30 Days Writing Challenge 2023 Day 29 - My Goals For The Future

I missed yesterday's post because we came home late. It was my cousin's wedding in Kuala Kangsar then we headed to Ipoh to get some of the Exboyfriend's stuff. Arrived home near midnight so I knew mmg tk sempat la nk compose before the day ended..

Plus, we had a carton of Hotwheels to unbox.. Ehhh 🙊

Now, looking at today's challenge, am thinking I'm gonna give it a miss jugak sebab..

When I was a kid, I had this one specific dream that I knew was to be my ultimate goal. But since I was a kid, it was just a rough idea in my head.

During my final undergraduate year, I remembered this dream again. It's not that I forgot about it, it was always at the back of my head and only emerging out my mouth in short bursts once in a while AND only in company I trust. But I pretended to be nonchalant about it so I never thought anyone gave a notice about it.

This time, I managed to smooth the rough edges and had a detailed plan in order to achieve it. I knew it wasn't gonna be easy but being a naive 21 year old, I was sure I'll be able to pull it off.

In fact this time, I added some details. Broadened the horizon a bit and to my suprise, I actually shared this dream with 2 people. The first one was my bestfriend so no surprises there but the second one was someone I barely knew.

I thought they'd laugh at my wish but they didn't 😁

But then real life began and I shoved that dream to the back of my head, to the farthest corner of my heart.. 😔

What is that dream?

Let it be a secret.. At least for now. I feel as if I'd jinx it if I tell people even if I'm not really sure anymore how and where to start realizing it now.

But yes, I do still have this dream, this want that I've held in my heart since I was a kid. Whether or not I'd make it come true will be something I can't really be sure of right now.

One day, maybe..

#30dayswritingchallenge

30 Days Writing Challenge 2023 Day 25 - Something Inspired By The 11th Image On Your Phone

 

Hahaha.. I actually just deleted a whole bunch of photos before checking today's challenge. Nasib baikkk delete sbb there were photos that needs to be secret for now 🙊 Revealed kemudian tkpe 😝

So this was a photo I saved from a random post. I wanted to share it with a friend about the comments in the bottom of the image but since today's challenge wants me to write about something inspired by it, I think I'm gonna share what the sentence in the image means to me since it will forever be associated with Abah being quite mad with me that he just had to come to my class in the middle of a lesson 😂

I've been told that I started reading when I was 2 not just by my parents but also extended family members. I can't really confirm nor deny it as, yes, I was there but no, how could I possibly remember. I don't even have memories of how I learnt to read 😅 Still, I don't remember I time I didn't love books.

Books as gifts were very much preferable compared to toys and since my extended family is, well, quite extensive, I had an endless supply. Helps more that I lived with my grandparents since I was born. Tok was a well known school teacher while Pah was an amazing homemaker. The reason for this arrangement was because Mama was still a student at UPM while Abah was a young lecturer in USM so it made sense that I grew up in the middle at Bkt Chandan, Kuala Kangsar.

By the time I was 5, I was already a bookworm. I was devouring every book in sight and loved them like an old friend. The teachers even handed to me first any new books in class because they knew I was excited serupa Gollum dpt The Ring whenever a new book was introduced in class 😂

When I was 7, we moved back here. I wasn't scared much of going to school as I'd been used to it since I was 2 or 3. My only worry was on how was I gonna make friends as I was a painfully shy kid.

On the first day of school, after the registrations and such, we were introduced to the class teacher. I don't remember her name but she had quite a garang look. Among the first things she did was ask us to introduce ourselves and that was a problem for me too 😂 Tp I'll share why later sbb ni tkde kene ngene with the image.

After introducing ourselves, she proceed to write the alphabet on the blackboard. Then she'd asked each one of us to stand up while she pointed to the letters and asked us to name it. I later realized she just wanted to see which students had the basics and which student didn't know anything yet. You remember dulu they had this Kumpulan A, Kumpulan B and Kumpulan C in each class? Haaa, this was how she was trying to determine in which group did we belong.

When it was my turn, I froze. I didn't want to talk in front of everyone and even my voice seemed to have lost it's way so when she showed me some letters, I just shook my head.

Of course I was sent straight to Kumpulan C.

I dunno how Abah go to know about this but the next day as we were having a class, I saw him knock on the door asking to meet my class teacher. I felt something fall to the pit of my stomach as I knew I was in trouble though I didn't really know why 😂

I saw him arguing a bit with the teacher and really felt like I wanted to hide somewhere. Then I was called to go to the teachers desk.

Each step made me ransack my head trying to find what did I do wrong but my 7-year-old brain just couldn't come up with anything.

When I was in front of the teacher (Remember I said she had a garang face? Now imagine me having to mengadap a very annoyed father and the garang teacher 😂), Abah took a piece of paper and wrote down those exact words, "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" and very sternly told me to read it out to the teacher.

I did as I was told because I was scared both were gonna scold me if I didn't. The teacher then looked at me, her face was no longer garang this time, and asked, "Kamu boleh baca?"

Just like that, I knew what I had done wrong 😂 Skrg boleh la gelak but at that moment, I felt like I really wanted to hide somewhere.

Abah left a moment later and I was asked to leave Kumpulan C and go to Kumpulan A.

I don't think I need to tell you that I was mildly scolded by the teacher on my refusal to talk and, back home, not-so-mildly scolded by Abah for my actions the day before.

Sampai skrg, whenever I see that phrase, the image of Abah scribbling those words angrily with a red pen on a bright white paper would always come to mind 😂

*-------*

Bonus (lah sangat) story 😂

About the problem I said when introducing ourselves..

Up to 6 years old, I always knew my name was Ayu Zainal. So imagine my suprise when a few days before school, Mama told me my name was Nurikhwani Idayu. Mcm, why so panjang? Can't we stick with just Ayu? 😫

I was even annoyed that turns out Abah wasn't just Zainal. It was Zainal Abidin 😫😫😫 And yeah, Mama wasn't just Nim, but she was Fauziah Hanim 😅

Mama told me that whenever asked to introduce myself in class, my full name is the new name she just dropped on me. So instead of a 9-letter full name, mine was actually 27 letters long 😫.. And tu tak termasuk the word 'binti'

I had trouble pronouncing my name actually and didn't really learn it wpun dh masuk skola but I managed to memorize the spelling. So whenever it was my turn to introduce myself, I'd discreetly write down my name and read it out when the teacher asks 😂

Only one teacher noticed it and she laughed (not unkindly) as she asked me why didn't I know my own name? Cisss.. 😂😂😂

Now I think my name is actually quite easy to pronounce. Sbb tu wpun kadang mcm exasperated wheb people mispronounce my name, I try to understand sbb tuan pnye nama puuun amik masa nk belajar sebut nama sendiri 😂

Hmmm.. Think I should ask the Exboyfriend masa nikah aritu, susah tak nk sebut? 🤔

#30dayswritingchallenge 

30 Days Writing Challenge 2023 Day 24 - Write About A Lesson You've Learned

I'm 43. I've got truckloads of lessons that I've learned throughout my life.. And I have mountains more that I'm still learning. I've got lessons that I need to relearn and I definitely have a whole bunch of lessons that I'm not aware I need yet so hmmm, tough choice here 😅

But since today I'm missing my classes that were once my everyday, I think I'll share just that 😊

I've always wanted to be a teacher eversince I was a kid. Most of us outgrow the kids-favourite ambition such as being a teacher, a policewoman/man, a soldier, a doctor and so on but I never outgrew this ambition though I hid it deep inside me because of other people's expectations.

That's why, when I suddenly got the oppurtunity to teach while I was doing my postgrad studies, I quickly took it.

At first I taught because I loved to. I'd been teaching my younger siblings how to read and write when I was younger (more like paksa them to be my students 😂) and am proud to say that all could read before they entered kindergarten. I loved being able to see the change in them and knowing I was a part of it.

I thought teaching other people besides my siblings would be just as easy but boy was I wrong..

I learnt that I strived in large classes but I was also sometimes quickly overwhelmed. Yet sometimes, just a simple question from a student would make me calm down and gather my thoughts properly.

I learnt that is no ONE way of teaching therefore just using one method would not be enough. In large classes, even in personal classes, the students are sometimes as different as night and day. One method might suit student A perfectly but it might spell disaster for student B. I had to learn the hard way of how to handle different types of students and till now, I'm still learning.

I learnt that it's okay to make mistakes in teaching and admitting them. When I first taught, I was sure the only way to gain respect from the kids was to never make a mistake in front of them and I was super careful not to. But one day, I did. I was embarassed at first but then I dunno why I burst out loud laughing while apologizing to them. To my suprise, they were okay with it. And not only were they okay with it, they became more involved in class.

I then realized, just like I was afraid of making mistakes, so were they. When they realized it was okay to make mistakes as long as you learned from it, they relaxed and felt brave enough to try hard in class, knowing their mistakes do not define them at all.

They may have felt that I was the one who taught them about not being afraid of making mistakes but as you can see, THEY were the ones who taught me that lesson 🥰

I also learnt it was not an embarassing thing to say, "I don't know". A student came to me with a problem his teacher asked him to ask me. I laughed at first wondering, "Awat cikgu dia suruh tnyaaa ni?" But then realized, at first glance, even I was stuck 😅 I felt a bit of a blow (to my ego je lah kottt 😂) when I had to tell him I didn't know the answer but I guess because we were past the "It's okay to make mistakes stage" he just shrugged his shoulder and smiled. Still tk puas hati, I asked if I could copy the question and try at home so he just gave me the question.

Back home, after a looooong while I finally got the answer. The clue was hidden, almost invisible I'd say but the joy I felt at solving it was priceless. I sent him a text telling him I had gotten the answer and would share with him in the next class. He told me, he had confidence in me that I'd solve it even when I said I didn't know how to. He actually told me I taught him that acknowledging you don't know something is already the first step in finding the answer so that was how he knew I was gonna find it for him.

I was dumbfounded sbb I'm pretty sure I never taught him THAT 😂 In this case, he was the one teaching me that 😅

I also learnt that I should always access the situation before making my move. In large clasess, you have 30+ students with 30+ personalities. Some students strive when you always make sure they know you notice them, others prefer to be invisible as being seen makes them anxious and I understand this so well because this was how I was in school dulu. Then there's a whole mix of other combined personalities in a class. I learnt to listen.. And learnt to try communicate with them they way they are comfortable with. THIS is also still an on-going lesson for me but I love it 😁

I learnt that they are still just kids. Sometimes when it's near the trials, teachers get more serious & strict which in turn makes students antsy. Antsy students are more often than not, a problem to themselves. Some timid students hide deeper in their shells while some suddenly become outspoken or very loud in class (I came to understand this is mostly because they didn't want people to know how panicky they are). Some chatty students become withdrawn while some suddenly refuse to participate in class. I had to learn to at least pretend I am calm and try to not show how anxious I really was. It didn't really work on a small number of students but it definitely worked for most of them. I had to remind myself they didn't need to be constantly reminded of their big exams looming in front of them because, of course, they are well quite aware of it.

I learnt that sometime I didn't just need to teach. Sometime just lending my ears to them could do wonders. Before that, I was always worried that I was wasting class time if I kept listening to them and their worries/frustrations. So normally, I'd just start the class terus. But I got frustrated because on days like this, though I'd be teaching the whole period, we won't be making much progress. So one day, after a few weeks of slow progress, I decided to let this class vent. They only needed 10 minutes of my time before they started smiling and asking me to start the class. We made wayyyyyy more progress in that one class compared to the previous few weeks. I was suprised but after that, I learnt to let them know I'm listening.

I also learnt that showing a bit of concern goes a long way. At first, some were suprised when I asked about their previous results and all. Most won't even want to answer, claiming, "Lupa laaa teacher" 😏 But after a while, they shared everything. We'd talk about their progress, about what they could do differently and all that. I'd try my best to point out their strengths with hopes that would motivate them but we'd also not ignore their weakness and try to find a solution together. I admit, sometimes it got tiring especially since I have around 10 classes but I only see them once a week. And sometimes I DO get confused and overwhelmed but sometimes I think, this is my favourite part of teaching. Learning from them on how to teach better.

I no longer have large classes. Even when I was still teaching at the tuition centre, the number of students who could come back to class after the COViD lockdown decreased dramatically for everyone.

Now I only teach personal classes but I'm still learning something new with every student. I understood more about the saying, "You learn more when you teach" because of my students and for that, I'm grateful ♥️

#30dayswritingchallenge

30 Days Writing Challenge 2023 Day 22 - Write About Today

Today's topic seems like it wants me to slow down on the long and winding writings 😂

It's Sunday and on weekends we usually pick one day to spend time outside the house together. Yesterday was Spyder's monthly checkup and we didn't feel like going out after that so we chose today to do our Sundate 😁

Started with the Exboyfriend going out for breakfast with his schoolmates. One of them was in Penang so a few of them planned some breakfast meet up. I had planned to sleep in whilst he was out but I couldn't sleep wpun I was yawning a bit too much during Subuh 😅

He came back around 11am and we headed to Ikea just across the 2nd bridge. We had planned to go find a wedding gift for my cousin's upcoming kenduri but grabbing a bite there wouldn't hurt 😝

Spotted some chicken Wellington so I decided to try that. It was okay but I don't think I'm getting that again next time. The Exboyfriend suprised me when he chose some chicken Cajun salad.. And he finished each bean and leaf in his plate. Then told me his vege quota for the year has been filled up so he's not eating anymore vegetables for the rest of the year 🙄

Then as usual when ANYONE enters Ikea, the angan² begins 😂 There's always something you can imagine in the house here and there and like the famous tagline, "Berangan itu free" 😝

We got our gift.. And a few other things. I got a little something for a project I have and he bought something for his workspace. Gigih dia ukur so I told him in case too big for his workspace, give it to me je 😝 Skali muat la pulakkk kt workspace dia maka tk dpt laaa nk take it off his hands 😂

Then we went to try this new Chinese Muslim place there. Dulu masa the large family dinner Mummy threw for us lepas kawen dulu, among others, they chose this brinjal dish. Rupa mmg tk menarik tapi rasa diaaaaa 🤤🤤🤤 Finally found something resembling it here so tk payah la tunggu balik Sabah utk cari 😁 Cuba nasib jugak asking them kotttt la they have the oyster omelette (also first time mkn masa I met Exboyfriend's uncles and aunties kt Tuaran.. Rupa also buruk tp sedapppp 🤤🤤) tp tkde rezeki.

Pastu?

Pastu balik lahhh 😅

Hahah.. Nothing else to write about for today. We're home. Disambut ngiauan bising dari budak yg kene tinggal. Td masa dinner, layan Young Sheldon for a few episodes and now the Exboyfriend dok main game kt PS dia while I'm trying to think of nk tulis apaaaa la utk challenge arini sementara dok teman budak sekor ni sbb of all things, dia takut bunyi hujan 😂 Bising kemain klau hujan, nk kene pegang tgn dia baruuuu dia senyap 🙄

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30 Days Writing Challenge 2023 Day 21 - Write About Love

A grandfather watched his adult granddaughter delay her departure back to her home from her promised 'lepas Zohor' to the actual 'lepas Isya'. She was happy surrounded by her extended family that she kept delaying her drive back home. It was nearly 10pm when she finally went to salam him and tell him she was going back. He only smiled. But once her car left his sight, he pestered his daughter to check up on his granddaughter every 15 minutes, to make sure she was okay. That she had arrived safely and up until he got news she was safely inside her home, he refused to sleep.. That is love.

A brother called his sister while his wife was delivering their children. The pregnancy had been a difficult one and she was still only 26 weeks pregnant when the doctors decided she had to deliver the babies that very day. The first son was declared deceased and his wife was still in the labour room for their second son. For the first time since he was a kid, he cried to his sister. He was terrified of losing his wife and his other kid but most of all, he was worried about her. He wanted to be there for her but they wouldn't let him in the labour room. He could only pray non-stop for all of them.. That is love.

A woman sms-ed her friend in the wee hours of the morning with only the words, "I no longer have my father". The friend watched this woman try to be strong for her mother while trying her best to handle her own heartbreak. The days that followed, she watched this woman try to be the rock for her family even while her own heart was breaking. She watched her try soothe her kids who were wondering where their granddad had gone.. That is love.

A granddaughter went back and forth to town to buy some cendol for her ailing grandfather. She didn't have a motorcycle license but she did it anyway. She somehow felt in her heart that that might be her grandfather's last request so she braved on to find it just for him. To make sure his last moments here were happy ones.. That is love.

A father asked to meet the new tutor of his son. The tutor just assumed it was the normal parents wanting to meet the teacher thing but when she stood in front of him, he was trying his best to keep back his tears that he couldn't speak. The mother came forward and told her their son had just been diagnosed with stage 3 bone cancer and has just finished his first cycle of chemo. She told her, their son had asked to go for some tuition classes since the doctors didn't want him to go to school yet. They refused at first but couldn't deny their son of his wish to feel normal. They just wanted the tutor to look out for their son and not give any special treatment to him as per his request. They left smiling, but in tears.. That is love.

A mother juggled between being broken hearted and being full of hope. She had lost one baby while the other one was only given a 50% of survival. She mourned her loss but never lost hope on the one who was gifted to her. When the odds were in the favour of the surviving twin, she rejoiced. But she never forgot the one she only got to hold for a while. His name was always up there in her happy moments & in her doa.. That is love.

A woman was going through a hard time and she wasn't prone to sharing. Her friend saw this, didn't force her to say anything but always tried to be there for her. There came a day when she had to go to court, not for herself, but in support of her loved ones. She asked her friend to be with her because she couldn't trust herself to be strong alone and this friend took the day off to be there, much to the annoyance of (on of) the person(s) who was the reason for this. On their way back, this person kept raising his voice to this woman while she quietly fought tears as she drove. When he questioned  loudly on why the heck did she need to bring an outsider along, this friend, quiet all along, simply said, "I'm only here for her", instantly calming this woman down that she was able to hold her head up high again.. That, is also love.

Love comes in so many forms and grand gestures are always great and welcomed. But subtle ones, the ones you couldn't see yet feel deep in your heart are always the best!

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30 Days Writing Challenge 2023 Day 20 - Your Celebrity Crush

I was a teen once so of course I had a celebrity crush.. Or crushes? 😂

The biggest crush was on someone most girls my age had a crush on too. It was the height of fame for KRU. I wasn't interested in them at first sbb I didn't quite like their first songs that were played on air but in Form 1, I sat behind Chipah and she was a HUGE fan of them. 

It wasn't until their songs started going into the pop direction that I started paying attention and that was when I had this huge school girl crush on Yusry 😂

Of course it wasn't only me. My biggest 'rival' was Baizurah 😂😂😂 Macam laaaa Yusry kenal kitorg sangat kaaaannn 😂😂😂 Berebut as if he was another classmate je in our all-girl school. 

Most girls in our school memang had a crush on him pun but it was more fun to berebut with her than with them 😝 Ami relax je since her crush was on Norman while Suri pun tk heran sbb her crush was on Edry. 

We even had this book tau. It was just a normal exercise book and I don't remember how it started but it was like an ongoing novel about these crushes on the KRU brothers. Anyone in class could add anything in it, yang penting it had to be continuous. It revolved around all of us being at the college-going age with the KRU brothers as our coursemates.. Aci dak? 😂

Some classamates added stories of their own celebrity crushes who also became our coursemates in the book but the main stars were the KRU brothers. 

It was fun reading everyone's contribution in the book dulu where suke² hati jeee pass around these celebrities and it was always happening in classes or around the imaginary campus so baik jugakkk la kot kitorg, berangan² pun tetap sambil tuntut ilmu 😂

I wonder where that book is right now? 🤔

During this time, I reconnected with Suhaila, a friend from primary school who had moved back to KL once we entered secondary school. She lived in Taman Melawati where, you can guess, was also the home of KRU and she was also one of us who had a crush on Yusry. 

It was to my advantage, though, sbb she'd always send me photos she took of them and with them so I was a proud owner of some actual photos of them, courtesy of Suhaila 😁 Seludup bawak sekolah lagi to share with Ija Suhailiza sbb, although she didn't have a crush on the brothers, she was a massive fan of KRU. Penyimpan rahsia yg I dok bawak those pics to school lagi 😂

Naik Form 4 - Form 5, my celebrity crush turned international skit. I had a multiple celebrity crushes here and there but that all stopped once I got to know 911 😍

Then my crush was on the one and only Lee Anthony Brennan 😝

My Sejarah book was filled with his name kottt 😂 Dh la Sejarah was among my worst subjects, writing his name merata buku teks tu helped me from falling asleep in Cikgu Nab's class 😂 Didn't feel guilty sbb the Sejarah text book was mine, not the school's. They didn't have enough Sejarah text books so I had to buy my own. 

Then I passed it down to Iwan & Adi. Mesti malu diorg pakai buku penuh nama Lee 😂😂😂

So that's it kot. Once I entered my tertiary education, tkde masa dh nk crush² dgn celebrity dh. Crush dgn org btul je.. Ehhh 🙊

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30 Days Writing Challenge 2023 Day 19 - My First Love

(Hahahah.. Tajuk puuunnn 😂 Mengundang btul 😂😂😂)

He was my best friend but my first impression of him was of complete dislike.

I was in the college bulletin club and we were having our 2nd meeting. The first meeting was with the advisor and the few interested students namely me, Ima, Adha, Amli & Ruzaimi. It's was more for knowing each other and getting a rough idea on what was to be in the bi-weekly (ke monthly eh?) bulletin. The 2nd one was without the advisor and we were supposed to delegate tasks while discussing what to publish.

These 2 new students joined the meeting saying they were new to the club. I would've just ignored them if they didn't come chewing gum AND wearing their walkmans throughout the whole meeting. I know laahh it wasn't a formal meeting sgt dh since the advisor wasn't with us tp I still felt more than a little bit annoyed thus setting the feeling I would feel for him everytime we met for meetings.

Didn't help that one time our college hosted the Majlis Sukan MARA or something like that. Every other students not involved in the event was allowed to go home except the bulletin club. We were expected to come up with daily newsletters about the day's sport events. I was already a bit bummed that we couldn't go home. Then this guy had the guts to mansplain Excel to me when I wanted to compose my piece for the day. Took all my patience to not look him in the eye and tell him I've been using Excel for years by then.

Then at the end of our study there, I joined this Belum Expedition. Suprises of suprises, he had joined too. I was determined to ignore him totally but I guess he knew I hated his guts so he tried being friendly.

Funny thing I remember the most, one night we had this bonfire activity tp I can't remember what we did. I was watching everyone else and he suddenly came up behind me trying to make small talk. He asked me, "Kampung kt mana?" and I answered, "Sabah!"

Guess I already had an obsession towards Sabah long before I married a Sabahan 😂

Balik tu, someone had asked for everyone's emails so there was this back and forth group email happening while we waited for our results. I never joined in the email chain, I was just a silent reader when one day this guy replied to the group email. At the end of the email, he said something about me that I read in horror (Nope! Wasn't that bad.. He was just teasing me about the president of our bulletin club).

In my haste fuelled with embarassment, I replied there and then but I made the mistake of clicking Reply All instead of Reply so there, my humiliation just got bigger.

Funnily, because of that we became friends. Of course he just had to email me personally about my outburst in the large group but after that, I realized he wasn't so bad.

We continued our emails back and forth until we realized we managed to get into the same campus, just different schools. In fact, his was the first recognizable face I saw on the registration day.

I was still not really that sociable with guys but he understood so we just continued our emails even when we see each other everyday. I never talked to him face to face so not many people knew we were close. Our emails continued till our final year. Long, looooong emails.. I dunno what we talked about anyway but there was always something to share.

During our final year on the new campus, each room had internet access so we graduated to YMing each other every day. But our emails still continued. I'm not even sure how that worked sbb topics in YM and email jarang sama 😂

By then some close friends had started interrogating us about, well, us but we were best friends that looked out for each other, and that's what we told them.

Once there was this fellow student from another school who was keeping in touch with me. Ini cerita lawak skit actually, kerja Un ngn Nazomi lah ni but I won't dwell on that 😂 He wanted to talk with me face to face but me being me, didn't really want to cuma last tu dh Un pujuk (and we felt a bit guilty pun yaaa 😅), I agreed. Boleh pulak, the very first time I agree to meet someone wpun kt cafe yg penuh org tu pun, I kantoi with my bestfriend. I didn't notice him until he was near and my heart felt like it fell to my feet when I saw him sbb I knew, mesti kene tegur punyaaaa laahh 😅

As suspected, balik bilik there were long YM messages and an email from him 😅😅😅

(I actually also kantoi with my 'cousin' in EE jgk who also bombarded me with questions, siap ajak gang, the 'other cousin' to join in on the interrogation 😂)

Anyway, we were good. We were fine. We were still close, still bestfriends until we graduated.

He had registered for a postgrad program in his school while I was delaying my registration because I really didn't wanna do my MSc. So somehow, we found ourselves still in campus.

By then, it felt different. Maybe because most of our friends had left, or maybe because we grew up a bit but I guess we felt free to explore our feelings. I still didn't want to go out with him or anything but we started talking, as in, in person. Since the postgrads and ROs had their own student housing (just different wings), we'd sometimes crossed paths with each other at the parking lot so we talked.

During this time, I met his family. His extended family.. And I was wearing ratty jeans and a faded tshirt. Way to go for a first impression, Ayu 😂 We had dinner together at his home and this was during a very hard time in my life so I really felt loved then. His granma was the sweetest, his mum even so. His dad loved to tease but for the first time in a very long time, I felt calm.

For completing his MSc, he told me I needed to belanja him so when the time came, I was a bit nervous to ask him where he wanted to go. Not because I was afraid of what place he would choose, but more because I really didn't know how was I supposed to go out with him 😅 Luckily, he understood so he just asked me if I would make him currypuffs as that was his favorite kuih.

So for the first time in my life, I made them from scratch 😂 Gigih 🙈🙈🙈

Like I said, we were okay.. We were fine. We just didn't notice the grey skies coming our way.

It started with a misunderstanding, something I was sure he would understand since he knows me in and out. Then it escalated into.. I dunno what it escalated into, it just did.

I was heartbroken. More so when he accused me of being embarrassed of him, which was the last thing on mind. How could I ever be embarrassed of him? He was my best friend, first and foremost.

We never got to repair what was broken. I tried, but I didn't seem to get it right. Everyday I picked up another piece of my broken heart until one day, I got used to it..

I still hoped we would reconcile but one day, a few years later, I was returning his mother's call. Though we were not talking, his parents were still concerned about me. They'd call once in a while to share about wjat they were doing and stuff and no, we never talked about him. But I once talked to his grandma who asked me, "Knp Ayu ngn **** gaduh?" and I burst into tears then sbb I really didn't know what to say. So his mum had been calling me for the past few weeks but around that time I was missing him a lot, wpun it had already been years since we talked, that I didn't have the energy to talk to anyone who reminded me of him so I had ignored the calls (rude, I know).

When I called, she seemed a bit cautious. I asked about her and what she was doing. She told me she was doing the final touches for the kenduri. And just like that, I knew.

I could barely hear her voice saying she had posted me an invitation card as requested by her son and I was in a dreamlike state when I went up to the postgrad pigeon hole and found the card.

Turned out, he already sent a card too but to my home address. My sister had called few weeks earlier informing me of a card but I never thought to ask her to open in.

I never thought my broken heart could be shattered even more. That day, unintentionally the whole postgrad room knew of my broken heart. I didn't cry like wail mcm banshee or something but my cube was near the entrance door andy pc was not playing songs like it normally did.

I had to cancel my class that day, thanks to Fared who willingly took over for the day and I cried till I my face was stiff and hurt, till I couldn't breathe. I couldn't even go home then because I didn't want the pak guards to ask (sbb diorg rajin tegur kan)

The upside of this was, I quickly finished my writing in no time. Klau tk sebelum tu dok delaaaaayyy sgt kan so it became a distraction for my feelings but a great thing for my studies 😂

So that's the short (short ke? 😂) version of my story. As most first love stories go, it was a learning experience. It taught me a lot of things, but mostly taught me to grow up and take everything as a lesson.

Would I want to go thru all of that again? Hell, no! But I'd take all those lesson with me to go, thank you!
#30dayswritingchallenge

30 Days Writing Challenge 2023 Day 18 - 30 Things About Myself

Today's challenge is amongst the topics I was dreading. Not only because of the risk of unintentionally revealing things about myself that I wish to stay hidden but also sbb I'm realistic enough to know I'm boring enough to NOT have 30 things I can share 😂

So I'm gonna ngelat and put in things that most people know than instead of the less-known facts about me 😝

Here goes..

1. I'm a lefty (see, told ya.. Something everyone knows about me 😝)

2. I'm short but I love it. Can ngelat on a lot of things when you're short 🙊 Maybe there was a time during my teenage years that I wish I was taller but it was never an important wish for me. Just skali skala wonder klau tinggi, cemmana eh?

3. I'm a Bookworm, as most people who know me can confirm. But I've also naik level to Book Hoarder 🙈 I seem to buy more than I read nowadays 😅

4. I blame this on the fact that I NEED to plastic wrap all my books before I can read them and sometimes I forget to buy the plastic book wraps. So I can't balut.. And I can't read yet lahh.. Aci dak alasan?

5. I love potatoes! Any hot (or cold) meals with potatoes is high on my list (potato chip mcm ok-ok laahh). Ramadhan in my 2nd year, almost every other day nnt Yun bwk me pegi this taman tk ingt nama just to buy this Makcik's sambal kentang (and I don't call it kentang, I call it ubi 😝)

(Update: Exboyfriend actually baru jap td asked me if I added in this giler kentang fact yg according to him, paling penting! 😂)

6. On that note, I also pantang with cheese, the pantang nmpk kinda way 🙊 The Exboyfriend told me sblm kawen yg dia pun hantu cheese but I guess dia pun terkjut tgk how much of a cheese lover his wife is 😂

7. I was once a chocoholic too tp skrg mcm dh kurang bnyk.. Ye ke? 🤔 Abih tu knp fridge penuh chocolate? Tu Exboyfriend punye 😝

8. If I was to choose ONE sayur to live on for the rest of my life, I'd choose spinach. Regardless of if it'd turn me into Popeye or not 😝

9. Takdak idea dh aihhhh.. Baru no 9 😅

10. I've had a life long dream of having my own comic corner at home so everywhere I've stayed, I'd do just that. Here is no different except my DragonBall collection is incomplete due to some kind of bee making it's nest in between some of the books at my last home. We're waiting till next time balik Sabah to see if the Exboyfriend has the ones I lost aritu so in the meantime, buat pejam mata je lah tgk tk complete 😅

11. I used to enter all sorts of quizzes in the paper or on the radio and have won more than a few sampai a friend once asked me to write her slogan for this competition she wanted to enter and we won a Kiwi plushie 😁 Also pernah menang Spice Girls contest in Youth Quake. I was the president of the English Society then, thus responsible for the subscription of Youth Quake for my schoolmate. Mrs Phun jeling je kt me when I went to pick up that week's subscription from her sbb terpampang luas my name (and I think my name is kinda unique la jgk) on the front page, kantoi masuk contest lagho 😂 Skrg dh lamaaaa tk join. Wonder if my luck has run out 😅

12. I hate folding the laundry.. But who loves it anyway? 😂 In fact I just attempted to lipat some clean cloths I washed, errr, 2 week ago?, right before diving into today's challenge 🙈 Jangan tnya laaaa klau siap lipat ka dak 😝

13. Ooohhhh.. Unlucky number 13. Better not write something here then #Ayungelat #noImnotsuperstitious

14. I'm a self proclaimed hoarder of a lot of things other than books. And it doesn't really help my case when I married a hoarder too 😂 Especially one who enables it hahah.. Susah senang bersama, perangai hoarder pun bersama kaaann 😝 We're actually having trouble organizing our things sbb, can you imagine, 2 hoarder households dh gabung jadi 1? 😂

15. Most people know that I'm somewhat a coffeeholic too tp my coffee tends to be the not-too-pekat & manis ones. It only started when I was 26, when I needed the fuel to finish my MSc writing but I somehow still can't shake off the addiction yet 😅

16. I'm an insomniac. It's mellowed down a bit these days but klau dulu I can't sleep, I can still function almost to full capacity during the day. Mlm tu baru flat, itu pun klau tk insomnia balik mlm tu. Nowadays if I get an insomnia attack, the next day will feel like a long, loooonnggg day dealing with splitting headaches that come and go as they please.

17. I'm also prone to migraine attacks. I can still remember my first migraine attack. I was 13 and was home for the weekend during Ramadhan. I remember it so well because I had this unexplainable and unbearable headache that prevented me from going with my family to Tarawikh. I actually felt like dying, like my head was getting ready to explode (drama, I know.. Tp those yg dh biasa with migraines know what I mean. It's so much worse than your normal headache) and I resented people who said, "Alaaaa, sapu minyak cap kapak nnt baik lah" 😅

18. I was known to blush too easily. The littlest thing could make my face go all red.. Actually makan pedas pun can make my face crimson and being someone yg tk tahan pedas, it was quite often 😂 Now, I'm not sure if I'm still like that or not 🤔

19. I used to love singing while driving. Dia mcm autopilot. Kereta gerak je, terus nyanyi 😂 Sampai Pak Guard² USM pun know me as Ayu Atos Suka Nyanyi Dlm Kereta 😂 But only when I'm alone. Even with Exboyfriend kt sebelah pun I segan skit nk nyanyi except if he's sleeping 😝

20. Laaaa, baru 20 ke? #Ayungelatlagi

21. I love written words. That's why I decided to do this challenge. Sbb dh lamaaaa tk mengarang 😁 My first published work was in Dewan Pelajar when I was 8 or 9. When I was in Form 5, rasanyaaa I paling tamak hantar sampai 4-5 entry for the majalah sekolah 😂 Tp klau formal scientific writing, really not my cup of tea lahh.. Nk siapkn satu puuuun bercinta 😂😂😂 Nasib laaa masa study dulu wajib publish few papers klau dak mmg yillekkk laaa 😂

22. I can do simple calculations in my head.. Simple addition, subtraction, multiplication & division laaa, jgn la dok suruh buat pembezaan ngn pengamiran dlm kepala. My students (and some of my juniors) slalu dok ckp, "Teacher Ayu (or kak Ayu) ni telan calculator ka dulu²?" 😂

23. On that note jugak, I was once 'accused' of telan hailer/mic 😂😂😂 Even I was suprised that my voice was THAT loud when needed. Kak Nab asked me how my voice can go from normal volume one moment (while talking to them) to highest volume on the dial the next moment (while asking the kids to get in line or something) 😂 I pun tatau, only discovered this 'talent' masa program River Rangers dulu 😂

24. I had a surgery in 2016 that left me half a woman. It was supoosed to be a simple appendix removal but they found something else when they cut me open. Had to do another incision sbb the first one couldn't reach the problematic area properly. I still feel like half a woman (lagi laaa bila the ugly scars are still there) but it doesn't bother me much now. Sometimes I pretend they are battle scars, proof of something I had gone through 😊

25. I don't feel like I'm 43 years old 😝

26. I'm panicking a bit sbb dh nk masuk a new day in 45 minutes and I still haven't finished today's challenge 😅

27. I've done my fair share of teasing (playfully, mind you) people but I would NEVER tease anyone's appearance. I've been criticized about my looks and my weight since I was a little girl and I know how that hurts so even jokingly, I would never speak of how someone looks like.

28. I have a high tolerance for people sampai more than a few times dh I've had people ask me why do I let this person or that person treat me a certain way? I'm not a goody goody person, mind you. Like everyone else, I have both an angel & a devil inside of me. But I understand that sometimes people vent out their frustrations the wrong way to the wrong person at the wrong time and if I did that, I'd like people to understand too that I didn't mean it. I'm also aware that I'm a very oversensitive person so most of the time I try to remind myself of that fact and tell myself, jgn dok nk terasa sgt laaahh.. Tapi, if you've crossed the line one too many times already and if it's clear you did it on purpose, then that's that. You are no longer of importance in my life. And when you tell people I've changed while conveniently withholding what you did in the first place, than I hope you remember: Tuhan ada, Dia lagi tau!

29. Tetibe number 28 mcm serious sgt kaaann 😂 Pdhl this was just for fun 😅 #Ayungelatlagi

30. And finally.. Ape lagi eh? 😅 Only few more minutes left for this 18th day challenge 😅 Haaaa, I like coloured pens and markers. Dulu masa study, my notes were always colourful. Last time I taught ank Sonne, she laughed when she saw me teaching Abg Long ngn Abgchik sbb she said I still use coloured pens 😁 Masa teaching pun my students know me as the teacher yg paling sukaaaaa pakai kaler² kt whiteboard 😁

Yeayyy, dh siap 😁 This is the one and only post yg I started dari siang td sbb dh nampak daaaahhh, mesti lmbt nk siap 😅😅😅

#30dayswritingchallenge

30 Days Writing Challenge 2023 Day 17 - Ways To Win My Heart

Be this man.. 😝

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#Ayungelat🤭

30 Days Writing Challenge 2023 Day 16 - Someone I Miss

Today's topic seems a lil' bit heavy. 

To choose someone I miss who is no longer here would take some consideration and even with that, I might not be able to choose whom I miss the most. Like everyone, I have had my fair share of losses too so most would understand why it would be hard to choose.

But here goes.. 

The one I miss is a girl I once knew. She believed in love, she believed in magic and she believed in everyone she knew (and even those she didn't know too). 

She believed in happiness.. But she believed in sadness too. Yet she was sure, happiness would always chase away the sadness at the end of the day. 

She believed that as long as she did what she was told, as long as she tried hard to be a good person, then bad things would never happen. 

She believed that as long as she tried to not make any mistakes, she'll be fine. 

As long as she coloured within the lines, as long as she followed the rules, she will always be happy. As long as she made sure she never crossed any boundaries, she'd be safe from any kind of harm.. 

..but then she grew up! 

She learnt the hard way, there were more emotions than just happiness and sadness. Not everything was just black and white. There were grey areas which were hard to distinguish and sometimes, the sun didn't come out. 

She learnt that you can follow all the rules the best way you can, but sometimes, it just backfires. Sometimes, it's just not enough and sometimes, it could actually break your heart into a million pieces. 

She learnt that you could plan, ohhhh you could really plan. But most of the time, things don't go the way you had mapped it out to be. 

Sometimes its just a little bump in the road, but more often than not, its a long and winding detour that makes her feel so lost and so out of touch. 

On days where she felt like it would never stop raining, she'd sometimes lose hope in ever seeing the sun, in ever seeing the blue skies. 

Yet sometimes, when she feels like giving up, she'd get a glimpse of a rainbow. And most of the time, that would be enough to make her brush off the dirt on her hands and stand up again 😊

Be honest, I'm not the only one who misses that girl (or boy), right? I know all of us have known that kid once upon a time ago, and though you might not want to admit it, I know you sometimes miss them too. 

30 Days Writing Challenge 2023 Day 15 - If You Could Run Away, Where Would You Go?

Right now? No where 🥰

I used to want to run away. The first time I tried to run away, I was around 9. I was at my kampung. I had just been scolded because of something my brother did and was told that no matter what, I need to take responsibility because I was the eldest. 

I wanted to run away because at that very moment, I hated being the eldest. I hated that when I tried to be good (or as good as a normal 9 year old can be) I was still being blamed for something that wasn't my fault. So yes, I wanted to run away. 

Didn't matter where, just away.. 

But we were at my kampung, a place I didn't really know much about since I lived more that a hundred miles away from there so I hesitated.. And arwah Ayah Chik caught up with me and brought me home. 

The second time I wanted to run away was when I had to go to KMK. I didn't want to.. I really didn't. I'd been accepted to UIA and was so happy. But the joy was shortlived when I was asked to send an appeal to USM. 

Mind you, contrary to what some unimportant people might say, I was more than qualified to enter USM. I just didn't want to. It still hurts when I remember how those unimportant people used to tell anyone who would listen that I could only enter USM with the help of Abah. I felt like slapping my SPM results slip in their faces but of course I just kept quiet and let them say whatever they wanted. I just didn't have the strength to fight it and do just that.. 

And where did I want to run away? To UIA, of course. To be with my best friend who was also accepted to the same course. To go smack in the middle of that beautiful campus and have great pleasure studying with the people close to me. To enjoy growing up together, turning into adults together.. 

But of course I didn't. I just let myself be sad, hating my first few months in KMK and only allowing myself to enjoy this different path after making friends with some of the greatest people I've ever met in my life. 

The next time I wanted to run away was when my heart got broken. I just wanted to go some place where there was no one around. I just wanted to be somewhere where nobody knew of my broken heart. And if I couldn't find that place, I just wanted to keep on running. 

Never knew I'd be running for more than a decade then.. 

I had another reason to run a few years later after completing my MSc. I never really wanted to do it in the first place but it was expected of me, so I did it. I truly believed that once I did that, I'd be able to do whatever I wanted to but boy was I wrong. 

This time I just wanted to run away to the largest city in Malaysia. I could get lost in there and no one would ever be able to find me. But then, I didn't want to be lost. I had a great job offer that, though wasn't my passion, was something I knew I was good at. I was giddy with excitement when I received the offer and was already planning on my new independent life but of course, that wasn't in the cards. 

So, I stayed. 

But now, where would I want to run away if I could? 

No where, I guess.. I'm more than content. I've found my home 🥰

I've found a place where I'm not expected to follow someone elses wants. I've found a place where I don't have to worry. I've found a place where I feel safe where my thoughts and my worries matter. I've found a place that I belong..

So if there ever comes a need or a want to run away, I'll go anywhere my heart desires. Most probably (and when we can afford it), I'll be running to New Zealand, specifically to Hobbiton 😝 And I'll only be running there because I've dreamed of it for so long BUT I'm bringing this place with me. 

He's my home sweet home 🥰

P/S Tp those itching to ask awat tk kata nk lari ke Makkah, please refrain from it. Sana is a given for all Muslims. Mana adaaa Muslim yg tkmo gi sana so please.. Diam lebih baik 💕

30 Days Writing Challenge 2023 Day 13 - Favourite Book

 Dia tnyaaa jugaaaakkk 😒

I refuse to answer properly for today's challenge sbb I simply cannot choose ONE! 😫

Those who know me, will know why.. Especially the certain friend whom I tk berani nk whine takdak duit lest she'd go to my bookcases and pi kira total cost of my books annnndddd the tukang bayaq buku semenjak kawen.. Ehhh 🙊

So no, I will not be answering today's challenge as I should.

Nnt buku² lain merajuk pastu lari gi Batu Belah cemmana? 😝

#30dayswritingchallenge

30 Days Writing Challenge 2023 Day 12 - Favourite TV Series

Do I really have to choose one? 😅

I only started watching tv again after I graduated. We didn't have tv at our home eversince I entered secondary school so any tv series then, I mmg tatau. The TV room at the hostel pun I had never entered until one day when I was bored. 

There was this girl in the tv room watching something so I decided to see what was on the tv. In a matter of minutes, I was hooked. 

It wasn't love at first sight though. In fact I thought it was gonna be about boring science stuff (that episode was full with all things chemical and I hate chemistry 😅) and labs (my FYP puuuunnnn I avoided labs. My MSc too.. My lab was out there in the open, NOT in room.

And that's how I fell in love with CSI 😁

I devoured all the spin offs too.. Miami.. New York. I hate all kinds of lab work but what they did was fascinating 😱 

Then of course came other series like Third Watch, NCIS and my favourite: Criminal Minds. Almost never missed an episode at all 😁

One day, the students were all hyping about Prison Break and you guessed it, I didn't miss that one too 😁 Though masuk season 3 kot, dh mcm slow skit sbb terasa merapu dh skit 😅

A suprise favourite (or let's say 'among my favorites') was this series called Grimm. I wasn't sure what it was about when I first watched it and the first episode seemed a bit slow to me, but it was interesting enough to keep me curious. It's not about the grim reaper we're used to but its about this cop who is a descendants from a long line of hunters for supernatural creatures who live among us. He had this ability to see these creature for who they are but not all are bad and some become his friends and allies. 

I'm not good at describing it but you should check it out, if you haven't already 😁

Speaking of supernatural creatures, of course I was one of millions who loved the Winchester Brothers in Supernatural. And like half of those millions, I stopped watching bila dia mula merepek sgt 😅 I still sometimes watch it but only the earlier seasons where is still made sense in its merepekness, if you understand what I mean. 

Comedy series pun ada jugak yg I follow long term like How I Met Your Mother which I think shouldn't be the title sbb misleading 😂 But I guess that's what makes people remember it. 

The Big Bang Theory pun bes jugak but since I only had normal channels dulu, I couldn't watch it much. Now? Netflix di hujung jari so me and the ExBoyfriend finished watching it balik dh aritu. It was our go to series untuk tengok sambil makan so we didn't waste much time choosing what to watch 😝

Now we just started on Young Sheldon pulak and I love trying to find easter eggs that connect both. Mcm yesterday kot, we saw this episode where Missy was finding asking Sheldon's opinion on a boyfriend for her doll and she told him that guys was Blossom's brother.. And we all know who Blossom grew up to be in TBBT kaaannn 😁

Ohhh.. Also not forgetting Brooklyn 99 (I had to look up the name sbb I just call it 99 😂). Ini Exboyfriend yg introduce and it was our sambil makan tv show before TBBT. Most memorable scene is of course the Tell Me Why scene 😂

I know for this post I was supposed to choose one but choosing only one is hard 😅 Cumanya if I had a gun to my head and was asked to choose only one tv series to watch for the rest of my life, I'd choose House. 

(Ehhh, tiber tringt, I also loved The Good Doctor) 

Why House? Sbb among all the long standing TV series that I love, House yg I tk pernah bosan wpun his department bertukar² orang dh. Well, aside from Criminal Minds la tp Criminal Minds is mostly gory, House is a complete package 😁

Masa Pojie suruh tgk mula² tu I wasn't sure if I was gonna like it sbb I never really liked Grey's Anatomy but it turned out that House is a totally different kind of show. Made me Google a lot of things lah jugak but entertaining yg amat too. I made him download the first and second season tp all the seasons afterwards, gigih ku cari 😁

So there. Here's my take on Favourite TV Series so please, pleaseeee laaa lain kali jangan bg tajuk favourite something² sbb I always suck at choosing one 😅 Hopefully tkde laaa topic Favourite Book or I'm quitting this challenge 😅

#30dayswritingchallenge

30 Days Writing Challenge 2023 Day 11 - Talk About Your Siblings

I'm the eldest of 9. I have 6 younger brothers and 2 younger sisters. At the age of 40,  I gained another sister, who is a year younger than me, when I married her brother 😝

Bet you thought it was a baby sister, huh? 😝

Anyway, I've always been known to talk non-stop about my siblings to a point that all my friends know about them. Sometimes when I start a story with, "Adik sy kan..", when I end the story, some friends siap boleh teka which adik I was talking about 😂

So since I don't want to bore anyone with recycled stories of them, I wanna talk about my other set of siblings. These are the siblings I got to choose 🥰

During my postgrad years, days can sometimes be a bore especially when it's repetitive. For the first year of my MSc, I stayed in the RO room upstairs since it was easier. However, one day we got news they were revamping the current postgrad room to make it more organized with personal cubicles for us. Erwan, a fellow RO turned postgrad, told me to go choose a cube quickly so I won't get the unwanted ones. At first I refused but when I realized we were gonna have to give up the RO rooms, I reluctantly went down to choose my own space. 

I didn't know anyone in the postgrad room (except Erwan) and wasn't really sure where I wanted to sit. In the end I chose the 2nd cube from the front door. Why not the first cube? Sbb nnt kene jadi tukang bukak pintu for those yg lupa bwk access card 😝

My cube was near abg Fadzil & Choong's cube. Beside me would one day be taken over by Yee (tp dia masuk lmbt skit) and around her cube would be Abdullahi (Somalian) & Ramadhan (Acheh) .. And an Iranian student that I just can't remember his name 😅 But like I said, I didn't know them but in no time did they make me feel welcome 🥰 

Itu yg abang², yang adik² pun ade a few but they were further inside the large postgrad room. There was Farah, Pojie, Puga & Ramlah. There were others more like Lie, Rashwan & Fared but they had rooms upstairs. 

We were are like a big family. Literally ketawa bersama & menangis bersama. We got nervous collectively when one of us needs to mengadap SV 😂 We rejoiced together when someone's paper got accepted for publication. We would not be able to sit still or even do our work when one of us was doing their viva. 

We got to know each other's family. We were close to kak Nor, abg Fadzil's wife. I met Choong's wife jugak since he always helps me send old newspapers & coffee tins to the recycle centre. He told me his wife said I was cute & I blushed. Then he said, "You tau kan selalu org panggil cute sbb dia tkmo tipu kata you cantik?" Kuang asam 😂

I had lunch at Quazzi's (Bangladeshi) house once and we met Wesam's (Palestinian) family too when they came to Malaysia to be with him for a while. 

We celebrated everyone's birthday complete with cake and other food. Any excuse to do something fun during our mundane postgrad days 🤭 Sometimes even rushing of to Kulim to borong Nasik Ayam Periuk Besar for everyone 😁

When I needed help with my data collection or Prof Meor's project, they were the first to volunteer (since I need A LOT of people to do this). When Farah needed help at her concrete lab pun, ramai would go help provided we weren't busy lah. Then we'll go have lunch ramai² after the heavy work done together. 

When someone vandalized my cube by splashing coffee all around it, semua jadi investigator wpun semua dh boleh agak sape especially when we realized Iz's printer was full of coffee too. The guys confronted the said person who of course denied everything. But then, we also didn't have proof except the day before, me & Iz both had separate unpleasant interactions with this person but Yee got afraid sbb this guy was disturbing her too in a creepy way jugak so we all bought pepper sprays. I didn't know how to use it so Iz took his girlfriend's (now wife) pepper spray to demonstrate. Silap besar laaaa sbb the postgrad room is an enclosed space. Berlari keluar kitorg semua pakat pedih mata pedih tekak semua 😂

When we all got bored with our daily routine, someone would suggest an activity. From serious activities like a colloquium (Yes! We actually decided to organize one because we were bored 😂) to fun BBQs where everyone chipped in 😁

Then when any one of us graduated, we'd all clear our schedules for the day just to drive beramai² to the main campus for them 😁

When a second wave of juniors came to register for the postgrad program, we gained new adik² too. By then we had 3 postgraduate rooms dh, so 3 times the fun? 😁

Most memorable was the River Rangers Camp we did together 💕

Ini belum lagi cerita the juniors I got to know earlier. Yun is the friendlier one between us so she knew these juniors early on. I was still delaying my MSc registration when she asked of I wanted to join these juniors 10 day program at Lenggong. I was reluctant at first sbb I didn't know a single person here but after the program, I felt as if I had so many adik² that I didn't know before 😁

Lily, Shitah, Nanie, Alem, Amer, Jutie, Salimin, Ajha to name a few. In reality, too many to name satu² here. Among the things tk boleh lupa was when we went to Lenggong prior to the project to meet with the schools and org kampung. It was Alem, Amer, Lily, Hasni & me. They knew I was waiting for my Atos then but also that I was scared of driving. Jenuh Alem pujuk suruh practice drive (I think we went in his car kot time tu) but I refused. 

Tau ape dia buat? 

When it was time for Jumaat prayers, we had agreed that us girl would wait in the car after he parked it near the mosque. Instead, he stopped the car tengah jalan and tarik Amer keluar while they laughed and lari masuk masjid. Mcm, oiiiii, ape ni? 😅

Nak tanak I had to take over and drive the car lah. There was no parking available dh masa ni so I drove slowly to a surau we had seen earlier. Sabar je lahh.. 😅 As my revenge, we went to pick up the guys after 2:30, biar diorg tunggu lama² 😝

I stayed close with them till they graduated. I could never forget the day we went for last dinner together ramai², Alem said to me, "Tu la kak Ayu. Sape suruh sayang kt kitorg. Skrg kitorg dh nk grad, dh nk keluar USM. Nnt kak Ayuuuu jugak rindu kt kitorg" 

Banjir oiiiii lepas tu tanpa sengaja.. Pastu budak Alem tu gelak je.. Cisss

Tu tk masuk lagi cerita diorg ajak main mercun kt Lembaran. I was friends with kak Yun, penggawa Lembaran time tu so was a bit reluctant nk join tp Lily siap ckp, ni tahun last kak Ayu nk seronok² ngn kitorg so tertewas jugak laaa.. Pastu kantoi dgn kak Yun. 

Then next time keluar dgn kak Yun with my housemates, dia siap perli lagi 🙈🙈🙈

Ooooohhh.. Then my housemates. My accidental kakak² 😍 Kak Shima & kak Kathy. When I first rented with them, I didn't even know them. Just one day kak Kathy saw me at the hostel & asked me if I had found a house yet. She told me the house they had found kosong satu bilik so if I hadn't found a place yet, I was welcome to it. 

I don't really know why I said yes wpun I never really talked to them before but it was one of the best decisions I had ever made 😁

We stayed together for 3-4 years kot and its still among the best things in my life. Who would've known. We'd go watch movies together, try Ramadhan buffets together and since both kak Shima & kak Kathy were from sch Bahan, they took me along to their activities jugak sampai I kenal laaa kakak² lain kt Bahan 😁

They taught me about how good pekasam was. They took me along to their kampung and all. And when they both wanted to watch Tamil/Hindustan movies, they tell each other I was the one yg nak tgk sbb masing² tkmo ngaku hantu film Tamil/Hindustan 😂

When I was heartbroken, both of my kakaks here did their best to cheer me up 🥹

I missed them so much when they left. They left the same month. Kak Kathy sbb dh nk kawen and continue her studies in the UK and kak Shima sbb she had finished her MSc and had gotten a job in Intel, Penang.

Then there were my adiks jiran 😁 

Salleh, Arep, Rashid, Sepul, Duwe ngn Faizal 😁

When there was a Mr K in my house, Salleh came to save the day. When there was a place we both needed to go, Rashid was the one who would volunteer to drive. When PFK masuk workshop I didn't have sny transport to go to class, Sepul yg tlg hntr. Siap pesan suruh tunggu dia lepas class so dia boleh bwkkn balik. 

When there was a huge Mr K right in front of my front door that refused to budge, Arep came to the rescue. Tp kene tahan telinga skit la bila Arep yg dtg 😝 Ini juga adik yg sama² sukaaaaa jelajah bazaar Ramadhan. We went to almost all bazaars yg dkt² sini. Paling jauh (and kerap) was the huge one in Perda. Siap boleh remind each other next time dtg nk beli ape 😂 Pasal gossip tgh² mlm jgn ckp laaa.. Sbb our houses were so near each other, we'd hear the same sound. One night, my neighbour gaduh ngn sape tatau.. Tk lama lepas tu masuk notification Arep nk bergossip pasal tu 😂😂😂

Never a dull moment 😂

So you see, I might have 8 siblings related by blood tp yg tk related by blood ni ramai sgt sampai I can't even write about all of them. Yang pasti, all of them are responsible for making my heart bigger just to make room for them. I pray for only happiness for them 💕

Sayang semua 😘

30 Days Writing Challenge 2023 Day 10 - Your Best Friend

I met my very first best friend when I was.. 3? 4? 5? 

I don't really remember but we were family friends. Close enought that we call her parents Mummy & Daddy while she calls mine Mama & Abah. We weren't really neigbours but we must have me up often enough because my childhood is filled with memories of her with photos to prove it. 

We met again in Standard 1. She was among the first to talk to shy little me. Both our fathers worked in the same school in USM and we hit it off in no time. Her parents bought me my first pembilang when Abah refused to buy one for me (he thought it was a waste but we really did need to use it in class) saying they had an extra one. 

When we were in Standard 3, I welcomed my new long-awaited sister into the world. I was so giddy with excitement that when Cikgu Noerida asked me to tell the class what my new sister's name was, I was still speechless. It was this very friend who excitedly answered for me because, of course, she was the first to know and she memorized my sister's name because she knew it was important to me. 

Each year from Standard 2 to Standard 4 we'd vow to wear the hijab together but being kids, it usually lasted only a few weeks since we were always misplacing our tudung or more often than not, burnt it while trying to iron it 😂 During that time, it wasn't that easy to find a kids white hijab so we'd sheepishly wait for next year to start the debacle over again until I finally wore it for good in Standard 5 😂

In Standard 5 and 6, me and my best friend were always on the phone right on the dot at 3pm. I don't even remember what we talked about but we almost never missed our 3pm phone call to each other. 

In secondary school, we were in the same class. She was talkative and really smart. I was, well, not appreciating my full potential then 😅 I got to know her Mama & Mak and always felt welcome at her house. 

She was one of the cutest beings I have ever met and seemed shy at first but once you get to know her, jaga² lah tudung tu. We both had a crush on the same celebrity and fought over him macaaaamm la the said celebrity kenai sgt pun 😂

She kept my secrets, and I kept hers. We sat at the back of the class, never really wanting to sit with anyone else 😁

After SPM, she worked at an arts & craft store. So unlike her.. What was more unlikely was that she developed an interest in it. She made me a turtle plushie and made my sister a fabric photo frame. Now, she makes bags as a hobby and side income. 25 years ago, none of us would've believe this haha.. 

We planned our studies together when I was accepted in UiA with the same course as her. But our joy was shortened when Abah told me to send an appeal to USM. I begged him to reconsider but he didn't want to so that night, we cried together knowing we weren't headed the same way. 

Then in my first year, we met again as Geometric group members. When we realized we were both from Penang, I guess that just sealed our fate for the next 3 years. She introduced me to the Chicken Soup series and to her dear, dear parents. We had classes together, chose the same major and all. She always laughed at me at my reluctance to go to my English classes (I was the only freshie in that class.. Stress!) sbb I was always bernazar if the class was cancelled, I'd fast hahah.. Aci ka main dgn nazar camtu? 😅

We repeated classes together. Getting C- or D at first than both getting A+ the second time around 😁 Sometimes we'd go watch movies together when we had free time on our hands. This was one girl who I can share anything at all without hiding the trurth. 

When she got married, I was the pengapit bidan terjun during her nikah. We thought she didn't need one then masa tu sbb it wasn't for the kenduri and since I was there, they told me to fill in. I wasn't ready and the photographer even laughed and asked us, "Awat muka pengapit lagi merah dari muka pengantin?" 😂

She was always there for me when she's near. We're different, like night & day and more than once have I had people ask me how come we are friends 😂 During my postgraduate years, when I moaned about not having enough money, this cheeky girl would actually sit in front of my bookcase and calculate all the money I had spent on books.. Ewaaahhhh kauuu 😂 But that shut me up quickly 😂

When I got my heart broken, she could be there in person for me since we were 200km apart, but she sent me a heartfelt card that I still keep till now.

Once when we were separated by the Selat Melaka, she messaged me. Told me she had dreamt of me and felt that I was sad. I'll never understand how she knew but I was so grateful for it. I didn't want to talk to anyone then but somehow with her, I let it all out. 

Till now, she has that knack of knowing something about me even when I never told anyone. Most recent was a few years ago when she reached out to me because she felt in her heart that something was wrong. I was keeping things bottled up inside, distracting myself with outdoor activities but she somehow guessed and more suprisingly, she guess the 'who' too.. She even said she was gonna ask her dear hubby to go pukul the said 'who' and that made me laugh. 

When I was getting married, I had the misfortune to not be working at that time due to the lockdown. I was panicking a bit since I didn't really have much savings and I had to pick and choose what I could have for my nikah instead of being able to afford everything I wanted. 

Know what my bestfriend did? She secretly ordered a beautiful cake for me as a gift to us. What I didn't know was that Mama also wanted to sponsor my cake when she heard that I might not have a cake for nikah (I could only buy ONE cake so I chose one for my engagement 1.5 hours before the nikah. Tu pun last² tk byr sbb my sweet lil' Ija just gave it to me 🥹) In the end, instead of no cake at all, I had 3 😁

If you've read till this paragraph, I think you've already realized I'm not talking about one exclusive person. I'm talking about almost all who have been my best friend at different stages of my life. I say almost because there is so much more to share but if I do, I won't finish this post by today 😅

But to each and everyone of you, I'm sending a great big hug and a big chunk of my heart to let you know how much you mean to me. My life would surely be dull without you guys 😘

30 Days Writing Challenge 2023 Day 9 - Write About Happiness

Happiness is when you wash a huge load of laundry on a bright sunny day and your clean clothes turn out crisp and dry and smelling heavenly.

Happiness is trying out a new recipe that you were scared to try out before and it turned out great.

Happiness is being greeted by bright, vibrant blooms in your makeshift garden despite always feeling like you don't have green fingers.

Happiness is having the each and every light turn green just as you get near a traffic light intersection.

Happiness is being lost in a great book that you don't even notice the passage of time.

Happiness is a good night's sleep, uninterrupted & really, really restful when you are so used to being insomniac.

Happiness is accomplishing something you thought was impossible for you, be it another success in your education or even making an actual wedding cake for your friend's brother (and having her mum praise it until you blush)

Happiness is finally graduating when you never really wanted to continue studying anyway. Extra happiness is when the lecturers (even the ones not in your field) personally tell you how they enjoyed your thesis 😁 Really, really proud moment 🥰

Happiness is seeing (almost) everyone that you love under one roof celebrating your wedding, knowing most of them made a looooooonnnggg trip just to be there on your day.

Happinesss is hearing the laughter and seeing the bright gleam in the eyes of your nephew after not seeing him in a very long time.

Happiness is always feeling safe with the one you finally gave your heart to.

Happiness is seeing people share their own happiness and feeling giddy with joy for them..

..and wishing everybody else would be just as happy (or more!)

In short, happiness is in the little things..

..and in the big things too

..and in everthing else in between ❤️

#30dayswritingchallenge

30 Days Writing Challenge 2023 Day 8 - The Power of Music

Music is not really my field. If you ask me the difference between each notes, or if you give me a note and ask me to guess which one it is, I might as well admit I'm tone deaf. 

And if you proceed to teach me about the said notes, my eyes would glaze over in no time after my mind has struggled to try to understand your kind teachings.. Sorry 😅

But I DO love listening to music, more specifically worded songs. I don't think I have ever met anyone who hates songs. Hate certain songs? Yes.. Hate certain genres? Also yes.. But to not even have a love for music tu mcm tkde langsung kot. 

To me the power of music is how they tie to one's emotions and/or how they may influence it. I'm sure you've heard about how a simple smell can trigger a memory? Well, a simple tune from a well loved song could do that too kan

A soft lullaby could lull a baby to sleep and when you've sang it to your baby brother/sister enough times, you'll find the lullaby could soothe you too during times you are anxious.. Regardless of how horrifying the meaning of the lyrics turn out to be haha.. (read: Rock-a-bye Baby) 

I've struggled with insomnia ever since I was a child. One night, as I was tossing and turning trying to sleep, I was suddenly running happily into the cave with Red while the Fraggle Rock theme song was heard all around me. I fell into a deep sleep once I met the Fraggles. How do I know it was a deep sleep by then? Because I blacked out terus 😝 Don't remember anything after that. 

Funnily till now, when I'm sometimes having trouble falling asleep, I remember that dream every now and then. Half the time, I fall asleep right when I meet the Fraggles. I'm 43 now, that incident happened when I was 5? 6? Still works wpun only half the time.. Or maybe that was just a sign that my body and mind has decided to rest. 

There are songs that remind me of my heartbreak. 20 years ago I got my heart broken by my bestfriend and I was a mess. I felt like I was constantly holding back tears and forcing a smile with everyone, even to those who knew I was shattered. I was trying to pretend I was okay and failing miserably. Even his mum got worried and she kept calling my fellow RO, dear kak Ana, to ask about me. It didn't help that this song resonated deeply with me that I kept listening to it continuously. 

Also didn't help when a few years later after I received his invitation card, my heart shattered into a million pieces all over again and, you guessed it, this song was once again my anthem.

Till this day, I sometimes (not always, but most of the time) avoid 'How Could An Angel Break My Heart' because there are times when I'm minding my own business then this song comes up and I'd suddenly burst into tears. NOT because of what happened, I've been over it for years now. But because of the emotion that surges everytime I hear this song. It's as if I'm experiencing my heartbreak all over again. 

There are also happy songs. One time I got smitten with this unlikely song (Yup! You read that right 😂 I got a crush on a song 😂) that I'd always play first thing I come into the postgrad room every morning. Abg Fadzil calls If That's Okay With You as Lagu Cikebum Ayu 😂

Then dulu during my cousin, Elin's wedding as we were helping Wan Chor in the kitchen sbb lauk habis, my sister laughed at me when Sedetik Lebih was played by the DJ sbb dlm penat² tu, my face instantly brightened when we heard the intro of the song and continued radiating right until the end 😂

Sbb tu la kot I chose that song for our kenduri 😝

When I had to move from the old rumah sewa, I was really penat. I had only a 1-month notice sbb tuan rumah urgent nk jual rumah so it was quite a rush to pack EVERYTHiNG, I noticed I packed quicker to Shakira's La La La (Brazil 2014) song 😂 Aci? 

Later I added Better When I'm Dancin' sbb I'm a Snoopy fan and masa tu baru lepas tgk Peanuts movie tu 😂 Lagu lain tk jalan, dua lagu ni je 😂😂😂

But the most memorable one happened a few years into my first degree. I actually just shared this story in my Twitter the other day.

Me and my siblings were never close to my father. He demanded perfection, something that wasn't easy for us so we never turned to him much for anything since we were scared of the disapproval and criticism. I always thought he didn't know much about our personality, about our likes and dislikes. 

One day, they were at Sunshine (what I first thought aritu when I shared in Twitter ) or Popular KOMTAR (what my memory seems convinced it is now) looking for stationeries. Suddenly they played If I Let You Go in store. This was when Westlife was everywhere and I, like so many others, was crazy about their songs. 

Adi was still choosing what he wanted when Abah tapped his shoulder and asked, "Ni lagu yg kak Yong suke tu kan?" much to my brother's suprise. 

Balik tu, he rushed to call me to tell me all about it. Like I said in Twitter, dia tanak nganga sorg² 😂 But yes, we were really suprised. 

So smpi skrg if I hear that song, this would always come to mind 🥰

So there's my take on the power of music and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one feeling this way 😁

P/S Please refrain from commenting about betapa lagho nyaaaaa laa dok dengar lagu² ni.. Klau terdetik dlm hati, shushhhh.. Gi main jauh²

#30dayswritingchallenge

30 Days Writing Challenge 2023 Day 7 - Favourite Movie

This is a tough one 😅

I'm not really sure if I have an actual favourite sbb I like A LOT of movies and love even more. Dh few hours dh ni wracking my brain trying to pinpoint which movie is my favourite but my mind keeps jumping from this movie, to that movie, to the other movie over there and to this movie right beside the one I thought of first 😅

As a child, my favorites were Mary Poppins and The Sound of Music up to the point I could sing each and every song in both movies, just like almost everyone around my age lah, of course. Then as I entered primary school, aside from the various Disney movies I loved, there were also P Ramlee movies with dialogues we would repeat, much to my parents horror. Sbb ye laaahh, dialog yg bahasa kurang sedap tu la pun yg nk diulang 😂

In secondary school I cooled down a bit about movies not only sbb dh masuk hostel, but also because Abah forbid the tv in the house dh masa ni and blum reti gi tgk movie kt cinema lagi. But once I entered Uni, movies were my staple again 😁

Still, I'm really not sure which exact movie is my favourite. I'm mostly okay² laaa with book adaptations wpun I also whine constantly with the annoying complaint that, "..it's not the same as the book" Typical bookworm, I know 😝

But LOTR is different. I really do love the trilogy. Why? Sbb I tak sanggup habiskan the book 🙈🙈🙈

A small number of movies just pass me by mcm tu je because they don't leave a lasting impression but most do so, again, this makes it hard to choose an actual favourite. 

But if you ask me what movie would I never, ever watch, I can tell you that in a heartbeat 😂

I had just finished my first degree and was working as an RO at my alma mater whilst delaying the registration of the MSc I didn't really wanna do. For this project, we had 4 rooms assigned to us. 3 for the ROs and 1 for the admin staff (kak Sue & kak Bibah). Each room had is own TV, NOT for entertainment purposes but rather for the data collection from traffic recordings. Of course la once the job is done, the TVs can be used for anything we wanted 😝

That day, kak Sue had already planned on watching Ju-on on the screen with anyone who was free (they had completed all their daily tasks right after the lunch break). It was a serious affair since they actually closed the blinds and turned of the light. Even light snacks was prepared. 

I couldn't join in as I still had a lot to do but that didn't stop me from being cheeky 🤭 So after half an hour or so, I quietly creeped to the door and opened it quickly trying to scare them. It worked 😈

I did it 2 more times, I think. Each time managing to scare them and each time glancing kjap² at the tv screen. I didn't get to see much pun sbb just kejap² masa scaring them je pun. 

Malam tu I had my usual class at Bagan Serai. On the way home, I had to go through a stretch of road yg wpun main road, tetap gelap skit. I don't know why but I had a sudden image of the boy ghost in JuOn sitting at my feet under my steering wheel 👻

Gilaaaa panic.. And I was uncharacteristically scared 😅

Langsung tk berani pandang kt bwh steering saaaaampai slmt tiba kt rumah 😅

That night, for the first time in my life, I slept with the night light on 😅 And this continued for the next 2-3 weeks 😂

Not only that, if I woke up at in the middle of the night wanting to pee kaa, or even bila dh bgn utk Subuh kaaa, I wouldn't dangle my feet from the bed. Instead I sort of leaped from the bed to the floor farther away from the bed in order to avoid having something pull my feet from under the bed 😂😂😂

It was that bad! 🙈

I don't consider myself a coward much but for the next few weeks, I surely was. Everytime class kt Bgn Serai, I tried my best NOT to look down while driving.. Aci? 😅

Bear in mind, I didn't watch the whole movie pun. Not even half of it. All in all, I think tk sampai 3 minute puuunnn tgk tp the effect of it was.. Unpleasantly suprising 😅

Sampai skrg I have never watched any JuOn movies at all. I tried once, to face it once and for all tp baru few minutes, terus off 😅 I don't think I could go through the same 3 weeks again 😅

So there it is. I might not be able to answer what my favourite movie is, but whenever people ask me want movies scares/suprises me the most, THIS is my favourite answer 😅

30 Days Writing Challenge 2023 Day 6 - Single and Happy

I got married when I was 40 years, 8 months and 2 days old.

I watched almost all my siblings get married. I watched almost all my cousins, even the ones 15 years younger than me get married and have kids. I watched the majority of my friends get hitched and start a new wonderful life with their significant others. 

Was I sad? Was I angry? 

No way!! 😁

And this, I speak for all my single friends who are still single and who married late, just like me 😁

People (particularly those who are unhappy, I assume) love to say that us late bloomers are resentful, are jealous, are so many things that we aren't. I only get angry at these types of people, never to those who are in wedded bliss.

Of course there were times we felt the need for companionship, but c'mon, that's normal!

Sometimes we do get scared watching married people be more unhappy than they were when they were single but we take the lesson and keep it close to us then try not to let it scare us much. 

Most of the time, we actually enjoy our time with ourselves 🥰

I learnt that even though I'm an introvert, I actually love going out.. Alone! 😝

I have no problem eating out alone. I can order whatever I want and enjoy my meal just like that. It's times like these that I am more adventurous as I can take my own sweet time to choose whatever is on the menu and to savor it accordingly. 

I have no problem shopping alone. I used to love buying blouses at the now closed Parksons at Prangin even while I lived in Nibong Tebal. Since I prefer less crowds, I'd drive there in the morning dari NT so I'll arrive early. Ala² tolong bukak kedai 😂 Then I can choose without worrying about making people wait for me. 

I loved doing movie marathons alone too. Especially dulu² masa Tuesdays was Student Discount days (this was when I was a postgrad student), Wednesdays was half-priced days or Thursday was Ladies Discount day. During summer kn bnyk movie baru keluar so pilih minggu where there were 3 movies I wanted to watched then marathon la sampai mlm 🤭

Do I even need to talk about book buying alone? 😝 I could spend hours (and of course la I actually did 😂) without annoying anyone. But just to clarify, the Exboyfriend doesn't get annoyed when I spend too much time at bookstores.. At least I don't think he does 🙊

Us (then) single ladies could also enjoy socializing with our own special circle whenever we liked AND we got the best of both worlds sbb we enjoy time with single and married friends without worrying about a husband or kids. I'd say it was our pleasure to help married friends enjoy their limited me time to the fullest 😁

We organized picnics at the beach, hanging out at malls, briskwalking together in the parks even joined runs together without much worry. We even offhandedly daydreamed of finding old folks home together so we can enjoy the friendship till the very end. 

Do I love married life? With it's ups and downs, it's an exciting lifetime adventure.. Yes, of course! 

But do I also love my once upon a time ago single life? Definitely 😁 We're a happy bunch of people, content with our lives and enjoy celebrating our married friends milestones together.

So no, don't you ever dare call those who are single envious nor resentful. You might actually learn a thing or two about true happiness. 😉