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Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Wedding bells and a broken heart..

I was going through my messages just now and stopped at a message I received from Mama a few days ago. She was telling me that my brother, Adi was having a fever the whole day before and told me her suspicions of the cause of his fever.

Two days before, his ex-girlfriend got married!

Well, maybe most of you who don’t know me would wonder,” What’s the big deal?” But to those who have known me AND this girl (especially my schoolmates), they’d understand. You see, in school, Zubaidah wasn’t just my junior.. She was also known as ‘Adik Ipar Ayu’.

I first heard about her when Adi was in standard 4. He had shown me the love letter she had sent to him and he was smiling excitedly. Apparently, he had been eyeing her ever since she came to his class and how happy he was when she liked him too. He even fought with his best friend since his best friend also like her, but in the end, let just say that he won her heart.

When I was in form 1 (and both of them in standard 5), I came face to face with her. I was going to see my other brother, Ikram, receive his prize while catching up with old friends during the prize giving ceremony in my old school. Suddenly, a cute little girl came up to me and asked,”Ni kak Yong ke? Saya adik Zubaidah, nak jumpa Zubaidah tak?”

I was a bit shocked to see this small girl coming up to me like this but soon I smiled when I realized there was another girl hiding behind a bush in front of us. Haha, I was introduced to Zubaidah by her own sister.. and NOT by my brother himself.

Back home, I teased Adi endlessly about how cute his girlfriend was and he smiled proudly all along. After that, whenever I came home from the hostel, he’d come and talk to me about her. Though I always laughed and teased him about it, I was secretly pleased to hear how they got along well especially when I saw how much it changed Adi positively.

When they entered secondary school, my senior (who lived near Zubaidah’s house) came along to tell me that Zubaidah was coming to AlMashoor and before long, a lot of my friends had heard about my ‘sister-in-law’. In a way, they seemed more excited in meeting her.

When I first met her in school, she was so shy, I was laughing everytime I met her.. but we hit it off, though not immediately, but lets just say we grew very close with each day. By then, my friends were always teasing her whenever she met me but I guess she grew used to it in the end.

The plus in being the big sister of her boyfriend is that I always received my favorite chocolates and other tidbits. Hehe, she must’ve learnt all about what I liked from Adi. She was like a younger sister to me and all my friends treated her the same way, making her one of the favourites of my class. Whenever we went home, she’d call Adi but if, unfortunately, I was the one who picked up the phone, Adi would have to wait since we girls chatted like, well, like girls la when we’re together.

When I was in form 5, Abah organized this motivational programme for all the exam goers. Since Zubaidah was in form 3, sitting for her PMR, she also had to go. Lucky for Adi, Abah asked him to join us too and it was then that the whole school knew about them thus adding another nickname to her (also known by the teachers): ‘Menantu Dr Zainal’! After that, the teachers always referred her as ‘adik kamu laaa..’

However, they had their first big fight after that and broke up. Though I would’ve laughed to see Adi moping around the house, I also pitied him as he seemed quite heart broken. But fate still wanted them together when both were offered a place at the same school and before long, Adi was happily telling me that they were back to being an item.

They were always studying together (both families made strict rules for them to study ONLY at either houses, ours or her, as they had seemed too much into each other.. but hey, they really obeyed those rules.. as long as they could study together). By this time, she was already calling my parent, Abah and Mama and all of us were also calling her mother, Umi! Yeah, she was one of the family and sometimes seemed to be like Abah’s favourite daughter!!!

One thing I remember the most, when they went to get their SPM results together, they had taken a bus all around the Penang Island, making both sets of parents and families so worried that the phone was always ringing. You’ve got to remember, this wasn’t the era of handphones for school children yet! Zubaidah’s grandma was so worried that she threatened to force them to get engaged once they came back home. Though I laugh at it now, it was a serious matter back then hehe..

As they continued their studies together, though at different institutes, the strain of it finally caught up with them. Till now, I don’t really understand the real cause of their breakup, but I DO remember how mad all of us were at Adi till he asked us, who was the REAL family, him or her? I mean, all of us backed Zubaidah, even Abah who was always telling us he didn’t one anyone of us to get married with anyone outside of Perak (Yet accepted the Penangite Zubaidah!)

Zubaidah was a total mess, making me more angry at Adi. She called me nearly everyday, crying! On her birthday, she talked about how Adi always remembered her birthday eversince they were in standard 5 and cried when she told me he didn’t even wish her Happy Birthday that year. On Valentines Day she’d call me, telling me about the gifts she received but she’d be crying when she told me Adi didn’t even think of her. It broke my heart seeing her like this when she was always so cheerful and Mama was always calling her to check if she was okay!

However, as the months went by, she called more seldom. I was also too busy to call her and in the end, we lost contact. In a way, I knew it hurt her to talk with me since I was Adi’s sister so I didn’t want to push her.

Still, I always thought about her.. I always missed her cheerful ways and how alike we both were. Always remembering each others birthday and always giving card without special occasions and loving surprises and tricks we pulled on each other.. the fights we had about Snoopy (my favourite cartoon) and Garfield (hers).. and quarrelling about who was ‘cuter’ (me or her haha..).. or just plain chatting with each other..

A few weeks ago, when I went home to Penang, I was going through my things when I found some old letters and cards as well as photos. I felt a lump in my throat when I read all the letters (w/pun duk satu sekolah) and cards she used to send me, sometimes just because she saw me looking a bit sad! I nearly cried when I looked through the photos, especially a framed photo she gave me of herself and her Garfield. Umi had helped to clean up the room and I dunno how she must’ve felt when she saw the picture, I daren’t ask.. I know, like us, she was also affected by their breakup.. especially since (I heard) Zubaidah had changed so much..

Umi had told us about her wedding, but deep down inside me, I couldn’t accept it. I still feel as if she’s MY ‘adik ipar’. I know Mama feels the same as the sms that prompt me to write this entry also stated,”Pagi ni teringat kat Zubaidah, rasa sedih gak.. dia jadi menantu orang lain”

Yeah, it might have a double meaning (Like:Ayu, bile you pulak nak bagi Mama menantu nih? Haha..) but I know how she felt..

I just couldn’t face it. I could’ve asked for a leave from my class but I didn’t want to. For selfish reasons, I’d rather NOT see her getting married to someone else than Adi. Especially since I know how Adi feels now! At least, for this time, let me be on Adi’s side as I had not been there earlier. No, I’m not mad at Zubaidah, dah bukan jodoh, but my brother needs me more.

Just a few weeks earlier, he told me, Zubaidah was the best girl he had ever met. She was his bestfriend as well as his lover. She changed him and I hope, he had changed her too. And both had stood up to each other during the growing up years and it’s such a shame that they’re not speaking to each other anymore. And no matter how sad I am, Adi must’ve felt the blow even more. He regrets it all, but I guess its too late now.

Yeah.. it makes me sad, but that does’t mean that I don’t want the best for them. So for Zubaidah; though you’re no longer my little billy goat, I wish all happiness in your life and may you be blessed by Allah always. May there be a day where things would be better between you and Adi (as friends la..) and may you one day, once again be my sweet billy goat.

And to my brother Adi: Learn from your mistakes. Semue bende ade hikmah, it depends on how we look at things. One day, she might forgive you, and I hope that in turn, you’d learn to forgive yourself too. She’s moved on with her life and I hope you’d move on too. I know, no one can replace her, but open your heart for someone else, ok! I love you, as I also love her too and I hope one day, you’d be good friends again..

Better stop.. I’m feeling all funny now!

*O-oh, now I’m the one who’s crying..*

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