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Saturday, June 17, 2006

Thank God for families.. Thank God for friends.. and thank God for the World Cup!

Today is the 3rd Friday AFTER I got to know the news. The shocked feeling I'd experienced earlier has started to subside. Well, not really lost at all, but at least I don't think much of it anyway..

Yes, I've cried.. in fact, first time in nearly 5 years I had to take an aspirin a.k.a Panadol sebab nangis sampai rase nak migraine balik.. ngan muke² abih sakit semua that for a while, I thought I was having a stroke haha.. Went home on THE day and went straight to slumberland (thanx to Fawed for agreeing to take over my class that afternoon), but it was a horror waking up to the fact that I already know I've been wasting more than 3 years of my life.. nangis lagi!

Went to take a shower.. nangis lagi! Salin baju.. nangis lagi! Pegi school balik.. nangis lagi! Then had Sabir and Quazzi come individually to me trying to make me smile.. err, nangis lagi! And finally when I was left alone, I had a chance to really cry again..

The next day I had a hard time trying to stop myself from breaking down in front of my class, but my students must've noticed as they were suddenly behaving like model citizens of the world haha.. Malu pun ade when I realized I nearly doodled his name on the white board <--Ayu got it bad! Even terase kejap when budak kecik smsed asking if I still wanted to go to the movie marathon.. sian die!

The next day, tried to cheer myself up when I went out for our movie marathon but boy! Was it hard!! During the movies, I felt like, "Hey! I'm ok!", but once my mind wasn't on the movies..

Gosh, never knew I could cry like that!

But then again, these past few days have gone by without even a hint of tears.. Not that I don't feel like crying again, but I've got a lot of angels around me who make me laugh again.

Thank God for family.. especially Adi, who called me as soon as he got my message. And yeah, again I cried la when he asked me if I was ok. No one else in my family really knows much, except what they saw and thought je la. Well, Izati knows too.. at least MY side of the story la. I'm not much of a 'storyteller' here but I'm glad I told Adi about it a few months back, as least it wasn't so awkward telling him the latest news. And yeah, to my Lil' Success too, for sharing his story with me. It made me forget MY STORY for a while and think about his... though, nangis lagi je la kaaaan! Yeah, they're the only family who knows whats going on in my mind.

Then I've got my friends. The whole bunch of them. Not all of them know, but the few who do have been a great help to me. And some who could guess, have been trying to cheer me up throughout these few weeks. Can't really list them all down here but I love them all and for you guys, I'm gonna really, really, really try my best to forget and move on! Besides, dah jadi orang punye kan haha, takkan nak hold on gak kot <--Ayu memang hampeh klau still nak jugak!!! Sile marah Ayu jike dia cakap dia nak jugak² kat IM!

But really, with these kinda people around me, its quite hard for me to sit down and ponder on the things that make me hurt, huh?

Anddddddd.. another thing I'm grateful for is the distraction of, what else, the World Cup!

Haha.. okay! I'm not gonna pretend I'm a soccer fan.. Never was, never will be. But the excitement around me is not exactly UNinfectious (ade ke perkataan camni?) and with the help of my personal sportscaster in subtly hinting about the games have made me AT LEAST take notice about the scores and all that. In fact, I find that I enjoy knowing whats going on though I won't be caught dead watching the games (err, tul ke? Jangan cakap, Ayu, those words MIGHT haunt you back hehe..).

But seriously, when I'm doing my work all alone at night here and my mind starts creeping to the RESTICTED AREA of IM, I just hafta search for the website on the World Cup or snippets of the press about whats going on regarding the World Cup and voila! I'll be so immersed in reading it all up, I'd forget I wanted to cry in the first place haha.. Really, never knew it could be as therapeutic as my usual 'book retreats' I do whenever I need a boost of spirit. And this is all (nearly) thanks to some ball-crazy individuals (mostly from the postgraduate room!) who have invaded my life. Why nearly? Coz I don't know if this interest should be considered a blessing or a curse haha..

So there it is.. the reason I can still smile and laugh and forget about whats threatening to make me cry nowadays. And to be frank, I love them all (even the World Cup bit haha.. and I know someone's laughing at me right now!)

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