Dilemma esok..

Tadi sy bukak blog Liza dan terase sesuatu terkene batang idung sendiri. Suddenly serabut² kat kepale terungkai kejap. Senyum sy bace entry tazkirah Jumaat dia.. Thanx Liza! Wanna share the short and sweet message yg boleh dilihat di sini. (Sowi Liza, mntk kebenarnan tp tak tunggu dpt kebenaran dah link kan ke sini hehe..)

Anyway, esok adelah hari dilemma kenduri sy. Ade kenduri kak Ina di Pendang dan kenduri Azah yg thankfully dekat je ngan tmpt tuition. Still, masih ade masalah segan nak pi sbb takde gang :p

..tp klau tak pi, mana mau kutip berkat, Ayu?

Hehe.. dan jugak. Di Facebook tadi, bermsg ngan Nanie. Tetibe dia tanye pasal kenduri Syitah. Aiyak! Sy dah lupe, trus cari² kad jemputan Syitah yg sampai 2 minggu lepas..

Alamak! Sok jugak la pulak, kat BM. Sib baik dekat tp.. dah last minute camni, mmg tak bley nak cancel klas dah ni.. camne nih?

Semuanye 'adik-beradik' sy. Kak Ina 'kakak' sy dia USM (wpun school Kimia) dan Arun Lee. Teman bersembang between classes dan kawan gelak² cam budak².

Azah pun mcm adik dah. Lame dah kenal dia sejak cawangan Jawi tu di bukak. Lagipun rumah dia yg paling dekat, lebih afdhal kan?

Syitah plak 'adik' yg dah lame kenal. Masuk tahun ni dah 8 tahun dah kenal dia. Sejak dari dia jadi junior dlm KPKP saaaaaaaaaaaaampai la dia dah jadik lecturer kat UniMAP. Ape² project mesti join ngan dia and boleh kate tak pernah lost contact sejak dia abis kat USM nih..

Actually, dlm hati dah berbisik² tak mo gi sbb segan laaaa.. tatau nak ajak sape. Ija plak ade kenduri gak sok so tak leh la nak ajak dia..

Adoiiii..

Camne eh?

Ever, Ever After ~ Carrie Underwood

Lagu ini chumel hehe..

And whatever org nak kate pun, I like the movie and I love the song :D

Storybook endings, fairy tales coming true
Deep down inside we want to believe they still do
In our secretest heart, it's our favourite part of the story
Let's just admit we all want to make it too

Ever ever after
If we just don't get it our own way
Ever ever after
It may only be a wish away

Start a new fashion, wear your heart on your sleeve
Sometimes you reach what's real just by making believe
Unafraid, unashamed
There is joy to be claimed in this world
You even might wind up being glad to be you

Ever ever after
Though the world will tell you it's not smart
Ever ever after
The world can be yours if you let your heart
Believe in ever after

No wonder your heart feels it's flying
Your head feels it's spinning
Each happy ending's a brand new beginning
Let yourself be enchanted, you just might break through..

..to ever ever after
Forever could even start today
Ever ever after
Maybe it's just one wish away
Your ever ever after

(I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss)
Oh, for ever ever after

Alahaaaiii kawan² ku ini.. Pt 2

Status YM sy hari ni:
Heppp.. sy dh pandai ckp Penang laaaaaa :p Bart kata Idgham ja tak brapa nak betoi lagikkk hehe..

Beberape YM sy dpt arini hehe..

(1)
YuhyiJr: dia ka?
YuhyiJr: dh power ckp penang?
YuhyiJr: leh sembang ngan sy la nnt
Ayu : eleee
Ayu : cam terre
YuhyiJr: ai xkn tatau sy tau ckp penang <--Ni budok Nogoghi sesat :p

(2)
Mak Su: lawak la ayu ni
Ayu : lawak?
Ayu : nape
Ayu : huhuh
Mak Su: usaha sungguh nak dapat loghat penang
Mak Su: walaupun sudah lama menetap di penang
Mak Su: usaha mu sungguh mengkagumkan
Mak Su: teringin plak saya nak dengaq awak cakap penang
Ayu : tetibe nak sy rase nak gelak plak heheh..
Mak Su: tringin saya nak dengar idhgam ayu tu
Ayu : Mak Su tatau
Ayu : aritu
Ayu : lame dah la.. sblm boikot McD
Ayu : gi McD pastu sy mkn comot
Ayu : sy ckp la kat Bart.. 'Uish, beselemoihh'
Ayu : DIA PUNYA GELAK
Ayu : cettt
Ayu : sy dok rase cam dah ckp betoi dahhhh
Mak Su: ayu oi...perkataan dia..'belemoih'..la..
Mak Su: suka² ja tambah suku kata..
Mak Su: tapi tak pa...kesilapan boleh diperbaiki lg..
Ayu : erkkk?
Ayu : cehh
Ayu : patut la Bart gelak
Ayu : tadi Ami pun perbetoi sy
Ayu : sy kata blutin.. dia kata beluting

(3)
Ami: setelah bertahun2 mencuba akhirnya terer jgk ckp penang
Ami: ingat lg dak 'beluting?'
Ayu: beluting ke?
Ayu: ingt blutin
Ayu: gagagag
Ayu: salah gak la
Ami: wakakaka
Ayu: heheh
Ami: itu la yg di maksudkn ngan idgham

(4)
Alfy: Mmm.. sebelom ni awak cakap apa?

Heheh, I actually wanted to update on my midnite activity yesterday but I couldn't resist 'showing off' my CARING friends hahaha.. Rindu la pulak zaman² sekolah dulu ni :)

Alahaaaiii kawan² ku ini.. *updated*

Situasi 1: Kawen?

Status YM Ana beberape minggu lepas:
Sy nak kawen.. tp..

Status sy lepas tu:
Ana, sy pun nak kawen gak, tp tadek sape naaakkkk..

Tak sampai 5 minit, sy dpt beberape YM

(1)
Fahmi: say pponn nak kawennnn

(2)
Long: cian kat ayu
Long: nnt say a tolong cari okk

(3)
Azrul: ala siannya...
Azrul: bukan x de org nk kawen dgn awak
Azrul: tp awak tu yg mmilih cik ayu oooiiii

Dan status Ana selepas itu..
Ayu kene cari calonlah kalau macam tu.. apakata Ayu tulis je ciri² lelaki idaman hehe..

Hehehe..

Situasi 2: Camdeq & merajuk

Status YM sy siang tadi:
Sedey.. kene marah.. kene camdeq :(

Status Sentot selepas itu:
kwang kwang kwang.. ayu dah pandai guna perkataan camdeq!! Thats HUGE!!

Sambungan status sy selepas itu:
Ciss Baizurah! Ingt sy tatau gune perkataan camdeq kaaaaa

A few hours later kat YM

Bart: ayu ayu ayu
Ayu : huh
Ayu : nape Ayu smpi 3 kali
Bart: nih puan baizurah risau
Bart: awk x reply ym
Ayu : huh?
Ayu : dia tak antaq msg pun
Bart: dia tanya
Bart: awk merajuk ka?
Ayu : hahaha
Ayu : nak majuk ngan dia watpa?
Ayu : hahahaha
Bart: sebab letak camtu
Bart: kat status
Ayu : ciss
Ayu : mentang la dulu sy kuat majuk
Ayu : ingt bwk smpi skrg ka
Bart: hahahahaha
Bart: mana nak pi tau
Bart: risau
Bart: huhuhu
Bart: ayu

Thats what you get when you're still in touch with friends yg kenal the REAL you dari kecik :p

Alahaaaiii kawan² ku ini..

*Updated*

Tambahan dari Bart in my FB.. hahah, sy suke ayat Bart ni.. melambangkan tak budak Mashoor ek Bart? :p

"Eleleleh Ayu.. Awk memang dah pandai ckp Penang.. Tp idgham kena wat correction skit.. Jumpa Baizurah ngan saya.. Bleh kami bg kelas bahasa utara.. Hahaha (KELAS MAMI JARUM + MAMI TANJUNG)"

"Awak kan kawan baik sy.."

That particular statement means a lot to me. I consider it a lesson learnt. I had once used it to hide away my true feelings towards a friend, hoping I'd be able to protect my heart by saying this out loud whenever I was confused. But in the end, I hurt the both of us.. just because I wanted to prove to everyone that a boy and a girl CAN be bestfriends without being involved romantically.

I've had this 'fluttering' in my mind for the past two days. Uhhh, Fahmi nye pasal le ni.. :p

Started last night when an unexpected incident (a good distraction from what I've been feeling these past few weeks) happened haha.. Aiyooo, very malu oooo.. but provided a good laugh for me. So on the way back, a particular song was on my CD player and the joker Fahmi pakse la me dengar. Huh, tak abih² nak ngusik! Just to make him shut up, I told him how much I once hated that song (it was Shania Twain's When You Kiss Me)

Then keluar la ayat mengorek rahsia kak Ayu dia: "Kak Ayu buat pe nak sorok²! Ingt sy budak² lagi ke? Sy dah 25 laaaaa.."

So.. I told him!

But it was a very 'basic' version of it and I found myself smiling as I told him my 'summary' of it. But then again, this isn't the first time that I find myself able to talk about it without choking up or feeling sad. A few months ago, I managed to bore (haha..) Puga by telling her an almost whole version of it and I realized then, though it still is one of the most significant 'events' in my life, I can actually move on. I could even stand having Puga 'discuss' it with me, as opposed to me not really wanting to talk much about it. I mean, before this, I could talk about it, but please forget about it once I stop talking about it.

It was so different from the old me.. especially the one who received the first blow of it.

I remember how I couldn't talk for days. Couldn't even think.. and how one day I found myself knocking timidly at Yun's room. She took one look at me and handed me some papers and a pen, God bless her! She remembered! (A few months earlier I had learnt of Abah's second marriage and I told Yun about it by writing a letter to her.. right in front of her! I couldn't bear talking at that time.. and during THIS period when once again I couldn't and didn't wanna talk, she remembered HOW I prefer to let it out.. TQ Yun!)

So I wrote a long letter of my broken heart, only stopping to search for more papers for me to write in. I asked for her forgiveness, because she was the one who told me that me and him could never be ONLY bestfriends. Yes, it was her words I was trying to deny when I kept repeating those words to him, not realizing I was hurting the both of us in the process.

I was never one to talk about feelings. I usually kept them to myself but during this time, the lost of him and Abah's secret marriage was too much for me to handle and writing was the only way I could talk about it.

I refused to discuss it with anyone who asked. The most I'd do was cry, especially when Sid called me just to see if I was okay. I dunno where she heard about it, but apparantly, a lot of people knew about it but were afraid to ask me directly due to my secretive nature.

The only person who heard me talk about it was Toroque and my dear cousin was patient enough to listen to it again and again and again as I kept crying day in and day out (usually around 3am up to Subuh!).. and I guess that was because it was through the phone. So I couldn't see his sympathetic look and he won't see how stupid I look when I cry.

The first time I willingly talked about it without crying at all was with Remy during the long drive back from Pahang for Stopa's engagement. It was a long and boring drive and Remy was talking to me about his then-girlfriend, Hana (NOW his wife :) ). Then suddenly he ask me..

Maybe it was because it was boring to drive for 6 long hours, or maybe because the day was rainy and so gloomy. But I ended up telling him about IM, much to my suprise since I didn't actually know Remy that much then. I had to stop once in a while when the tears threatened to fall (I was driving then), but somehow, for the first time in my life, I felt a real big surge of relief. I never knew how relieving it was for me to talk about it.

After that, I learnt to talk haha..

Still.. I wish I had 'talked' then. Not that it would make any differance now, but it might've made a difference then. Because of those words, I DID lose my bestfriend. I thought I was doing both of us a favour but it backfired and it made me lose one of the best things that ever happened to me.

Iyer, sy percaya jodoh, sy percaya takdir. But I also believe, even if we weren't meant for each other, we could've still managed to stay friends if I wasn't so full of pride in wanting to prove my other friends wrong. If I was willing to 'talk' when he wanted to talk instead of pretending nothing was wrong and that we're cool about it.. "We're bestfriends, remember.."

AND I also believe, everything happens for a reason, no matter how painful it is. I believe I've grown up (even if I keep saying I'm sixteen haha..) and learnt an important lesson in life..

..and I've also learnt about the power of the love from everyone around me! For that, I'm thankful :)

How Could An Angel Break My Heart ~ Toni Braxton

I heard he sang a lullaby
I heard he sang it from the heart
When I found out thought I would die
Because that lullaby was mine

I heard he sealed it with a kiss
He gently kissed her cherry lips
I found that so hard to believe
Because his kiss belonged to me

How could an angel break my heart
Why didnt he catch my falling star
I wish I didnt wish so hard
Maybe I wished our love apart
How could an angel break my heart

I heard her face was white as rain
Soft as a rose that blooms in May
He keeps her picture in a frame
And when he sleeps he calls her name

I wonder if she makes him smile
The way he used to smile at me
I hope she doesnt make him laugh
Because his laugh belongs to me

How could an angel break my heart
Why didnt he catch my falling star
I wish I didnt wish so hard
Maybe I wish our love apart
How could an angel break my heart

Oh my soul is dying, its crying
Im trying
to understand
Please help me

How could an angel break my heart
Why didnt he catch my falling star
I wish I didnt wish so hard
Maybe I wished our love apart
How could an angel break my heart