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Monday, May 29, 2006

..still wondering what happened!

Yesterday was an 'ok' day for me. True, there were times I wanted to just let everything out and yes, there were times when I wanted to cry so much that I just wanted to find a safe hole to hide in so I can just let the tears flow. But still, I didn't want to spoil everything for everyone else (I mean, we've been planning this for sooo long now!) so I just tried my best to put on a brave face and pretend nothing was happening. Eventually, I DID feel better (except when I met kak Shima and started to remember everything once again), especially when it was already night time. In fact, I was happy!

However, today is a different story. I didn't feel like getting outta bed and if it wasn't because of the fact that I haven't finished helping Choong (I was supposed to do this on Friday.. BEFORE I got the news, that is!) and since I still had to solve the 'Mystery of The Missing Technical Notes' (Hahah, Erwan nyer technical notes pun ilang.. ni tak de lain, Hasrul sabotage kitorang ni..:-p), I forced myself outta bed and got ready. Then, I heard this song on the way to the school today.. kak Ana was right, I shouldn't be listening to radio AT ALL anyway!

"Behind These Hazel Eyes"

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

I thought I'd never cry on the outside anymore, but I was waaaayyyyy wrong. Even now, there's this lump in my throat that threatens everything inside me to come out. I wish I had someone I could talk to right now..

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