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Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Pissed


To a certain person and certain friends who think they're doing me something good, when in reality, they're not only scaring me, but also in a way, pissing me off (a bit.. sorry!)..

I'm single, and I'm not gonna lie that I'm happy with it, but I'd also be lying if I say I'm completely scared about it. I mean, I'm happy! I've got friends, I've got sisters and brothers, I've got my parents and extended family around me.. not to mention a special lil' brother and two special cousins who don't have any blood relation with me!

See.. I'm not really THAT lonely! Maybe I'm just picky and fussy, waiting for the right guy to come along and sweep me off my feet. And maybe you're saying, "Who are YOU to be so selective anyway? You're no Miss World!"

Yeah.. I know that! But feelings come from the heart, NOT from the head. If it came from the head, God forbid, the world would be such a dull place! But then again, coming from the heart, it becomes a complicated matter, and very hard to explain.. But I'll try!

Like I said, I'm no beauty queen, so I don't care how you look like and DON'T EVER SAY I GO FOR THE LOOKS! You can look like Mr Bean for all I care, but whats important is how you look like deep down inside.

I don't care how much you make in a year. You can make RM 20 000 per month but it won't affect the way I see you. I've learnt that money doesn't really buy happiness though the lack of it could turn a rose-coloured glass into a dusty one. I myself come from a middle class family, so you can't possibly think I'm impressed when you say, "The other girls are only after my money" Duuuuhhhhh.. *rolling eyes*

I don't care what your family background is, my own family is an almost-broken-but-not-quite one itself so why should I be so picky on other peoples family?

As for your education, you don't really think it matters what qualifications you have, do you? Duuuuuuhhh.. And just because I'm not confident in my masters, it doesn't mean you have the right to ask me, "Agak², boleh lepas ke?" as if THAT's what you're hoping for. I mean, its my life okay, and I can say anything about it but don't you dare belittle me that way!

And just because you work as an engineer, you don't have to expect ME to wanna be an engineer too.. Even if I wanted to be one before. I have realistics vision of myself, okay! So don't keep asking me about being an engineer too..

And yeah.. maybe I'm a dreamy girl, with romantic notions going in my head when I'm in the mood.. but lying to me is totally unromantic! C'mon, you tell me something else, you tell the others something else and you make me all confused AND MAD!!! Then you have the guts to tell me I'm unapproachable?

Then you tell our friends a different story and make me wanna avoid them for a VERY long time. What do you think you're doing?

You don't even know me! I'm very certain, that if I ask you my birthdate, you won't know the answer.. So how is this going to prove ALL THOSE nonsense you've been telling me for the past 2 years?!? And you think you can tell me that I've been making you wait for too long?????
Do you even know whats important to me?
.
.
.

Its the small things that matter to me.. but I admit, I'm greedy for them!

Its the remembering of importants dates (eg. my BIRTHDAY haha..) and its in the reminding each other of other important days. Reminding me of the certain days its good (read: sunat) to fast (eg. Aasyuraa).

Its caring about my likes and dislikes. Knowing my favourite songs. Knowing my favourite movies.. and though you might not understand why I like all those kind of songs and movies, you don't ridicule me. I don't mind it if you just laugh at me being silly, but it hurts me when you don't wanna try to understand but just laugh unkindly.

Its in showing your interest in the small things I like. My favourite colours (you don't even know what they are!). My craze for any kind of chocolates (and you say I wanna fatten myself up with them). My love of books and how much I spend on them (instead of ridiculing me about them!)

Its in noticing the good and bad in me. Noticing my habits and behaviours. Noticing the things that make me smile, laugh or even cry. Even laughing about all of it with me. I don't care, coz I know that means you really care. And though we would definitely laugh about it, I appreciate people who don't try to change me. But when you say, I was never like that before, you hurt me again! Coz I KNOW who I am, and my closest friends know that too.. So how could you, who claim you care for me, say I was never like that before? And when you try to change me to suit you, well, thats just the final straw!

Its in entertaining my far fetched dreams. Yeah, I don't mind you laughing at them but I hate it when you say I'm talking nonsense!

Its in laughing along with me, and making me see the humour in lifes ups and downs.. not scoffing at things that make me laugh and making me feel like I'm an idiot

Its in understanding what makes me 'ME' and in accepting everything about me, no matter how bizzare and strange it might seem. My weird sense of direction, my clumsiness, my forgetfulness..

In short, its in being my bestfriend!

I'm not trying to compare here, but IM taught me how happy you can make someone feel when you try to understand all those small things. He knew without telling my favourite songs and movies and though he might feel I'm silly, he always reminded me whenever those kinda movies were on tv, or he'd send me those kinda songs he knew I'd like.

And no, I'm not trying to change you. I just want you (and our other friends) to understand that maybe, I'm not the one you really want. JUST THINK.. will you? Please..

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