...just a place for me to go rambling over everything currently happening in my life, sometimes, even to the tiniest detail. And whatever that's unfortunate enough to happen to cross my mind at the very moment when I feel like jotting down something ;)
Thursday, February 02, 2017
The Thing About Hugs..
..is that most of the time, you don't know you need a hug until you get one.
I've had two instances this has happened to me.
It was around the time we first got to know about my father's second marriage. Naturally, everyone was upset but we handled them differently.. at least on the outside. Somehow people I loved forgot that I was upset too..
People expected us to choose sides but how was I supposed to do that? I could barely grasp on what was happening, let alone decide if I wanted to throw one parent away or not. So both were mad at me because both thought I chose the other. I was even called anak derhaka more than a few times just because I refused to choose but in this case, Tuhan lagi tahu. He is the better judge than any accusation thrown in my way so I left it all to Him.
Still, my heart and head was in turmoil. I was trying to a good daughter, the peacemaker and trying to understand it from both point of views while keeping takdir Tuhan in sight (it has been 'written' dulu lagi, and God has His reasons on everything that happens) yet my heart was broken by the two people I loved the most. I couldn't turn to anyone of them as both were full of venom with the other so it won't help in matters, but I couldn't just go share it with anyone, could I?
So I bottled it up inside. Only sharing snippets of it to people I trust.
It was during this time that I had temankan IM balik Jitra to go got his computer as the one he was currently using has just quit on him. The plan was to just go get his other computer and go back to the campus while I had plan to hide in the car saja. Of course he had other plans..
He had told his family beforehand so his mother had cooked extra for us to join in dinner. His granma had made some kuih kasui and saved some for us. I his in the toilet to gather my wits but was still nervous like hell as we sat down for dinner.
Before we headed back to the campus, after salam-ing his mum, she suddenly gave me this unexpected hug. I was so surprised that I didn't hug back at first.. the only thing in my mind was, "Please don't let go of me.."
I didn't even realize I needed a hug until she gave me one.. and all of a sudden, all the weight on my shoulders and in my head felt lighter.
Thank you, mak cik!
Just a few days ago, while I was lazing around at home, my sister called and told me she was coming with my mum for some food hunting. It was still the CNY holidays so she was on leave (I already had a class that night but I was free all day) and I was looking forward for some enjoyable company.
When they arrived, I noticed someone else with them.. and a very rough voice saying 'Cepat laaa' over and over again. It was my brother and sis-in-law ♡ They didn't even tell my mum or sis until they had arrived *grins* and it made my heart give out a little dance as I haven't seen them since raya.. aka BEFORE
I had a great few hours as they rummaged through my stuff (sorok my dancing Groot and Hot Wheels), went food hunting ("semua kedai sini tak suke kt Ti sbb semua yg Ti nak pegi asyik tutup je" haha..) and buat kecoh. They stayed here till after Maghrib as I had my class at 8.15 pm and they went back to Sg Ara.
As we salam-ed before parting, my clown of a brother was still pretending that he had my baby Groot and stuff like that when all of a sudden he said, "Meh peluk skit"
As a rule, we have never been physically affectionate as siblings. We'd joke, prank, laugh and all but other than that memang mcm tak je. In fact, my first reaction was, "Haaa, buat salah ape plak ni?" as I looked around to see if my Groot was safe.
But somehow, once again I felt like saying, "Please don't let go of me.." and I struggled to stop the tears from falling and try maintaining a cheery disposition.
I don't know if he knew I needed that but I'm glad for once he broke the rule..