My new years day..

Yesterday was the first of January for the new year of 2007. I wasn't planning on doing anything as I had first thought I'd be home during this time..

Anyway, the day before, kak Yun moaned about having nothing to do so she asked if I wanted to go catch a movie. Thinking it would be a good idea, I agreed. We managed to ask Ramlah along too as she didn't go home for the holidays too.

That morning I woke up late. Not really woke up late, more like woke up early but too lazy enough to get up from the couch (I was sleeping on the couch because of my coughing fits, it felt a bit more comfortable out here in the living room). I was in between reading a book I had borrowed from kak Yun, switching the tv on and off and smsing Syafik (my student last year) on our lunch 'date' haha.. It was supposed to be between me, Syafik, Syawal and Azri but Syawal couldn't be contacted so I decided to drag Ramlah along as she's been taking over my class whenever I couldn't attend so my students here know her.

Lunch time found me and the three of them at KFC in Parit Buntar. However, after discussing with them, we decided to go to Pizza Hut across the street. Syafik and Azri were suddenly very shy, prompting me to scold them in my not-back-to-normal-yet voice so before long, they lost that sense of 'shyness' in favour of lauging at my voice.

Now let me explain first. Syawal, Syafik and Azri were among my favourite students last year, not that its good to have favourites haha.. They're the type who love challenges every now and then, with Azri leading in every challenge. I could give them any type of assignment and though they'd groan, they were usually the only ones in class who'd complete those tasks. They were also quite close to me, thus the 'kak Ayu kena belanja kami sebab dapat A' project!

I had a fun time poking fun at little Azri who's only at my ear height (thats a lot to say about him, as I'm only 150cm tall) and who has fingers as long as mine but a much smaller palm making his hands seem so small and cute. Then talking to Syafik about his family who are going to France for 3 years since his father is attached to the Malaysian embassy over there. He looked a bit sad but with typical boyish trait when he refused to look me in the eye when he talked about his family. I just have to understand how he misses his family, added to the fact he's leaving his friends here and going to school near his aunt's in Perlis.

Then, after parting ways and promising to not lose contact, we headed to Ramlah's house to pray and get ready to go out with kak Yun. By then, Yun had called me and wanted to join in the movies so we promised to meet her at Megamall. Then we went with kak Yun to Kamdar where she wanted to buy some curtains for her new home. It was only after 6 that we headed to Megamall to meet Yun.

Arriving at Megamall, we headed to Popular first as me and Ramlah needed to find books for our classes. It felt a bit funny to go buy secondary school book as its nearly 10 years since I last wore a school uniform. Then, after paying, we met up with Yun and went to McD at the floor below us. Its been a long time since I last ate McDs hehe..

After filling up our tummies, me and kak Yun went to pray, while Yun who had already prayed went with Ramlah browsing the shops nearby. After praying, once again we went into Popular to find cards for kak Zura and kak Wahid. Seeing there was still another half our before the movies, we just went round aimlessly before deciding to just go up to the cinema. Halfway there, there was this stall selling costume jewelleries. Yun and Ramlah were looking at these necklaces that to me, more resembled Christmas tree ornaments haha.. Me and kak Yun bought these pearl bracelets, quite similar though I must insist I saw it first haha..

Then, realizing we only had 5 minutes left, we rushed to the movies which btw is The Night at The Museum (again?). I had fun pretending to spoil it for everyone and I'm glad they enjoyed it as much as I did before. In fact, I was surprised to find myself laughing just as much :)

We arrived home around 12.15am and me and Yun didn't even get the chance to chat before sleeping as we were both fast asleep in a matter of minutes :)

Well, that was what I did physically on new years day. Emotionally was a different story altogether..

A few days ago, I was browsing through my blog in search of my entry on Serendipity. Then I came across my entry on new years day last year. I felt a lump on my throat as I read what I had written. It seemed like a totally different person writing there.

It seemed so optimistic. So sure that the year would bring on so many good things.. still, in a way, maybe it did.

This girl has FINALLY submitted her thesis. Something she never thought would happen haha.. and she's glad. She's been putting it off for so long, trying her best to pretend she doesn't care about the thesis at all but then again, who wouldn't care for something they've slave over for more than two years???

And to think that she's already had her viva. A 45-minute struggle with the best in the field and right now has just finished her corrections *big smile*. Haven't really officially graduated but come this August, I'll be smiling a whole lot more than I was after my viva, I think hehe..

And about her family, they're finally accepting what has happened. Though understandably, we won't really fully accept 100% about why Abah did this, at least now we're starting to be a family once more. She loves her step sister to bits and is glad for the distraction of a baby in the family.

Then there's the story about IM. She's been losing herself in this dream for years now. Even her friends are sick of it. But then, mid year, she got news about his marriage. Though devastated at first, she found herself astonished at how quickly she got over it. She thought it'd take another 3 years but it didn't even take 3 weeks.. okay, I might be lying a bit here.. lets say, 3 months! And this is all thanks to a few angels she has met along the way through her life :)

Oo.. c'mon guys! Gimme some credit here!!! I honestly haven't even thought of him for months now, and it surprises even me. Like I once said, I guess its been to long already. I regret losing the friendship though.. it was one of my most cherished ones. But then again, life's a lesson, huh? He taught me to love (tetibe rase tickeled haha..), didn't he.. I don't know what I thought him though, except the 'stay away from emotional girls' lesson haha.. I sincerely hope he's happy and wish for all the best in his life. Cross my heart :)

Hmm.. what else is there?

Well, here's a bit of what I wrote at the end of my new year entry last year..

"But well, changes are inevitable and thats life! I hope this new year brings much more, not only to me and my family, but to everyone out there. I hope we'd appreciate the little things in life that makes it more meaningful and may all of us recognize all the blessing in disguise before we start resenting everything.. and may, in the end, we emerge a better person!

Hmmm.. wonder what's in store for 2006?"

Well, at least I know now what was in store for me..

A few weeks ago, talking to Toroque, he commented on how everything my life seems to go in place now. My family is fine, I'm over IM and I was finally (at that time la) going to have my viva. I remember his words..

"Hang perasan tak, sekarang ni, semua benda dalam hidup hang falling into place? Selalu macam tu la, when one piece is stable, the others would follow suit.. Aku yakin, hang akan happy sangat² pas ni.. hang tengok la nanti. Trust me. Percaya la cakap aku.."

Wish it was true..

Truth is, the end-of-year-blues is really getting to me. Its even turning into a start-of-year-blues. My mind keeps reeling back to things I don't think I should think about. I don't even understand why my mind keeps dwelling on these thoughts.

Like yesterday, though my day was filled with all sorts of activities, whenever that was even a fraction of a second my mind wandered off, I'd be feeling as if I wanted to cry. I hate feeling this way but it seems as if my head has a mind of its own and insists on thinking things its own way..

Like I said, the optimistic girl last year is not the same as the girl standing here right now. Somehow, something's missing.. and trying to understand things just give me a headache. All I want right now is to get the hell away from here and start somewhere. Let me make new memories as I've found out, not all old memories could be cherished, even if they're happy ones. Its sad to think that you're afraid to remember those happy times cause you're afraid to feel hurt.. even sadder to think that its only a fraction of the year that hurts you, yet right now, thats all you can think of.. sad and pathetic if you ask me!!!! Go get a life la, girl haha..

Great way to start the year, huh?

Well, friends.. pray for me please! Pray that I'll understand and clearly see the path that has been set from me since before birth by Him. Pray that its His will that I will always want, and not my own stupid dreams and hopes. Pray that I'll accept everything and understand that everything happens for a reason. Like a young friend once reminded me, "God works in mysterious ways", so let me accept the mysteries handed down to me, and make me enjoy those surprises every now and then, be it pleasant (of course I'd enjoy it) or not (at least, enjoy to learn the lesson it gives..)..

Hope you guys have a great year ahead too :)

So lets see, what would this year bring to all of us, eyh!