This is ridiculous.. dah seminggu dah ni! Damn you pacat!!

*This entry tiade gambo yg gross² but what I wanna say might be a tad bit yucky to some*

Around 8~9 days ago, half the school was attacked by those lil bloodsuckers!

Okay, tu ayat drama lebey.. tak la mcm kene attack sungguh-sungguhan but since the whole 1st year batch plus a few staff and postgrads were doing some jungle tracking, memang ramai la kene gigit pacat kan. I don't think anyone was spared.

Anyway, tho I hate Mr K, I don't really mind these lil Miss Pacats. Maybe coz Miss Ps were abundant in my childhood tiap kali balik kampung so tho I'd rather not meet one, I'm not afraid of them. In fact, most of the time if I realized they've already started 'feasting' on my blood, I'd just let them be. Klau yg masih mencari² port nak isap darah tu, I cabut laaa..

It happened that I gave quite a kenduri to the lil Miss Ps and had 'punctures' all over my legs, with two of the largest (yg jadik cam port paling femes coz other lil Miss Ps kept berulang alik going back there everytime I checked my legs to find any pacat) that did not stop bleeding even on Monday afternoon (we went on the jugle track on Sunday morning).

Not that I minded much, except for the itchiness that came with it. Its usually okay after a day so I didn't do anything except wash the 'wounds'.

But everyday it became more itchy for me to the stage that I couldn't sleep at night, dealing with it. Then a few days ago, almost all wounds started to get swollen and reddish while the itchinees turned to real pain.

I was a bit suprised at this since I usually get over a Miss P bite quite quickly but this was getting ridiculous.

Then last night, it was the height of itchinees for me. I couldn't sleep a wink and before that, I was busy scratching (not using fingernails) through my jeans to ease the feeling during my class. This moning, I realized one of the largest wounds had pus in it and this made me realized, I might have become allergic to these pest over the years sbb dah lame tak kene gigit pacat kan.

All pictures have been edited hahah.. and since my phone pun idak le canggih the manggih so tak nmpk sgt kot but I can assure it, memang merah and purple mcm lebam giler dah rupe dia.. macam kene dera.

If you can see, amidst the redness, theres this not-so-tiny black spots where the Miss Ps telah puncture.. gatal hokey! Berlubang pun ye bile diusik.. =(

These are the 4 tiniest wounds, di pacat² yang tak dpt makan bnyk sbb tersorok under my socks kot time tu hahah..

Anyway, went to the clinic and was told I might have a severe allergic reaction to these bloodsuckers.. pulakkkk! Sebelum ni ok je.. I was given some meds (ye, sy tau sy ngade tp nak buh gak kat sini =p)

Two creams tau.. one to put on the puncture and the other to rub onto the swollen parts of the bite. The one for the puncture kate Yee same with ubat untuk kene Charlie! Then I got some antibiotics and ubat gatal a.k.a ubat tidur sy mase sekolah menengah.. opppsss!

The doctor told me to come back if those meds didn't work and I'm still baffled on why kali ni sy tak tahan wpun selame membesar, dah tak terkire je pun kene pacat and tak penah pun jadik camni. Maybe its like what I said to Jaja: Ni pacat utan, liar skit! Tu yg gatal melampau.. klau kat kebun Abah tu, pacat jinak heheh..

Sy dpt brg chumel! Hehe..

Actually nak update paal new years resolution and aim.. tp kan, dah 22 hb la pulak hahah.. aledi mau masuk bulan baru maaa.. malu je nak tulis pasal bende lame². So kite cari topik baru ☺

(Ceh! Budget org dok bace sgt la blog ni kaaaannn hahah..)

Anyway, yesterday Fared came to school. Cuti 2 minggu katenye, musti rindu kat kitorang sesgt tu yg sibuk nak dtg school kan hehe.. I knew about him coming from kak Jah but didn't know bile. Then he text me on Wednesday wanting to order some cupcakes for his 1-year-old niece so I knew he was coming on Friday (yesterday).

I was busy preparing the cupcakes inthe morning that I didn't come to school then. After Jumaat prayers, he called me. Risau sy lupe pasal cupcake la tu hahah.. then told me he had something on my desk for me (mase tu sy singgal bilik Rashid and Yun for some dadih yg Yun excited buat hari sblm tu)..

..so dgn perasaan sgt curiousnye, I went to my cube and tadaaaa~~

Yeay! Hahah.. I got an apron and oven mitts. Memang dah lame nak beli apron pun coz decorating cakes sometime lead to me jugak kene decorate ngan segala buttercream ngan fondant hahah.. tp kan Fared, akak cam sayang je nak gune 2-2 ni. Ade yg simpan jek tak pakai kan hehe..

*Anyway, itu ade lah hint ye bile sy ckp sy dah lame nak carik apron.. besday sy lagi 2 bln ye* <--YaAllah! Statement tak malu tuuuuuuu haha..

Then sblm dia balik, since ramai yg tak dtg school, he asked me to help pass some souveniers to other friends in school.. dan sebagai upah (la kotttt!), I got another thing..

Chumel ok! Ni pun cam syg nak gune tp nak gune gakkkk hehe..

Suke tau dpt brg chumel =p

Anyway, in pulak gambo cupcakes untuk anak sedare Fared itu (Huhhh.. ni buh last la kan sbb sibuk nak tayang adiah chumel yg dpt smlm!)

Aim untuk tahun baru.. err, bkn ke dah 21hb ke arini, Ayu?

Okay.. okay.. I know! New years has left us 3 weeks ago and tetibe I'm thinking of writing about my resolutionkah?

Heheh.. tak lahh! =p

I don't usually make yearly resolutions. Biasenye resolutions made bile terpk nak buat je pun but this year I DO have one main aim: Mau abis amik data and at least 3-quarters of my analysis and writing by, lets say, September! Nak kate mid-year, mcm tak tercapai dek tangan lah pulak kan hehe..

Anyway, I've actually wanted to write about this from 1st January lagik but too many things happened from then till now. 2nd day of the year, I had a severe stomachache. Okay la, I dunno la how to rate it sbb tak penah sakit perut camtu, but lets just say sy sanggup lagik kene period pain tak berenti sepanjang ari dari sakit perut mcm tu lagi. Luckily I just needed some rest.. (and unluckily, an afterthought of that incident is still bothering me..)

Then last week we had the Civil Moment of Friendship Camp which since I don't have any pictures, sy tak berperasaan nak tulis lagi.. kot! But I enjoyed it thought the leech bites we had to endure are still itchy till today.. aishhh, pacat hutan kot camni? Bese kene pacat, idak le gatey camni! In fact, two 'punctures' were still bleeding the next afternoon.. sheesh! Anyway, tgk la klau ade gambo dari memane, maybe I'll post here (Okay.. ni cam tak malu dok budget ade org bace blog ni la sgt kaaaaannn hahah..)

Okay, lepas bace both paragraphs above, sgt la terase yg sy ni bnyk alasan kan? Heheh..

Anyway, what I wanted to write about was something I thought about on the new years eve. Last year, me and a few friends 'celebrated' new years eve by watching Sherlock Holmes secare berjemaah sebelum pekene Char Koay Teow Bandar Perda.

This year, I went to Yun's house before a friend called 'nak ajak makan'. I thought, ok la, bleh gak nak sembang² but it turned out sy telah diculik dan dibawa ke karaoke centre hahah..

Ohhh tidaaakkk~~ Ayu pegi karaoke centre?!?! Miracle ok.. miracle.. tp sy tak le nyanyi.. kang ujan ribut taufan Pt Buntar ni kang..

Anyway, it got me thinking. Bnyk bende yg org biase buat, tp sy tak penah buat cam karaoke ni aritu la. Also other normal things like enjoying the sunset (well, kene la jugak factor in nak solat Maghrib sumer jugak kan) yg seriously sy tak penah buat, believe it or not! I've never even tempered with my hair: straighten ke, kasik perm ke (nak kaler sy tak minat and takmo pun, ok!). Only done normal cut yg straight je takde layer² yg simple tu pun wpun every hairdresser I've ever went to ade mcm² idea je nak main ngan rambut sy tp sy sentiase kecewekan mereka dan mntk potong straight je.. boring kan!

I've also NEVER sewn my own baju kurung (and I'm a girl, for God's sake!). Boleh tak sy penah tempah baju kurung kat Mat.. yup! A GUY! Yg pandai jahit baju. Klau setakat jahit butang ke (yg selalu senget benget) or jahit bodo² tu boley la.. yg mane di mase yg same, sy berharap takde org take a closer look at it klau tak konpem sy kene halau balik form 1, belajar balik asas menjahit dlm Kemahiran Hidup.

So I made up my mind yang this year would be the year of trying!

(Ohhh.. now that I've said it, I've really dug a great big hole for me to fill eh!)

Its not a resolution ke ape ke.. just for the fun of it to colour up my otherwise black-and-white life. But I really wanna try to do things I've never ever done before in my life this year. Granted, tak semestinye ianye ialah bende² giler gah cam wowza style (like panjat Twin Towers ke ape ke hahah.. ohh tidakkk!), just bende² normal yg org len biase buat but I've NEVER done out of cowardice or maybe plain ignorance..

..though, its actually a bad start since I can't figure out WHAT new thing I wanna try out first! Heheh.. huh! Cakap je lebey Ayu ni hehe..

But seriously, I think I wanna try. I wanna look back at the end of this year and see that my life is actually quite colourful instead of mcm statik je in a straight line year after year. I wanna do things that I wouldn't have done before and I wanna make each moment count (even when I hate it!)

Though tidaklah akan ku, for example, jahit baju sendiri dlm mase terdekat ni kan since bnyk je tailor di USM nih yg boleh anto baju heheh.. but who knows, maybe bleh berguru ngan kak Ainun ke atau Mat ke and by the end of this year, I might have my very first handmade baju.. kan.. kannn!

Right now, I really think that I'm gonna try doing different things this year. Start small la kan, insignificant to others but mean something to me ke kan. Lets see if I ever feel like this again and actually do it instead of cakap je kan.. but hopefully, I'll manage! ☺

(Apepun, sy salahkan Awang dan Zabidi sbb buat sy sedar yg sy tak normal cam org len hahah..)

Horror giler!

I'm officially a big, fat liar!

*sigh*

A few days ago, I was in my friends room with a couple of other students. We were doing our usual joking around and all that when one of our lecturers (my friend's supervisor) came in and joined in the joke. Let's call him Dr A. A while later, Dr B joined us and before long, he was hinting on finding someone for his friend, Dr C.. scratch that, I'll call him Dr Z coz he's the last person anyone would ever consider since he is soooo annoying!

But since Dr A and Dr B were the kindly type of lecturers, we were too polite to ever say anything bad about Dr Z in front of them even when Dr A jokingly asked Dr B to pair me up with Dr Z.. duhhh! Sib baik laaa Dr A ni baik, tak sampai hati la sy nak tunjuk camne tak suke nye sy kat Dr Z ni, eventho he was only joking.

However, I'm the type of person who's face would turn red at EVERYTHING! Damn my cappilaries! C'mon la, I turn red even at the slightest thing but somehow Dr B thought I had turned red because I liked Dr Z.. huwaaaaa! Tidaaaakkkk~~

Lucky for me since most of us didn't like Dr Z pun, my friends didn't encourage the idea but onl;y laughed politely at Dr B's attempts. Still, my friend told me that that afternoon, Dr B had asked for my phone number so he could be the matchmaker! Sib baik la my friend buat² like he left his phone at home so he could'nt give out my number.

Then, late this morning, I was doing the finisihng touches to some cupcakes my student had ordered, I received a call from an unknown number. Thinking it was from the tuition centre regarding our gaji yang masiuh tak nampak batang idungnye, I picked up the phone and actually felt my face fall when I recognized Dr B's voice telling me 'someone' wanted to ask me out for lunch.. what the hell!!

Marahnye sy but I had to be polite to Dr B who thought he was doing me a good turn.. duh! I considered telling him I was fasting but didn't think it was a good enough reason. But when he told me, "Jangan la risau, sy temankan supaya kamu tak berdua saja.." I felt like, I must end it before more misunderstandings come to surface so I said the first thing that came to my mind..

"Tak boleh la Dr, nanti boyfriend saya marah.."

Ughhh.. I felt my face grow hot at the lie (See, I told you my face akan merah at the slightest thing!) but I stuck with the lie when he asked me if it was true that I actually had a boyfriend and wasn't as single as he thought I was.. and I LIED right through my teeth!

It made me feel bad when he apologized but I just made a cheery sort of voice and said it was ok!

But once I disconnected, my mind went straight to my friend (yg apparantly tidakl bersalah memberikan number phone sy). Sib baik la phone kene barr so I couldn't actually yell at him there and then..

Sheesh! I seriously do not like anyone trying to matchmake me with anyone I could hardly stand.. in fact, I avoid matchmaking at all (unlsee I'm the one doing the matchmaking hahah)

..and I hate it that I've started my new year with being a liar! Adeh!!

I consider myself independent but..

..sometimes I still DO need other peoples help.

And believe me, I do not like asking for help unless I really need it, especially if I'm not feeling well at the said time. I don't even like being in the presence of people when I'm not well and not just because I don't wanna spread around the bug. Lets just say, being sick bring out the melancholy me haha.. like one time when I was having a fever, my older cousin (whom I'm close to and who is my partner-in-gaduh whenever we balik kampung) who at that moment was thinking of a way to 'carik pasal', had second thought when he saw how pale I was, thus, tak jadi nak carik pasal and asked me how I was feeling. It was this gesture of concern that made me burst into tears and sangat malu I felt at that time, crying while thinking, what the hell was wrong with me?

See, understand why I don't want to be around people when I'm sick? I'm just gonna be all emotionally sensitive tahapehape!

But it was different last Sunday. I'd been feeling a bit dizzy and my tummy felt a bit funny since the morning but it wasn't really such a big deal at the moment. But then, that night, right after I finished my Isya' prayers, my tummy was in such pain, I had to sit down. It was like the menstrual pain (only it wasn't my time of the month!) and I wasn't sure if I wanted to go to the toilet or throw up or find a hot water bottle to soothe my tummy.

I was thinking of driving to the nearest clinic to seek medical attention when I suddenly felt like throwing up.. and throw up, I did! The first round left me trembling and shaking and I realized I was in no shape to drive alone and I didn't know what to do. I didn't really like asking for help, especially tengah² malam mcm tu but when I couldn't stop throwing up AND since the throwing up made me feel worse instead of better, I knew I HAD to ask for help.

Unfortunately for me, me neighbours umah no 40 weren't home.. ALL of them. One of them told me tehy were in Seberang Jaya so they were already outta the question. I didn't know what else to do. So I tried contacting a few friends while dreading how I'm intruding into their lives in the middle of the night and in between messages, I was running to the toilet every now and then.

It came to the point where I was holding on to the sink to help me stand since I really felt very weak and all that. After I'd threw up everything in my tummy, I felt a tad bit better though very tired of the ordeal and a bit empty in the stomach.

I didn't think I needed to go to the clinic anymore as I was too tired to do anything else than try to sleep and by that time, I felt a bit ashamed at myself for asking help around so I sent a message to friends I'd ask for help earlier and really apologizing for disturbing them.

One of them replied telling me it was okay but also telling me to call her if I need anything( which I told myself, tak payah ko since I just wanted to rest)but the other just kept quiet till now.

I know, I shouldn't feel hurt as it was me who wanted to ask for help. But its been bothering me all week now.. and making me feel a bit sad you know. Its as if what I did was something unforgivable and unthinkable.. and maybe it actually is? :(

I'm really, really sorry! I never meant to distrupt anyone's weekend or something but I'd never ask for help if I didn't really need it. I would've gone to the clinic myself if I could but that night I was very² sure that I wasn't in a good state to drive and THATS the only reason why I needed help. I'm sorry if what I did was wrong and insensitive to peoples resting time.

It would feel so much better if my apologies were accepted or even rejected instead of ignored.. :(