Yesterday while driving, I suddenly had this urge to try remember the time before you were always on my mind.. and I can't seem to remember much.
I do remember a 'before' when I could still tell myself I'm being silly and this was only because I'm lonely or something. When I could still tell myself, nothing is worth destroying a friendship yang susah sangat nak dapat at this age. A time when thoughts did not hurt that much and I could just shrug it off if I wanted to.
Now it's all there is. If I have other thoughts, even in between them, I keep going back there. It's as if I can't think of anything else and I REALLY WANT TO FORGET these stupid, stupid thoughts and feelings.
I'm supposed to independent, strong.. But after last year, I sometimes wish He didn't make me this way. He only tests us on things He knows we can go through.. I wish He didn't think I was this strong :(
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