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Monday, September 30, 2013

..not again!

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

Ya Allah..

Years ago, I gave you my heart for safe-keeping. I'm not very good at taking care of my heart, as You know. I knew it would be safer in Your hands than in mine as I never really knew how to prevent it from being broken.

I was glad I did. Coz the next few years, I realized my heart was in the best of hands. You took care of it, prevented it from being shattered and I learnt that though You were the one holding it, You still gave me space to fall in love every year with 100++ kids who come walking through my door.. and You made me smile everytime I thought about them (even though they sometimes get on my nerves in the worst way possible hehe..)

I remember begging You to take my heart. To keep it safe for me until I was ready to take care of it again.

I remember crying to You, telling You how much it hurt and how I wasn't sure if I could take it anymore..

..and I remember the feeling of calm that washed over me as I gave my heart to You.

Things have never been happier for me. Little and big things that used to bug me, didn't even make me flinch anymore..

But today, I was afraid..

A stirring of feelings that I haven't felt (and am sometime so glad that I don't) for so long suddenly came back to me, leaving me breathless and trembling with fear. I kept searching for that invisible line to make sure i won't overstep it..

..but I couldn't find it, and now I'm scared.

Please Ya Allah, I'm not ready to take care of my heart again. Please Ya Allah, take care of it for me still. Please Ya Allah, take away this fear in me..

Please Ya Allah.. ='(

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