My day with my sister

Yesterday I went back to Penang for the Aidiladha holidays.

Yun had come to stay overnight the day before so I didn't exactly rush to get ready in the morning. Seeing Yun still sleepy (and sad.. I wonder why the sad bug has bitten most us at this end of the year, huh?), I proceeded to prepare the things I wanted to take home (baju kurung, nighties, undies, day t-shirts, trackbottoms, towel, toiletries, pillow and bolster haha..) before taking my bath.

Then I made some scrambled eggs to fill my empty stomach as I had to take my meds AFTER meals (sheeeshhh! Can't we just eat them whenever we wanna eat them?). My voice was nearly gone by now and I couldn't even find my laugh as only a wheezing sound would come out from my mouth. Made as much noise as possible but Yun was still asleep haha.. So I thought of just letting her sleep (she had wanted to wake up early, tapi kesian la pulak tengok dia ngantuk sangat, tambah lak tengah sedih!) and going out for the papers. However, as I carefully opened the door, she was suddenly awake so I just told her I was going out while she switched on the tv (yeah, we slept in the living room!)

We finally got outta the house around 1pm. I had promised to met her at KBJ but then something came up so she wasn't quite sure if she'd make it. Still, I wanted to go SOMEWHERE so I decided to still go to KBJ and called one of my favourite people, my sister Izati!

She had just arrived that morning from KL and was still quite sleepy but at the sound of my voice asking if she wanted to go out, she was instantly awake.. Trust Izati to do that haha..

However, I was busy with my Neopet and realized I was still at school at 5.30pm. Thank God Yun smsed telling me she'd be going after all and THAT shook me awake so off I went back to Penang. good for me, there was no traffic. However, at the toll gate, I noticed a teenange boy in front of me frantically waving to me. I wasn't wearing my glasses and was quite confused but after taking over them, and letting them take over me, if I'm not mistaken, its one of my new students, Nabil (The 'Nabil pun handsome jugak kan cikgu' one).

I was in quite a jolly festive mood (betoi ka?) and was smiling all the way.

As I arrived in Penang, I went straight to KBJ and was the first to arrived. I managed to change the batteries of my watch, find a little something for Farah whose been quite upset these past few days and looked at some silver bracelets I had planned to buy for Izati. I even went to the mobile phone vendors hahah.. Yun arrived about half an hour later with kak Wahid and before they even stopped laughing at the sound of my voice, Izati arrived.

We spent a good hour in Cosmart before we parted ways. Then me and Izati went to keep the groceries we just bought in my car before proceeding to go the cinema on the top floor to buy tickets for Night at The Museum. Then we went to Kenny Rogers for dinner, carefully avoiding the seat where the light bulb above it once exploded when I had went there with Pojie and Lie a while ago haha.. Izati (and Mira.. yup! She was also there with her mother and sisters) laughed when I kept staring at the new bulb!

I forgot to take my meds for the second time that day. The midday one and the night one but the night one wasn't because I totally forgot, more because I had left it in my car. Then I had to endure a scolding from Izati and Mira (who btw are 9 years and 8 year younger than me respectively!). Sheesshh..

Then nearing 9.45pm, me and Izati said goodbye to Mira when we headed to the cinema. I wasn't really looking forward to the movie as I had an impression it was a lawak bodo kinda story but since Izati wanted to watch it and I really do enjoy Izati's company at the movies (c'mon, she drags me to watch teen flicks with her haha.. but I still love laughing and enjoying any kinda movies with her.. one of my favourite movie people!), I just went into the cinema with her.

Well, to my surprise, the movies wasn't bad. Not bad at all, in fact, it left me in stitches. Even with my wheezing laugh without a sound, I found myself doubling up every 5 minutes or so. I was impressed to see old Bert (from the Mary Poppins movie.. Dick Van Winkle or whatever his name was) still acting convincingly but the whole movie was worth it :) though you had to listen to the dialogue as most of the jokes were in the speech form but I loved the movie, AND I didn't really expect to love it, you see :)

On the way to the parking, me and Izati were still talking about the movie. Then as we went in the car, as usual, Izati would fiddle with my CDs, trying to find the songs she'd like. Then, I did my usual annoying habit of singing along with any song she'd choose but this time, I just made her laugh even more when she listened to me trying my best to sing when my voice refused to cooperate. Before long, I was laughing with her too.. Boy, I feel as if its been so long since I really laughed with someone I enjoy!

When we arrived home, as usual, I'd fight over who gets to sleep right under the fan, and on the couch (we haven't slept in our own rooms for a long time now). Izati had been telling me that she HAD to study once we arrived home as she had wasted time going out with me but me being the usual annoying sister insisted she didn't have to do anything as boring as studying haha.. We must've slept around 3am with Mama shaking her head looking at her hyena daughters (one ok hyena, and another sick one without a voice but trying her best to be the loudest hahah..).

This morning, we woke up and got ready for raya. However, nothing much was done. We only went for raya at Kak Wahid's house and Uncle Mustafa's. Then Mama announced she wanted to go back to Kuala Kangsar eventhough none of our relatives were going back. Izati had her friends there, while I was dreading the prospect of being bored outta my wits so I asked Mama if I could be excused whcih she agreed to, knowing there wouldn't be much to do anyway..

So here I am, cutting my vacation short by a day :)

Still, I enjoy being with my sister.. love her to bits, though she could be quite bossy for a lil' sis who's 9 years younger than me! :)

Perpisahan by Anuar Zain

Hahaha.. Ayu mengaku ade gak lagu melayu (indonesian songs bukan lagu melayu yeee..) yang dia layan! I first heard this song during Ramadhan I think, when they were really into promoting the film 'Cinta'. Well, this song has Anuar Zain written all over it hahah.. but I like it (tau kat Juty, konpem dia kutuk kakak dia jiwang!)! Typical tearful Anuar Zain song hehe..

Anyway, I've been trying to search the lyrics on the net for weeks eversince I first heard it (gara² tiap² ari dengo kat tv le nih) but there doesn't seem to be any listing for it. However, I stumbled upon this blog a few days ago and was pleased to find the lyrics, though I haven't been able to get my hands on the MP3 yet to check the lyrics with the song but I trust its alright.. so, enjoy!

Artist : Anuar Zain

Song : Perpisahan

Album : OST Cinta

Ku mengerti perpisahan ini

Bukan kerana kau membenci

Tapi kasih yang pernah ku beri

Tiada lagi bersama

Sering kala aku terlihatkan mu

Impian nan indah tersulam bahagia

Ku harungi hari demi hari

Bersama wajah tak mungkin akan kembali

Tapi hati masih tak terima

Ditinggalkan sengsara

Keraguan ini bukanlah padamu

Perasaan hati masih rindu

Kekalutan ini hanyalah untukku

Tercari-cari bayanganmu

Tak sanggup aku kehilangan

Kehilanganmu

Oh...oh.....

Yea...yea.....

Masih tercari-cari

Keraguan ini bukanlah padamu

Masih tercari-cari bayanganmu

Tak sanggup aku kehilanganmu

Serendipity pt.2

This is one of my favourite love stories. I just love it, love it, love it heheh.. <--Ayu gatal!

I've talked about this movie in one of my entries last year here, I think but here I am, still not bored in trying to talk about it again. Here's another one.


These days, I seldom go to school at night anymore. So I had just come home from my night tuition and just plonked myself in front of the tube while switching channels trying to find something to watch. Then, feeling a bit frustrated with the non-stop commercials on tv, I went to the kitchen to fix myself a drink when I heard a familiar dialogue. Practically running to the tv set, I was delightly surprised to see Serendipity on tv and instantly smsed a few close friends and juniors like Baizurah, Ami, Juty, Amer, Ramlah and dont-remember-who-else half-demanding them to watch the movie :) Hahah, I sat there, dreamy-like watching the movies while trying my best not to miss any part of it.

Its a story about fate. About how no matter what you do, you can never change your fate and destiny. But since you don't know what it is, it won't really hurt to try anything, right?

In this story, it was about John and Sara who met coincidently (or as fate has written, who knows?) at a store where they were searching for black gloves. both found the same pair of black gloves at the same time but, as they would say, something inside them made them share the glove, with one glove to each other. They found out that they enjoyed each other's company and Jon was sure that there was something between them but Sara wasn't quite sure and decided to leave things in the hands of fate.

The first thing they did was take a random book from a book seller while Sara wrote her name and number on the front page. Then Jon took a dollar bill and wrote his name and number on it and gave it to charity. Sara believed, if they were meant to be together, the book and dollar would somehow end up in their hands one day.

Then, they went to this hotel Astoria or whatever the name was and they made a deal. They'd go into separate lifts and chose ONE floor randomly. If they ended up on the same floor, then it really was their destiny to be together that night. But sometimes, something REALLY was meant for you. Like the right person.. but maybe it just wasn't the right time. Sara and Jon chose the same 23rd floor but whilst Sara had no difficulties arriving at that floor, jon had this annoying boy who came into the lift and pressed nearly ALL buttons, forcing the lift to stop at alomost all floors. By the time he arrived at the 23rd floor, Sara had already given up and had JUST stepped into the lift to go back down, convinced, they weren't meant to be together.

Fast forward to a few years later. Both were engaged and about to marry other people, but somehow they could never forget the mysterious stranger they had met on that magical Christmas night. Eager to try get his second chance, Jon tried his best to find the woman he was convinced as his soul mate but ran outta luck. He had to buy a 400 dollar suit, dig around the basement of a shop to find her address only to have it ruined in the end. The final straw was when her old address bought him to this bridal shop making him feel as if the signs were showing him that he should get married to his fiancee.

As for Sara, she was also always thinking of this mystifying stranger she had met years before so before her marriage, she asked her fiancee for a break with the excuse of wanting some time alone before she got married. All the while, they kept missing each other by fraction of minutes. However, in the end, Sara gave up and wanted to go back to her home as she was already convinved she wasn't in love with her fiancee and had broken up the night before.

But then, fate intervened once more. On the night before his wedding, Jon's fiancee gave him a present which turned out to be the book he had been searching for so long. Then as Sara was just getting ready to go back, she received some loose change which included the dollar bill with Jon's name and number.

She had thought she was late as when she arrived, the hotel worker was already clearing up the wedding area. However, the hotel worker told her that the wedding had been cancelled off.

As for Jon, in wanting to clear his mind of the crzay thing he had done the past few days, he went to this park where he found a lost jacket belonging to, guess who? Haha.. Sara had left it there when she had finally broken up with her fiancee.

Well, as good love stories usually go, they finally met and everything went well again. They even went back to the store that started it all to celebrate the very moment they first met..

*sigh*

I really DO love mushy love stories, huh?

My young chargers

This school holiday, my afternoons and nights are quite busy. Well, not throughout the week, rather in the first half of each week from Mondays to Thursdays. Yeah, believe it or not, there ARE some students out there who still wanna enjoy their holidays by studying haha..

In all, I've got three classes. A Form Five class from Mondays to Thursdays at 5.15pm to 6.45pm, a Form One class on Tuesdays at 8.15pm to 10.00pm and a Form Two class on Wednesdays and Thursdays at 8.15pm to 10.00pm.

But God! How I enjoy those classes :)

The Form One class has only 5 students. They are still childishly cheeky enough to be cute, yet still 'afraid' enough of adults to respect me. They love doing maths and are always asking questions where I'd happily answer them. Two of the boys don't have front teeth and are always teased by us. However, they are quite bright, as they always say, "Biaq tak dak gigi, asal pandaaaaaaaaaaaaaiii!"

The Form Two class in a bit different. 15 different students with 15 different personalities. They are at the age where they think they are 'adult' enough and think its cool to bit a bit rude now and then. Duh! Still, there are some student who make it worthwhile. They groan whenever I give them exercises to do, yet still do them cheerfully. Most of them are from selected schools and these are the students who don't give much trouble.

I remember nagging them last week when I gave them a simple test and NOT ONE student obtained 100%. All of them were quiet, seeing their teacher, a usually easy-to-laugh one suddenly scolding them to bits. They were quite behaved for the rest of the class but the next day was quite a different story. Hah! Kids..

Its in this class that I teach Dr Farhan's nephew and I can't imagine what Dr Farhan would think of me if his nephew told him how garang Cikgu Ayu was haha.. But his nephew is one of those I-love-to-learn ones so at least thats the least of my problems as I knew he's not one of those who are at the end of my scolding.

Last but not least is my Form Five class where the students are old enough to understand the meaning of respect yet still young enough to be naive in most things around them. This is my favourite class with also 15 students :)

This is the first time I'm teaching the english syllabus to Form Five so in reality, I study along with them. They laugh when I forget the mathematical 'words' and I find myself laughing alongside them as well. I love this class as it feels like we're more like friends than teacher-students!

The girls are hardworking and always joking around while the boy are.. well, can't really say they're hardworking but they sure laugh a lot. There's one boy in my class who seldom shows up and whenever I ask them who is absent, the boys would always answer, "Alaa.. yang handsome² tu!", while the girl would roll their eyes. Yesterday, another boy, Nabil was also absent along with the 'handsome²' boy so when I asked them, Aiman answered that Nabil also didn't come. Then he pretended to think and then asked me, "Nabil pun hnadsome jugak kan cikgu?". Then went on with the conclusion that handsome guys don't come to extra classes haha..

When I asked them, don't they think they have the looks too, they made a pity-us face and said since they don't, they just HAVE to study hard. Then all boy were laughing as if they made a great joke UNTIL Hana (one of the unidentical twins) shouted, "Sedaq pun hangpa tak handsome nooo.."..

See why I enjoy my classes? :)

I only have one more week with them, after this, it will be back to normal classes. Guess I'm gonna miss these students of mine, huh?

Hurt?

From a random blog I visited a few days ago:
"Why is it that we always hurt the people we love the most?

From an annoying popup (but with something that caught my eye on it)
"Its the people we love most who are capable to hurt us the most"

From Adi's blog:
""there's a beast in everyone's heart... and it hurts even the ones we love without us knowing it (without our permission)"
"

For the past few days, these are the words that have been hovering in my mind. You might ask, am I the one who's hurting someone, or am I the one being hurt? Or, is it both? Hahah.. that is for me to know and for you to guess :p

Well, back on the subject..

The heart is such a fragile thing that God gave to us. It could be a blessing or it could be a curse depending on what your heart is feeling at that certain time. Its funny how one moment, you're extremely happy then the next moment, you feel as if your heart is breaking into a million pieces.

But then again.. it sure hurts!

Sometimes, maybe.. just maybe.. you don't mean to hurt, but the words said just might hurt really bad. It might feel like a slap on the face.. or feel like being shoved in dirt and not knowing how to get up again. And after the hurt, you'd be engulfed in this feeling of disbelief, not really trusting your eyes and ears on what has just been thrown on you. Then you feel ashamed.. and maybe even a bit humiliated on the reality of things when all the while you thought everything was ok..

Then you realize, "God! That really cut me deep.. How could this happen?"

You just don't understand anything at all by then. You try to think of everything. What did I do wrong? What had changed? What did I do that made things change so drastically? Am I really THAT low? Why should I feel hurt anyway?

Then, in wanting to pretend you don't care about the words being said to you, you retaliate by thinking of the most hurtful thing you could say and bam! Thats what comes out of you.. However, there is absolutely no sense of satisfaction in THAT and before long, you wish you could just turn back time and not do something as stupid as that. Take back what you just said. Coz its true what they say, you just hurt yourself by hurting someone else..

You wish you could make everything ok. You wish you could find out what went wrong, then turn back time and make sure you didn't do it so that everything would have never gone wrong in the first place. You wish those words had NEVER been exchanged..

But you know that would not happen :(

Whats done is done. And the saddest thing is, you just can't seem to see the end of it :'( You realize, contrary to what people believe, there is absolutely no light at the end of the tunnel.. or at least, you just can't seem to see it yet..

How can you? Humiliation, hurt, anger and sadness are all bad enough when you feel even one of them, but when you feel all of them at once, its just.. I don't know. I guess no words can describe them enough :(

Like I said, the heart is a fragile thing. Its time like this, I wish I didn't have one..

Hahah.. Ayu merepek di pagi hari. Ni gara² tak siap corrections lagi la nih kot hehe.. Chaiyuk², ari ni gak siapkan corrections! :D

Weddings..

It seems like there are practically NO weekends without weddings in these school holidays. Not that I have anything againsts wedding, but in my broke situation now, sedikit malu laaa nak pi kenduri hehe..

I mean, the first week was Mak Cik Hawa's kenduri. Then the next week was Nanie's and Yana's kenduri. not to mention Ikin's kenduri the following week with Seti's. Then yesterday was Ani's and Pitz's kenduri while today is Suhaila's brother's kenduri..

Anyway, yesterday I went to Aniza's wedding. Her house is just near USM but I've always found excuses not to go to ther home, I dunno why coz eversince we were in form 1, I've been wanting to go to her house. Well, her wedding was a great excuse to go now wasn't it.. though I can't really expect to buka puasa at her house anymore, now that she's married hehe..

I went there with Mama and Adi as we had attended Ikram's graduation in the morning. We'd even eaten at Ikram's place but still went hahah.. makan banyak kali la jawabnye..

Ani looked pretty in purple. She looked what we'd say as 'berseri'.. 'glowing' I think! Her husband looked older (he is older la kan) but seemed quite nice. Good for her, dah jumpe jodoh! I went to salam with her and we were talking in front of the dais as if it wasn't her wedding haha.. Then we went to eat the nasik kenduri.

Before going back, I went to see Ani again to congratulate her once more. She laughed and told my mum that I have never changed since school. I was a bit confused at first until she commented on how my tudung was always smudged. Aiyakkk!!! I realized she was right, aiyooo, sangat malu ooo heheh.. I guess As was right when she made the joke of whose tudung was the most 'colourful' during our school days hehe..

The then today I went to Sungai Petani to attend Suhaila's brother's wedding. I saw her as we ascended down the stairs but she must have not recognized me at first. Well, understandable as I've gained a LOT of weight since I last saw her during our convocation. Then as I went to her ONLY did she start shrieking hahah.. Its good to see old friends, and better still when you've got a lot to talk about. Pity she was busy though, or we might've bought the whole hall down :)

She's still the pretty Suhaila. I really hope one day we'd be able to meet up with our other friends and catch up.. Soraya, Jesreen, Ilah, Muazzah, Suri, Nurul and the whole lot. Ramai sangat nak tulis kat sini hehe..

Anyway, I really enjoyed this weekend though I usally ramble on how I'd like to avoid the school holidays a.k.a wedding season. To all my friends who are getting married.. CONGRATULATIONS eh! :)

This is a picture I 'unearthed' in Ayeen's blog.

*Hehe.. sowi Ayeen, kak Yong curik jap! :) Bukak blog Ayeen aritu, nak gelak plak tengok gambo ni*

There's me right there in blue, with my hair all over the place. Initially my hair was in a nice half-ponytail (don't ask me, I dunno what you really call that kinda ponytail!) but hey, I was 5 at that time so I didn't actually have time to check on the state of my hair every half an hour. I wasn't really ready for the camera though, thats why my face is like that (lousy exucse haha..!). I loved that skirt and sweater though, one of my favourites when we were small.

Behind me is Iwan, a year younger than me, also not ready for the camera, I presume! Iwan always played with his clothes like that, as if it was big for him hehe.. In front of Iwan, wearing an identical sweater as he, is Adi who is a year younger than Iwan. They always wore identical clothes and I only got identical clothes with them for unisex clothes. For example this Lady Bird stripped t-shirt and shorts suit where mine was pink, Iwan's was red and Adi's was grey.

Anyway, beside Adi is Izuddin *ye ke Ayeen? Kak Yong dah tak kenal sangat dah..* (same age as Adi, I think!), Uncle Ali Yeon's son who ran away from MCKK when he was in form one just two days after enrolling hehe.. both boys were playing this Thomas the Choo-choo Train (Wait!! That doesn't sound right..) or whatever the name was. Alaaah, it was a kinda famous cartoon when we were smaller.

And last but not least, the ONLY one cute and ready for the camera is Ayeen :D Notice how glossy her hair is compared to my bird's nest hair haha.. Ayeen is the same age as Adi and when we came back to Malaysia, we used to go to the same primary school, until Uncle Rusli took his family to Sungai Petani.. then we didn't get in touch for a long time.

However, around 2 years ago (ye ke, Ayeen?), I got a suprise when Ayeen added me to her Friendster or something like that.. and I'm glad! Through the net, it seems as if nothing has changed, kan Ayeen? Tapi tatau la klau jumpe nanti cemmane ek hehe..

Ayeen graduated from UTM 2 years ago (?) and is now working in Intel. Still hanging on in there la kot ye, Ayeen? I love reading her blog though she doesn't really update that much now eh, Ayeen! Still, she seems like she's still the same girl I knew dulu.. :)

For Ayeen, your Prison Break CDs ade kat umah la.. Season 1 ade sumer, season 2 lum lengkap lagi. Nanti la when I go back to Penang, kite try jumpe.. ni asyik tak jadi je hehe.. either you balik SP or kak Yong yang tak balik Penang.. btw, how's your Neopet? :D

Lagi satu, I've been listening to the song you sent me around 2 weeks ago everyday now.. Sampai my junior Ramlah kate, klau Christina could talk through the MP3 track, mesti dia marah sebab penat nyanyi haha.. tapi serius la, sedih lagu ni kan.. diorg pun mintak lagu ni :D Rugi USM dah restrict a few sites, klau tak leh cari vc ke from You Tube and embed kat sini kan :)

Anyway, here are the lyrics :) Enjoy..!

Christina Aguilera Hurt

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
Ooh, ooh

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there

Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this, oooh

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?

There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back

Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, ohh

If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away
Ooh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Its a small world after all.. the sequel!

I was teaching a form 2 class yesterday and had 3 additions to my students. One of the boys was very fair and quite chubby. Cute, if you ask me!

Then while we were waiting for the other students to finish their excercise I had given, this boy called me.

Boy: Cikgu, saya nak sampaikan pesan seseorang kat cikgu!
Me: Okay.. what is it?
Boy: Ade orang kirim salam kat cikgu..
Me: Huh?
Boy: Dia tanye, ape khabar thesis?
Me: Wha.. whaaaaattt!

I was almost laughing at this stage. WHO was the person?

Boy: Dia kate.. ape ye, kejap saya nak ingat balik..
Me: Ok
Boy: Haaa.. thes..thess..thesis correction dah siap?

Okay, by now, I know, this must be someone from the school but my curiosity got the best of me.

Me: Sape orang tu?
Boy: Name dia Dr Ahmad Farhan.. saya ni anak buah dia!

Tht does it, I was giving out this nervous jumbles of laughter while thinking of my not-touched-yet corrections!

God! How did he know I was teaching tuition anyway!

Guess its true.. I can run, but I can never hide.. especially from my favourite lecturer cum co-supervisor here haha..

Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair..

I had been thinking of shaving my head!

Hahah.. Ayu botak?

Most people would say that cutting your hair isn't a big deal. They're right.. I mean, its just hair! but for me, it IS a big deal. And the people closest to me could vouch for it.

Why do I say this?

Abah loves long hair, so I was prevented from cutting my hair since I was small. Even if I wanted to, I'd have to ask for permission and it'll mean 2-3 months of asking before he'd even agree. And even then, it was strictly to a certain length only. To date, I've only cut my hair an average of once in more than two years, so putting aside the time I was bald until I was 2 years old, that'll bring me to only cutting my hair around 10 times in my entire life.

I had always followed these 'rules', silly as it may sound. Especially after an incident if form 3 where I had cut my hair after asking for permission, but it was shorter than Abah allowed. He came home and called me an Anak Derhaka and didn't talk to me for a month! God, was I afraid. I vowed NEVER to do it again!

For this, I've grown used to having long hair. Even when I cut it, I always hope it'll grow back again quickly as I've grown to be uncomfortable with short hair.

However, a turn of events happened when I found out that Abah had gotten married again in 2002. I was frustrated and mad at him for lying to us. Then one day, I found myself marching right up to the hairdresser and asking for a hair cut, though the whole while, I was feeling guilty, knowing Abah won't like it but I was mad and I wanted to do something. It shocked Yun, my friend who knew the rules haha.. but I was left with this surprisingly satisfied feeling! When Abah saw my short hair, for once, he couldn't say anything as he knew, he was in hot soup anyway!

From then on, I thought of cutting my hair as a stress reliever haha..

For example, the next time I cut my tresses was in 2004. I even remember the date, 31st May 2004. Truth is, the day before, I had went to IM's house. Kak Ana had a kenduri then but I promised my friend Dayah to go to hers in Perlis. Besides, I knew IMs parents would be at kak Ana's and in a way, I wanted to avoid them so I went to Perlis.

However, on the way home, mak cik and pak cik called and insisted I go to their house as they had already come back from kak Ana's house. I wanted to decline until pak cik told me he'd be waiting even if I don't go. Feeling guilty for trying to avoid them when they've been so kind, I just went there while trying to maintain a cheery outlook.

God, it hurt to go back to his house. It hurt to hear his parents try to talk about him, while I tried my best to change the topic. It hurt to meet his grandmother again. It hurt to see his room and to see pictures of him around the house. I found myself staring at them, wondering about him. But mostly it hurt because I was going there without him, this time.

Throughout the journey home, I was glad I had As with me and I told her everything. I wanted to cry, but I just couldn't and that night I tossed and turned with all sorts of questions going through my mind.

Then the next day, while brushing my already long hair (my hair grows quite fast really), I just grabbed my veil and hopped on my bike then went to the nearest hairdresser and cut my hair off. I was asked the usual, "Tak sayang ke?" but I just shook my head.. It'll grow again anyway!

And as before, I was filled with this odd sense of satisfaction when the hairdresser finished my cut. Like something I heard recently on the tv when someone asked this person why she cut her long hair. She said, it felt like she was taking so much 'luggage' and that this was one way to lighten it.. I guess, that was what I felt!

Then, as I've been rambling, I've been quite 'disturbed' these past few weeks with a mixture of issues in my head. I've hated myself, I've cried buckets, I've loathed everything and all especially in these past few days.

However, yesterday morning, as if having this deja vu, as I brushed my hair, I thought, "What the heck, better chop it all off!" Seriously, I was thinknig of shaving it all off!

However, rationality came over me but I still wanted to chop these which I hope represented the 'luggage' I was carrying and off I went to cut it. Now I'm sporting a bob just above my shoulders and the cut off hair which I asked for is still in my car, waiting to be buried somewhere. Yeah, most of my friends are surprised, not to mention the girl who cut my hair who kept asking if I was sure I wanted to cut it off.. but I kind'a like it! Makes me look like I'm sixteen though..

However, I'm still waiting for the sense of satisfaction I felt the past two times.. :(

Movies.. again!

These past few days have exhausting for me. There are some things on my mind thats been bothering me so much from a few weeks back that I'm glad whenever there's a distraction.. at least I think of other things then.

Yesterday, I woke up early to go and have a game of tennis ala AyuNDgon. One thing about playing, I laugh a lot and it helps me forget whatevers been keeping me awake at night. However, as I went home, I was overcome with this feeling of tiredness that I just wanted to take a nap.

I had set my alarm at 10, hoping to just jump into the shower for a quick bath then get ready but at 9.30am, kak Maria called and I couldn't sleep a wink after that. Suddenly, one of the things thats been bothering me came up into my mind and I found myself sending an sms to a certain someone regarding it.. somehow, I had hoped it'd clear a few cloudy issues, but I was wrong!

So while sending the sms back and forth, I made a decision to not go to school and go to Megamall to catch a movie or two. It was Wednesday to the tickets were down to RM5. I had wanted to watch Cinta (c'mon, don't tell me I'm the only one who thinks the promo is great!) and had thought of watching Happy Feet too as I hadn't got the chance to watch it yet. Heck! Even if the movies weren't that good, at least I've got a dark and quiet place as a good place for me to cry out the tears thats been threatening me eversince that morning.

So off I was to Megamall while trying my best to stop myself from crying, a hobby I've picked up since a few weeks ago whenever I'm alone. when I arrived, I headed straight to the Cineplex and was thanking my lucky stars that I was able to watch both movies and still could get back in time for my tuition at 5.00pm.

The first movie I watched was Cinta. I went in 3 minutes late but the story had yet to start as they were just showing a narration or something first so I just sat down at my seat and waited for movie to really start.

Lets just say, I must've had a too high expectation of the movie as it wasn't really up to what I thought it was. Still, its the greatest malay movie I've ever seen (and thats to say something about my expectation of the movie, huh? Heheh..)

I loved it! Really loved it.. Fortunately, I went alone, so in the teary bits, I had the luxury of crying without the fear of being laughed at haha.. There were 5 part where nearly all characters were connected to each other as colleagues or college pals or clients and others. Two of the stories were quite normal:

Sh. Amani+Pierre = Simply put by Dgon when I told her about it, it was KL Menjerit all over again (didn't quite watch it but even Ramlah says the same thing) where the girl comes to city to find boyfriend who made her pregnant, then falls in love with stranger who helps her.

Eizlan+Fasha = Rich boy mets 'normal' girl and fall in love. Then they fight, then he finds her and proposes in an LRT or train, I dunno, and they live happily ever after.

Hahah, yeah! I know, its just like the soap operas on tv.. but the other 3 stories were good! I especially loved the old couples (with the famous tagline of, "Isteri bukanlah hakmilik, tapi anugerah!" one where it wasn't only a story of old couples, but also about the love of a grandson towards his grandad. How much the grandson loves his grandad eventhough his grandad always calls him by his fathers name and how heavy his heart was to send his grandad to the old folks home. Then having mak cik Rubiah as someone who appreciates love as she herself had lost it when her husband left her for another woman. I loved it when she told Amir, "Satu hari dengan orang yang kita sayang, lebih baik dari seumoq hidup dengan orang yang kita tak sayang!"

The second best story (to me la at least) was Nanu and whatever-was-the-guys-name tu. They were a pair of misunderstood siblings who really loved each other but kept on each other nerves, fighting and all that. They had fought at mak cik Rubiah's shop and she told the sister, "Kadang² orang yang paaaaaaling kita sayang la orang yang paling susah nak disayangi!" I was touched to see the brother still keeping a piece of paper his sister had given them when they were smaller during a storm, when they hid under the bed as he was afraid. The sister had wrote down something like, she promises to take care of her borther so her brother shouldn't worry about anything. When he shove that paper to his sister in a moment of anger, I noticed to whole cinema get all quiet and all.. or was it just me ah? Heheh.. Even after they fought, the sister would quietly watch her brother on the streets.. made me wonder, am I as good a sister as that? Anyway, the end was quite surprising as I had thought another person was the one who's gonna die. Who you may ask? Pi tengok sendiri laaaaa hehe.. This was the only story with the truly sad ending among the 5.

The last one which is also very good with an estranged husband and wife and their daughter. The wife had found someone else while her husband was busy working and it revolves around how the husband tried to come to terms with the fact and how it affects the daughter. Its one of the stories without a happy moment in it except in the end where Rashidi met Vaneeda (hahah..) with his daughter but I liked the end of his relationship with his wife where he gave her a boxful of letters that ended in a note that said".. because a young girl (his daughter) taught me that love means letting go!"

"Cinta" finished around 1.20pm so I went to pray since Happy Feet starte at 1.45pm. When my mind wasn't on the movie, once again I felt like crying again and even considered on just going back home but I told my mind, even if the story wasn't good, at least I could cry shamelessly in the dark cinema.

However, I didn't get to cry much hahah.. Even when I started thinking, there was suddenly a small humorous moment in the story that before long, I was engrossed in it. I had expected it to bit a bit boring as we could only expect penguins.. even if I had read great reviews about it. Really, it was worth watching it.. even made me search on info about penguins hahah..

There were lots of songs that all generations could relate to, from oldies to funky newbies. you find yourself rooting for Mumble throughout the way. You love the mother, Norma Jean (which by the way is Marilyn Monroes real name), who always believed in Mumble though he was different, and Nemphis, the father who tried to pretend he wasn't proud of his son.

You'd love the way it showed that a small person could certainly change things, given the oppurtunity and I was laughing at the right spot and sad at the sad ones. Hehe, I wouldn't mind watching both movies again.. so that says a lot about the movies!

Anyway, you guys should check these movies out. It'll be worth your ringgit.. really, trust me!

Single Woman's Prayer haha..

Single Woman's Prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray for a man who's not a creep.

One who's handsome, smart and strong,

Who's not afraid to admit when he is wrong.

One who thinks before he speaks.

When he promises to call, he doesn't wait six weeks.

I pray that he is gainfully employed,

Won't lose his cool when he's annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door,

Massages my back and begs to do more.

Oh send me a man who will make love to my mind.

Know what to say when I ask "How fat is my behind?"

One who'll make love till my body's a' itchin'

He brings ME a sandwich too, when he goes to the kitchen.

I pray that this man will love me to no end,

And never compare me to my best friend.

Thank you in advance and now I'll just wait,

For I know you will send him before it's too late.
Amen

- Author Unknown