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Friday, December 09, 2011

A Dream and a Song.. related kah?

I had a strange dream last night.. well, as strange as normal dreams go lah. You know how it is.. you start in one place, end up in another. Start with some people and end up with different ones. Well, that was how it started with mine.. and yeah, it was blurry around the edges, as it normally is jugak.

However, as the meaningless dream went along with me transported here and there, I finally found myself in a hall(?) with some students(?) and my friend, Mak Su. We were commenting on this weird food spread that consists of giant cream biscuits(?) and shredded roti canai(?) in plates smaller than a teacup saucer. Then we wanted to perform our Asar(?) prayers so we headed to the toilet but somehow I ended in the gents instead of the ladies.

It was a blur after that but when it came back in focus, I was in the correct(?) place to take my wudhu' along with Mak Su beside me. As she laughed at me and commented on why I was still wearing my name tag (a habit I could never shake off in real life), we suddenly realized the place to take the wudhu' was unisex. I was suddenly wearing a tudung labuh, not unlike the ones I wore at AlMashoor dulu, while trying to take the wudhu' without taking off my hijab (as what we sometimes did in the hostel once).

As I finished, I felt somebody tap my shoulder so I rearranged my hijab neatly and turned around..

..only to find myself face to face with IM!

He didn't seem suprised to see me though I felt, even in my dream, as if my heart had fallen from my chest. Its already 10.51pm now but I can still picture him as I saw in my dream in a red t-shirt (a colour he never wore except towards the end of his MSc after he had laughed at me for ONLY owning black t-shirts and I had retaliate by reminding him that he only owned black, white and grey t-shirts.. yeah²! I know! I'm boring when it came to colours!) When I continued to look at him in disbelief, Mak Su turned to say something to him and then I woke up.

And I was like, "What the.." (Ya, I know, we're supposed to say Alhamdulillah when we wake up as a thankful gesture that God has given us another day to live.. but I was too suprised.. a moment of weakness, perhaps?)

Throughout the day, I've been wondering, what on earth made me dream of him when I haven't even been thinking of him for a long time (except for a few weeks ago when I told my student a bit about him sbb kunun wanted to help him by sharing something with him.. huh! Teacher Ayu tertipu hahah..). In fact, I thought I was already thinking of someone else altogether but somehow, a distant memory must've snaked itself into my subconscious, making its way into my dreams last night and emerged as the image I saw in my dream.

Nway, I tried my best to ignore the question as I knew that dreams are usually forgotten. In fact, I've had dreams that seem so vivid when I just woke up that I could ponder upon it before forcing myself to jgn malas² lambatkan Subuh.. and around Zohor, I've already forgotten about it. But this one seemed to stubbornly engrave itself in my short-term memory.

However, just now, I was listening to some songs on the PC, but when this song came on, I suddenly understood why (maybe la) I dreamt of him last night..


Say Goodbye ~ Katharine McPhee


If I seem distant 
Baby I am 
Words are like scissors in your hands 
And there’s no script to follow 
So I just close my eyes 
That way it won’t hurt so much 
When we say goodbye 

I feel just like an actress 
Up on the stage 
I can’t believe 
What I’m hearing myself say 
And the porch light is my spotlight 
So I play along with this life 
That way it won’t hurt so much 
When we say goodbye 

Did you ever love me? 
Does it even matter? 
Did you even notice the whole world shatter? 
I just want to hold you ‘til you know I’m sorry 
But I just keep it all inside 
That way it won’t hurt so much 
When we say goodbye 

My heart feels like a circus 
It’s too much to take in 
It’s hard to lose love 
But you were my best friend 

So I walk this high wire 
Alone….tonight 
That way it won’t hurt so much 
When we say goodbye 

That way it won’t hurt so much 
When we say goodbye


Actually, I heard this song on a CSI episode last week and just downloaded it coz I kinda like Katharine McPhee now. Hearing this song throughout the week, nothing actually came to mind but somehow today, I realized it has somehow attached itself to my brain.

(Okay then, this is, ignoring the fact that I have a student with the same name as IM, but spelt with an 'SY' instead of an 'SH'.. but I'm choosing to ignore that coz I've taught that boy for 3 weeks now, and if this boy was the reason for it, I'd've sure dreamt about it so much earlier, right?!)

And instead of feeling sadness, I found myself laughing out loud as I found it hilarious somehow.. apekah?

I mean.. what the hell?!?!

I just couldn't believe myself.. ade ke bleh camtu, Ayu oiii?!

I listened to it a few more time just to make sure, and sure enough, this time around, I got some ol' flashbacks.. like hell! Dah seminggu lebih dengar baru today it triggered something ke ape ke, I dunno.. but it felt stupid too.. =(

Okay, now I feel a bit funny pulak..

Nite²

Assalamualaikum

2 comments:

Irfan Kuroneko said...

I thought ur over him by now .. But since he popped into ur dream , guess not .. Well , as long ur not sad , that's ok ..

p/s : bersyukur la you can dream , few people (like me ..) can't ..

Ayu Ikhwani said...

Hahah.. oiiittt! Very much over kotttt.. just becoz TERdream, doesn't mean anything.. right? =p

Can't dream?!?!