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Saturday, July 14, 2007

.. :'(

I used to wonder what it meant to feel like 'butter being spread on too much bread'. Not that I'm saying its what I feel, but I guess I was feeling a bit upset yesterday.

I just wish some people would understand that even though some days you can find me absorbed in my Neopets games, I still have days where I'm busy and have things to do, even if those days don't come that often anymore..

Recently, a friend got some good news and all of us were happy for her. I even promised to help her in these early stages as I really wanted her be happy with what she had just got because she's been waiting for something like this for the last few months now.. but I guess, I should've said, I'd help her ONLY if I was free..

Yesterday morning, I had promised Dr Farhan to meet up with him for a discussion on my PhD (?) so as I was getting ready, this friend texted me asking me to help her on something. I was feeling a bit torn now as I remembered that I had promised to help her but yesterday I had this line up of tasks I had to do.. meet Dr Farhan, complete the travel claims (had to discuss with kak Hafsah as I didn't know the current 'value' of my mileage and we became a bit confused on the figures as my status was a bit 'undetermined'.. and those who know the 'office' would understand why this is a problem haha..) for June and July for myself, then helping Erwan do his (too lazy ah guys!), submit the claims and go see Leong (Dr), fax something to the IPS, print a few more pages of a friends thesis as abg Joe wanted them by the end of the day and send a parcel through the post office while checking the postal fees for a few letters I had to send (eversince Pos Malaysia changed the fees, I've had a hard time keeping up with it.. I mean, what happened to 30 cents for every letter? Now its sometimes 50 cents, sometimes 60 cents.. suke hati korg je ek?).

I told her about my upcomiong day and that I'd try to finish up my tasks as quickly as possible and then take her wherever she wanted to go, but I had doubted I'd be able to finish it up quickly. I was even feeling disturbed when she just answered, "K".. hahah, this because it being my standard answer when I was feeling hurt and trying my best not to type something that would hurt the other person as well.. (kirenye terase sbb sendiri klau wat camtu, means I'm upset la kot hahah..)

The meeting with Dr Farhan didn't last long but the other tasks consumed some time as the printer was making quite a fuss (Fared was using it earlier with no problem at all!) and I had to print a whole lot of things too. I didn't even get to warm my seat at my cube as I was constantly going up and down the stairs at the school.

Apart from that, I wasn't feeling quite well. Been feeling a bit feverish since the past few days and my head was pounding all day long. It didn't help that it was Friday and the offices were closed at 12.00pm so I had to wait till 2.45pm.

But finally at 4.00pm, everything was done and I got to sit down. But just as I was sitting down, I remembered my friend and quickly went to her asking about the help she had asked me earlier.

Well, I was already a bit tired by now. I didn't have time to get any lunch and my breakfast consist of 2 fishballs wrapped in pastry ONLY. My head was pounding even more loudly and quickly and I was hungry and exhausted and weary and all that, but remembering how happy my friend was of the news, I knew I had to go to her and ask about it.

But when I went to her, not only did she not wanna look at me, she ignored me completely even when I directed my questions towards her. I was feeling a bit hurt but ignored it, being tak malu and still asking if I could help her the next day, even telling her my plan of it as I had a class too. What she did was, fold her arms and tell everyone around us very loudly that if she knew this (she didn't actually specify what 'this' was, saying something like, "Kalau tau camni..") was gonna happen, it was better she didn't accept the offer and just go back to her home town. I was a bit hurt as I was the one who had encouraged her to try her luck here, I had earlier even pretended to scold her if she didn't wanna just give it a try.. :(

When I asked her why she said that, she just said, "Takde pa pe.."

But then she repeated that she wanted to go back to her hometown saying, "Nak balik ****** la camni. Klu tau jadi camni, baik tak payah. Bukannye ade orang nak tolong pun"

I was feeling like crying by then. Luckily, I remembered that I hadn't went up to see abg Joe yet so I excused myself and hurried upstairs, all the while wishing she would understand that I couldn't just leave all my work for her, especially since I was dealing with Dr Farhan (my supposedly future supervisor), Leong (my senior who is a lecturer, help me a lot in my M.Sc.. and Leong had to send the report this week so I still had to see her yesterday anyway) and abg Joe (who had kindly agreed to help me that day and even a lot of times before.. even let me use the laminator and photostat machine for free sometimes)

Its not that I didn't wanna help, but I was busy.. and when I had told her of my plan for the next day (today), she just pretended to be abosorbed in the computer screen another friend was doing and kept telling me, "Tengok dulu". When I told her I have to plan early as I can't leave my class, she made this annoyed face that hurt me even more.. :( I mean, EVERYONE knows my classes are my main source of income and that I can't just leave a class like that as I usually have to find a replacement before I can leave a class..

I left the school feeling upset but was cheered up by my class who have somehow gone into a happy mode (as opposed to the depressed mode they've been using quite a lot nowadays as it gets nearer to thier PMR), making me laugh.

But then, that night I had promised kak Yun to go with her to watch Harry Potter.. My class ended at 6.45 and she made me promise to arrived at her house at 7.00 (aiyak, mandi kambing la saya camni..) but, as expected, I was late. She called as I was pulling on my jeans and I panicked, knowing how kak Yun is with time. Drove as fast as I could to her house, with my hijab worn carelessly, being pinless with the pins, my watch and my bracelet in my pockets. Just threw some money in my bag and only arranged the money in my purse as we were on our way. Thank goodness I wasn't driving as I took the time to wear my hijab as presentable as possible while kak Yun was driving.. and a good thing that the pounding in my head started to slow down as I relaxed.

I really wanted to sleep.. tp nak mampus kene marah ngan kak Yun hehe..

Nway, I enjoyed the movie.. though I like the book better :)

However, this morning, I woke up to a dream of losing not only one tooth, but two. Old folks tales say, dreaming of losing a tooth means there a death in the near future.. how bout two? *shudders* I never really believed in this stuff, but losing a lot of things recently have actually made me feel a bit afraid of it.. But its just a dream, kan?

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