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Sunday, May 21, 2006

Bad sister..

I'm tired..

I feel so exhausted..

..and frustrated with myself!

Ikram called me yesterday. He needed some money and some things so I promised to go out and buy them for him before I went to see him. Right after my tuition yesterday, I went straight to the bank to get the money and went to Billion to buy the things my dear brother wanted. I was afraid I won't have time today, or that I'll forget everything. Besides, there were some issues in my head I had to deal with that might effect my memory..

..sempat ke nak amik colloquium souveniers ari Isnin ni? Nak balut lagi.. nak tampal stickers lagi?

..presentation tak siap lagi? Nak cakap ape la nanti ni..

.. and don't forget the fact that you have public-speaking phobia!

..sempat ke anta thesis BEFORE I have to pay for the next semester punye fees? Takde duit dah ni..

..cukup ke whatever there is in my thesis ni? Ke its just like a final year student's project?

..apa lagi la yang salah dalam thesis tu agaknye eh.. Dr Wan tak bagi balik pun lagi nih.. risau plak!

..duit nak bayo yuran thesis dah ade.. tapi nak buat 10 copies nanti cukup ke tak ntah..!

..lagi sebulan lebih je nak nyakat Izati before dia jadi 'budak beso'.. :'( Why must I feel as if she's still 5?

..then the never ending questions regarding IM.. hahah, I can almost hear Sentot shouting,"Get a LIFE!"

Well, enough with those questions!

I was happy with myself when I had managed to buy everything on the list (was quite a long list too, that rascal of a brother yang suke bully kakak dia) and instantly text him telling him I'd already bought all his favourite snacks.

I was thinking of sending his things this morning, until he asked another favour: his favourite nasik goreng ayam! So since I assumed he wanted it for lunch, besides mane ade orang jual pagi² pun, I postponed my trip to him and decided to go at noon. So for lunch, I dragged Yun and Husnul to Ikram's favourite gerai before taking them to kedai sarang burung for our own lunch. I was glad I was able to buy EVERY kind of food he requested.. growing up melampau la budak tu, makan tak ingat dunia haha..

I arrived at his training centre a little after 2pm. As he walked to my car, I noticed earphones dangling form his neck and,"SHOOT!!", I forgot his earphones. He laughed when I apologized for forgetting but I just can't help scolding myself for failing to remember such a simple thing.

We talked for a while, as usual, and as I was ready to go back home, I handed him his money and things. However, I noticed something amiss.. and to my embarrassment, I realized that more than half of the things I had bought for him was missing. To think that I had almost bragged on not forgetting anything on his list..

But bless my brother, he just laughed and wasn't the least mad, I think la.. I quickly jumped into the car promising to go find the missing items I'd lost and all the while cursing myself for doing this. I can't even remember where I put them as I recall, I left them in the car. We searched in my car with no avail. Then I went back to school, just in case I had absentmindedly kept it in my cube but it wasn't there. I went back home, still with nothing and finally proceeded to Billion as my last resort.

At Billion, I was frustrated once again when I realized they hadn't seen any misplaced groceries and I wanted to cry when I realized I didn't bring any extra money to replace the missing items. I felt so dejected as I walked back to my car, feeling so stupid and sad that I had let Ikram down. He trusted that I'd do those simple things for him, AND I had promised him I'd look after him if he agreed to further his studies here.. but just look at me!

I'm just a bad sister..

And I know, someone out there agrees with me, its something he's always told me.. Maybe, he is right, huh! :'(

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