...just a place for me to go rambling over everything currently happening in my life, sometimes, even to the tiniest detail. And whatever that's unfortunate enough to happen to cross my mind at the very moment when I feel like jotting down something ;)
Saturday, September 03, 2016
When He made me smile
The past few months have been a bit 'disturbing' for me. Not in a 'messing with my life' kinda way, more like a 'messing with my head' thingey.
It's hard sometimes trying to do the right thing and be the right kind of person when your heart wants to wander off to a no man's land. At first I just shrugged it off, convincing myself the feelings were temporary with no basis whatsoever. But somehow, its getting harder and harder to reprimand myself nowadays.
I guess I just have to admit, age is catching up with me and try as might, sometimes I'm scared to think about the future, of being alone specifically. I know, I know.. semua dah tersurat dalam luh mahfuz.. but I'm just a human being with faults.
Like last night, I was suddenly overcome with this sadness and self-pity. I was wallowing in this kinda feeling till I fell asleep. Then this morning, after Subuh, I did my usual Quran recital and one ayat I was reading caught my eyes (and heart, I must say, as I kept thinking about it even after I've turned the page)
Now I must admit, I may have taken Arabic Language for 5 years (B. Arab Tinggi for 2 of those years plak tu) but I'm not really fluent in the language nor can I make simple conversations *ok, malu!* so I didn't really understand what I had read. But somehow, that ayat kept coming back to me so after finishing, I went online to Google the meaning. This below is the ayat I was talking about. From surah An Najm verse 45
And that He creates the two mates - the male and female -
I almost laughed out loud (actually, I think I did!). It was if He was assuring me not to worry.. made me smile too! :)
And suddenly things don't seem so bleak after all. Leave everything to Him as He knows best =) And I'm gals that that's the thought I'm starting my day with today!
P/S It just occurred to me: The last birthday card I ever got from IM, my 23rd, he had written the tafsir of this ayat right at the top of his card to me, no explanation, with a birthday wish below it. Two months after that, we stopped talking.. I don't think I'll ever understand WHY he put this in my card..