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Sunday, May 20, 2012

A Face I've Forgotten

This week has been full of trips down memory lane for me and my fellow KMK-ians (if there is such a word!) You see, a friend had updated the page made for our batch (we actually had a few pages before but its gone too quiet there haha..) and, maybe because of the age we are now where you tend to appreciate that time of your life when you thought nobody understood you, there was a rush of invitations to friends.

Within a day, there were posts and posts about 'remember this' and 'remember that' and from the looks of it, everyone was enjoying it.

As for me, I once again became the girl I was in KMK where I tried to be as invisible as ever while taking in my surroundings. I enjoyed reading the posts and what people were talking about and reminiscing.

Photos were posted, old stories were dug up, well-kept secrets (until now) were revealed and so on. Din even commented on how 'free' everyone was since there was a steady string of updates popping up every minute.. to which most of them replied that they haven't been able to do any work coz they were busy being the the group haha.. some took the liberty to scan old photos (this was the pre-digital camera age, remember!)

Since most of the people posting weren't from my class, heck, not even my 'kuliah' for that sake, I didn't join in the discussions or anything but that didn't stop me from reading and laughing along with all the comments generated..

Anyway, on Friday, I was doing some work (while FBing as usual) when a picture popped up on the updates and from its tag, I knew it was a picture someone had posted in the group. I hadn't really wanted to look at it that much since most photos are from other 'kuliahs' but something (or someone) in that photo caught my eye.. and breath..

I'd forgotten how he looked like. I remember thinking to myself, "Ahh, so this was how he looked like then.." Then catching myself in the act as once upon a time ago, I'd have laughed if someone told me one day I'd forgot his face.

I know, a few months ago I had written about the dream I had where he was in toward the end of it but as dreams go, you know the faces are never clear, always blurry.. but since its your dream, you always know who you're dreaming of.

Well, that made me realize, its actually possible to forget a face.. even if it was so familiar to you before..

The next few days, somehow it was as if almost every picture they uploaded included him.. and no, he's not in the group.. at least I think he's not.

Sometimes, it bought a lump in my throat.. sometimes, I just find something else more important to look at but one day, another picture surfaced. It was of someone's book where he had his friends write something in it. At first I didn't know what drew me to that picture since it was just a scanned image of a page from a book with no headshots whatsoever.. but after reading through the entry right to the signature in the end ONLY did I notice who's handwriting it was.. and to think that once upon a time ago, I always recognized his handwriting no matter where I see it.

It feels somehow.. surreal..

And it didn't help that a few days before, his mother had smsed me. On my birthday, she had sent a text wishing me for it. I couldn't reply as my phone was still barred then and once my phone was reconnected a months later, I had forgotten about her sms. It was during Mother's Day that I remembered about her text and I decided to apologize for not replying as well as wishing a Happy Mother's Day to her.. I felt really guilty when she replied, "Terima kasih sbb ingat kat Mak Cik.. sbb Mak Cik sentiasa ingat kat Ayu.."

Its times like this I wish I didn't have these ghost-like memories.. =(

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