..still wondering what happened!

Yesterday was an 'ok' day for me. True, there were times I wanted to just let everything out and yes, there were times when I wanted to cry so much that I just wanted to find a safe hole to hide in so I can just let the tears flow. But still, I didn't want to spoil everything for everyone else (I mean, we've been planning this for sooo long now!) so I just tried my best to put on a brave face and pretend nothing was happening. Eventually, I DID feel better (except when I met kak Shima and started to remember everything once again), especially when it was already night time. In fact, I was happy!

However, today is a different story. I didn't feel like getting outta bed and if it wasn't because of the fact that I haven't finished helping Choong (I was supposed to do this on Friday.. BEFORE I got the news, that is!) and since I still had to solve the 'Mystery of The Missing Technical Notes' (Hahah, Erwan nyer technical notes pun ilang.. ni tak de lain, Hasrul sabotage kitorang ni..:-p), I forced myself outta bed and got ready. Then, I heard this song on the way to the school today.. kak Ana was right, I shouldn't be listening to radio AT ALL anyway!

"Behind These Hazel Eyes"

Seems like just yesterday

You were a part of me

I used to stand so tall

I used to be so strong

Your arms around me tight

Everything, it felt so right

Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong

Now I can't breathe

No, I can't sleep

I'm barely hanging on

Here I am, once again

I'm torn into pieces

Can't deny it, can't pretend

Just thought you were the one

Broken up, deep inside

But you won't get to see the tears I cry

Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything

Opened up and let you in

You made me feel alright

For once in my life

Now all that's left of me

Is what I pretend to be

So together, but so broken up inside

'Cause I can't breathe

No, I can't sleep

I'm barely hangin' on

Here I am, once again

I'm torn into pieces

Can't deny it, can't pretend

Just thought you were the one

Broken up, deep inside

But you won't get to see the tears I cry

Behind these hazel eyes

Swallow me then spit me out

For hating you, I blame myself

Seeing you it kills me now

No, I don't cry on the outside

Anymore...

Here I am, once again

I'm torn into pieces

Can't deny it, can't pretend

Just thought you were the one

Broken up, deep inside

But you won't get to see the tears I cry

Behind these hazel eyes

I thought I'd never cry on the outside anymore, but I was waaaayyyyy wrong. Even now, there's this lump in my throat that threatens everything inside me to come out. I wish I had someone I could talk to right now..