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Monday, December 18, 2006

Hurt?


From a random blog I visited a few days ago:
"Why is it that we always hurt the people we love the most?

From an annoying popup (but with something that caught my eye on it)
"Its the people we love most who are capable to hurt us the most"

From Adi's blog:
""there's a beast in everyone's heart... and it hurts even the ones we love without us knowing it (without our permission)"
"


For the past few days, these are the words that have been hovering in my mind. You might ask, am I the one who's hurting someone, or am I the one being hurt? Or, is it both? Hahah.. that is for me to know and for you to guess :p

Well, back on the subject..

The heart is such a fragile thing that God gave to us. It could be a blessing or it could be a curse depending on what your heart is feeling at that certain time. Its funny how one moment, you're extremely happy then the next moment, you feel as if your heart is breaking into a million pieces.

But then again.. it sure hurts!

Sometimes, maybe.. just maybe.. you don't mean to hurt, but the words said just might hurt really bad. It might feel like a slap on the face.. or feel like being shoved in dirt and not knowing how to get up again. And after the hurt, you'd be engulfed in this feeling of disbelief, not really trusting your eyes and ears on what has just been thrown on you. Then you feel ashamed.. and maybe even a bit humiliated on the reality of things when all the while you thought everything was ok..

Then you realize, "God! That really cut me deep.. How could this happen?"

You just don't understand anything at all by then. You try to think of everything. What did I do wrong? What had changed? What did I do that made things change so drastically? Am I really THAT low? Why should I feel hurt anyway?

Then, in wanting to pretend you don't care about the words being said to you, you retaliate by thinking of the most hurtful thing you could say and bam! Thats what comes out of you.. However, there is absolutely no sense of satisfaction in THAT and before long, you wish you could just turn back time and not do something as stupid as that. Take back what you just said. Coz its true what they say, you just hurt yourself by hurting someone else..

You wish you could make everything ok. You wish you could find out what went wrong, then turn back time and make sure you didn't do it so that everything would have never gone wrong in the first place. You wish those words had NEVER been exchanged..

But you know that would not happen :(

Whats done is done. And the saddest thing is, you just can't seem to see the end of it :'( You realize, contrary to what people believe, there is absolutely no light at the end of the tunnel.. or at least, you just can't seem to see it yet..

How can you? Humiliation, hurt, anger and sadness are all bad enough when you feel even one of them, but when you feel all of them at once, its just.. I don't know. I guess no words can describe them enough :(

Like I said, the heart is a fragile thing. Its time like this, I wish I didn't have one..

Hahah.. Ayu merepek di pagi hari. Ni gara² tak siap corrections lagi la nih kot hehe.. Chaiyuk², ari ni gak siapkan corrections! :D

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