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Friday, January 07, 2011

I consider myself independent but..

..sometimes I still DO need other peoples help.

And believe me, I do not like asking for help unless I really need it, especially if I'm not feeling well at the said time. I don't even like being in the presence of people when I'm not well and not just because I don't wanna spread around the bug. Lets just say, being sick bring out the melancholy me haha.. like one time when I was having a fever, my older cousin (whom I'm close to and who is my partner-in-gaduh whenever we balik kampung) who at that moment was thinking of a way to 'carik pasal', had second thought when he saw how pale I was, thus, tak jadi nak carik pasal and asked me how I was feeling. It was this gesture of concern that made me burst into tears and sangat malu I felt at that time, crying while thinking, what the hell was wrong with me?

See, understand why I don't want to be around people when I'm sick? I'm just gonna be all emotionally sensitive tahapehape!

But it was different last Sunday. I'd been feeling a bit dizzy and my tummy felt a bit funny since the morning but it wasn't really such a big deal at the moment. But then, that night, right after I finished my Isya' prayers, my tummy was in such pain, I had to sit down. It was like the menstrual pain (only it wasn't my time of the month!) and I wasn't sure if I wanted to go to the toilet or throw up or find a hot water bottle to soothe my tummy.

I was thinking of driving to the nearest clinic to seek medical attention when I suddenly felt like throwing up.. and throw up, I did! The first round left me trembling and shaking and I realized I was in no shape to drive alone and I didn't know what to do. I didn't really like asking for help, especially tengah² malam mcm tu but when I couldn't stop throwing up AND since the throwing up made me feel worse instead of better, I knew I HAD to ask for help.

Unfortunately for me, me neighbours umah no 40 weren't home.. ALL of them. One of them told me tehy were in Seberang Jaya so they were already outta the question. I didn't know what else to do. So I tried contacting a few friends while dreading how I'm intruding into their lives in the middle of the night and in between messages, I was running to the toilet every now and then.

It came to the point where I was holding on to the sink to help me stand since I really felt very weak and all that. After I'd threw up everything in my tummy, I felt a tad bit better though very tired of the ordeal and a bit empty in the stomach.

I didn't think I needed to go to the clinic anymore as I was too tired to do anything else than try to sleep and by that time, I felt a bit ashamed at myself for asking help around so I sent a message to friends I'd ask for help earlier and really apologizing for disturbing them.

One of them replied telling me it was okay but also telling me to call her if I need anything( which I told myself, tak payah ko since I just wanted to rest)but the other just kept quiet till now.

I know, I shouldn't feel hurt as it was me who wanted to ask for help. But its been bothering me all week now.. and making me feel a bit sad you know. Its as if what I did was something unforgivable and unthinkable.. and maybe it actually is? :(

I'm really, really sorry! I never meant to distrupt anyone's weekend or something but I'd never ask for help if I didn't really need it. I would've gone to the clinic myself if I could but that night I was very² sure that I wasn't in a good state to drive and THATS the only reason why I needed help. I'm sorry if what I did was wrong and insensitive to peoples resting time.

It would feel so much better if my apologies were accepted or even rejected instead of ignored.. :(

9 comments:

Teja Mama Tuah said...

Kak Ayu, tu adalah salah satu sebab nomi jarang mintak tolong dgn orang lain. Bukan nak berlagak sombong atau nak berlagak kuat ke apa. Tapi..macam ni lah.

Risau kalau pertolongan yang kita mintak tu menganggu orang lain. Kadang-kadang orang terpaksa mengorbankan masa untuk tolong kita,yang maybe masa tu diorang tengah ada hal penting atau tengah meluangkan masa ngan orang tersayang dan lain-lain keadaan yang sewaktu dengannya.

Pastu..ada pulak yang akan kata kita ni berlagak, kalau tak mintak tolong ngan diorang. Padahal kita risau kalau pertolongan yang kita mintak tu menyusahkan orang. HuHuHu.

Ayu Ikhwani said...

Hmm.. tu la Nomi.. tah la, akak kecik ati pun ade tp rase cam nyesal pun ade.. bkn la salahkan org tu kot, tp lebih pada rase cam nape la akak ni sampai perlu nak mntk tolong kat org jugak? =(

blackmountain said...

aiyoo yoo Ayu..salah makan kut yg muntah2 smpi camtu? glad to know u're feeling ok now..

jgn la rasa bersalah mtk tlg,semua org at one point kena mtk tlg org lain jgk kan..none of what happened that night was ur fault,tmbh2 part muntah2 tu..

& k.anis rasa bkn depa ignore u, just maybe sbb Ayu msg blk & tell them u're ok, so depa assume u no longer needed their help..

kalau k.anis yg jd mcm Ayu, abih dah semua yg dlm phonelist k.anis call heheh..I can drama queen..

Ayu Ikhwani said...

Kak Anis: Maybe kot salah makan, tak penah pun kene camtu.. seryesly thought of the worst je mase tu.. Hmm, tatau la, sampai arini mcm dok tertanye², marah ke sy mntk tolong haha.. I know, mybe sy je sensitip lebey but I would've rather had the person bgtau me dia tak suke I dok kacau mlm² camtu ke instead of ignoring it.. aisshhh, susah jadik org terlebey sensitip nih hahah..

~miScHiEvOus_GaL~ said...

Ayu, ko x sms or call aku pun..kenapa? aku g school cari ko x jumpa2 pun.. =(

Lee Zha said...

tringt lak ms kt kmpus..4 sem duk umah skali..tp tiap2 kali lau bdk uamh (bdk yg sm stp sem) demam o sakit..za org 1st yg akan jg dorg..bg mkn o tuam..smp pnh za mtk excuse lect blik awl..

tp yg gila2 sdey..ms sem 2 kot..1st tym kena migrain, toksah ckp la. mcm nk pecah kpla. kbtln demam. mtk tlg dorg 6 org tu (sb de 7 org suma)blikn bubur nasi n panadol sb tlalu lapar n xlrt nk bgn...

none of them tlg..plg best dorg tgl za sorg2 kt umah...dorg g tdo umah len..dorg g tdo tu pn lps za mtk tlg blikn..

siyes smp skg xkn penah lupa! ms dorg skt, i like a mum yg jg dorg..teman, tuam, wat mknn, bg ubat..tp bila waktu za lak..hmmm..ntah la..

lau mcm akak, mgkin 'reason' msg2 de fmaly blh d pkai guna..but za? yg duk hostel 8 org 1 rmh..logik ke x? pdhal kdai mkn sblh kmpus je.. huuuu

AriNaz Since 1984 said...

..nanges sebab x dapat nk membantu on that time sbb mmg xde kat kawasan berdekatan !!..*nangeskuat~

Ayu Ikhwani said...

Yun: Adeh.. tak teringt.. tp mase tu baru balik umah awak.. dah la berhari dok tido umah awak.. ganggu plak

Zha: Siannye Zha.. sampai ati diorg eh.. takpe, Tuhan tau ape Zha dah buat.. klau akak, mesti kceik ati giler ni :(

Arep: Alaa.. lek la Arep! Kan mase tu Arep dah bgtau kat akak yg Arep takde :) Akak bkn ckp pasal Arep la.. akak tau, klau korg ade kat umah, mmg akak leh harap kat korg nye.. thanx!!!

Ayu Ikhwani said...

Yun: Adeh.. tak teringt.. tp mase tu baru balik umah awak.. dah la berhari dok tido umah awak.. ganggu plak

Zha: Siannye Zha.. sampai ati diorg eh.. takpe, Tuhan tau ape Zha dah buat.. klau akak, mesti kceik ati giler ni :(

Arep: Alaa.. lek la Arep! Kan mase tu Arep dah bgtau kat akak yg Arep takde :) Akak bkn ckp pasal Arep la.. akak tau, klau korg ade kat umah, mmg akak leh harap kat korg nye.. thanx!!!