Has anyone seen where my patience has gone to? =(

..and I was so happy today!

I'd finished making 50++ cupcakes for my class tonight at 2.00pm this afternoon and was looking forward to give it to them. I really wanted to suprise them and make them happy coz we won't be seeing each other for a month after this, and tho I won't tell them in their face, I knew I was gonna miss them..

Then I finally went to the Yusuf Taiyoob factory me and my friends have planned to go for ages now.

I was smiling the whole day and was singing along as I went to the tuition centre with my Tupperwares full of cupcakes and 2 boxes of dates for Aza and kak Sawiyah who have helped me a lot.

The class started okay². They listened when I was babbling in front (well, almost all laaa..) and at least tried to answer the questions I gave them tho I knew most of them hated Earth as A Sphere. Around 9.45pm, I went to my car (yg sy parking sgt jauh!) to get the cakes I'd hidden in my car.

Berat tak bwk bnyk tu sorg², naik tangge plak tu =(

When some of them noticed my cakes, they whooped with joy and this made me even more happy BUT..

..after that ade je yg tak kene!

I had left the Tupperwares at Aza while I finished the class.. or at least tried to laaa..

When I asked them to discuss the questions with me, most were talking. It started to annoy me when I had to keep talking louder and louder just to hear myself teach. But when it came to the point where I saw almost all the boys at the back talking, and some girls texting thru their phone WHILE I WAS TALKING, I just LOST IT!

No, I didn't scream at them or anything.. I guess I just gave up.

I wrote the answers on the board (and still they talked as loudly as ever) and kept whispering to myself pleading to them, "Not now, please not now!"

And to cool myself down, I went out to Aza with hopes that they would write down the answers I had given them.

After a while, I felt a bit guilty towards them so I started to go back in class.. it was only 5 minutes (Yes, I looked at my watch the whole time) I had planned to give my biggest fake smile to my class, hand out the cupcakes I had made especially for them since the morning and try to forget hat they had gotten on my nerves a few minutes earlier. I almost manged to convince myself I was overreacting while I started pushing the door.

Guess what?

Some of the boys at the back had already kept all their books in their bags and were standing and walking around in class.. LAUGHING!

That does it!

I went to take my things and sekali lagi mengangkut Tupperware² yg penuh itu turun bawah pulak! Klau sy tau, baik sy tak payah angkut naik atas tadi tu.

And up until 9.45pm, things were just perfect.. what went wrong?

I felt to frustrated.. and sad! I so wanted to do something to make them happy as it was the last class before our month-long vacation. I was so looking forward to give them something I hoped they would like.. but they don't appreciate me at all!

Sedih nye sy.. ='(

I really, really didn't want to make a scene ke ape ke.. I wanted us to part happily so that sebulan ni takde rase tak puas hati ke ape ke.. but they must hate me now!

God! I really don't understand kenape la my patience nowadays ni sgt short-lived?

I was never the most patient person on earth, but I'm also not the most short-tempered one either. Most of my students won't even describe me as garang ke ape ke but these few weeks, I've been quite on the emotional roller coaster.

A few weeks ago, while I was teaching the same class, they were talking so loudly and not even looking at me while I tried to show them how to do the problem, I just burst into tears! Boleh ka cikgu pi nangis dlm kelas sbb student buat?!? Adoi la Ayu, what happened here?!

I was so ashamed of myself that when I had composed myself, I couldn't even look at them..

Then last week, 10 minutes before my class ended, sy dgn jayenye telah menghalau all the boys in my form 2 class coz they were talking too much in class. But at least I manged to make it up to them this week..

This class camne? I won't be seeing them for a month dah ni and I dunno how to undo what had just happened in class..

..they're gonna hate me after this kan!

='(    ='(     ='(

Now I have 50++ cupcakes that I dunno what to do with.. =(

And I feel like total crap!

And really regret what happened..

..and I really wanna cry..

P/S
Today is the last Friday before Ramadhan, a time where they say is good for doa. I had prayed for my PhD as well as for quidance in a few things I'm struggling with right now.. I should've also prayed for patience la klau mcm ni.. ="(