suprised to see him!
I guess my wittle bwudder here helped me to relax. After salam with my father and exchanging a few pleasantries, I was finally calm. In fact, I suddenly realized how much I missed Abah though I have never been close to him.
I finally told Abah I wanted to see my sister and he answered with the most obvious answer,"She's your sister, apa salah pulak?" Hehe..
However, she was nursing with my stepmom so I waited a bit. Now, I've been avoiding meeting with my stepmom before, I always had this impression that she hates us but I guess, or maybe I'm hoping, wishful thinking perharps, I might be wrong! I avoid calling her Ummi or Mak Cik, I'm just not THAT comfortable yet with her. But when she saw me, she stopped nursing Annisa (or Echa.. I heard Iskandar call her something like that) so I went to salam her. All at once, my resentment dissolved when I lay my eyes on my sister.
I guess, thats why most of us wonder how some people can be so ruthless to mistreat thier children. Just look at the cases of 'penderaan kanak²', some are just so senseless, you'd couldn't even compare them to animals as even animal are better. I was looking at my sister and this warm pleasant feeling came flooding my heart. I forgot all my worries and all negative thoughts and just wanted to hold her in my arms.
She's 'botak', just like I was until my 2nd birthday but I assured my stepmom that she'd grow up like me, with hair so thick that tends to grow long overnight that she's have the same problem as I had when it comes to 'stuffing' our hair in our 'anak tudung'. And she looks exactly like Iskandar, I still have Iskandar's baby picture and I plan to give it to Abah, just so they could see the similiarities we have.. Yup! Shes definitely my sister.
Once, Abah was starting to go back in his habit to scold me for something but instead of hearing his voice rising, I heard it faltering as he watched me and my sister. Dari suara yang macam nak marah, it just ended in this unaudible mumble and from the corner of my eyes, I saw him smiling.
I was having the time of my life. My sister was already 3 months old so she was starting to notice people and she kept cooing at me, as if she had so much to tell me. She's already an expert at smiling (like most 3 months old la.. I'm not bragging here, I know the torture of listenig to people saya their child is a genius.. hey! I have 5 smaller siblings so though I'm not an expert, I know this is NORMAL) like her namesake, which by the way means "The light of a woman's smile" or cahaya senyuman wanita.
After eating the nasik lemak with Abah, my stepmom and Iskandar, I was ready to go back home. I didn't want to overstay my welcome, besides, I was filled with this stab of guilt whenever I thought of Mama so I excused my self after nearly 2 hours there. Abah and my stepmom, along with my sister sent me to the car. After the goodbyes, and a last kiss to my sister, I went home.
I guess you could say, it all went well, unexpectedly. I mean, I've always cried whenever I meet Abah since he's always finding my fault but this time, it was different. I thought I saw a flicker of sadness on Abah's face when I waved goodbye, and the truth is, I'm sad too. I wish things were different but I know, this is takdir. The fate bestowed on us eversince we were up there with Him.
One thing I noticed, no wonder Iskandar has been making frequent visits here, he's totally smitten with the sister he so much wanted for such a long time. He used to bahasakan himself 'abang' to all our feline friends and even to 'Atik' our ayam katik we had years ago. The differance between me and him is 12 years AND 4 siblings in the middle but he only got a younger sibling in his 13th year and it felt so good seeing him happily playing with his sister. Somehow, I know that I'll back him up whenever Mama 'teases' him about going there instead of just leaving him alone to face it. He's definitely 'big brother material'! :-)
Monday, July 11, 2005
Waaaaaa.. penaaaatt!!
Sob.. sob..
Penat giler.. tulih panjang², tetiba server down, pastu entry ilang..
Mengong tul..
Iskk.. iskk..
Waaaaa...
Penat giler.. tulih panjang², tetiba server down, pastu entry ilang..
Mengong tul..
Iskk.. iskk..
Waaaaa...
Sunday, July 03, 2005
The Summons
Haha.. to my Caterpillarbuku club members, THIS is not a review of the John Grisham book. I'm still not that senile to confuse my blogs yet. And NO, this is not about a judge summoning me up for a reprimanding or something, more like the story of my samans (in plural, mind you!!).
I first got my driving license in my second year at USM, back in the year 2000. Well, it might be a little late for some people who jump up at the chance to get their license after completing SPM, but during that period, I was busy taking care of my siblings since my parents were doing their haj. In fact, I took my license secretly that not many people knew. Haha, call me a coward, I was afraid if I didn't pass the first time and that everyone might know. Even my housemates only knew after Mama called Yun to ask how my driving test went, when Yun didn't even know I was going for my test on that day but Alhamdulillah, I did pass.
Anyway, I practiced driving everytime I went back to Penang but once I got into my final year, I stopped. Thus, I grew afraid of driving though at first I was so perak that even going to the kedai runcit, I just had to drive.
When I started working as a research officer, I still didn't feel the need to drive yet since I could still stay in the hostel but after a year, we were sort of forced to get out of the hostel and rent some place else. When this happened, the majority of us knew one thing for sure: We needed transportation!
Thus, started my lesson of driving, all over again. Since I already knew that Abah and my uncle arranged for me to buy an automatic car (my uncle was afraid that I'd never remember the gear shifts AND about my low confidence on the road), I practiced road confidence using kak Ana's car where everyday we'd drive around till I was confident enough on the road and of my steering control.
The day I got my car, I was in Lengong with Lili, Hasni, Medoff and Amir regarding the MIMOL project. Dari mula lagi, Amir and Medoff kept persuading me to drive (all of them knew I was waiting for my car) but I refused since I wasn't THAT confident yet. But then, who would have expected them to play a trick on me. When going for the Jumaat prayers, Medoff parked the car right in the middle of the road and handed the keys to me. Amir then said,"Kak Ayu buat la apa yang kak Ayu suka dengan keter ni" and to add insult, they laughed and hurried into the masjid before I could call out to them.
I was the only one with a driving license at that time so whether I liked it or not, I HAD to drive the car to the nearest surau in order for us girls to pray. Besides, I can't leave the car in the middle of the road, could I? All of the sudden, the 10 minute journey felt like an hours worth of driving. Thankfully I could still drive the car, though it was a manual tramsmission one, but throughout the drive, I must have sweared buckets. Good thing the only word I know is 'bodoh, bengong' or those two little brothers of mine would get more nasty words to their name!
When we finally went to Lenggong for the actual project, I had already had my car for a week, and had been driving for only a week too! I'd always wondered how people could drive pass the speed limit, and even curse while driving that I had vowed NOT to do that. Besides, I was still a bit afraid, anyway but during that time, I really obeyed the rules. I mean, this highway (takde tol la.. just jalan biasa but like higway) had a 90km/hr limit and I followed it, to the exasperation of Yun who had to follow me from behind, since she didn't know the way. If it was up to her, she was sure to speed things up. In fact, budak² ni loved to tease me and being the lurus bendul me, I had to accept it haha.. but I don't mind, they were the best, even when Juty teased me on this 60km/hr road --> "Kak Ayu, dah 61km/jam dah ni.. dah lebih!!"
Well, my first speeding ticket was in last year. In fact, I even saw the traffic police and I knew Abah was about to receive a ticket. But that first time was really because of this Merc 'lembap' in front of me, and when I wanted to potong him, it just speeded up, causing me to accelerate even more, thus, my first speeding ticket! I received a good lecture from Abah (who ironically IS a lecturer haha!) and ashamedly paid for the summon.
Unsuprisingly, when I told my juniors, their first reaction was,"Kak Ayu kena saman laju???? Hahah.. tipu lah.. Nak bawak lebih dari had laju pun takut, takkan dah pandai kena saman dah kot?" Hehe, good ol' adik² of mine!!
Then, just a few months after that, while browsing at this online service for TNB, JPJ bla.. bla.. bla.. I suddenly wanted to check the car's summons, just for the fun of it BUT, the fun went right outta it when I discovered another TWO summonses. Darn!!!
I had to wait a few weeks before being able to pay for them, and was glad that they had this discount if paid during this certain period. However, my instincts told me to bring more money than I intended to. Well, upon arriving at the police counter, I was told that I had yet another summon. Ratsss!!! That makes it 4 speeding tickets in not even a year and YES, I had to use all the money I brought along with me.
After that, I vowed not to speed. Hahah, if there was a Speeding Anonymous, I might have to join. For week I had to endure teasing from my colleagus and juniors who loved to asked me, "Ayu tak dapat saman lagi dah ke?".
I was feeling good about myself after a few months samanless but one day, after teaching tuition in Parit Buntar, I headed to Jawi. On the way, rain started falling so I switched on my windshields (btw, why to we call it windshields? Shouldn't it be called rain/snow shields?) and imagine my suprise to see a piece of paper stuck on it. Waaaaaaaaarrrgggghh.. I got a new ticket but it was a parking ticket this time. All because I accidently paid my parking fees at the wrong parking meter!! Duhhh..
That ticket was followed by another two: the first one, I admit, I didn't pay on purpose but the second one, I totally forgot!! And now I'm like.. what is it with me and summons??
Then, a few days ago, I was chatting with Bebe on Yahoo! and he was busy checking his summons online. I smugly told him,"Saya dah insaf sekarang, tak kumpul dah saman laju" but he insisted on my i/c number so he could check. Wanting to prove how good I am on the road now, I checked it out myself and suprises of suprises! I GOT ANOTHER SPEEDING TICKET! And to tell you the truth, I'm not sure if I'm supposed to get this since I've really repent on my old ways. Insaf giler dah ni weih..
Well, like Faezah commented on my Friendster, "Kak Ayu dan saman memang sinonim.. tak dapat dipisahkan!"
I guess I'd always be haunted by these summons. Kena mandi bunga kot baru ilang rasa nak dapat saman ni agaknya.. hmmm..
I first got my driving license in my second year at USM, back in the year 2000. Well, it might be a little late for some people who jump up at the chance to get their license after completing SPM, but during that period, I was busy taking care of my siblings since my parents were doing their haj. In fact, I took my license secretly that not many people knew. Haha, call me a coward, I was afraid if I didn't pass the first time and that everyone might know. Even my housemates only knew after Mama called Yun to ask how my driving test went, when Yun didn't even know I was going for my test on that day but Alhamdulillah, I did pass.
Anyway, I practiced driving everytime I went back to Penang but once I got into my final year, I stopped. Thus, I grew afraid of driving though at first I was so perak that even going to the kedai runcit, I just had to drive.
When I started working as a research officer, I still didn't feel the need to drive yet since I could still stay in the hostel but after a year, we were sort of forced to get out of the hostel and rent some place else. When this happened, the majority of us knew one thing for sure: We needed transportation!
Thus, started my lesson of driving, all over again. Since I already knew that Abah and my uncle arranged for me to buy an automatic car (my uncle was afraid that I'd never remember the gear shifts AND about my low confidence on the road), I practiced road confidence using kak Ana's car where everyday we'd drive around till I was confident enough on the road and of my steering control.
The day I got my car, I was in Lengong with Lili, Hasni, Medoff and Amir regarding the MIMOL project. Dari mula lagi, Amir and Medoff kept persuading me to drive (all of them knew I was waiting for my car) but I refused since I wasn't THAT confident yet. But then, who would have expected them to play a trick on me. When going for the Jumaat prayers, Medoff parked the car right in the middle of the road and handed the keys to me. Amir then said,"Kak Ayu buat la apa yang kak Ayu suka dengan keter ni" and to add insult, they laughed and hurried into the masjid before I could call out to them.
I was the only one with a driving license at that time so whether I liked it or not, I HAD to drive the car to the nearest surau in order for us girls to pray. Besides, I can't leave the car in the middle of the road, could I? All of the sudden, the 10 minute journey felt like an hours worth of driving. Thankfully I could still drive the car, though it was a manual tramsmission one, but throughout the drive, I must have sweared buckets. Good thing the only word I know is 'bodoh, bengong' or those two little brothers of mine would get more nasty words to their name!
When we finally went to Lenggong for the actual project, I had already had my car for a week, and had been driving for only a week too! I'd always wondered how people could drive pass the speed limit, and even curse while driving that I had vowed NOT to do that. Besides, I was still a bit afraid, anyway but during that time, I really obeyed the rules. I mean, this highway (takde tol la.. just jalan biasa but like higway) had a 90km/hr limit and I followed it, to the exasperation of Yun who had to follow me from behind, since she didn't know the way. If it was up to her, she was sure to speed things up. In fact, budak² ni loved to tease me and being the lurus bendul me, I had to accept it haha.. but I don't mind, they were the best, even when Juty teased me on this 60km/hr road --> "Kak Ayu, dah 61km/jam dah ni.. dah lebih!!"
Well, my first speeding ticket was in last year. In fact, I even saw the traffic police and I knew Abah was about to receive a ticket. But that first time was really because of this Merc 'lembap' in front of me, and when I wanted to potong him, it just speeded up, causing me to accelerate even more, thus, my first speeding ticket! I received a good lecture from Abah (who ironically IS a lecturer haha!) and ashamedly paid for the summon.
Unsuprisingly, when I told my juniors, their first reaction was,"Kak Ayu kena saman laju???? Hahah.. tipu lah.. Nak bawak lebih dari had laju pun takut, takkan dah pandai kena saman dah kot?" Hehe, good ol' adik² of mine!!
Then, just a few months after that, while browsing at this online service for TNB, JPJ bla.. bla.. bla.. I suddenly wanted to check the car's summons, just for the fun of it BUT, the fun went right outta it when I discovered another TWO summonses. Darn!!!
I had to wait a few weeks before being able to pay for them, and was glad that they had this discount if paid during this certain period. However, my instincts told me to bring more money than I intended to. Well, upon arriving at the police counter, I was told that I had yet another summon. Ratsss!!! That makes it 4 speeding tickets in not even a year and YES, I had to use all the money I brought along with me.
After that, I vowed not to speed. Hahah, if there was a Speeding Anonymous, I might have to join. For week I had to endure teasing from my colleagus and juniors who loved to asked me, "Ayu tak dapat saman lagi dah ke?".
I was feeling good about myself after a few months samanless but one day, after teaching tuition in Parit Buntar, I headed to Jawi. On the way, rain started falling so I switched on my windshields (btw, why to we call it windshields? Shouldn't it be called rain/snow shields?) and imagine my suprise to see a piece of paper stuck on it. Waaaaaaaaarrrgggghh.. I got a new ticket but it was a parking ticket this time. All because I accidently paid my parking fees at the wrong parking meter!! Duhhh..
That ticket was followed by another two: the first one, I admit, I didn't pay on purpose but the second one, I totally forgot!! And now I'm like.. what is it with me and summons??
Then, a few days ago, I was chatting with Bebe on Yahoo! and he was busy checking his summons online. I smugly told him,"Saya dah insaf sekarang, tak kumpul dah saman laju" but he insisted on my i/c number so he could check. Wanting to prove how good I am on the road now, I checked it out myself and suprises of suprises! I GOT ANOTHER SPEEDING TICKET! And to tell you the truth, I'm not sure if I'm supposed to get this since I've really repent on my old ways. Insaf giler dah ni weih..
Well, like Faezah commented on my Friendster, "Kak Ayu dan saman memang sinonim.. tak dapat dipisahkan!"
I guess I'd always be haunted by these summons. Kena mandi bunga kot baru ilang rasa nak dapat saman ni agaknya.. hmmm..
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