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Monday, August 08, 2005

Missing someone is..

I got this from an email I read this morning.. forwarded to me by my junior, Shasha. Hmmm.. quite approriate for the moment..

Missing someone is a terrible but at the same time, sweet feeling. U will be sitting around wondering if u meant anything to him/her. Thinking if he/she ever cares about u.

Rushing to the phone once it rings hoping that it's him/her.

Looking out of the window hoping that he/she will surprise u by appearing downstairs.

Sitting in front of the television but thinking of him/her missing the final episode of your favourite show.

Lying on your bed, thinking of the last time u went out together.

Thinking of how nice it will be to sit under the stars again, talking about everything, your dreams, plans, future.

Logging on to the internet hoping to see him/her online. When u realise that he/she isn't online and did not return your page, u will start worrying if he/she is okay.

Missing someone is a way of growing up i guess.
It exposes you to loneliness.
It teaches you how to cope with being lonely and let you know that there is actually a feeling known as emptiness.
Sometimes it feels good to miss someone.
You know that you really care and you indulge in the feeling of loving/caring for him/her.
But missing someone and not knowing if he/she is feeling the same is terrible.
You feel as if you are being left alone.
So if you miss someone, tell him/her and let them know.
At the same time, ask if they miss you.

Don't let the feeling of missing someone become jealousy or paranoid.
If u are the one being missed and u know it, let the other party know.
If u miss him/her too, tell them.
Don't let them wait.

Truth is, for the past few days, I've been missing someone. I mean, REALLY missing! Its not that I haven't been thinking of that person nowadays, its just that I've been thinking too much about this person recently.. and I don't really want to do that coz it still hurts..

I've been spending 3 sleepless (not entirely sleepless laa, I'm not the hopeless case I was before, ya!) nights thinking of what has happened, what went wrong and what could have been AND to be frank, its driving me crazy! Suddenly, everything reminds me of this person :(

Yesterday, when watching 3R, they had this letter about a girl who fell in love with her best friend (BUT eventually THEY got married and are happy!). At first, I felt this thug in my heart but I burst out laughing when I saw kak Shima looking at me. Great minds think alike, eh! Good thing we understand each other VERY much on this subject.

Still, last night, my mind went wandering to a few years back. See, this Wednesday, my juniors (Congratulations Alem, Lily, Helmi, Mozac, Pojie, Ramlah, Salimin, PokSu, Salwa and many more) would be graduating at DTSP. This Wednesday would be the 10th of August 2005. Exactly 3 years before, 10th August 2002, was MY graduation (final batch of the 3-year engineering-degree programme) and at that time, me and this person were still great.. silap, BESTfriends! Okay.. okay, I admit, I've been looking through my graduation pictures!

Then 2 years ago it changed. On 10th August 2003, the day some of our friends graduated, me and this person weren't even on speaking terms. Maybe on the trying-to-patch-things-up terms but I guess it didn't work out!

Last year was worse, 10th August 2004 and NOTHING!!!

And this year, I feel like a fool!


How did things end up this way, huh? Why, ooo why, do I still think about this person when this person doesn't? Why, of all things, does this bother me so much?

Most importantly, why hasn't the pain gone away and WHY, I must ask, does it still hurt this way?

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