Last Thursday, was talking with Sharil. Suddenly, the topic of currypuffs came up.. truth is, 'something' was practically begging to come outta my head at that time but dengan degilnye Ayu shoved the thought back in her head.. still, the part of me who knew WHAT was the thing trying to come outta the corner of my head felt a bit.. I dunno.. uncomfy? Nostalgic?
Anyway, Friday afternoon, Sharil asked for the extension of this room and when I picked up the phone, he suprised me with.. yeah, you guessed it, home-made currypuffs! Yeay!! He had been meaning to give it to me in the morning but since I only came at 2, I guess I only got to have it that afternoon. So after clearing my things, went to his room to go get them and all the while, the-thing-I-shoved-at-the-back-of-my-head came rearing with its ugly butt back into my head..
You know, I very seldom cook.. except during Ramadhan or when I'm at home la kot. And whenever I cook for friends, I usually only cook things I'm confident of haha.. with family tak kire la, konpiden tak konpiden, korg makan jugak ape kak Yong masak but with friends, I usually only cook things I can prepare with my eyes closed.
So how does currypuffs come in this?
Well, lets see.. around 5 years ago, I had a best friend whom I had the misfortune to fall in love with. Around the time he was finishing his master's degree, he asked me to belanja him something. Me, already feeling confused with what I was feeling for him, was afraid. I didn't wanna go out with him, just in case he could guess my feelings so I tried my best to pretend I didn't mind. Then one day, when I asked him what did he want me to buy him, he just smiled and said, "Karipaf!"
I knew currypuffs were among his top kuih, as most of us. Heck! Who doesn't love them? But yes, I was confused.. nak suh saya beli karipaf ke?
The next time we talked, he told me, not just ANY currypuff, he wanted MY currypuff. One I did myself.. and I went "O-oh!"
Back at home, currypuffs are an occasion. We'd usually do it with Mama giving instructions while me, Adi, Ikram and Izati doing it. It was a family thing, involving everyone at home (yang nak join je laaa..) and we'd make enought to last us for a week haha. Sometimes, when we feel wacky enough, we'd pun our own filling. Once we used fruit preserves. Of course it was fun but try eating it hot. The syrupy fruit burnt our tongue.. padan muke! And when it was cooled down, it was too sweet to eat anyway hahah.. such a waste huh.. but extremely fun! Especially when we'd paint the currypuffs using food colouring just to show who did which currypuff.. macam terre la sangat kaaaan! Hahah..
Anyway, with IM putting his foot down on the currypuff issue, I was panicked! I mean, I've never done currypuffs alone.. and to think that I'm doing it for someone I really liked, it scared me! What if I accidently poisoned him with my first-time currypuffs?
Still, went back to Penang to start doing it. I guess Mama was a bit confused on why I insisted on doing it alone and giler tul, spent the whole morning doing those currypuffs. It has always been my job to take care of the pastry so that wasn't anything new but I was jumpy all the time I was doing the meat-and-potato filling. Was it too salty? Did I put too little salt? Was the spices enough? Was the meat cooked enough? Haha, I guess I really wanted it to be perfect..
Then I sat at the dining table, kneading the pastry then taking the rolling pin and working on it. A good thing Mama had trained all of us on the 'sealing' of the currypuff and the importance of doing it neatly so by this time, I had relaxed a bit.. but still wondering, "Would he like it?"
Made quite a lot as I made some for the family too.. mane leh tak buat utk family kan? Lagi² plak klau diorang suspect nanti hahah.. But since I made A LOT and ALONE, mistakes were bound to happen. I nearly cried when my pastry become ugly after I had accidently left them on the kitchen counter instead of the fridge before frying them. The kitchen was hot and my pastry become.. sheesh! I dunno the right word for it, but it wasn't what it was supposed to be.
I came back to the campus with my ugly currypuffs and nearly threw them away since I thought IM didn't know I had made them but somehow, I still wonder how he does that, he knew.. and of course I had to give them to him.. feeling very ashamed of my currypuffs and fearing what he thought of them.
But him being him, told me he loved it (Though I suspect he might be lying through his teeth.. silap² dia bg kucing makan ape hahah..) even if he thinks (he said this himself) I must've left the currypuffs outside for too long before frying (See! Even HE knows.. cehhh!! Well, he used to help his mum sell kuih so I guess he's more of an expert in this..)..
And though I don't believe the part that he loved it (C'mon, even I could see I had screwed it up! It didn't look one bit like the currypuffs me and my siblings did together!), he still made me smile.. and wish I had done better hahah..
So, well, the past few days, I keep remembering this exact time of my life. The 'Currypuff Story' that nobody knew till now and suprisingly, I find it hilarious haha.. I dunno what I was thinking, making something I'm not confident of, for a boy I really liked. I guess, I liked him enough to risk it all.. tak sangke!
But then, this memory brought back a bit more than I bargained for as last night, once again I found myself opening my Pandora's Box, wondering and questioning the things that went wrong.. and just for today, I think I'm gonna let myself miss my Invisible Friend..
Found in one of my old entries..
Missing someone is a terrible but at the same time, sweet feeling. U will be sitting around wondering if u meant anything to him/her. Thinking if he/she ever cares about u.
Rushing to the phone once it rings hoping that it's him/her.
Looking out of the window hoping that he/she will surprise u by appearing downstairs.
Sitting in front of the television but thinking of him/her missing the final episode of your favourite show.
Lying on your bed, thinking of the last time u went out together.T
hinking of how nice it will be to sit under the stars again, talking about everything, your dreams, plans, future.
Logging on to the internet hoping to see him/her online. When u realise that he/she isn't online and did not return your page, u will start worrying if he/she is okay.
Missing someone is a way of growing up i guess. It exposes you to loneliness. It teaches you how to cope with being lonely and let you know that there is actually a feeling known as emptiness. Sometimes it feels good to miss someone. You know that you really care and you indulge in the feeling of loving/caring for him/her. But missing someone and not knowing if he/she is feeling the same is terrible. You feel as if you are being left alone. So if you miss someone, tell him/her and let them know. At the same time, ask if they miss you.
Don't let the feeling of missing someone become jealousy or paranoid. If u are the one being missed and u know it, let the other party know. If u miss him/her too, tell them. Don't let them wait.