..still in shambles!

Yesterday was quite ok!

QUITE ok!

Had Toroque calling me with the 'laughter through my tears' episode, then had Sid doing the same thing, only there wasn't any laughter involved.. but still, I felt another wave of relief. Thanx Sid! Well, Sid was the one who made me realized one mistake I did in this, and she knew a LOT about it, though I didn't expect she would.. but still, I'm grateful!

After sitting in front of the computer, while once again going through the mails, I made up my mind to go around the room to go find some laughs. I'm starting to (again!) hate being alone and I was glad that I could still find laughter in this room.

The in the afternoon, when going out with kak Chah (I can hear Pojie laughing! Ye la.. ye la.. ngaku laaa), I heard numerous songs on the radio that just made me wanna shut the radio off.. but if I do, it'll be too quiet, and I KNOW that that could be worse..

Hehe, btw, while going to tuition, I heard this song by Neo on the radio. Owwww, c'mon, I'm not asking anyone to hear it, just read the lyrics here. It got me smiling for a while. Especially the chorus hahaha..

So sick

Mmmm mmm yeah

Do do do do do do do-doOhh

Yeah
Gotta change my answering machine

Now that I'm alone

Cuz right now it says that we

Can't come to the phone

And I know it makes no sense

Cuz you walked out the door

But it's the only way I hear your voice anymore

(it's ridiculous)

It's been months

And for some reason I just

(can't get over us)

And I'm stronger then this

(enough is enough)

No more walkin round

With my head down

I'm so over being blue

Cryin over you

And I'm so sick of love songs

So tired of tears

So done with wishing

you were still here

Said I'm so sick of love songs

so sad and slow

So why can't I turn off the radio?

Gotta fix that calender I have

That's marked July 15th

Because since there's no more you

There's no more anniversary

I'm so fed up with my thoughts of you

And your memory

And how every song reminds me

Of what used to be

That's the reason I'm so sick of love songs

So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here

Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow

So why can't I turn off the radio?

(Leave me alone)

Leave me alone

(Stupid love songs)

Dont make me think about his her smile

Or having my first child

I'm letting go

Turning off the radio
Cuz I'm so sick of love songs

So tired of tears

So done with wishing she was still here

Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow

So why can't I turn off the radio?

(why can't I turn off the radio?)

Haha.. talk about reality! Well, last night, Yokies called but it was cut off by my ancient phone's antique battery so we had an sms session instead.

Sorry, phone tak dak battery la.. Heheh, tau la kan phone saya ni cammana..

Tukaq la phone tu.. Tak pa, aku cuma nak tau, hang ok ka?

Ntah..

Aku boleh gak la nak paham apa hang rasa.. hang ingat kan aku dulu macammana, masa aku putus cinta dulu? <--mana tak ingat!

Ingat..

Agak², antara aku ngan hang, aku yang teruk ka, hang yang teruk?

Ntah..

Yeah, I know, Yun would tell me that I'm wasting my 5 cent worth of sms if I only answer in ONE monosyllabus word, but I didn't really know what to say. I wanted to talk to him about it but then, maybe I don't feel as if I can talk to him about this yet.. sorry ye, Yokies!

Went back home feeling a bit not-quite-back-to-earth but if the last few nights, I've slept like a baby (almost), last night, I kept thinking. I thought I was exhausted enough to go straight to slumberland, but I couldn't. Then I got up, (nyeeehh, not to get my Pandora's Box.. but close la) and took my graduation album.. just looking and wondering. But my mind saved me again when it made me think of what would happen if those tears could really seep through the plastic protecting those pictures, and ruin them hahaha.. score one for my over-thinking mind!

Got outta bed this morning, without the feeling of having to drag myself outta it. In fact, I was glad it was rise and shine time. So here I am, in front of this pc, trying to repeat a mantra to myself that I'm better now..

I'm better..

I'm better now..

I'm really better..

Gosh! Who am I kidding?