When the phone rings..

Once upon a time ago, I learnt how it felt to badly want to talk to someone at 2-3am in the morning. Sometimes, its because you can't sleep, sometimes its because you just want a shoulder to cry on, sometimes its because you miss someone..

I remember browsing through some blogs and coming upon this entry that asked, "Have you ever laid awake at night, insomnic, and wanting badly to talk to someone who'd listen? You'd scroll down ALL the names in your phonebook, hoping to find a name and number you could call at 3 in the morning?" And hey, that is somehow, the story of my life!

Still, I was lucky! I had friends and family (Thank you, Adi!) who didn't mind the late-night/early-morning calls. Even when I kept crying throughout the phone call, they'd still be there.. listening.. consoling.. just being there!

Thats why I made a promise to myself, to be THAT kinda friend to my other friends.. and I'm glad that I never complain whenever my phone rings at 3am, just because a friend wants to talk. I'm surprised that I don't really mind being woken up in the middle of the night. (In fact, in one case, I was glad I could listen to a friend. He had pretended to call me just to bug me, then when I asked him 'why', he almost broke down and told me his story that gave him sleepless nights. The next morning, it made my day when he sent an sms and thanked me as well as told me that it was the first time he got to sleep peacefully for a long time.. see, I understand now that by merely listening, you could change a whole lot of things for the better.. just like what my friends and brother have been doing for me when I really needed it!). I KNOW how it feels and I wanna be there for them too.. and I've kept my promise until about two days ago!

Its not that I was so tired or anything. I've been dead to the world in the middle of the night and woken up numoerous times, but I still find it easy to answer the phone cheerfully. But this certain someone is really getting on my nerves and I couldn't help snapping at him when he called me.

Lets just say, he's a pervert in the making!!!

Now I guess you guy would understand WHY I hate it when that boy calls. And yes! I'm calling him a BOY coz he's only 18 or something. Kecik² lagi dah belajaq jadi maniac camtu.. C'mon! Just who do you think you are to talk to me like that!!!!

Aaarrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhh!

It didn't help that he had changed his number, so when I first got the phone call from the unknown number, I just answered it.. cheerfully, mind you! Until I heard his voice asking those crazy question, and talking that way that'd make you wanna throw acid in his face (Huiiissshhh, biaq betoi Ayu ni?)

He's really pissing me off now, and though I'm not answering his calls (by the new number), it still affects my mood whenever he tries to call! And I just wanna scream when I see his name on the caller id..

So friends, know any 'serial killers' who might come in handy?

Me and my students.. :)

I have always been a bit 'allegic' to the usage of calculators among lower secondary students. It doesn't help that my classes this year are all from the lower secondary (3 form 1 classes, 2 form 2 classes and 1 form 3 class) and the fact that they’re using SCIENTIFIC CALCULATORS!! Duh.. I only got the chance to use a scientific calculator during matrics.

As a rule, in my class, I ban the usage of calculators haha.. I don’t think I’m being cruel or unfair as I have sufficient evidence to prove that their syllabus isn’t much more harder than us, in fact, it seems a tad easier if you ask me.. but who am I? Just a disgruntled teacher who envies the facilities given to students nowadays maybe?

Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh! I’m not haha.. its just that I hate the fact that the students depend on their calculator more than they depend on the power of their own brain. They even think they have to tap on their calculator for a simple question like 9x7.

Well, anyway, the students who’ve been in my class for the past 4 years ALL know of my rule and I’m glad they follow it as they themselves admit that they don’t really need the calculator that much (after being forced to live without a calculator for 2-3 hours each week with me la tu hehe..). Still, when it comes to tests, they always beg to use the calculator.. a case of no confidence without the calculator, I guess!

Yesterday, I gave my form 3 students a set of past year questions (actually it was from PMR 1995, my OWN year of taking the PMR). I had wanted to give more recent sets but from my experience in school, classroom teachers have usually drilled the students on these papers in school so I had to choose another year. However, Syawal (one of my oldest students, taught him since he was form 1), noticed the year and promptly announced that it was the PMR of ‘kak Ayu’. Feeling a bit ancient when he announced my age (haha..), I quickly told the class, if I could get an A for an 11 year old exam, it shouldn’t be a problem to them, what with the usage of calculators and all.

Then Azri, another student, feeling cheeky, asked why would I give questions from an uncivilized time. Cettttttt! So I challenged him to finish answering the ‘uncivilized questions’ in 45 minutes after he laughed when I told him I answered them in 45 minutes (“Soklan tak bertamadun memang la senang, sebab tu bleh jawab dalam masa 45 minit, kak Ayu”). Hmm.. we’ll see!

So I started timing them while reminding them that Azri had 15 minutes less than the others (I was hoping they’d finish the 1 hour-15 minute test in an hour). Was a bit bored waiting for them to finish it, even though I had walked around checking on them, dropping hints now and then, discreetly correcting them (they’ve got this ego where they hate it when I know they’re wrong haha..) while composing an sms for a friend who wanted to go ‘jogging’ at 6 haha.. (only the person involves would understand.. kan?!?)

As I was reminding them that they’ve got 27 minutes left, aside from Azri whom I pointed out had only 12 minutes left, I was impressed when Azri informed me that he only had 4 questions to go. However, I was laughing when the next minute he suddenly voiced out his surprise that there were 50 questions instead of their usual 40 question.

Truth is, I didn’t realize that too if he didn’t point it out but Azri’s troubled face was turned into an ‘o-oh’ face when he noticed the smirk on my face. Hahah.. he knew what I was up to!

I quickly said out loudly about how uncivilized we were to answer 50 question in the same time they had to answer only 40 question. My exact (translated) words were,”Not only were WE, the uncivilized ones, were not permitted to use a calculator, we also had to answer 50 questions?!? Poor us.. no wonder we’re all good at maths”

The boys started changing looks while surrendering to my ‘gotcha’ demeanor! They were a bit quiet, except for a few remarks from Shafik, who didn’t want to admit that they’d got it easy. The class might’ve been a bit quiet until Afifah asked me about the formula for the volume of a sphere and from the corner of my eye, I saw Azri’s mouth forming an ‘o’ before he closed his ears with his small (Yes! He’s small!) hands trying his best to ignore the remarks I’ve always said to him before that he knew were about to come out from my mouth.

(Translated!) “You guys should memorize the formulae and not depend on the ones that would be given to you (as my batch can remember, we HAD to memorize it, didn’t we haha..) WE had to memorize it all. If you don’t try memorizing it now, I don’t know what would happen when you’re 26 (which most of them know, is MY age). So, in our uncivilized time, we not only had to answer 50 questions, we also had to do it ourselves without the help of calculators AND had to memorize the all mathematical formulae. Ohh, poor, poor us” while making the most sympethetic-to-self face I could ever make.

Then I swaggered to the whiteboard while writing down all formulae they asked, with this smirk that I purposely exaggerated, just to piss them off hahah.. and what a good time I had! I couldn't help teasing them while repeating my earlier remarks and my usually cheeky class were having troubles trying to answer back to me, much to my delight!

Pity them, they had to endure my ‘berlagak’ness until the end of the class.

And yippee to me to enjoy this class more than ever hahah..

Best I Ever Had

"Best I Ever Had (Grey Sky Morning)"

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

Nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now

[Chorus]
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had

So you stole my world
Now I'm just a phony
Remembering the girl
Leaves me down and lonely

Send it in a letter
Make yourself feel better

[Chorus]
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't need me back
You're just the best I ever had

And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

What was it you wanted
Could it be I'm haunted

[Chorus]
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
I don't want you back
You're just the best I ever had
The best I ever had
The best I ever

Another version can be seen in my Yahoo blog.

Dr Aslina

Whats a picture of a doctor doing in my blog, huh?

Truth is, yesterday, me and an old buddy were smsing each other and I haven't been in touch with her for a very long time now. But today, I think I wanna write an entry about her.

Her name is Noraslina Ab Samat.. but all of us call her As. I first got to know her in form 1 when we were in the same class. A whole bunch of us became close friends in the hostel with Mak Su, Eda, Bart, Watie, Ani, Fizah, Shareena (These were the 'bestest' friends you can have during prep. My most memorable thought is how they knew how to trick me into studying. I was silently protesting to Abah at that time -only my friends knew why- and refused to study as much as I should. During prep, you can usually find me reading a novel or story book after I finish my homework. However, these friends, especially Ani, As and Fizah ALWAYS asked me to teach them maths in front of the class. They'd disturb me and hide my book until I agreed to teach them and they always told me I was good in teaching maths hahah.. come to think of it, I'm glad they 'forced' me to study in their own way though at that time I was confused on WHY they kept asking ME to teach them haha.. thanx a million, guys!)

Anyway, we always ate together. We'd have breakfast together and speculate on what would be served for lunch and dinner. The most favourite expression is 'ayam sekor' which is really a fried egg (dinner almost 'wajib' every night.. ampeh!)!

In form 4, she went to MRSM Taiping but we were still in contact during the school holidays, only it wasn't as frequent as we would have liked, I guess. However, during matriks, I met her again. We were in the same lecture group, though different tutorial groups. I was glad to have a familiar face around. Still, a year later, we were separated when she went to the medical campus in Kubang Kerian and I went to the engineering campus in Tronoh.

During our studies, we were in and out of touch.. but we always picked up where we left. Thats what I like about her.. but there's also another thing that makes me appreciate her but i'm not telling here, only those who know my Yahoo! blog might know a bit about what I'm talking. Lets just say, she doesn't judge people by their family, and she forgives them easily.

So there we were yesterday. She had sent the usual forwarded sms saying that she was thinking of me and I was feeling a bit nostalgic yesterday so I replied her sms, asking about her. She's a medical officer (MO) now but she complains that her work hasn't gone less haha.. We had thought that once you become an MO, you could sorta 'goyang kaki' when compared to the interns for housemanship but it turns out, you're still busy. She even commented, "Aku kalau ada keja lain, nak ja aku mintak haha.." But the both of us know, she loves being a doctor and she doesn't really mind her job. Yeah, though she tried to explain that she was joking, she didn't really have to coz the As I knew from form 1 was the As who really wanted to be a doctor.

Somehow, our sms conversation turned towards our future. She surprised me when she said, she wanted to pursue her masters degree to become a specialist. I mean, being a medical doctor, even the degree process is such a 'torturing process' and yet, here she is, still wanting to study AGAIN! When I asked, what she wanted to specialyze in, she conmfidently (as usual) replied she wanted to be a physician (and I had thought a physician was another name for ALL doctors) and subspecialize in nephrology <--a word I just learnt yesterday hahah.. berlagak jugak nak guna sebab baru belajo :p).

I was dumbstruck for a while.

She knew what she wanted for her future.

What about me???

When I told her about it, she just laughed. She has always known what she wanted, that was why she could go very far. As for me, I, in other words, go with the flow. I don't even know what to do after my viva here.. and sometimes, when I really sit and think about it, I admit, I'm afraid :(

As is so different from me. She's always been strong and has numerous times stood up for me whenever I'm too coward to stand up for myself. She has always believed in me when I don't believe in myself, and has always reminded me about my strengths (which I always think as:nil!). Sometimes I wonder, why would she wanna be my friend anyway?

But thats just her.

And yeah, she still likes to pinch my cheeks whenever I see her haha.. It doesn't help that I'm now nearly 10kg heavier than the last time she saw me during her convo :p

Talking to her always makes me think of my future (not in a negative way la.. but for me, I'm always tiringly negative anyway) and she always makes it sound like a bright rainbowy future.

Well, As.. I really hope it is!

What Hurts The Most - Rascal Flatts

Truth is, I've pasted this v/c in my Yahoo! blog but since its kinda growing on me, I thought I'd paste it here too.. makes you wonder of WHEN it would be too late, huh? Btw, this is a different v/c, the one in my Yahoo blog is the original one while this is an edited version with Clark and Lana :)

What Hurts the Most

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do