Year-End Project Pt 2

..and as expected, excited tu kejap je. And I haven't done anything else and I'm running outta time if I still want it to be a YEAR END project, instead of a NEW YEAR one.

So this is to boost my excitement in finishing it.. presenting, the 2nd part of the project =D

..as for now, ku seru kerajinaaannn.. fuh fuuuuhhh~~

Year-End Project

I'm kinda excited these past few days. Planning a project has always been fun.. and what will be more fun is if I manage to execute it!

Hmm.. We'll see..

To Cut Or Not To Cut..

Its that time again where I am faced with a timeworn dilemma..

Well of course its not that long, but still.

I washed my hair at noon today. It was a hot day and my head felt a bit too sweaty so I grabbed my towel and took a refreshing wash-hair-included shower. Just what this scorching day needed. That was more than 6 hours ago but right up till now, my hair hasn't dried up properly.. dang!

This is a cycle I keep going through. I've always had thick tresses and I'm lucky enough to have hair that grows a bit more quickly than others (tidak lah sy tak bersyukur =) ). The problem is, I'm a bit of a lazy bum when it comes to cutting my hair..

..which leads to my current problem of cursing myself everytime I wash my hair as I have to wait for hours for it to dry before I could tie it up or something. Hair dryer?! Ohhh, no noooo.. I hate those even more!

It shouldn't really be a problem since now I have my own freedom in cutting my hair. When I was smaller, my father never let me cut my hair. Once when I was in standard 3, the hair dresser had cut my hair a bit more shorter than I had told her too.. not that I minded as it wasn't really THAT short. About half an inch above my shoulders I think (I had asked her to cut it around an inch BELOW my shoulders). Back home, my neigbours were praising my new hair and I was smiling until my father came home. He took one look at me and told me that this was what an anak derhaka would do and proceeded not to speak to me for 2 days.

Of couse it hurt. I was just 9 years old then and the fear of God was still firmly engraved in my heart (sbb time tu tak banyak dosa lagi kan hehe..) so after that, I realized if I ever wanted to cut my hair, I'd have to ask. Not that it was made easy for me, it usually took 2-3 months before permission was granted. This was the reason why I seldom cut my hair then, only once in 2-3 years.

However, now I don't ask for it anymore so I don't really have any excuse NOT to go cut my hair. But I guess outta habit perhaps, I never cut my hair until its up to my waist..

..as the current length.

The last time I cut it was around 2 and a half years ago, I think. That was the shortest I had ever cut it that my family commented on it (sbb tak penah tengok sy rambut pendek kot hehe..). I couldn't even tie my hair up and I suffered agonizing months of waiting for it to get past my shoulders to finally be comfortable enough to tie up haha.. serves me right! I always knew I hated short hair so why laaa did I take the risk?!

So now, as it has not yet dried, I am thinking of the possibility to try this new saloon in Pekaka (they actually have a curtain for Muslims.. something hard to find here) But I guess we'll have to wait and see as my usual behaviour during the time I'm waiting for my hair to dry and when it has actually dried is VERY different. Kemalasannya memuncak!

As for now, lemme sit under the fan while hoping it dries faster, eh

Something To Aspire To In 2014

*These are NOT my own words, I copied them from my 'Just-Arrived' 2014 Wall Calender*

If you can look at the sunset and smile, then you still have hope

If you can find beauty in the colours of a small flower, then you still have hope

If you can find pleasue in the movement of a butterfly, then you still have hope

If the smile of a child can still warm your heart, then you still have hope

If you can see the good in other people, then you still have hope

If the rain beeaking on a rooftop can still lull you to sleep, then you still have hope

If the sight of a rainbow still makes you stop and stare in wonder, then you still have hope

If the soft fur of a favored pet still feels pleasant under your fingertips, then you still have hope

If you meet new people with a trace of excitement and optimism, then you sill have hope

If you give people the benefit of a doubt, then you still have hope

If you still offer your hand in friendship to others that have touched your life, then you still have hope

If receiving an unexpected card or letter still brings a pleasant surprise, then you still have hope

If the suffering of others still fills you with pain and frustration, then you still have hope

If you refuse to let a friendship die, or accept that it must end, then you still have hope

If you look forward to a time or place of quiet and reflection, then you still have hope

If you still buy the ornaments, put up the Christmas tree or turkey, then you still have hope

If you still watch love stories or want the endings to be happy, then you still have hope

If you can look to the past and smile, then you still have hope

If, when faced with the bad, when told everything is futile, you can still look up and end the conversation with the phrase..

"..yeah, BUT.."

Then you still have hope

Setelah Sekian Lama..

My friends know I love costume jewelry, particularly bracelets..

..well, there's an explanation to that.

Rings: I'd rather wait for the ring FROM someone haha.. (sbnrnye mmg tak bese pun pakai cincin)

Necklace: I'm ticklish.. and I mean VERY ticklish, especially in the neck department. Hmm, sensitive too since I can't watch TV scenes where people are slashed in the neck too. There'd be this feeling that 'something' is going on my neck too. In fact, I used to keep my hand under my hijab coz it felt like something was happening to my tudung-encased neck. I took MONTHS to get used to the necklace my parents gave me on my 21st birthday. I couldn't not wear it since it was a gift from them, but I always took it off before sleeping in the first few months wearing it.

Earring: Simple explanation, I don't have them pierced.. ever! =D

I used to collect these bracelets anytime anywhere. Even friends would give them to me as gifts as the knew I'd certainly wear them. I even bought some over EBay, back when it was still accessible.

Friends and students would always know I'd wear the bracelet suited for the outfit I was wearing. It was my only outlet to some-sort of fashion that I allowed myself to indulge in (since I'm not really a cloths-buying kinda girl.. I'd rather spend money on books hehe..)

However, the past two years have seen me slowing down on purchases. Not much because I couldn't afford them on my measly pay (costume jewelry kot.. murah je kaaannn!) But mostly because I already had a bit too much with all the colours I'd ever wear (and frankly, I got takde-hati about this thing for a long while then..).

Still, the last year was the worst. I ONLY wore these RM5 white-only beads I bought from Sinma. The pressure of what was happening got to me, though not in a small way, but it effected this one passion of mine. I didn't feel like choosing any of the colorful bracelets I had, more less buying new ones. This little joy and self-satisfaction I had had eluded me as I tried to sort out 'things'..

It wasn't until a few weeks ago, when my student (one I taught when she was in form 1 and 2.. now she's form 5!) remarked on the bracelet I was wearing. It was the one given to me by Izati n Iskandar on my birthday. White (too) but with sweet roses in between the beads. This one..

I hadn't given much thought when I had put it on earlier, but when she commented on missing seeing my different bracelets, I realized, hey, I guees I miss that too! =)

So yeah, after that, I started taking my time choosing which ones I wanted to wear, just like before. No one really notices it, duh, its just bracelets.. but I loved this 'little secret' I had.

I was a bit frustrated seeing some bracelets had dulled (since I ignored them, I didn't really take care of them like I used to.. and they're just costume jewelry je pun so of course la kene jaga jugak kann) but most of them were still wearable.

Then a fews days ago while going to UIA's convocation expo, I came across a few bracelets.. and I actually bought a new one! After years of not buying eh hehe.. and am loving it though blum pakai lagi la kan sbb sayang (memandangkan bracelets yg lain dah buruk hahah..)

Tadaa..

Chumel kaannn =) =) =)

Ade yang start beli balik jugak kang lepas ni hehe.. ♥

Kitchen Experience.. After A Long Hiatus =D

A few days ago I put this on my FB timeline..

..because I gotta admit, I haven't been cooking for a long, long time.

I bought those onions a few months ago, and they were supposed to last for long (the reason I always buy this kind). So imagine the time that has passed since the last time I cooked. Most of my friends asked me to just plant those onion bulbs to make way for 'newer' onions hehe..

The normal lousy excuse I'd give is I'm busy with my classes.. pffttt~~ Of course I have time, but I somehow preferred just making sandwiches and all those other easy stuff for my meals.

But today, I was feeling a bit 'rajin', thus, I finally entered the kitchen (thought not my kitchen, but my mum's since I'm here in Penang currently).. yeay!

Didn't really cook something from scratch but I cooked nonetheless =D Mee rebus Jawa, and I must admit, its the ready-made paste one (for the kuah laa.. the other things to harus la ku buat sendiri jugak). Though I still had to add some ubi keledek to it coz the ready made paste results in such a watery gravy and I like a more thick one.. (my claim to fame yg ade jugak la skit effort kaaannn :p)

No! I'm not gonna upload the photo here.. Just wanted to prove to myself, I have finally COOKED AGAIN! 

Aci?!? :p

30-Day Book Challenge

Found this while blog walking a few day ago..

..hmm, nak buat ke tanak? Nak buat ke tanak? Nak buat ke tanak?

Tempat Jatuh Lagi Dikenang, Inikan Pula Tempat Tak Jadi Blajo..

My sister Izati is gonna officially graduate from UIA this Monday, and I can't wait! Why?

1. My sister is graduating.. duhhhh!

2. I can't help but think, I was supposed to be the first one in our family to graduate there.. L

Actually, I’ve been very excited and looking forward to it for months now. I’ve even bought a bit too much of convo presents for my sister as, I think, I’m just as excited as she is. I told her I’m not gonna buy any flowers for her though since she’d be wearing two things I bought especially for her convo, and she’s already given out my other present for her friends, custom made badges J

However, as I was in the shower just now (its true they say, you do your most ‘profound’ thinking in the shower haha..), a feeling I had long forgotten suddenly came to surface and I found myself in tears at the sheer pain of the memory of it.

I was 17. Just finished my SPM and was filling up the UPU forms. Though I always had a hazy sight of my future and what I wanted to be (I wanted to be a teacher during primary school but as I grew older, so many more ambitions popped up that I just didn’t know what to choose.. though my friends can tell you, I wrote ‘Photographer’ in our assessment cards during Form 4 hehe..) but I always knew I wanted to go to university.

There were so many choices and my friends and I pored over all of our options, even though deep in my heart, I always knew I wanted to go to UIA. I dunno why, maybe because most of my seniors went there and sang praises of the place (bese laa, budak skola agama sume pakat mintak UIA pun) or maybe because it was far away from home so I could learn to be independent. Or maybe its because I personally think it’s one of the most beautiful (architectural-wise) universities in Malaysia.

I was so lucky when my best friend, Ami, also wanted to go there and since we both loved physics (Ami, coz her brother took engineering and me, for the pure love of the subject) we decided to apply for the engineering program there. I remember before submitting my form, I showed them to Abah for his approval, a bit afraid he’d be mad that I didn’t apply for USM but he gave me the green light.

After we got our results, I was already very sure I’d get a place in the program. We were asked to change our choices (if we wanted to) within 2 weeks of the results. I didn’t change my first choice of UIA Engineering though, but I changed the last two choices to TESL in I-can’t-remember-which-universities and again I asked for Abah’s approval before submitting.. and again he gave me the green light.

I was so excited. It was the only thing me and Ami could talk about. We talked about being able to still be buddies even in university and we planned to be roommates (oblivious to the fact that roommates were predetermined) and how we were gonna learn to be independent together. I kept calling the UPU Hotline to check the application eventhough they hadn’t announced the results yet.. yes, I was THAT excited.

When the results were finally out, I was suddenly overcome with doubt, would there be a place in UIA for me? My confidence after getting the results was lost and I dreaded calling the UPU Hotline. But I jumped with joy all around the house after I got through. It was confirmed, I was going to UIA!!

I immediately called Ami who screamed just as loud as I did. We were so happy and started planning on getting together right on registration day. We giggled thinking how happy and excited we were to be going there together and I couldn’t wait till the day we’d be ‘university students’.

I was smiling non-stop all day.. and I forgot what they say: Don’t be too happy in the day, or you’ll be very sad come night.

I was busy up in the clouds, making lists of what I wanted to bring, what I might need so I did not see it coming.

I remember an expression Mrs Phun had once used during English in school. That night, I truly knew how it felt like to ‘have your wings clipped’.

At first I thought my father was joking. I mean, I had asked his approval TWiCE! Knowing him, I’d made sure that I asked him first before submitting the forms but he still did this to me..

..reminded me of the other times similar things have happened. But those were trivial things, this was what I wanted to do as an adult, and it hurt even more than ever.

I begged him to reconsider. I even ‘sujud’ at his feet, pleading with all my heart that he didn’t force me to do it but he said the usual thing he always says to make me obey and in the end, I complied.

I called Ami right after that. She thought I was still high on the news but she cried with me too when I told her what just happened.

I delayed writing the appeal letter to change my choice to USM until the last hour. Even then, my heart wasn’t in it at all. I cried every night, afraid of showing my emotions openly, knowing I’d only be ridiculed as usual and I kept praying to Allah that there’d be a change of heart. But right until I got my offer letter from USM, nothing happened.

On the registration day, my heart was heavier that it has ever been before. I dreaded going to KMK (one of the matriculation centres for USM) and I felt a sharp pain in my heart when we arrived there.

The first few weeks were hard for me as whenever I turned, I kept seeing students from better schools than me. It didn't matter that my results were just as good as theirs. I’d always been someone with low confidence, but in addition to the heartache I was feeling, this was a new low for me. I cried again every night, not because I was home sick, but because I hated being there.

It didn’t help that they had misplaced me in the biology-chemistry classes, instead of physics-chemistry as in the offer letter. I hated biology.. but I hated being there even more that I didn’t even bother going to the administration and ask them to change my classes.

It  was worse that UIA at that time had a way different semester scheme than other universities. It meant that during my break, they’d still be in their semester and just as I started my new semester only did they start with their break. At least, I still got letters from my friends even though I knew they didn’t like writing as much as I did.

I spent the whole year tying to be invisible (a teeny weeny bit unsuccessful since Miss Marzita kept picking me for all the English activities: UNGA, Battle of The Word Lords and such.. but most of the time, I managed to be invisible)

I won’t lie, in the end, I DID enjoy my time there. My confidence soared (a bit of exaggerating but for someone who had no confidence whatsoever, I think I got better by the end of our 1-year program there) and I gained so many friends who are still in contact with me till now. I was lucky to get a cool homeroom teacher who, though understood my need to ‘hide’, still managed to coax me out from my hiding space every now and then.. (I wonder where he is right now?)

A few years later, we were sending my brother to BMI which is right behind UIA. I was happily doing Civil Engineering in USM by then but it still struck a chord in me when we passed in front of UIA and it was joked as ‘tempat kak Yong nak sangat pergi dulu’.. cruel! I thought I’d gotten over it but the pain of having my wing clipped just as I got them was still as painful as the first day..

..and even though it has been clipped a few more times after that, the first cut was the deepest.

Even when a few years later after it was revealed that my sister was allowed to go to UIA, there was this little girl in me who wanted to scream and shout (and probably throw a tantrum haha..) at the injustice of it. I was shocked, and hurt.. but I kept it inside me coz this is my sister, my own flesh and blood and I wanted to be happy for her. Sending her was a bitter sweet experience as there was a little voice inside my heart that kept reminding me that it could have been me.

I know, it was all Allah’s will. He knew that what I wanted wasn’t the best for me so He sent me someplace else. It’s not the ‘what’ that left a scar in me, it was the ‘how’. The thought that I was given hope before it was snatched away from me. I guess it would've been easier had I known early on that what I wanted didn't matter at all..

I guess, the reason I cried just now (and somehow am starting to again..) was because I miss that trusting girl who thought if she did what she was told, she’d be allowed to do what she wanted in the end. The naive girl who kept consoling herself, that her dreams were not as important as the important people in her life. But it was one thing after another and after more than enough ‘You don’t know what’s good for you or what you really want (READ: You don't know anything!)’,  I lost the want to have my own dreams anymore. What’s the use?

AND I see that I’ve been rambling quite a lot here..

I’m gonna enjoy my sister’s convocation this Monday.. and not only because my sister’s graduating. I’ve already planned to go take pictures at the Kulliyyah of Engineering, IF I can find it haha.. wish me luck! J

 

Huh?

L

♡

v

E

s

i

C

K

!

10th Challenge ~ A Song That Makes You Fall Asleep

In an attempt to make me write more, I decided to revisit the song challenge. I’d actually had the songs lined up already but laziness prevents me from publishing them all at once haha.. I really DID think that I’d finish this challenge within a month (it was during Ramadhan 2 years ago that I started this.. gile lama, tu pun tak abis²) I’m actually more excited on the 11^th song but to get to that, I have to do this first la kan J

So the 10^th challenge is a song that makes me fall asleep. Was kinda hard to choose coz songs that make me sleep are, of course, songs I don’t listen to. Then one day (yes, during that Ramadhan two years ago.. like I said, I’d already listed out the songs I wanted to use in this challenge.. lazybones ah you, Ayu!) I was switching on the Mix FM and his song was on.. voila! I got the song I wanted hehe..

This song is not the kinda song that's boring enough to make me wanna go to sleep laaa.. More like, its a song I think I’d like to fall asleep to.. smiling! ßOk, gatal! Hahah..

Day 10 ~ A song that makes you fall asleep

I Could Fall In Love ~ Selena

I could lose my heart tonight
If you don't turn and walk away
'Cause the way I feel I might
Lose control and let you stay
'Cause I could take you in my arms
And never let go

[CHORUS:]
I could fall in love with you, (baby)
I could fall in love with you, (baby)

I can only wonder how...
Touching you would make me feel
But if I take that chance right now
Tomorrow will you want me still
So I should keep this to myself
And never let you know

I could fall in love with you, (baby)
I could fall in love with you, (baby)

And I know it's not right
And I guess I should try
To do what I should do
But I could fall in love, (mb)
fall in love with you, (baby)
I could fall in love with you, (baby)

[Spanish solo]
Siempre estoy so'ando en ti
besando mis labios,
acariciando mi piel,
abrazandome con ansias
imaginando que me amas
como yo podria amarte.

So I should keep this to myself
And never let you know

[CHORUS:]
I could fall in love, (I could fall in love, 
I could fall inlove, (fall in love)
with you!, (baby)... (mb)...

I could fall in love, fall in love with you! (baby)...
I could fall in love, fall in love with you!, (baby)...

I Loved Her First..

Look at the two of you dancing that way
Lost in the moment and each others face
So much in love your alone in this place
Like there's nobody else in the world
I was enough for her not long ago
I was her number one
She told me so
And she still means the world to me
Just so you know
So be careful when you hold my girl
Time changes everything
Life must go on
And I'm not gonna stand in your way

But I loved her first and I held her first
And a place in my heart will always be hers
From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
And I prayed that she'd find you someday
But it still hard to give her away
I loved her first

How could that beautiful women with you
Be the same freckle face kid that I knew
The one that I read all those fairy tales to
And tucked into bed all those nights
And I knew the first time I saw you with her
It was only a matter of time

But I loved her first and I held her first
And a place in my heart will always be hers
From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
And I prayed that she'd find you someday
But its still hard to give her away
I loved her first

From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
Someday you might know what I'm going through
When a miracle smiles up at you
I loved her first

Sy Mau Jadi Franky =) Pt 4

Yesterday I DID buy the intended whetstone.. and its working J

This is how I used it..

..and this is how its turning out! J

Ok.. can’t really see the difference but I can connect those parts perfectly now.. yeay!

Sadly, I was on a TV-watching spree last night so I didn't continue the ship making then. But just a bit more, ladies.. just a bit more! J

Sy Mau Jadi Franky =) Pt 3

So the 'ship construction' continues.. J

Am feeling a bit frustrated but just a bit je la.. takde la sampai nak ngamuk sume tu. Why? Coz one part of the ship doesn’t seem to wanna fit.. grrr..

At first I thought it was the lack of finger strength (ada ka?!? Haha..) coz as I tried connecting the two parts, they didn’t seem to wanna ‘stick’ to each other. I resorted to using a hammer (Yes, an actual hammer.. the one I bought when doing my DIY coffee table a few years back) but I knew I had to refrain from ketuk dengan segala ketidaksabaran yang ada coz I didn’t wanna break the plastic pieces into.. well, even smaller non-rescue-able pieces.

It was then that I realized, it wasn’t me.. it was IT! The two piece seemed to not have the same sized connectors (Ok, I’m using my own words here since I dunno the actual phrase people use for this) The ‘stick’ part was longer than the ‘hole’ it was supposed to fit in nicely (aaannnnddd, that sounded awkward..!)

Lemme show you..

See the ‘black hole’ there? Well, the part that was supposed to fit in there was taller than the height of the hole itself.. hence, the reason why it didn’t connect nicely. The reason for the black hole? Well, I got this ‘genius’ idea that I should use a heated toothpick (red hot from the fire) and try to melt the plastic hole a bit so it would get a bit deeper.. genius, right?! NOT!! Hahah..

Aside from the fact the toothpick turned into ashes in no time. I found my toothpick just sticking to the plastic surface as it tried to abide to my command.. ye Ayu, awak sangat pandaaaiiiiii.. pfffttt~~

My next option was to hack a tiny bit off the too-tall connection thingey but I didn’t know how to. Instead, I took the nail file from my nail clipper and proceeded to.. err, shred(?!?) the top part to shorten it. I would’ve succeeded (hey, it fit a bit better) if it wasn’t so tiring. Now I’m thinking of buying a whetstone (pengasah pisau?!?) at the pasar malam this afternoon in hopes of doing a better (and less tiring) job at it.. hmm, we’ll see J

In the meantime, THIS is the current finished stage J

Now I Remember

.. why I HAVE to use blankets at night!

I’ve always been the kind of person whom, no matter how hot the night is, I still need my blanket. I don’t used quilts (gila paa pakai quilt kat Malayia ni?!?) though. I use reliable thick normal blankets coz I know I still use it no matter how the night temperature is.

This sometimes is kinda a hassle when I go stay at someone else’s house and they don’t provide any blankets. Nak mintak tu macam malu la kan, so I usually keep quiet and because of that, I also have an extra pair of socks in my car, just in case..

It has been a habit since I was a kid and I couldn’t remember what prompt me to stick to this until yesterday.

I was a bit tired and exhausted last night so I decided to sleep early. Well, not THAT early la but earlier than usual. I was tired enough that I think I must’ve dozed off once I lay in bed as when I woke up this morning (without my usual habit of waking up every now and then throughout the night), I realized my blanket was still neatly folded at the end of my bed. This surprised me as I usually make sure I’ve laid out my blanket before I switch of the lights but I guess there’s a first time for everything.

Anyways, things were ok the whole morning and I forgot about my tidoq-tak-ingat-donia. Then, as 2pm rolled by, I found myself locking the door to the house to go to my usual class in Parit Buntar.

As I lifted my foot to secure the straps on my trustworthy ‘teaching sandal’, I felt the pull of the muscle in my calf..

..macam nak nangis kot! Huwaaaa..

I don’t even remember the last time I had a leg cramp but I remembered then WHY I could NEVER sleep without a blanket. I ALWAYS get leg cramps when I don’t.. and it hurt!

Only this time, I got it, what, 7 hours after waking up?!? Usually they’d happen just as I was waking up.. sangat ‘perfect’ timing as I had to drive to my class and I was clutching my calf hoping to ease the pain.

Went to class with a subtle ‘limp’ as the aftermath of a cramp (as anyone can tell you) was still there. Luckily it was my left leg, not my right-and-driving leg.. sheesh!

Note to self: Pakai selimut!!

Sy Mau Jadi Franky =) Pt 2

Last night, I told myself to be more positive in building my first ship ever. I told myself that this is my first attempt anyway so I shouldn’t be too hard on myself and I reminded myself that this is just for fun. I managed to believe that until..

..the war with the stickers resumed!

Arggghhh.. awat la hangpa ni cenonet sangat aihhhh?!?!

This is one of the smallest piece.. see how conscious I am now of my chubby fingers!

This one is a bit better sbb besaq skiiiiiit je.. dan masih jariku terlalu gemuk to handle stickers sebegini.

After struggling with those miniscule thingeys yang mampu membuat kesabaran ku teruji (hehe..), I proceeded with the actual ‘building’ of the ship that wasn’t as strenuous as I thought it would be. Atau maybe sbb I struggled with mende yng susah dulu (stickers yg microscopic itu) so this was easy peasy lemon squeezy in comparison J Sungguh la tersenyum sensorang bile banyak yang dapat dibuat..

..well, until I saw this!

Haiyaaaa.. tercabut abis la sticker putih kecik nii. Dah la nak lekat pun, ya Rabbi, punye la leceh. And the ‘best’ this is, I lost a few of these tanpa ditemui. The only thing going through my head was to go buy some correction liquid and pi liquid je kat tempat yang dah ilang stickers tu. Grrr..

The finished product before retiring semalam was this..

..kaann, bleh nampak sticker manekah yang ilang itu.. I give up la ngan stickers ni, huh!!

Sy Mau Jadi Franky =) Pt 1

I have a new project J

I recently went to the grocery store near the tuition centre for my nightly Nescafe fix when I noticed something new at the shop. Tadaaa~~

Ok, turned out its a copy la, tp I was still excited hehe..

I was planning on starting the assembly once I finished my classes next Thursday but I couldn’t sleep last night so I thought I’d just give it a start..

..and it was fun! J

Well, fun right until I realized I’ve got too-chubby finger yang sangat tak sesuai for stickers. Hmm, scratch that coz I think I suck at stickers, period!!

Look at this first attempt at sticking those things on the ship.. sangat huduh, I tell you. I was frustrated after finishing this part coz I had imagined a smooth finish. Instead, I got this nampak-sangat-la-amateur kinda look L

I tried to take another approach for the other side of the ship (starting from the middle and moving outward instead of starting from one side to the other) but even if it looked slightly better.. well, the keyword here IS 'slightly' anyway.

The assembly was not as I expected. Being someone who’s used to assembling her own DIY shelves (as well as friends punye jugak which include TV racks and such.. see, I’m independant and don’t need a guy utk pasang those stuff, ok! :p), I thought it would be something like that but I guess I was wrong. A bit more concentration was needed sbb mende alahnye sangat la kecikk.

So this is what I managed before I went to sleep..

.. to be continued!

9th Challenge ~ A Song That You Can Dance To

Am guilty for leaving this challenge hanging like it doesn't matter. Hahah, ok, it doesn't really matter in a life and death kinda way, but it helps to keep me writing, kan? =D

Anyway, back to the 9th challenge (and 21 more to go.. banyaknye!!). A song I can dance to.. hmmm, not really a dancing kinda girl. Not even in the privacy of home.
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Ok, thats a lie. Sometimes la kot I DO do it but only SOMETIMES coz I know its hideous =D

But this song does kinda make you wanna at least sway your hips or something. Catchy! Thats what I'll call it.. and one of my favourites while growing up. Seriously, those with parents living in the 60s-70s, sape yang tak suke lagu ni? =) =) =) It even has this ability of making me smile just when I wanna frown.. I love it THAT much!

This is also one of those songs that have rendered me red-faced when I realize the person in the next car is smiling amusedly at me singing along with this song *ouch*

So here I present you one of my favourite, tak-pernah-get-bored-of-it song!

Day 09 ~ A song that you can dance to

Love Grows (Where My Rosemary Goes) ~ Edison Lighthouse

She ain't got no money

Her clothes are kinda funny

Her hair is kinda wild and free

Oh, but Love grows where my Rosemary goes

And nobody knows like me

She talks kinda lazy

And people say she's crazy

And her life's a mystery

Oh, but Love grows where my Rosemary goes

And nobody knows like me

There's something about her hand holding mine

It's a feeling that's fine

And I just gotta say

She's really got a magical spell

And it's working so well

That I can't get away

I'm a lucky fella

And I've just got to tell her

That I love her endlessly

Because love grows where my Rosemary goes

And nobody knows like me

There's something about her hand holding mine

It's a feeling that's fine

And I just gotta say

She's really got a magical spell

And it's working so well

That I can't get away

I'm a lucky fella

[And] I've just got to tell her

That I love her endlessly

Because love grows where my Rosemary goes

And nobody knows like me

Love Grows where my Rosemary goes 

And nobody knows like me...

Fadeout:

It keeps growing every place she's been

And nobody knows like me

If you've met her, you'll never forget her

And nobody knows like me

La la la- believe it when you've seen it

Nobody knows like me

..not again!

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

Ya Allah..

Years ago, I gave you my heart for safe-keeping. I'm not very good at taking care of my heart, as You know. I knew it would be safer in Your hands than in mine as I never really knew how to prevent it from being broken.

I was glad I did. Coz the next few years, I realized my heart was in the best of hands. You took care of it, prevented it from being shattered and I learnt that though You were the one holding it, You still gave me space to fall in love every year with 100++ kids who come walking through my door.. and You made me smile everytime I thought about them (even though they sometimes get on my nerves in the worst way possible hehe..)

I remember begging You to take my heart. To keep it safe for me until I was ready to take care of it again.

I remember crying to You, telling You how much it hurt and how I wasn't sure if I could take it anymore..

..and I remember the feeling of calm that washed over me as I gave my heart to You.

Things have never been happier for me. Little and big things that used to bug me, didn't even make me flinch anymore..

But today, I was afraid..

A stirring of feelings that I haven't felt (and am sometime so glad that I don't) for so long suddenly came back to me, leaving me breathless and trembling with fear. I kept searching for that invisible line to make sure i won't overstep it..

..but I couldn't find it, and now I'm scared.

Please Ya Allah, I'm not ready to take care of my heart again. Please Ya Allah, take care of it for me still. Please Ya Allah, take away this fear in me..

Please Ya Allah.. ='(

Muhasabah diri di pagi Jumaat~

Sekadar renungan dan peringatan untuk diri sendiri..

"Di dalam hati mereka terdapat penyakit, lalu Allah menambah mereka dengan penyakit, dan mereka akan menerima azab yang pedih, kerana sebelum ini mereka selalu berbohong" ~ Surah Al Baqarah ayat 10

"Tidak ada sebarang perkataan yang dilafazkannya (atau perbuatan yang dilakukannya) melainkan ada di sisinya malaikat pengawas yang sentiasa sedia (menerima dan menulisnya)" ~ Surah Al Qaaf ayat 18

Maka..

Ya Allah jadikan lidahku lidah orang yang benar dan jangan jadikan lidahku lidah manusia pendusta. Jadikanlah aku teman bicara yang solehah dan jujur. Kuatkan imanku untuk sentiasa melatih lidahku berkata jujur atau jika tiada yang perlu diperkatakan, maka jadikan aku berupaya untuk berdiam diri.. Amiin..

Written on wood.. in other words, property vandalism.. errkk.?!?

Yesterday was the 11th day of fasting for Muslims. Though normally, during this phase of Ramadhan, most have gotten used to the dawn till dusk fasting, it wasn't the case for me. For the first time during this year's Ramadhan, I was feeling very sluggish and very tired. It didn't help that today I had 3 classes till night.

Luckily, it didn't result in me being snappy towards my students.. more likely, it made them laugh seeing me being the one who kept looking at my watch, instead of them being the ones counting the minutes.

To help with this feeling I had, I gave my students loads of questions to answer so I didn't have to do much teaching (bad teacher!). After writing it all on the board, I settled in my seat while trying to keep my eyes open.. and that's when I noticed it.

7 years ago, after receiving 'the invite', I avoided my class for the day and asked Fared to be my relief for teaching. However, I couldn't actually avoid the class on the next day as I didn't really have a concrete reason to bail out on it. After hours of crying, I decided, maybe going to my class was just the thing I needed. Something to distract me..

It DID help up to a degree but after a while, I realized my voice kept breaking during teaching that in the end, I just gave my students some exercises and avoid talking that much. I was so relieved when the first class had ended and it was then that I did something I had never done before..

..I vandalized the class property and wrote down some important words I had never (gotten the chance to) say out loud.

There was this sense of relief when I had written it down (though thankfully, there was a feeling of guilt too!) Though the tears didn't stop flowing then, the heaviness in my heart at that very moment was lifted for a while.

I must've stared at my 'handiwork' for a while before the first few students of my next class started trickling in.

The next few weeks had me pretending I hadn't written those words down and instead, it was done by some juvenile student (ye, sgt buruk perangai awak ni, Ayu!) The feeling of relief I had felt when I first wrote them turned into regret that I had never let them pass through my lips to be heard by the person it was intended for..

Lucky for me, the class was to be painted and a few months later, the desk with my graffiti was no longer in plain sight..

..not that I wanted to go search for it, anyway!

I'd almost forgot about it until I saw it yesterday. The pain I had felt when I had written those word has long gone.. ok! Tipu haha.. not really gone la kot but dulled. Still, it didn't stop my heartstrings from feeling a familiar tug..

I'm glad that its faded away though. Won't really like to be reminded that I was once reduced to a vandalis-er (Hahaha.. ade ke perkataan camtu?) Really would not do that again.. I hope!

*And yet, I spent the whole night till sahur rereading some entries I shouldn't be.. hmmm.. =(

First day at school!! Today?!?! Waaaaaa.. takuuttt!

LOOK AT THE STATE OF MY BLOG!!

Ok.. don't look! Its not like you're going public with it pun, Ayu oiiiii heheh..

I keep wanting to write (being my 2nd most favourite thing after reading.. thus, the actual reason for this blog years ago) but all ideas seem to abandon me each time I sit in front of the PC. And FB games do not help at all haha..

*******

The reason of the 'rajin'ness in somehow trying to revive my blog is because of the sleepless nights I've been having this week.. NOT because of anything bad though.

This week is the beginning of a new experience for me in teaching. An NGO (though the ones involved in this activity are mostly my 'kakaks' from Bahan) has decided to use their money to help under-privileged students for some extra classes and I'm one of the tutors for this programme. I'm kinda nervous actually..

Whatttt..?!?! Neves?!? Biar btul Ayu ni!! Hehe..

Well, in tuition is different. With the exception of my Form 1 class, my classes usually consist of a few ex-students whom I've taught the previous year. Since I already know them (and they already know me), I'm usually on a comfortable ground. I know what to expect and most importantly, THEY know what to expect (so they can warn their friends of this dear teacher's quirky temperament). In short, we both know where we stand.

But here I am facing a whole new different group, where they have never heard about me and I, of them. Its kinda scary (Ohh, c'mon.. I'm always scared in the first week of classes, even at the tuition centre). I don't know what to expect.. and I don't know what they're expecting from me.. takuuuuuutt~~

Especially since this is a social service programme, I am so afraid if I'll mess up. Not that kak Nisak (from Bahan) told me she expects anything from me. They just want teachers who would sincerely give some of their extra time to help these students.. but here I am, expecting the worst!

I was supposed to have my first class yeasterday but the school cancelled the classes for the whole week so I'll only be starting this afternoon. Doesn't really help on my nerves, though, as I'm just feeling like more of a wreck ever.

I just hope that I would be able to help them.. and that I won't go home crying haha..

Well, wish me luck! Hopefully by 6.00pm (thats when the class would end) I'll be someone looking forward to meeting this kids again next week *crossing fingers*

Some just don't get it..

There's a HUGE difference between people who NEED ME..

..and those who NEED TO CONTROL ME!!

Bila Tuhan bukakan hijab..

I 

DO NOT LIKE 

BEING MANIPULATED!

Just because I act dumb, doesn't mean I am. Maybe its because I have too much respect for you to point out that you have been busted and all your lies have come to my attention..

..and it hurts to know the truth about what has been said all this while!

Tuhan tunjukkan something I should know before I made the mistake of trusting you in this.

You disappoint me =(

So yes, I'm just gonna play dumb coz right now, I'm too angry to even confront the issue!

But don't worry, I didn't tell them the whole truth.. but only because I wanted to save your face.

Apa Ada Ditengah²nya?

So its another Monday night.. and with nothing else on TV (there used to be my favourite Criminal Minds and such), I switched on to classic favourite, P Ramlee movies.

Tonight was Tiga Abdul. The story of 3 brothers. One of the most popular movies he's ever made where almost everyone I know could recite verbatim the script of at least one scene hehe..

Since I had just come back from my nightly class, by the time I switched on the TV, it was already well on its way. It was the scene where Sadiq Segaraga was to come and bring his three daughters to 'seduce' the three Abduls.

This was a scene I never understood..

"Di atas, langit.. di bawah, bumi.. ape ditengah²nya?"asked Abdul Wahab, the eldest, to a crowd of girls he was trying to impress.

The answer was, "Tiga titik"

And the whole group would laugh as if it was the joke of the century.. ok la, I'm exagerrating.. but they were laughing like they understood the joke.. while I never did!

The only thing I told myself was, those girls were just laughing at his tak-lawak-pun joke.. just like me and you would pretend to laugh at someone elses joke, just to not offend him.

As usual, since my computer was in front of me, I absent mindedly updated my FB status on how I never understood the joke. It became the turning point of my life (Okay, over sgt!) Turns out the answer was obvious.. very obvious!

Ohhh.. sungguh malu! Hahah..

During that time, 'jawi' was used more than 'rumi'. His real question was, "Apa ade ditengah 'NYA'?" With NYA being this letter..

..so of course, the three dots! Tiga titik..

After more than 20 years, only do I understand.. mcm malu kot!