Thursday, January 10, 2013
Just because I'm single.. seriously?!?! ~ Pt2
As I said.. I've been cautious since. Tipulah if I say I don't have married friends and avoid all friends who are husbands.. memang tipu sgt la kan especailly being at an age where even people younger than you have more than 1 kid. BUT, I make sure I know their wives too.. and lucky for me, most of my married guy friends love showing off their wives to us hehe..
Still, I've had situations when no matter what I do, its always wrong.
Take, for instance, a friend of mine whom we'd call B. I've known him even before he got married and at the first chance he got, he introduced me to his, then, girlfriend (now wife) cause he knew his girl had a streak of jealousy in her. I thought I was the last person on earth for her to be jealous of since
1. I'm WAY older than both of them.. ahkak, ok!
2. I'm definitely not beautiful or attractive in any kind of way
3. I've always insisted on being called 'kak' ensuring (or so I thought) their girls that I'm just the big sis
4. I try to be close to her just like I'm close to B. I do anything she asks me to whenever she wants my help and such.
What I got: Being told that 'My wife doesn't want me near you!' is kinda hurting.. and it hurts more when its not said to your face. Seriously?!?! Handsome sgt ka laki hang?!?! Do I look DESPERATE?!?!
This 2nd one is more laughable now then when it happened. This one pulak was with a guy older than me whom I wasn't even close with. He's an assistant in the project I was working on so I always had to be with him (and half a dozen other assistants!!) during data collection season. I knew his wife and NEVER called him at home. If it was absolutely important (by 'important' I mean 'as directed by my boss IMMEDIATELY' since this particular assistant was late) I'd call his wife first, asking permission to speak to him. It was what we (me and the other female researchers) always did, in trying to respect the wife.
What I got: Numerous lengthy smses calling me names that are harmful to the ear and wishing bad things happened to me coz her husband kept talking about me at home. By 'talking about me', I'm guessing he talked about the whole lot of us but since I had the most common name of all, AYU, she somehow imagined he only talked about me. Once again.. seriously?!? I'm single so I'm desperate kah?!?! Ni pun another case of laki hang tak ensem puuuuuuuunnn. Sheeshhh~~
Ni agak menakutkan. At least for me la.. I always try to maintain a friendly demeanour with my colleagues at the place I'm teaching, especially since most of them are way older than me. Old enough to be my dad pun ye.. if my 'dad' married early laaa (Abah married Mama when he was 30++ so I don't have a young dad hehe.. still, he got married younger than me hahah..)
Anyway, I thought they thought of me as their daughter la jugak kan.. Oh, how wrong I was.. at least for his particular one.. and I taught his daughter la, for God's sake! Seryes menyampah giler..
1st he smsed me on Teachers Day, wishing a happy one for me. It was normal since our Boss pun rajin sms everyone on Teachers Day (dengan pesanan, sile carik duit lebih utk dia hahah..) Still, I was a bit annoyed with whomever had given out my phone number but I replied la with the same greeting.. then he kept smsing.
It made me VERY uncomfortable but thinking that this guy thinks of me as his daughter kot, I tried to stay positive, though I stopped replying.
The next day he called almost every hour, even when I didn't pick up. He'd sms asking why I didn't pick up and not wanting to hurt his feelings, I told him I didn't notice the call.. TEETTTT! Wrong move.
This continued for a few more weeks and I was afraid of him. Especially when he'd sms me in the middle of class, commenting on my smile and such.. and I wasn't even replying to his texts. He'd pretend to block me when I wanted to use the stairs even when I'd turn away to take the other stairs and he'd wait downstairs until my class ended even though his had ended 15 minutes earlier. It was tiring pretending I didn't see him or hear him and walk straight to my car while feigning concentration on a bogus call. But did he take a hint.. NO!
I talked about this to a friend and he suggested that I tell (lets call this person C) C I don't like him contacting me.. I did just that the next time C called (which I ignored) and smsed me thus prompting me to do what I had planned.. know what he said?
That was it! I was fuming.. Does he seriously think that because I'm single, I'd just accept what he was doing. Right there and then, I told him I HATED what he was doing and told him to stop it if he didn't want me involving the boss. I also told him to delete my phone number as I didn't want to get any phone calls or smses anymore.
He stopped for a week, but one day while I was teaching, I caught C peeking into my class room. A few minutes later, I received an sms commenting on the colour of the t-shirt I was wearing. I was mad enough to cry angry tears. I pretended I didn't know whose number it was but when he said, "Tak tau ke buat tak tau" and laughed, I snapped.
I tried to be as civil as I could but I'm not sure I'd like to remember what I said to him next. I'm not that good at swearing (Hahah, my brother can second that.. he says 'Kak Yong takde bakat nak maki org!") but I managed a few words I've only heard on P Ramlee movies.
Then, it thankfully stopped! But I could never look at C again.. EVER!
Thus, the current emotion. The previous entry, I wrote that I promised myself that I'd never hurt my mum in ways that involved married men. When I made that promise to myself, I meant it! I avoid any situation that could lead to even a joke about it.
So yes, I was mad when a joke was made that 'I've only got 1 wife, I still have vacancies if she doesn't have anyone else yet'!
And yes, I know it was a joke.
But it doesn't matter if you were among my bestfriend 10 years ago or 15 years ago or even 20 years ago. It doesn't matter if I know you as someone who liked to teased me even then. It doesn't matter that before this, I would've laughed at any jokes you threw at me, knowing you never mean to hurt me and only want me to laugh. It doesn't matter that you are almost family anyway..
What matters is, the joke has fallen into wrong hands! What matters is the joke has come to the attention of a married someone who is cheating on her husband with another married man. What matters is, I feel as if this joke is turning into something else altogether.. as if what this person has been doing all this while is 'right' because it seems that I 'might' be doing it too (though in my case, I'm NOT married la kan.. and most importantly, I'm not wrecking someone else's happiness! I'm not wiping away the smile on your wife's face!) in the near future if given a chance. What matters is, my vocal objections on this persons cheating will seem no longer important and valid coz maybe, just maybe, I AM doing the exact same thing this person is doing..
..and that hurts!
To belittle a promise I made years ago. A promise I still hold on too, even now. Even after feeling like this joke, in my name, is being used to 'validate' a wrong that someone else is committing.
Just because I'm single..
That sure hurts!
Coz as so many CLEVER and INTELLIGENT people know, single people (especially in their 30s like me la kan) are all DESPERATE! Single 30-something people like me will jump at any chance given, even if they know the other person is married.
Maybe its not your fault. You didn't know the joke would go so far, you didn't know that someone who heard about it might use it for their own selfish reasons.. but for today, I'm still blaming you!
They always blame the single girl.. always! But today, its on you!