i.n.s.o.m.n.i.a

For the past few weeks, I've been having so much trouble sleeping.. serious trouble!

I've always had insomnia eversince I was smaller. I remember some nights I'd wander around the house trying to tire myself to go to sleep. There was a time I'd swallow those yellow flu pills sionce they usually helped me to sleep (drug junkie, huh hahah..)

Usually these sleepless nights would only last for a few days. But this is the first time they've stretched and 'evolved'..

With 'evolving' meaning: I can't sleep at all at night and only after Subuh do I get the chance to force myself to sleep. Then I'd wake up around 10.30am feeling sluggish and go to school WITHOUT BEING ABLE TO FOCUS ON DOING MY WORK!

Actually, not being able to focus on my work is normal.. in normal circumstances. I've got a lot of distractions haha.. but this time, I can't even focus when I'm doing the two things I love: teaching and reading!

When I teach, I find myself mumbling and wondering what the hell did I just say ouit loud the past few minutes.. and when reading, I'd go on for pages before realizing not one word has registered in my mind.

Its the not-being-able-to-focus-on-my-reading that scares me the most coz as most of you know, I'm not talking about journals.. I'm talking about fiction books, one of my favourite distractions of all!

I've tried a lot of things. I've tried to not sleep after Subuh for that forced-nap so I'd go for more than 24 hours without sleep, but I still can't sleep. I've tried to lay off the tinned Nescafe I like so much, but no result! I've tried doing vigorous physical activites on hopes thet I'd be so knackered off by night, and though, yes, I do feel soooo exhausted, I still can't sleep.

Now my sleeping pattern has changed so much, it scares me. I'm like a non-blood-sucking vampire now.

Yesterday, I went to Jusco and found this thereupatic (I'm not sure if I spelt it right here.. and not bothering to check coz I'm sure you know what I mean!) pillow. It had this lavender sachet attached to it and it promised to help in promoting deep sleep bla bla blaa.. Normally, I won't buy pillows that cost this much. But since yesterday they had this sale, the pillow was 50% off. Added to the fact that I still had RM240 worth of vouchers, it didn't actually feel like I was spending anything at all kaaannn..

I was excited.. even changed the whole bedsheet set for the 'welcoming' party of that pillow to my bed..

..but still I can't sleep!

Grrrrr..

Can anyone give me any ideas? That DOES NOT include hot milk, klau boleh..

I really need to do something with my sleep now!