Haha.. to my Caterpillarbuku club members, THIS is not a review of the John Grisham book. I'm still not that senile to confuse my blogs yet. And NO, this is not about a judge summoning me up for a reprimanding or something, more like the story of my samans (in plural, mind you!!).
I first got my driving license in my second year at USM, back in the year 2000. Well, it might be a little late for some people who jump up at the chance to get their license after completing SPM, but during that period, I was busy taking care of my siblings since my parents were doing their haj. In fact, I took my license secretly that not many people knew. Haha, call me a coward, I was afraid if I didn't pass the first time and that everyone might know. Even my housemates only knew after Mama called Yun to ask how my driving test went, when Yun didn't even know I was going for my test on that day but Alhamdulillah, I did pass.
Anyway, I practiced driving everytime I went back to Penang but once I got into my final year, I stopped. Thus, I grew afraid of driving though at first I was so perak that even going to the kedai runcit, I just had to drive.
When I started working as a research officer, I still didn't feel the need to drive yet since I could still stay in the hostel but after a year, we were sort of forced to get out of the hostel and rent some place else. When this happened, the majority of us knew one thing for sure: We needed transportation!
Thus, started my lesson of driving, all over again. Since I already knew that Abah and my uncle arranged for me to buy an automatic car (my uncle was afraid that I'd never remember the gear shifts AND about my low confidence on the road), I practiced road confidence using kak Ana's car where everyday we'd drive around till I was confident enough on the road and of my steering control.
The day I got my car, I was in Lengong with Lili, Hasni, Medoff and Amir regarding the MIMOL project. Dari mula lagi, Amir and Medoff kept persuading me to drive (all of them knew I was waiting for my car) but I refused since I wasn't THAT confident yet. But then, who would have expected them to play a trick on me. When going for the Jumaat prayers, Medoff parked the car right in the middle of the road and handed the keys to me. Amir then said,"Kak Ayu buat la apa yang kak Ayu suka dengan keter ni" and to add insult, they laughed and hurried into the masjid before I could call out to them.
I was the only one with a driving license at that time so whether I liked it or not, I HAD to drive the car to the nearest surau in order for us girls to pray. Besides, I can't leave the car in the middle of the road, could I? All of the sudden, the 10 minute journey felt like an hours worth of driving. Thankfully I could still drive the car, though it was a manual tramsmission one, but throughout the drive, I must have sweared buckets. Good thing the only word I know is 'bodoh, bengong' or those two little brothers of mine would get more nasty words to their name!
When we finally went to Lenggong for the actual project, I had already had my car for a week, and had been driving for only a week too! I'd always wondered how people could drive pass the speed limit, and even curse while driving that I had vowed NOT to do that. Besides, I was still a bit afraid, anyway but during that time, I really obeyed the rules. I mean, this highway (takde tol la.. just jalan biasa but like higway) had a 90km/hr limit and I followed it, to the exasperation of Yun who had to follow me from behind, since she didn't know the way. If it was up to her, she was sure to speed things up. In fact, budak² ni loved to tease me and being the lurus bendul me, I had to accept it haha.. but I don't mind, they were the best, even when Juty teased me on this 60km/hr road --> "Kak Ayu, dah 61km/jam dah ni.. dah lebih!!"
Well, my first speeding ticket was in last year. In fact, I even saw the traffic police and I knew Abah was about to receive a ticket. But that first time was really because of this Merc 'lembap' in front of me, and when I wanted to potong him, it just speeded up, causing me to accelerate even more, thus, my first speeding ticket! I received a good lecture from Abah (who ironically IS a lecturer haha!) and ashamedly paid for the summon.
Unsuprisingly, when I told my juniors, their first reaction was,"Kak Ayu kena saman laju???? Hahah.. tipu lah.. Nak bawak lebih dari had laju pun takut, takkan dah pandai kena saman dah kot?" Hehe, good ol' adik² of mine!!
Then, just a few months after that, while browsing at this online service for TNB, JPJ bla.. bla.. bla.. I suddenly wanted to check the car's summons, just for the fun of it BUT, the fun went right outta it when I discovered another TWO summonses. Darn!!!
I had to wait a few weeks before being able to pay for them, and was glad that they had this discount if paid during this certain period. However, my instincts told me to bring more money than I intended to. Well, upon arriving at the police counter, I was told that I had yet another summon. Ratsss!!! That makes it 4 speeding tickets in not even a year and YES, I had to use all the money I brought along with me.
After that, I vowed not to speed. Hahah, if there was a Speeding Anonymous, I might have to join. For week I had to endure teasing from my colleagus and juniors who loved to asked me, "Ayu tak dapat saman lagi dah ke?".
I was feeling good about myself after a few months samanless but one day, after teaching tuition in Parit Buntar, I headed to Jawi. On the way, rain started falling so I switched on my windshields (btw, why to we call it windshields? Shouldn't it be called rain/snow shields?) and imagine my suprise to see a piece of paper stuck on it. Waaaaaaaaarrrgggghh.. I got a new ticket but it was a parking ticket this time. All because I accidently paid my parking fees at the wrong parking meter!! Duhhh..
That ticket was followed by another two: the first one, I admit, I didn't pay on purpose but the second one, I totally forgot!! And now I'm like.. what is it with me and summons??
Then, a few days ago, I was chatting with Bebe on Yahoo! and he was busy checking his summons online. I smugly told him,"Saya dah insaf sekarang, tak kumpul dah saman laju" but he insisted on my i/c number so he could check. Wanting to prove how good I am on the road now, I checked it out myself and suprises of suprises! I GOT ANOTHER SPEEDING TICKET! And to tell you the truth, I'm not sure if I'm supposed to get this since I've really repent on my old ways. Insaf giler dah ni weih..
Well, like Faezah commented on my Friendster, "Kak Ayu dan saman memang sinonim.. tak dapat dipisahkan!"
I guess I'd always be haunted by these summons. Kena mandi bunga kot baru ilang rasa nak dapat saman ni agaknya.. hmmm..
Sunday, July 03, 2005
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Sentot!!!
Sentot (6/23/2005 5:03:21 PM): ingat tau...next week....kumpul idea banyak2...buat la satu entry utk saya
ayuikhwani (6/23/2005 5:03:32 PM): buat pe
ayuikhwani (6/23/2005 5:03:35 PM): bukan besh pun
ayuikhwani (6/23/2005 5:03:36 PM): hehehehe
Sentot (6/23/2005 5:03:43 PM): kat maksu ada edisi khas takkan kat saya takdak kot
Sentot (6/23/2005 5:03:43 PM): isk is kisk
Sentot (6/23/2005 5:03:43 PM): hehe
That's a copied and pasted version of the coversation I had with Baizurah last week, so Sentot, this entry is entirely dedicated to you :)
I first got to know her a few days after registering in AlMashoor. Since all of us were from different schools, the only people I knew were Nadiah and Suri so most of the time, the three of us sat together. Being the shy person I was, it never crossed my mind to initiate a conversation with my friends except to my dormmates, where this is inevitable since I get to see them throughout the day. I was too busy being afraid of everyone during the first few days. Luckily I had kak Shazrah and kak Iqin, whom I've known since primary, to help me in the hostel.
After settling down in our classes, with new faces to look at and new names to memorize, we started the slow process of mingling around. When I say slow, this is because most of us stayed in our own group we've known since primary BUT still, we tried! Then one day, Nadiah called me to introduce me to this girl she just knew.. her exact words were,"Ayu, mai la sini.. cute tak budak ni? Nama dia Siti Nur Baizurah" Thus, starting one of my most treasured friendships ever..
And YES Baizurah, it WAS Nadiah who introduced me to you, maybe you remember why hehe.. And YES, we were on friendlier terms after form 4. I mean, she was one of my bestfriends during primary, though this stupid something which I still don't understand made us grow apart from each other (I mean, seriously, when you think about it.. still puzzles me though) But then again, after that incident, I was no angel too and that part I admit *ashamed*. Thankfully, being thrown together in a tuition class, we slowly overcame our differences and both of us made the effort to behave haha.. anyway, this blog isn't for her! And by the way, she just got married a month ago.
Back to Sentot. My first 'view' of her was a face peeking behind Nadiah. Being a shy person myself, I just smiled and her and introduced myself. And Baizurah, you're right, in this case, we were the mirror image of each other.. tak sangka hahah.. First time I found someone as shy as I was.
After that, we started hanging out with each other in class though in form 1, I was still mostly quiet and Baizurah was mostly with the outsiders- a nickname we use for students who don't stay in the hostel. I guess our friendship really took off in form 2 and I'm glad it did.
I have lots of memories with her. I loved to play pranks on her since she was the only one simple-minded enough to fall for it. Hahah, jangan marah, Baizurah, the point here is, we were both 'lurus bendul' so she was the ONLY one I could play jokes on (I guess that work vice versa too). The most memorable one being the 'Surat of Adam' which some of you may have read in my earlier entries in this blog. God, I still laugh myself silly over THAT!
But still, her desk was one of my favourite places, along with Ami's desk. I was always trying to copy her neat hand writing but never really succeeded though Sarina once thought Baizurah had written "Bangun la, Penguin!" in her book when it was really me. Whenever the teacher was out, we'd drag our chairs towards her desk (she, like me, sat at the back of the class at that time) and start talking like 'speaker masjid', much to the annoyance of our studious classmates.. though most of them joined us too.. Mak Su.. Illis.. Dayang.. Shipah.. Shareena..
I remember one of her favourite imitations. She used to love imitating Ustazah whatever her name was.. aiyak!! Dah lupe la.. This ustazah always wears her tudung in this hilarious way that it was one of the most prominent jokes. The truth is, whenever bored, not only our class tau, students always do this imitating game. Sangat hampeh kan all of us dulu! But somehow, no one could imitate her better than Baizurah. Then she'd pull this funny face that whenever I'm mad at her, she'd just come with this face and I'd laugh till my tears roll out.
Then we had this story book. I'd start with a paragraph or two, maybe a whole chapter, then Ami or Baizurah would continue. Once in a while, our other friends would chip in their contribution, usually Mak Su, I think. It was mostly about silly crushes on KRU la at that time but still, lots of my friends loved to read them, siap bagi idea lagi. I wonder where that book is now, I'm sure the whole lot of us would laugh ourselves silly over the book.
Speaking about KRU, the both of us were so crazeeeeeeeee about Yusry though sometimes I just don't understand what we saw in him. Ami was in the neutral ground since she was the only one who loved Norman, as well as Suri who went ga-ga over Edry. We'd compete to see who knows more about Yusry.
"Baizurah, saya tau birthday Yusry and what college he attended"
"Eleh, saya ada buku pasal biography dia lagiiii"
"Waaa.. nak pinjam, Baizurah!!!"
"Nyeh.. nyeh.. tak bleh.."
Though she'd still lend it to me heheh.. My most victorious moment was when Suhaila sent me photo's of KRU which she took. How I gloated over those pictures, kan Baizurah? But please tell me, What were we thinking?
She was one of the sweetest friends I ever had. *Rolling eyes* I know you're gonna throw this remark back at me, Baizurah. I can just imagine you saying "Mengaku pun saya sweet" Hehe..
Once in form 2 (Abah always organized these motivational programmes for my school for the students who were going to sit for big exams and somehow, Baizurah's father was always invited to give his really superb motivational talks), Abah forced me to participate in this programme and I was petrified, being the youngest participant. I was so worried and guess what Baizurah did? She accompanied me throughout the programme! So, there we were, two form two students amidst the form three, form five and form six students.
I always had fun around her. I guess we suited each other since we always understood each other haha, since we were so much like. (Suprisingly, being older and wiser, and also being apart from each other for so long, I still get amazed to find out how similar we are) Sadly, the last time we really hung out was in form three.
In form 4, Baizurah went to SGGS while I stayed in AlMashoor.. and believe me Baizurah, I was depressed in those first few months, wishing I could take myself back to form 3. I mean, I was the only one with ONLY 4 A's in that class while the others had at least 6 and to tell you the truth, more than once someone would remark that I was in the science class because of my father. Mengong!! Though I had only 4A's, I fulfilled the minimum requirement la (at least two A's in either Science, Maths or English) Besides, we were the experimental batch! Thank God I came out first in the first test, or I guess I'd still feel stupid to be in that class.
Alamak! Ubah topic plak
Well, in form 4, we talked occasionally through the phone (Hehe, I remember what Adam told you guys during this period.. mulut sgt hampeh but he's changed so much now.. makes me miss the cheeky Adam sometimes) but then the duration between phone calls grew more apart and I guess one day, we just stopped calling at all though we'd hear about each other from mutual friends.
Then two years ago, I heard about her brother. I frantically searched for her phone number to talk to her, nasib baik ade Ami! Suprisingly, it was as if we were never apart! Amidst her sadness, we were soon rolling around in laughter, but that made me realize how much I missed her companionship. We kept in touch for a few months but then was back to being quiet, though this time, we had each others number handy!
But then, a few months ago, we were again united. Through Friendster and YM now. I talk to her nearly everyday, still gaduh² like we did dulu, and still laughed ourselves silly. I mean, at least now my colleagues are not that suprised to see me laugh out loud suddenly coz at first, I must have scared them! Seriously Baizurah, I laugh (and I mean laugh out REALLY loud) everytime I talk to you. You're gonna make me have laughter lines prematurely!
Like I said, it was as if we were never apart. We seem to always pick up, right where we left and God! I'll have an ulcer for laughing too much. Not to mention the self pity sessions we have occasionally hehe..
Ape pun Baizurah, I'm glad Nadiah introduced us.. and though I know I'm going to have to endure a very gloating Baizurah for the next few weeks, I'm still glad to say, "You're one of the BEST, Sentot! And only Allah knows how much I appreciate and enjoy having you around. Hope we'll still be friends when we grow all wrinkly and old"
P/S
BTW Baizurah.. I was teaching my tuition students Trigonometry yesterday, and was asking them, how do they remember the formula of Sinus, Cosinus and Tangent. Remember Ustaz Mokhtar taught us using the "kakak beli halia" method --> for Cosinus la but then you guys used the English technique Cikgu Tagi taught! I however, still use the malay one where, but the improvised one made by Ami, I think, where
Sinus = Suri toyol hijau
Tangent = Toyol tendang Baizurah
Sorry gal, but I really smiled at the memory of it.. and I'm still using this method 10 years later heheh.. In fact, I can't remember the original one!
ayuikhwani (6/23/2005 5:03:32 PM): buat pe
ayuikhwani (6/23/2005 5:03:35 PM): bukan besh pun
ayuikhwani (6/23/2005 5:03:36 PM): hehehehe
Sentot (6/23/2005 5:03:43 PM): kat maksu ada edisi khas takkan kat saya takdak kot
Sentot (6/23/2005 5:03:43 PM): isk is kisk
Sentot (6/23/2005 5:03:43 PM): hehe
That's a copied and pasted version of the coversation I had with Baizurah last week, so Sentot, this entry is entirely dedicated to you :)
I first got to know her a few days after registering in AlMashoor. Since all of us were from different schools, the only people I knew were Nadiah and Suri so most of the time, the three of us sat together. Being the shy person I was, it never crossed my mind to initiate a conversation with my friends except to my dormmates, where this is inevitable since I get to see them throughout the day. I was too busy being afraid of everyone during the first few days. Luckily I had kak Shazrah and kak Iqin, whom I've known since primary, to help me in the hostel.
After settling down in our classes, with new faces to look at and new names to memorize, we started the slow process of mingling around. When I say slow, this is because most of us stayed in our own group we've known since primary BUT still, we tried! Then one day, Nadiah called me to introduce me to this girl she just knew.. her exact words were,"Ayu, mai la sini.. cute tak budak ni? Nama dia Siti Nur Baizurah" Thus, starting one of my most treasured friendships ever..
And YES Baizurah, it WAS Nadiah who introduced me to you, maybe you remember why hehe.. And YES, we were on friendlier terms after form 4. I mean, she was one of my bestfriends during primary, though this stupid something which I still don't understand made us grow apart from each other (I mean, seriously, when you think about it.. still puzzles me though) But then again, after that incident, I was no angel too and that part I admit *ashamed*. Thankfully, being thrown together in a tuition class, we slowly overcame our differences and both of us made the effort to behave haha.. anyway, this blog isn't for her! And by the way, she just got married a month ago.
Back to Sentot. My first 'view' of her was a face peeking behind Nadiah. Being a shy person myself, I just smiled and her and introduced myself. And Baizurah, you're right, in this case, we were the mirror image of each other.. tak sangka hahah.. First time I found someone as shy as I was.
After that, we started hanging out with each other in class though in form 1, I was still mostly quiet and Baizurah was mostly with the outsiders- a nickname we use for students who don't stay in the hostel. I guess our friendship really took off in form 2 and I'm glad it did.
I have lots of memories with her. I loved to play pranks on her since she was the only one simple-minded enough to fall for it. Hahah, jangan marah, Baizurah, the point here is, we were both 'lurus bendul' so she was the ONLY one I could play jokes on (I guess that work vice versa too). The most memorable one being the 'Surat of Adam' which some of you may have read in my earlier entries in this blog. God, I still laugh myself silly over THAT!
But still, her desk was one of my favourite places, along with Ami's desk. I was always trying to copy her neat hand writing but never really succeeded though Sarina once thought Baizurah had written "Bangun la, Penguin!" in her book when it was really me. Whenever the teacher was out, we'd drag our chairs towards her desk (she, like me, sat at the back of the class at that time) and start talking like 'speaker masjid', much to the annoyance of our studious classmates.. though most of them joined us too.. Mak Su.. Illis.. Dayang.. Shipah.. Shareena..
I remember one of her favourite imitations. She used to love imitating Ustazah whatever her name was.. aiyak!! Dah lupe la.. This ustazah always wears her tudung in this hilarious way that it was one of the most prominent jokes. The truth is, whenever bored, not only our class tau, students always do this imitating game. Sangat hampeh kan all of us dulu! But somehow, no one could imitate her better than Baizurah. Then she'd pull this funny face that whenever I'm mad at her, she'd just come with this face and I'd laugh till my tears roll out.
Then we had this story book. I'd start with a paragraph or two, maybe a whole chapter, then Ami or Baizurah would continue. Once in a while, our other friends would chip in their contribution, usually Mak Su, I think. It was mostly about silly crushes on KRU la at that time but still, lots of my friends loved to read them, siap bagi idea lagi. I wonder where that book is now, I'm sure the whole lot of us would laugh ourselves silly over the book.
Speaking about KRU, the both of us were so crazeeeeeeeee about Yusry though sometimes I just don't understand what we saw in him. Ami was in the neutral ground since she was the only one who loved Norman, as well as Suri who went ga-ga over Edry. We'd compete to see who knows more about Yusry.
"Baizurah, saya tau birthday Yusry and what college he attended"
"Eleh, saya ada buku pasal biography dia lagiiii"
"Waaa.. nak pinjam, Baizurah!!!"
"Nyeh.. nyeh.. tak bleh.."
Though she'd still lend it to me heheh.. My most victorious moment was when Suhaila sent me photo's of KRU which she took. How I gloated over those pictures, kan Baizurah? But please tell me, What were we thinking?
She was one of the sweetest friends I ever had. *Rolling eyes* I know you're gonna throw this remark back at me, Baizurah. I can just imagine you saying "Mengaku pun saya sweet" Hehe..
Once in form 2 (Abah always organized these motivational programmes for my school for the students who were going to sit for big exams and somehow, Baizurah's father was always invited to give his really superb motivational talks), Abah forced me to participate in this programme and I was petrified, being the youngest participant. I was so worried and guess what Baizurah did? She accompanied me throughout the programme! So, there we were, two form two students amidst the form three, form five and form six students.
I always had fun around her. I guess we suited each other since we always understood each other haha, since we were so much like. (Suprisingly, being older and wiser, and also being apart from each other for so long, I still get amazed to find out how similar we are) Sadly, the last time we really hung out was in form three.
In form 4, Baizurah went to SGGS while I stayed in AlMashoor.. and believe me Baizurah, I was depressed in those first few months, wishing I could take myself back to form 3. I mean, I was the only one with ONLY 4 A's in that class while the others had at least 6 and to tell you the truth, more than once someone would remark that I was in the science class because of my father. Mengong!! Though I had only 4A's, I fulfilled the minimum requirement la (at least two A's in either Science, Maths or English) Besides, we were the experimental batch! Thank God I came out first in the first test, or I guess I'd still feel stupid to be in that class.
Alamak! Ubah topic plak
Well, in form 4, we talked occasionally through the phone (Hehe, I remember what Adam told you guys during this period.. mulut sgt hampeh but he's changed so much now.. makes me miss the cheeky Adam sometimes) but then the duration between phone calls grew more apart and I guess one day, we just stopped calling at all though we'd hear about each other from mutual friends.
Then two years ago, I heard about her brother. I frantically searched for her phone number to talk to her, nasib baik ade Ami! Suprisingly, it was as if we were never apart! Amidst her sadness, we were soon rolling around in laughter, but that made me realize how much I missed her companionship. We kept in touch for a few months but then was back to being quiet, though this time, we had each others number handy!
But then, a few months ago, we were again united. Through Friendster and YM now. I talk to her nearly everyday, still gaduh² like we did dulu, and still laughed ourselves silly. I mean, at least now my colleagues are not that suprised to see me laugh out loud suddenly coz at first, I must have scared them! Seriously Baizurah, I laugh (and I mean laugh out REALLY loud) everytime I talk to you. You're gonna make me have laughter lines prematurely!
Like I said, it was as if we were never apart. We seem to always pick up, right where we left and God! I'll have an ulcer for laughing too much. Not to mention the self pity sessions we have occasionally hehe..
Ape pun Baizurah, I'm glad Nadiah introduced us.. and though I know I'm going to have to endure a very gloating Baizurah for the next few weeks, I'm still glad to say, "You're one of the BEST, Sentot! And only Allah knows how much I appreciate and enjoy having you around. Hope we'll still be friends when we grow all wrinkly and old"
P/S
BTW Baizurah.. I was teaching my tuition students Trigonometry yesterday, and was asking them, how do they remember the formula of Sinus, Cosinus and Tangent. Remember Ustaz Mokhtar taught us using the "kakak beli halia" method --> for Cosinus la but then you guys used the English technique Cikgu Tagi taught! I however, still use the malay one where, but the improvised one made by Ami, I think, where
Sinus = Suri toyol hijau
Tangent = Toyol tendang Baizurah
Sorry gal, but I really smiled at the memory of it.. and I'm still using this method 10 years later heheh.. In fact, I can't remember the original one!
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Extravagant, thrifty or 'scrooge'-like?
On Friday, I went to Pinang Megamall with my colleague Faezah and junior, Ramlah. After an hour and a half of our usual rounds there, we were ready to go back to USM. On the way to the car, we were laughing at Ramlah for buying these two large containers, it was funny seeing her struggling with the huge plastic bags and we were laughing like adolescents.. melawak tak pandang kiri-kanan!!
Anyway, on the way back, commenting on our spending and on the sales person who was supposed serve us..
"Waaa.. kata nak beli buku, tgk la dah beli ape ni?"
"Ingat tanak beli pa per, tp banyak gak shopping nyer.."
"Haaa.. nak yang mana?" <-- imitating the salesperson in charge
.. Ramlah was looking at my purchases and she suddenly commented, "Kak Ayu ni dah 25 tapi masih tak pandai lagi nak urus budget.. tengok cam Faezah ni, dia kat nak beli satu buku, memang dia beli satu buku.."
Now, I wasn't mad at her for saying that coz thats what I usually hear people say whenever I get out of a book shop but suddenly today, I was thinking of what she said.
The truth is, I HATE SHOPPING! Sorry to say, but really, yours truly isn't one of the typical females who simply loves shopping. I'd rather stay home than go buying things I might regret and I only go out whenever I NEED something or if I want to go to the movies (which is about 75% of the times I go out.. well, aside from books, movies are also my topmost choice of entertainment).. ok², I also go out if I hear that POPULAR or MPH is doing a sale or book fair anywhere nearby!
Lets put it this way. I DON'T go shopping for the sake of shopping. Though sometime I go have some girly time with my friends, but we usually go out for a bite or spend our time in the cinema and bookstores (Yup.. I seem to befriend bookworms here.. well, Soraya DID say, "Great minds think alike" hehe..)
I mean, I know friends who go shopping whenever they're in the mood or whenever they want to relax after a tiring event bla.. bla.. bla.. And they'll end up, mostly with clothes, shoes and all those girly 'essentials'. To me, THAT'S wasting money.. but then again, looks who's talking -->
For the past few weeks, I've been having frequent trips to the bookstores and to a book fair held in Penang. Believe it or not, I've bought about 15 books throughout these trips which I've made around 3-4 times. (If Yun reads this, she's going to give me a good scolding --> "Buang duit je ngko ni.. tak bleh tengok buku langsung"). But hey, I READ these book. Some people go on a shopping spree and end up not wearing even HALF of the load they bought. So, with books, I admit defeat! I AM extravagant with them especially with the release of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince next month.. whoopeee!!
Another thing I spend a lot on is on my skin care. Alaaa, c'mon la you guys, those who know me personally will have an idea on why I spend so much here. See, I'm 25 but with the skin of a teenager, macam kilang minyak! So, after being introduced to Clinique, I haven't looked back, since this is the ONLY skin care that has been able to control 'degree of sebum' on my face. Though I may have to spend a bit, but it's worth all that. Besides, I only buy the supplies nearly once a year, so when it comes back to the budget, I'm just spending a few ringgit per month only.
So there, those are the only things I spend on.. honest!
On the other hand, though I spend much on these items, I don't really spend so much when I go teman my friends shopping. I can refrain myself from buying clothes and shoes even when ALL my friends are choosing them except when I need it. For example, what happened on Friday itself. A few minutes before, I was with Ramlah and Faezah in the Vincci shoestore and though the sandals were pretty, I didn't feel like buying any. But then, a while after that, my sandal just HAD to snap off right in front of Bata. What was I to do, I was wearing a baju kurung and you can't expect me to seret the damn slipper kot? So I lost more than RM 30 there.
Ok².. its not as if I don't spend on clothes. Alaaa, takkan tak spend langsung, nanti takde baju langsung pulak! But let me give you an example of my clothes-buying method. This is a real-life experience that happened last Sunday.
10.30am From USM, drove to Penang alone, heading toward Prangin
11.30am Arrived at Prangin and headed straight to the ladies department
12.15pm Paid for the blouse and pants I chose and went to the groceries department
12.40pm Headed back to USM, Transkerian
1.30pm Arrived at USM
Haha.. THAT's a true account of Ayu's shopping spree! I go alone coz I'm afraid if I make people wait, and since I already knew what I wanted to buy, I just go straight to the shop and buy it, then go home.. I don't even go to the book shop, even if its just on the other side. Besides, I know if I even step in with one foot, I won't get outta the store for quite a while!
So there, am I really extravagant..? Or is it just like Ramlah said, I'm not good at planning my budget? Friends, comments please!!!
P/S
What about my coin box.. I save ALL my shillings in my coinbox EVERYDAY! Can that count as being thrifty? Haha.. tanak ngaku boros gak tuh..
Anyway, on the way back, commenting on our spending and on the sales person who was supposed serve us..
"Waaa.. kata nak beli buku, tgk la dah beli ape ni?"
"Ingat tanak beli pa per, tp banyak gak shopping nyer.."
"Haaa.. nak yang mana?" <-- imitating the salesperson in charge
.. Ramlah was looking at my purchases and she suddenly commented, "Kak Ayu ni dah 25 tapi masih tak pandai lagi nak urus budget.. tengok cam Faezah ni, dia kat nak beli satu buku, memang dia beli satu buku.."
Now, I wasn't mad at her for saying that coz thats what I usually hear people say whenever I get out of a book shop but suddenly today, I was thinking of what she said.
The truth is, I HATE SHOPPING! Sorry to say, but really, yours truly isn't one of the typical females who simply loves shopping. I'd rather stay home than go buying things I might regret and I only go out whenever I NEED something or if I want to go to the movies (which is about 75% of the times I go out.. well, aside from books, movies are also my topmost choice of entertainment).. ok², I also go out if I hear that POPULAR or MPH is doing a sale or book fair anywhere nearby!
Lets put it this way. I DON'T go shopping for the sake of shopping. Though sometime I go have some girly time with my friends, but we usually go out for a bite or spend our time in the cinema and bookstores (Yup.. I seem to befriend bookworms here.. well, Soraya DID say, "Great minds think alike" hehe..)
I mean, I know friends who go shopping whenever they're in the mood or whenever they want to relax after a tiring event bla.. bla.. bla.. And they'll end up, mostly with clothes, shoes and all those girly 'essentials'. To me, THAT'S wasting money.. but then again, looks who's talking -->
For the past few weeks, I've been having frequent trips to the bookstores and to a book fair held in Penang. Believe it or not, I've bought about 15 books throughout these trips which I've made around 3-4 times. (If Yun reads this, she's going to give me a good scolding --> "Buang duit je ngko ni.. tak bleh tengok buku langsung"). But hey, I READ these book. Some people go on a shopping spree and end up not wearing even HALF of the load they bought. So, with books, I admit defeat! I AM extravagant with them especially with the release of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince next month.. whoopeee!!
Another thing I spend a lot on is on my skin care. Alaaa, c'mon la you guys, those who know me personally will have an idea on why I spend so much here. See, I'm 25 but with the skin of a teenager, macam kilang minyak! So, after being introduced to Clinique, I haven't looked back, since this is the ONLY skin care that has been able to control 'degree of sebum' on my face. Though I may have to spend a bit, but it's worth all that. Besides, I only buy the supplies nearly once a year, so when it comes back to the budget, I'm just spending a few ringgit per month only.
So there, those are the only things I spend on.. honest!
On the other hand, though I spend much on these items, I don't really spend so much when I go teman my friends shopping. I can refrain myself from buying clothes and shoes even when ALL my friends are choosing them except when I need it. For example, what happened on Friday itself. A few minutes before, I was with Ramlah and Faezah in the Vincci shoestore and though the sandals were pretty, I didn't feel like buying any. But then, a while after that, my sandal just HAD to snap off right in front of Bata. What was I to do, I was wearing a baju kurung and you can't expect me to seret the damn slipper kot? So I lost more than RM 30 there.
Ok².. its not as if I don't spend on clothes. Alaaa, takkan tak spend langsung, nanti takde baju langsung pulak! But let me give you an example of my clothes-buying method. This is a real-life experience that happened last Sunday.
10.30am From USM, drove to Penang alone, heading toward Prangin
11.30am Arrived at Prangin and headed straight to the ladies department
12.15pm Paid for the blouse and pants I chose and went to the groceries department
12.40pm Headed back to USM, Transkerian
1.30pm Arrived at USM
Haha.. THAT's a true account of Ayu's shopping spree! I go alone coz I'm afraid if I make people wait, and since I already knew what I wanted to buy, I just go straight to the shop and buy it, then go home.. I don't even go to the book shop, even if its just on the other side. Besides, I know if I even step in with one foot, I won't get outta the store for quite a while!
So there, am I really extravagant..? Or is it just like Ramlah said, I'm not good at planning my budget? Friends, comments please!!!
P/S
What about my coin box.. I save ALL my shillings in my coinbox EVERYDAY! Can that count as being thrifty? Haha.. tanak ngaku boros gak tuh..
Monday, June 20, 2005
My 'dirty laundry' is out in the open
No.. no, I'm not saying I'm dumb enough to display my dirty laundry to all.. c'mon la people, logic skit!
Lets put it this way.. A few days ago (more like a few weeks ago), reading Baizurah's a.k.a Sentot's blog, I told her I wanted to do a counter-entry for one of her entries. Though I already knew what to say, at that time la, I didn't rush into it as I wanted to get more ideas.
Basically, she was talking about her 'army' of Barbies! Like most girls, having at least one Barbie was one of life's essentials (though I survived a childhood without one). However, the playful stories about Barbies moved on to seroius notes about our dreams and here, I totally agree with her!
You see, I guess all of us girls, when we were small, dreamed of being a princess. To us, princesses were the highest form of would-be personalities all of us wanted to be. Well, you can't really blame us, what with all fairy tales describing the princesses as being the most beautiful, kind, well liked and bla.. bla.. bla.. the list goes on! Once you've gained the princess status, life wouldn't be complete without your very own prince charming whom, in our dreams, are the most handsome, strongest and.. well, charming hehe..
Then, when we entered kindergarten life, we realized, we can't be princesses.. but that's ok! We could still be like Barbie, the most famous girl/careerwoman/housewife/bla² in the whole world. Who doesn't know her..? Even little boys know her and her boyfriend Ken. Thats how we build our fantasies, all around the imaginary world we all have lived in once upon a time ago. It was always, " When I grow up, I'm gonna be.."
But then, sadly, we DO grow up..
Thats when reality hits us!
All the things we dreamt of in our childhood don't seem that easy to attain anymore. In fact, some things just get so confusing that we wish we didn't have to face all this growing up. Gosh! And to think that once, we wanted to grow up and became 'one of the adults' so we could do anything we wanted but now, suddenly we wonder, "Why did I grow up so quickly? I want my childhood back!"
The truth is, I ask myself this question nearly everyday!
Then, a few days ago, I read this book entitled "Do you think I'm beautiful?" Not really someone who'd read these kind of books, this book caught my attention by the synopsis at the back which asked something like this..
"Little girls know about Cinderella-about her breathtaking beauty, about Prince Charming, about a magical destiny called 'happily ever after'. And inside every woman is a girl who secretly aches for a fairy godmather to wave a wand and transform her into the princess she has always longed to be. To make her beautiful. Captivating. Adored"
Reading this, I suddenly remembered Baizurah's entry and what the heck! Just bought the book for the fun of seeing this writer's point of view.
The first few pages asked about if you had ever dreamed of being Cinderella! Duh! Dumb question.. I mean, who hasn't? Everyone dreams of being her (the girls je la..) and I'm sure to those who loved to fantasies when smaller, she's been Cinderella more than twice! Then suddenly, the author asked another question that caught me off guard.
She asked the readers to look deep down inside, and answer the question sincerely. Your heart might had dreamt of being Cinderella and all, complete with our very own prince charming and our happy ending.. but what about your head? Sadly, the author's answer to this question made me realize, I never really hoped to be Cinderella anyway.
Picture this, you're in the ballroom, and prince charming is right acroos the room from you. You had spent so much time agonizing over what to wear, what to say, over if your smile is sweet enough and if your behavior and manners are as good as you always wanted them to be.. in fact, to your ownself, you feel you've done your best, but behold! In comes Cinderella, dashing all your hopes of even being in the limelight for just a second. Then, you just slide back into the crowd, into all the unknown faces because you know, you're not really good enough anyway. You realize, though you pored over all the small details, you will never be good enough for anything. All those preparation were really done, because that's what was expected of you not because you thought you could be considered SPECIAL.. maybe fairly good, but not SPECIAL!
For a while, I was dumbstruck.. Then I realized, gosh! That's me! That's the real me. One of those faceless people who never really made it, but always stays in the background, just in case!
I did a double take, but I'm sure this author doesn't really know me, to describe someone SO like me. I mean, this could be someone close to me, how could she know all those details?
You know, I've spent all my life trying to get approval from eveybody.. from Abah, Mama, my siblings, my teachers, my friends, my housemates, colleagues and even my young chargers at the tuition centre (could you believe that??)
In a way, all these people are my prince charming, especially two people whom I love most! I spend my life, trying so much to please them but I don't think it has ever been enough, somehow its always someone else, whom in my mind, doesn't even have to try hard enough. And as desperation turns to frustration after frustration, I guess I finally admitted defeat and just go on doing things that are expected of me, without question.
I guess, all this has lead to my very low self esteem.. yes, I'm admitting it!
I mean, I'm NOTHING! Deep down inside, I know, I don't mean a thing to these people whom I love. I can't even set a good example to my siblings, no wonder they're scattered all across Malaysia.. but how I SO wanted to be their pillar of strength, especially in time like these.. only God knows how bad I feel about myself now!
You might ask, what has this gotto do with the princess story above? Well, once upon a time ago, I guess, I wanted to be SOMEONE! I thought that, once I grow up, I'll be someone, especially to these two people. To me, growing up means, getting outta this low-confidence coccoon I've been in for as long as I can remember.. growing up was, to me, magical!
But little by little, I learnt that those things just don't happen. I still have my low opinion of myself, just like I had years ago.. except now, I'm getting good at hiding it from other people!
I've also learnt a bit, on how to hide the real me from other people. The truth is, I'm afraid people won't like the real me. As if the real me is just not good enough. I mean, just look at me.. in the looks department, I sit on the middle shelf. My personality isn't what you'd call attractive. Even my brain is average (though ONE person I love said, lower than average! :( Or maybe both of them think the same way, for all I know..)
I have trouble trusting people, afraid to be used as the butt of jokes or to have my mind played with. Its really frustrating, when I wish I trusted people even more (Ok, Azren, kak Yong admit yang maybe you're the one who made me realize how hard it was for me to trust people) I mean, especially after the two MAJOR things (that only SOME people know) that have happened in my life, it makes me see that sometimes the people we trust are the ones who cheat the most..
God.. I really hate myself!
And here I am.. so there guys, I've put out some of my dirty laundry out here! Hope I'm not judged by all this.. its just that, I don't know how to end this entry so I'd better stop now, though abruptly!
Enough said!
Lets put it this way.. A few days ago (more like a few weeks ago), reading Baizurah's a.k.a Sentot's blog, I told her I wanted to do a counter-entry for one of her entries. Though I already knew what to say, at that time la, I didn't rush into it as I wanted to get more ideas.
Basically, she was talking about her 'army' of Barbies! Like most girls, having at least one Barbie was one of life's essentials (though I survived a childhood without one). However, the playful stories about Barbies moved on to seroius notes about our dreams and here, I totally agree with her!
You see, I guess all of us girls, when we were small, dreamed of being a princess. To us, princesses were the highest form of would-be personalities all of us wanted to be. Well, you can't really blame us, what with all fairy tales describing the princesses as being the most beautiful, kind, well liked and bla.. bla.. bla.. the list goes on! Once you've gained the princess status, life wouldn't be complete without your very own prince charming whom, in our dreams, are the most handsome, strongest and.. well, charming hehe..
Then, when we entered kindergarten life, we realized, we can't be princesses.. but that's ok! We could still be like Barbie, the most famous girl/careerwoman/housewife/bla² in the whole world. Who doesn't know her..? Even little boys know her and her boyfriend Ken. Thats how we build our fantasies, all around the imaginary world we all have lived in once upon a time ago. It was always, " When I grow up, I'm gonna be.."
But then, sadly, we DO grow up..
Thats when reality hits us!
All the things we dreamt of in our childhood don't seem that easy to attain anymore. In fact, some things just get so confusing that we wish we didn't have to face all this growing up. Gosh! And to think that once, we wanted to grow up and became 'one of the adults' so we could do anything we wanted but now, suddenly we wonder, "Why did I grow up so quickly? I want my childhood back!"
The truth is, I ask myself this question nearly everyday!
Then, a few days ago, I read this book entitled "Do you think I'm beautiful?" Not really someone who'd read these kind of books, this book caught my attention by the synopsis at the back which asked something like this..
"Little girls know about Cinderella-about her breathtaking beauty, about Prince Charming, about a magical destiny called 'happily ever after'. And inside every woman is a girl who secretly aches for a fairy godmather to wave a wand and transform her into the princess she has always longed to be. To make her beautiful. Captivating. Adored"
Reading this, I suddenly remembered Baizurah's entry and what the heck! Just bought the book for the fun of seeing this writer's point of view.
The first few pages asked about if you had ever dreamed of being Cinderella! Duh! Dumb question.. I mean, who hasn't? Everyone dreams of being her (the girls je la..) and I'm sure to those who loved to fantasies when smaller, she's been Cinderella more than twice! Then suddenly, the author asked another question that caught me off guard.
She asked the readers to look deep down inside, and answer the question sincerely. Your heart might had dreamt of being Cinderella and all, complete with our very own prince charming and our happy ending.. but what about your head? Sadly, the author's answer to this question made me realize, I never really hoped to be Cinderella anyway.
Picture this, you're in the ballroom, and prince charming is right acroos the room from you. You had spent so much time agonizing over what to wear, what to say, over if your smile is sweet enough and if your behavior and manners are as good as you always wanted them to be.. in fact, to your ownself, you feel you've done your best, but behold! In comes Cinderella, dashing all your hopes of even being in the limelight for just a second. Then, you just slide back into the crowd, into all the unknown faces because you know, you're not really good enough anyway. You realize, though you pored over all the small details, you will never be good enough for anything. All those preparation were really done, because that's what was expected of you not because you thought you could be considered SPECIAL.. maybe fairly good, but not SPECIAL!
For a while, I was dumbstruck.. Then I realized, gosh! That's me! That's the real me. One of those faceless people who never really made it, but always stays in the background, just in case!
I did a double take, but I'm sure this author doesn't really know me, to describe someone SO like me. I mean, this could be someone close to me, how could she know all those details?
You know, I've spent all my life trying to get approval from eveybody.. from Abah, Mama, my siblings, my teachers, my friends, my housemates, colleagues and even my young chargers at the tuition centre (could you believe that??)
In a way, all these people are my prince charming, especially two people whom I love most! I spend my life, trying so much to please them but I don't think it has ever been enough, somehow its always someone else, whom in my mind, doesn't even have to try hard enough. And as desperation turns to frustration after frustration, I guess I finally admitted defeat and just go on doing things that are expected of me, without question.
I guess, all this has lead to my very low self esteem.. yes, I'm admitting it!
I mean, I'm NOTHING! Deep down inside, I know, I don't mean a thing to these people whom I love. I can't even set a good example to my siblings, no wonder they're scattered all across Malaysia.. but how I SO wanted to be their pillar of strength, especially in time like these.. only God knows how bad I feel about myself now!
You might ask, what has this gotto do with the princess story above? Well, once upon a time ago, I guess, I wanted to be SOMEONE! I thought that, once I grow up, I'll be someone, especially to these two people. To me, growing up means, getting outta this low-confidence coccoon I've been in for as long as I can remember.. growing up was, to me, magical!
But little by little, I learnt that those things just don't happen. I still have my low opinion of myself, just like I had years ago.. except now, I'm getting good at hiding it from other people!
I've also learnt a bit, on how to hide the real me from other people. The truth is, I'm afraid people won't like the real me. As if the real me is just not good enough. I mean, just look at me.. in the looks department, I sit on the middle shelf. My personality isn't what you'd call attractive. Even my brain is average (though ONE person I love said, lower than average! :( Or maybe both of them think the same way, for all I know..)
I have trouble trusting people, afraid to be used as the butt of jokes or to have my mind played with. Its really frustrating, when I wish I trusted people even more (Ok, Azren, kak Yong admit yang maybe you're the one who made me realize how hard it was for me to trust people) I mean, especially after the two MAJOR things (that only SOME people know) that have happened in my life, it makes me see that sometimes the people we trust are the ones who cheat the most..
God.. I really hate myself!
And here I am.. so there guys, I've put out some of my dirty laundry out here! Hope I'm not judged by all this.. its just that, I don't know how to end this entry so I'd better stop now, though abruptly!
Enough said!
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
A touching story.. most probably true eh?
I got this when browsing thru Ayeen's blog.. so people, enjoy!!
People call me "Tree".
I had dated 5 girls when I was in Pre-U. There is one girl who I love alot but never dared to go after. She didn't have a pretty face, good figure or an outstanding charm. She was just a very ordinary girl. I liked her. I really liked her. I liked her innocence, her frankness, her intelligence and her fragility. Reason for not going after her was that I felt somebody so ordinary like her was not a good match for me. I was also afraid that after we were together, all the feelings would vanish. I was afraid other's gossip would hurt her.
I felt that if she were my girl, she'd be mine ultimately & I didn't have to give up everything just for her. The last reason, made her accompanying me for 3 years. She watched me chase other girls, and I have made her heart cry for 3 years.
She was a good actor, and me a demanding director. When I kissed my second girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smiled & said, "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes were swollen like a walnut. I did not want to know what caused her to cry. Later that day, I returned from soccer training to get something & watched her cryin' the classroom for an hour or so. My fourth girlfriend did not like her. There was once when both of them quarreled. I know that based on her character she is not the type that will start the quarrel. However, I still sided my girlfriend. I shouted at her & ignored her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she was laughing & joking with me like nothing happened. I know she was hurt but she did not know deep down inside I was hurt too.
When I broke up with my fifth girlfriend, I asked her out. Later that day, I told her I had something to tell her. I told her about my breakup. Coincidentally, she has something to tell me too, about her getting together...
I knew who the person was. His pursuit for her had been the talk of the School. I did not show her my heartache, just smiles & best wishes. Once I reached home, I could not breathe. Tears rolled & I broke down. How many times have I seen her cry for the man who did not acknowledge her presence?
During graduation, I read a SMS in my mobile. It said, "Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Leaf...
People call me Leaf...
During the 3 years of Pre-U, I was on very close terms with a guy as buddy kind. However, when he had his first girlfriend, I learnt a feeling I never should have learnt - Jealousy. Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 months. When they broke up, I hide my happiness. But after a month, he got together with another girl.
I liked him & I know he liked me. But why won't he pursue me? Since he loves me why he didn't he make the first move? Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would hurt. After some time, I began to suspect that this was one-sided love. If he didn't like me, why did he treat me so well? It's beyond what you will normally do for a friend. I know his likes, his habits. But his feelings towards me I can never figure out.
You can't expect me a girl, to ask him. Despite that, I still wanted to be by his side. Care for him, accompany him, and love him. Hoping that one day, he will come to love me. Because of this, I waited for him. Sometimes, I wondered if I should continue waiting. The pain, the dilemma accompanied me for 3 years.
At the end of my 3rd year, a junior pursued me. Everyday he pursued me. He's like the cool & gentle wind, trying to blow off a leaf from a tree. In the end, I realized that I wanted to give this wind a small footing in my heart. I know the wind will bring the leaf to a better land. Finally, leaf left the tree, but the tree only smiled & didn't ask me to stay. Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or cause Tree didn't ask her to stay...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wind...
People call me Wind...
Because I like a girl called leaf. Because she's so dependent on tree, so I have to be a gust wind. A wind that will blow her away. When I first met her, it was 1 month after I was transferred to this new school. I saw a petite person looking at my seniors & me playing soccer. During ECA time, she will always be sitting there. Be it alone or with her friends, looking at him. When he talks with girls, there's jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her, there's a smile in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit. Just like, she likes to look at him.
One day, she didn't appear. I felt something missing. I can't explain the feeling except it's a kind of uneasiness. The senior was also not there as well. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scolding her.
Tears were in her eyes while he left. The next day, I saw her at her usual place, looking at him. I walked over and smiled to her. Took out a note & gave to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled & accepts the note. The next day, she appeared & passes me a note and left.
It read, "Leaf's heart is too heavy and wind couldn't blow her away...â€"
"It's not that leaf heart is too heavy. It because leaf never want to leave tree." I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me & accept my presents & phone calls. I know that the person she loves is not me. But I have this perseverance that one day I will make her like me.
Within 4 months, I have declared my love for her no less than 20 times.
Every time, she will divert away from the topic. But I never give up. If I decide I want her to be mine; I will definitely use all means to win her over. I can't remember how many times I have declared my love to her. Although I know, she will try to divert but I still bear a small ray of hope.
Hoping that she will agree to be my girlfriend. I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone.
I asked, "What are you doing? How come you didn't want to reply?"
She said, "I'm nodding my head".
"Ah?" I could not believe my ears.
"I'm nodding my head" She replied loudly.
I hang up the phone, quickly changed and took a taxi and rushed to her place & pressed her doorbell. During the moment when she opens the door, I hugged her tightly
Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Moral...
In love, we win very rarely, but when love is true, even if you lose,you still win just for having the tingle of loving someone more than you love yourself.
There comes a time when we stop loving someone, not because that person has stopped loving us but because we have found out that, they'd be happier if we let go...
Why do we close our eyes when we sleep?
When we cry?
When we imagine?
When we kiss?
This is because THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THINGS IN THE WORLD ARE UNSEEN.
There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind, but keep in mind that letting go isn't the end of the world. It's the beginning of a new life. Happiness lies for those who cry those who hurt those who have searched and those who have tried. For only they can appreciate the importance of the people who have touched our lives.
A great love? It's when you shed tears and still you care for them, it's when they ignore you and still you long for them. It's when they begin to love another and yet you smile and say, "I'm happy for you." If love fails, set yourself free, let your heart spread its wings and fly again. Remember you may find love and lose it, but when love dies, you never have to die with it.
The strongest people are not those who always win but those who stand back up when they fall. Somehow, along the course of life, you learn about yourself and realize that there should never be regrets, only a lifelong appreciation of the choices you've made.
Loving is not how you forget but how you forgive, not how you listen but how you understand, not what you see but how you feel, and not how you let go but how you hold on.
It's more dangerous to weep inwardly rather than outwardly. Outward tears can be wiped away while secret tears scar forever...
P/S For Ayeen
Heheh.. royalti eh..? Tunggu kak Yong abis masters, pastu bleh la claim royalti.. :p
People call me "Tree".
I had dated 5 girls when I was in Pre-U. There is one girl who I love alot but never dared to go after. She didn't have a pretty face, good figure or an outstanding charm. She was just a very ordinary girl. I liked her. I really liked her. I liked her innocence, her frankness, her intelligence and her fragility. Reason for not going after her was that I felt somebody so ordinary like her was not a good match for me. I was also afraid that after we were together, all the feelings would vanish. I was afraid other's gossip would hurt her.
I felt that if she were my girl, she'd be mine ultimately & I didn't have to give up everything just for her. The last reason, made her accompanying me for 3 years. She watched me chase other girls, and I have made her heart cry for 3 years.
She was a good actor, and me a demanding director. When I kissed my second girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smiled & said, "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes were swollen like a walnut. I did not want to know what caused her to cry. Later that day, I returned from soccer training to get something & watched her cryin' the classroom for an hour or so. My fourth girlfriend did not like her. There was once when both of them quarreled. I know that based on her character she is not the type that will start the quarrel. However, I still sided my girlfriend. I shouted at her & ignored her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she was laughing & joking with me like nothing happened. I know she was hurt but she did not know deep down inside I was hurt too.
When I broke up with my fifth girlfriend, I asked her out. Later that day, I told her I had something to tell her. I told her about my breakup. Coincidentally, she has something to tell me too, about her getting together...
I knew who the person was. His pursuit for her had been the talk of the School. I did not show her my heartache, just smiles & best wishes. Once I reached home, I could not breathe. Tears rolled & I broke down. How many times have I seen her cry for the man who did not acknowledge her presence?
During graduation, I read a SMS in my mobile. It said, "Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Leaf...
People call me Leaf...
During the 3 years of Pre-U, I was on very close terms with a guy as buddy kind. However, when he had his first girlfriend, I learnt a feeling I never should have learnt - Jealousy. Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 months. When they broke up, I hide my happiness. But after a month, he got together with another girl.
I liked him & I know he liked me. But why won't he pursue me? Since he loves me why he didn't he make the first move? Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would hurt. After some time, I began to suspect that this was one-sided love. If he didn't like me, why did he treat me so well? It's beyond what you will normally do for a friend. I know his likes, his habits. But his feelings towards me I can never figure out.
You can't expect me a girl, to ask him. Despite that, I still wanted to be by his side. Care for him, accompany him, and love him. Hoping that one day, he will come to love me. Because of this, I waited for him. Sometimes, I wondered if I should continue waiting. The pain, the dilemma accompanied me for 3 years.
At the end of my 3rd year, a junior pursued me. Everyday he pursued me. He's like the cool & gentle wind, trying to blow off a leaf from a tree. In the end, I realized that I wanted to give this wind a small footing in my heart. I know the wind will bring the leaf to a better land. Finally, leaf left the tree, but the tree only smiled & didn't ask me to stay. Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or cause Tree didn't ask her to stay...
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Wind...
People call me Wind...
Because I like a girl called leaf. Because she's so dependent on tree, so I have to be a gust wind. A wind that will blow her away. When I first met her, it was 1 month after I was transferred to this new school. I saw a petite person looking at my seniors & me playing soccer. During ECA time, she will always be sitting there. Be it alone or with her friends, looking at him. When he talks with girls, there's jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her, there's a smile in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit. Just like, she likes to look at him.
One day, she didn't appear. I felt something missing. I can't explain the feeling except it's a kind of uneasiness. The senior was also not there as well. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scolding her.
Tears were in her eyes while he left. The next day, I saw her at her usual place, looking at him. I walked over and smiled to her. Took out a note & gave to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled & accepts the note. The next day, she appeared & passes me a note and left.
It read, "Leaf's heart is too heavy and wind couldn't blow her away...â€"
"It's not that leaf heart is too heavy. It because leaf never want to leave tree." I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me & accept my presents & phone calls. I know that the person she loves is not me. But I have this perseverance that one day I will make her like me.
Within 4 months, I have declared my love for her no less than 20 times.
Every time, she will divert away from the topic. But I never give up. If I decide I want her to be mine; I will definitely use all means to win her over. I can't remember how many times I have declared my love to her. Although I know, she will try to divert but I still bear a small ray of hope.
Hoping that she will agree to be my girlfriend. I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone.
I asked, "What are you doing? How come you didn't want to reply?"
She said, "I'm nodding my head".
"Ah?" I could not believe my ears.
"I'm nodding my head" She replied loudly.
I hang up the phone, quickly changed and took a taxi and rushed to her place & pressed her doorbell. During the moment when she opens the door, I hugged her tightly
Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay...
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Moral...
In love, we win very rarely, but when love is true, even if you lose,you still win just for having the tingle of loving someone more than you love yourself.
There comes a time when we stop loving someone, not because that person has stopped loving us but because we have found out that, they'd be happier if we let go...
Why do we close our eyes when we sleep?
When we cry?
When we imagine?
When we kiss?
This is because THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THINGS IN THE WORLD ARE UNSEEN.
There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind, but keep in mind that letting go isn't the end of the world. It's the beginning of a new life. Happiness lies for those who cry those who hurt those who have searched and those who have tried. For only they can appreciate the importance of the people who have touched our lives.
A great love? It's when you shed tears and still you care for them, it's when they ignore you and still you long for them. It's when they begin to love another and yet you smile and say, "I'm happy for you." If love fails, set yourself free, let your heart spread its wings and fly again. Remember you may find love and lose it, but when love dies, you never have to die with it.
The strongest people are not those who always win but those who stand back up when they fall. Somehow, along the course of life, you learn about yourself and realize that there should never be regrets, only a lifelong appreciation of the choices you've made.
Loving is not how you forget but how you forgive, not how you listen but how you understand, not what you see but how you feel, and not how you let go but how you hold on.
It's more dangerous to weep inwardly rather than outwardly. Outward tears can be wiped away while secret tears scar forever...
P/S For Ayeen
Heheh.. royalti eh..? Tunggu kak Yong abis masters, pastu bleh la claim royalti.. :p
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