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Friday, November 25, 2016

Half a Woman? Pt 3

Friday, 30 September 2016 (Birthday Ami! ♡) 

By this day, I was already feeling a bit guilty. I didn't feel any pain AT ALL, except when the doctors poked around my abdomen area, tu pun mcm sgt slight sahaja, not like full blown pain macam I felt on Wednesday. Once again I was contemplating on telling the nurses I wanted to check myself out ke canne..

Turned out on Thursday there were too many emergencies so the surgery team had to deal with those dulu. Pagi² lagi my surgeon came to tell me, by hook or by crook he was gonna operate on my that day jugak so I still had to continue with fasting. Before this, I'd always been fascinated with iv drips tp by then, I'd be glad if I NEVER had to encounter one for the rest of my life dah.

Umi and Annisa came around noon bringing food (which I could only look at) and other essentials. Then Mama and Iskandar arrived so I had a bit more company than usual then. I wanted to ask Umi if she could help me with discharging myself (I really was feeling as if I was wasting everybody's time since I was feeling fine compared to everyone else in the ward) but somehow I couldn't bring myself to say it. They left after visiting hours ended and once again I was left with nothing to do.

Another girl (who kept calling herself kak when she was clearly younger than me haha..) came to the ward for a while as she waited to be discharged. She asked to borrow my phone to call her housemate and I was, how do you say it, tersentak kejap when someone from my phonebook plak muncul dulu as I dialed the number she wanted. Turns out only a few numbers ujung tu je yg lain. Will be quite unsettling klau the said person tu was housemate budak ni..

That night I finally washed my hair (Umi bawak shampoo, yeay!) and was quite bored lagi sebab I had nothing to do. The surgery pun macam tak jadiiiii je sebab senyap je semua org so I switched on my data again (save battery sungguh ok sbb malu nak charge, wanted to save battery from Izati's power bank pun ye since I didn't know how long lagi I was staying).

Then around 10.30pm (dah lights offf jugak.. mcm hostel plak hehe..) my surgeon came into the room saying it was my turn lepas ni. First thing in my mind, nasib baik basuh rambut tadi.. boley? Second thought: what if there's nothing wrong and mmg betul I've wasted everybody's time?!?!

The makcik in the bed across me tried to sooth me as I got ready. She thought I was scared padahal benonye I was afraid that nothing was wrong with me, drama je lebey pastu nanti org nyampah.. errr.. I was starting to regret not checking myself out siang tu because I really did feel so much better. I only manged to inform Mama and a friend of mine that I was heading to the OT..

Well, I guess I was a bit nervous la jugak wpun I've been briefed about the procedure by the funny doctor semalam tu. The OT wasn't at all as I imagined (pengaruh tv niii) but I smiled when I heard loud music in it (so betul la mcm dlm tv jugak skit). I was wide awake as they checked itu ini and didn't really notice the exact time I was unconscious..

Saturday, 1 October 2016

I woke up in the, tatau nama area, and was half conscious. I say half because I could open my eyes and could notice everything around me.. AND realize I was babbling nonsense. I KNEW what I was doing but I couldn't stop. The nurses mesti dah biasa but dlm I was half awake tu, I was actually horrified, malu gile kot.

As they wheeled me back to the ward, I was in and out of it but I DID notice that they had sent me to somewhere other than the surgical ward I had stayed for the past few days. I wanted to asked but I don't think I made any sense. The nurses pun were busy clothing me but I DO remember asking where the toilet is (yang tuuuuu mau plak kuar ayat lengkap instead of the mumbling I was doing sebelum tu) and I remember the nurse telling me to not worry about it right before I dropped off to sleep again.

When I woke up, I was wearing pink instead of the green ones I wore in the surgical ward. They then told me, this was the gynae ward and I only thought of the worst (what else could I think off klau the pain from that general area!) They had given me some morphine and sponge bathed me before the doctors made their rounds. I was still a bit groggy when the surgeon came to me. I didn't recognize him since he wasn't the one I was assigned to before and he had this grim face on that I was afraid to hear what he wanted to say.

Turns out my appendix was ok so they had to do this exploratory surgery on me and found a large (9x5cm) cycst on my right ovary (so that was why we all thought it was appendicitis earlier). Normally they would just cut the cyst off but somehow it had swollen enough to twist my Fallopian tubes twice causing it to a gangrene state so they had to cut off the whole thing (right side laa) to prevent sepsis as it was already dead by then. I felt a huge surge of relief because to tell you the truth, I thought I had lost the whole thing. I even joked that since I was left-handed, it was only appropriate that my left one was intact. Only later did I feel what I guess I was supposed to feel then..

So I had two incisions, a horizontal one for the appendix procedure (they still removed it alang² kan) and a vertical one for.. this.

Mama and Izati arrived as soon as it was visiting hours but I was still in and out of it so I wasn't very good company. Abah also came earlier with Annisa, Irfan and Imran. I was still feeling nauseous (and somehow still managed to throw up walaupun dah bnyk hari tak makan) and kept hyperventilating (I really hated Bella in Twilight sbb asyik hyperventilate and that day, I turned into her, though it wasn't sbb a boy laaa :p) but other than that, I was either awake or tak-sedar-pun-bila-tido-balik.

Mama planned to stay with me but gynae ward tak bg org temankan so Izati had to come back hehe.. Sian Ti!

Sunday, 2 October 2016

I was finally allowed to eat, much to my delight. The nurse yang in charge of food pun (the same one from the surgical ward) pun lega sbb she knows how many days I'd been fasting by then. Nurse yg dengar pasal I could eat tu pun amused apaaaa tgk I was so excited bleh makan but my tummy protested. Sbb dah lama tak mkn kot, pedih giler!

My morphine thingey was taken away since I didn't need it anymore (semalam tu pun mcm tak la beza sgt pun) and then the catheter for my urine was also (why can't I think of another word besides 'disconnected'?) dicabut and I rushed to the bathroom for a quick wash down (sblm tu asyik sponge bath je), brushing my teeth and all. Lega sangat even if it hurt to move so much.

Mama and Izati arrived just after 12pm bringing me a fresh change of underwear haha.. Terus lari (ok, tipu la sbb tak leh lari but I went as fast as I could) ke toilet to change. I didn't tell my friends sgt pun about me being admitted and all but still I received 2 visitors (yang dah dipesan bnyk kali tak payah datang!) that day who somehow made me smile despite me not wanting to see anyone benonye. Anuar arrived bearing gifts: books and donuts! Mengidam dari aritu kan ♡♡♡ He also let me borrow his charger though I didn't actually use it in the ward. Felt a bit awkward la kot since I'm not really used to him but this sweet gesture managed to cheer me up and help me forget things I didn't want to think about then (ye, time ni I was starting to realize what has actually happened to me). Then petang skit Ina Penguin sampai with Rania, Keysha and AA la, of course. The last time I met her was during her wedding and I had a good time talking with her then. Sebelum balik, she whispered to me that she thought she was pregnant and was gonna check that night. I was so happy for her =) =) =)

That night I let myself have a proper shower.. which should take 10 minutes tops tp took me almost half an hour due to my condition then. Tp leganyaaaa Tuhan je yg tau =) And to my horror? Amusement? I fell asleep 5 minit lepas balik dari mandi, boley? Nak mandi pun penat ehh..


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