30 Days Writing Challenge 2023 Day 29 - My Goals For The Future

I missed yesterday's post because we came home late. It was my cousin's wedding in Kuala Kangsar then we headed to Ipoh to get some of the Exboyfriend's stuff. Arrived home near midnight so I knew mmg tk sempat la nk compose before the day ended..

Plus, we had a carton of Hotwheels to unbox.. Ehhh 🙊

Now, looking at today's challenge, am thinking I'm gonna give it a miss jugak sebab..

When I was a kid, I had this one specific dream that I knew was to be my ultimate goal. But since I was a kid, it was just a rough idea in my head.

During my final undergraduate year, I remembered this dream again. It's not that I forgot about it, it was always at the back of my head and only emerging out my mouth in short bursts once in a while AND only in company I trust. But I pretended to be nonchalant about it so I never thought anyone gave a notice about it.

This time, I managed to smooth the rough edges and had a detailed plan in order to achieve it. I knew it wasn't gonna be easy but being a naive 21 year old, I was sure I'll be able to pull it off.

In fact this time, I added some details. Broadened the horizon a bit and to my suprise, I actually shared this dream with 2 people. The first one was my bestfriend so no surprises there but the second one was someone I barely knew.

I thought they'd laugh at my wish but they didn't 😁

But then real life began and I shoved that dream to the back of my head, to the farthest corner of my heart.. 😔

What is that dream?

Let it be a secret.. At least for now. I feel as if I'd jinx it if I tell people even if I'm not really sure anymore how and where to start realizing it now.

But yes, I do still have this dream, this want that I've held in my heart since I was a kid. Whether or not I'd make it come true will be something I can't really be sure of right now.

One day, maybe..

#30dayswritingchallenge

30 Days Writing Challenge 2023 Day 25 - Something Inspired By The 11th Image On Your Phone

 

Hahaha.. I actually just deleted a whole bunch of photos before checking today's challenge. Nasib baikkk delete sbb there were photos that needs to be secret for now 🙊 Revealed kemudian tkpe 😝

So this was a photo I saved from a random post. I wanted to share it with a friend about the comments in the bottom of the image but since today's challenge wants me to write about something inspired by it, I think I'm gonna share what the sentence in the image means to me since it will forever be associated with Abah being quite mad with me that he just had to come to my class in the middle of a lesson 😂

I've been told that I started reading when I was 2 not just by my parents but also extended family members. I can't really confirm nor deny it as, yes, I was there but no, how could I possibly remember. I don't even have memories of how I learnt to read 😅 Still, I don't remember I time I didn't love books.

Books as gifts were very much preferable compared to toys and since my extended family is, well, quite extensive, I had an endless supply. Helps more that I lived with my grandparents since I was born. Tok was a well known school teacher while Pah was an amazing homemaker. The reason for this arrangement was because Mama was still a student at UPM while Abah was a young lecturer in USM so it made sense that I grew up in the middle at Bkt Chandan, Kuala Kangsar.

By the time I was 5, I was already a bookworm. I was devouring every book in sight and loved them like an old friend. The teachers even handed to me first any new books in class because they knew I was excited serupa Gollum dpt The Ring whenever a new book was introduced in class 😂

When I was 7, we moved back here. I wasn't scared much of going to school as I'd been used to it since I was 2 or 3. My only worry was on how was I gonna make friends as I was a painfully shy kid.

On the first day of school, after the registrations and such, we were introduced to the class teacher. I don't remember her name but she had quite a garang look. Among the first things she did was ask us to introduce ourselves and that was a problem for me too 😂 Tp I'll share why later sbb ni tkde kene ngene with the image.

After introducing ourselves, she proceed to write the alphabet on the blackboard. Then she'd asked each one of us to stand up while she pointed to the letters and asked us to name it. I later realized she just wanted to see which students had the basics and which student didn't know anything yet. You remember dulu they had this Kumpulan A, Kumpulan B and Kumpulan C in each class? Haaa, this was how she was trying to determine in which group did we belong.

When it was my turn, I froze. I didn't want to talk in front of everyone and even my voice seemed to have lost it's way so when she showed me some letters, I just shook my head.

Of course I was sent straight to Kumpulan C.

I dunno how Abah go to know about this but the next day as we were having a class, I saw him knock on the door asking to meet my class teacher. I felt something fall to the pit of my stomach as I knew I was in trouble though I didn't really know why 😂

I saw him arguing a bit with the teacher and really felt like I wanted to hide somewhere. Then I was called to go to the teachers desk.

Each step made me ransack my head trying to find what did I do wrong but my 7-year-old brain just couldn't come up with anything.

When I was in front of the teacher (Remember I said she had a garang face? Now imagine me having to mengadap a very annoyed father and the garang teacher 😂), Abah took a piece of paper and wrote down those exact words, "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" and very sternly told me to read it out to the teacher.

I did as I was told because I was scared both were gonna scold me if I didn't. The teacher then looked at me, her face was no longer garang this time, and asked, "Kamu boleh baca?"

Just like that, I knew what I had done wrong 😂 Skrg boleh la gelak but at that moment, I felt like I really wanted to hide somewhere.

Abah left a moment later and I was asked to leave Kumpulan C and go to Kumpulan A.

I don't think I need to tell you that I was mildly scolded by the teacher on my refusal to talk and, back home, not-so-mildly scolded by Abah for my actions the day before.

Sampai skrg, whenever I see that phrase, the image of Abah scribbling those words angrily with a red pen on a bright white paper would always come to mind 😂

*-------*

Bonus (lah sangat) story 😂

About the problem I said when introducing ourselves..

Up to 6 years old, I always knew my name was Ayu Zainal. So imagine my suprise when a few days before school, Mama told me my name was Nurikhwani Idayu. Mcm, why so panjang? Can't we stick with just Ayu? 😫

I was even annoyed that turns out Abah wasn't just Zainal. It was Zainal Abidin 😫😫😫 And yeah, Mama wasn't just Nim, but she was Fauziah Hanim 😅

Mama told me that whenever asked to introduce myself in class, my full name is the new name she just dropped on me. So instead of a 9-letter full name, mine was actually 27 letters long 😫.. And tu tak termasuk the word 'binti'

I had trouble pronouncing my name actually and didn't really learn it wpun dh masuk skola but I managed to memorize the spelling. So whenever it was my turn to introduce myself, I'd discreetly write down my name and read it out when the teacher asks 😂

Only one teacher noticed it and she laughed (not unkindly) as she asked me why didn't I know my own name? Cisss.. 😂😂😂

Now I think my name is actually quite easy to pronounce. Sbb tu wpun kadang mcm exasperated wheb people mispronounce my name, I try to understand sbb tuan pnye nama puuun amik masa nk belajar sebut nama sendiri 😂

Hmmm.. Think I should ask the Exboyfriend masa nikah aritu, susah tak nk sebut? 🤔

#30dayswritingchallenge 

30 Days Writing Challenge 2023 Day 24 - Write About A Lesson You've Learned

I'm 43. I've got truckloads of lessons that I've learned throughout my life.. And I have mountains more that I'm still learning. I've got lessons that I need to relearn and I definitely have a whole bunch of lessons that I'm not aware I need yet so hmmm, tough choice here 😅

But since today I'm missing my classes that were once my everyday, I think I'll share just that 😊

I've always wanted to be a teacher eversince I was a kid. Most of us outgrow the kids-favourite ambition such as being a teacher, a policewoman/man, a soldier, a doctor and so on but I never outgrew this ambition though I hid it deep inside me because of other people's expectations.

That's why, when I suddenly got the oppurtunity to teach while I was doing my postgrad studies, I quickly took it.

At first I taught because I loved to. I'd been teaching my younger siblings how to read and write when I was younger (more like paksa them to be my students 😂) and am proud to say that all could read before they entered kindergarten. I loved being able to see the change in them and knowing I was a part of it.

I thought teaching other people besides my siblings would be just as easy but boy was I wrong..

I learnt that I strived in large classes but I was also sometimes quickly overwhelmed. Yet sometimes, just a simple question from a student would make me calm down and gather my thoughts properly.

I learnt that is no ONE way of teaching therefore just using one method would not be enough. In large classes, even in personal classes, the students are sometimes as different as night and day. One method might suit student A perfectly but it might spell disaster for student B. I had to learn the hard way of how to handle different types of students and till now, I'm still learning.

I learnt that it's okay to make mistakes in teaching and admitting them. When I first taught, I was sure the only way to gain respect from the kids was to never make a mistake in front of them and I was super careful not to. But one day, I did. I was embarassed at first but then I dunno why I burst out loud laughing while apologizing to them. To my suprise, they were okay with it. And not only were they okay with it, they became more involved in class.

I then realized, just like I was afraid of making mistakes, so were they. When they realized it was okay to make mistakes as long as you learned from it, they relaxed and felt brave enough to try hard in class, knowing their mistakes do not define them at all.

They may have felt that I was the one who taught them about not being afraid of making mistakes but as you can see, THEY were the ones who taught me that lesson 🥰

I also learnt it was not an embarassing thing to say, "I don't know". A student came to me with a problem his teacher asked him to ask me. I laughed at first wondering, "Awat cikgu dia suruh tnyaaa ni?" But then realized, at first glance, even I was stuck 😅 I felt a bit of a blow (to my ego je lah kottt 😂) when I had to tell him I didn't know the answer but I guess because we were past the "It's okay to make mistakes stage" he just shrugged his shoulder and smiled. Still tk puas hati, I asked if I could copy the question and try at home so he just gave me the question.

Back home, after a looooong while I finally got the answer. The clue was hidden, almost invisible I'd say but the joy I felt at solving it was priceless. I sent him a text telling him I had gotten the answer and would share with him in the next class. He told me, he had confidence in me that I'd solve it even when I said I didn't know how to. He actually told me I taught him that acknowledging you don't know something is already the first step in finding the answer so that was how he knew I was gonna find it for him.

I was dumbfounded sbb I'm pretty sure I never taught him THAT 😂 In this case, he was the one teaching me that 😅

I also learnt that I should always access the situation before making my move. In large clasess, you have 30+ students with 30+ personalities. Some students strive when you always make sure they know you notice them, others prefer to be invisible as being seen makes them anxious and I understand this so well because this was how I was in school dulu. Then there's a whole mix of other combined personalities in a class. I learnt to listen.. And learnt to try communicate with them they way they are comfortable with. THIS is also still an on-going lesson for me but I love it 😁

I learnt that they are still just kids. Sometimes when it's near the trials, teachers get more serious & strict which in turn makes students antsy. Antsy students are more often than not, a problem to themselves. Some timid students hide deeper in their shells while some suddenly become outspoken or very loud in class (I came to understand this is mostly because they didn't want people to know how panicky they are). Some chatty students become withdrawn while some suddenly refuse to participate in class. I had to learn to at least pretend I am calm and try to not show how anxious I really was. It didn't really work on a small number of students but it definitely worked for most of them. I had to remind myself they didn't need to be constantly reminded of their big exams looming in front of them because, of course, they are well quite aware of it.

I learnt that sometime I didn't just need to teach. Sometime just lending my ears to them could do wonders. Before that, I was always worried that I was wasting class time if I kept listening to them and their worries/frustrations. So normally, I'd just start the class terus. But I got frustrated because on days like this, though I'd be teaching the whole period, we won't be making much progress. So one day, after a few weeks of slow progress, I decided to let this class vent. They only needed 10 minutes of my time before they started smiling and asking me to start the class. We made wayyyyyy more progress in that one class compared to the previous few weeks. I was suprised but after that, I learnt to let them know I'm listening.

I also learnt that showing a bit of concern goes a long way. At first, some were suprised when I asked about their previous results and all. Most won't even want to answer, claiming, "Lupa laaa teacher" 😏 But after a while, they shared everything. We'd talk about their progress, about what they could do differently and all that. I'd try my best to point out their strengths with hopes that would motivate them but we'd also not ignore their weakness and try to find a solution together. I admit, sometimes it got tiring especially since I have around 10 classes but I only see them once a week. And sometimes I DO get confused and overwhelmed but sometimes I think, this is my favourite part of teaching. Learning from them on how to teach better.

I no longer have large classes. Even when I was still teaching at the tuition centre, the number of students who could come back to class after the COViD lockdown decreased dramatically for everyone.

Now I only teach personal classes but I'm still learning something new with every student. I understood more about the saying, "You learn more when you teach" because of my students and for that, I'm grateful ♥️

#30dayswritingchallenge

30 Days Writing Challenge 2023 Day 22 - Write About Today

Today's topic seems like it wants me to slow down on the long and winding writings 😂

It's Sunday and on weekends we usually pick one day to spend time outside the house together. Yesterday was Spyder's monthly checkup and we didn't feel like going out after that so we chose today to do our Sundate 😁

Started with the Exboyfriend going out for breakfast with his schoolmates. One of them was in Penang so a few of them planned some breakfast meet up. I had planned to sleep in whilst he was out but I couldn't sleep wpun I was yawning a bit too much during Subuh 😅

He came back around 11am and we headed to Ikea just across the 2nd bridge. We had planned to go find a wedding gift for my cousin's upcoming kenduri but grabbing a bite there wouldn't hurt 😝

Spotted some chicken Wellington so I decided to try that. It was okay but I don't think I'm getting that again next time. The Exboyfriend suprised me when he chose some chicken Cajun salad.. And he finished each bean and leaf in his plate. Then told me his vege quota for the year has been filled up so he's not eating anymore vegetables for the rest of the year 🙄

Then as usual when ANYONE enters Ikea, the angan² begins 😂 There's always something you can imagine in the house here and there and like the famous tagline, "Berangan itu free" 😝

We got our gift.. And a few other things. I got a little something for a project I have and he bought something for his workspace. Gigih dia ukur so I told him in case too big for his workspace, give it to me je 😝 Skali muat la pulakkk kt workspace dia maka tk dpt laaa nk take it off his hands 😂

Then we went to try this new Chinese Muslim place there. Dulu masa the large family dinner Mummy threw for us lepas kawen dulu, among others, they chose this brinjal dish. Rupa mmg tk menarik tapi rasa diaaaaa 🤤🤤🤤 Finally found something resembling it here so tk payah la tunggu balik Sabah utk cari 😁 Cuba nasib jugak asking them kotttt la they have the oyster omelette (also first time mkn masa I met Exboyfriend's uncles and aunties kt Tuaran.. Rupa also buruk tp sedapppp 🤤🤤) tp tkde rezeki.

Pastu?

Pastu balik lahhh 😅

Hahah.. Nothing else to write about for today. We're home. Disambut ngiauan bising dari budak yg kene tinggal. Td masa dinner, layan Young Sheldon for a few episodes and now the Exboyfriend dok main game kt PS dia while I'm trying to think of nk tulis apaaaa la utk challenge arini sementara dok teman budak sekor ni sbb of all things, dia takut bunyi hujan 😂 Bising kemain klau hujan, nk kene pegang tgn dia baruuuu dia senyap 🙄

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30 Days Writing Challenge 2023 Day 21 - Write About Love

A grandfather watched his adult granddaughter delay her departure back to her home from her promised 'lepas Zohor' to the actual 'lepas Isya'. She was happy surrounded by her extended family that she kept delaying her drive back home. It was nearly 10pm when she finally went to salam him and tell him she was going back. He only smiled. But once her car left his sight, he pestered his daughter to check up on his granddaughter every 15 minutes, to make sure she was okay. That she had arrived safely and up until he got news she was safely inside her home, he refused to sleep.. That is love.

A brother called his sister while his wife was delivering their children. The pregnancy had been a difficult one and she was still only 26 weeks pregnant when the doctors decided she had to deliver the babies that very day. The first son was declared deceased and his wife was still in the labour room for their second son. For the first time since he was a kid, he cried to his sister. He was terrified of losing his wife and his other kid but most of all, he was worried about her. He wanted to be there for her but they wouldn't let him in the labour room. He could only pray non-stop for all of them.. That is love.

A woman sms-ed her friend in the wee hours of the morning with only the words, "I no longer have my father". The friend watched this woman try to be strong for her mother while trying her best to handle her own heartbreak. The days that followed, she watched this woman try to be the rock for her family even while her own heart was breaking. She watched her try soothe her kids who were wondering where their granddad had gone.. That is love.

A granddaughter went back and forth to town to buy some cendol for her ailing grandfather. She didn't have a motorcycle license but she did it anyway. She somehow felt in her heart that that might be her grandfather's last request so she braved on to find it just for him. To make sure his last moments here were happy ones.. That is love.

A father asked to meet the new tutor of his son. The tutor just assumed it was the normal parents wanting to meet the teacher thing but when she stood in front of him, he was trying his best to keep back his tears that he couldn't speak. The mother came forward and told her their son had just been diagnosed with stage 3 bone cancer and has just finished his first cycle of chemo. She told her, their son had asked to go for some tuition classes since the doctors didn't want him to go to school yet. They refused at first but couldn't deny their son of his wish to feel normal. They just wanted the tutor to look out for their son and not give any special treatment to him as per his request. They left smiling, but in tears.. That is love.

A mother juggled between being broken hearted and being full of hope. She had lost one baby while the other one was only given a 50% of survival. She mourned her loss but never lost hope on the one who was gifted to her. When the odds were in the favour of the surviving twin, she rejoiced. But she never forgot the one she only got to hold for a while. His name was always up there in her happy moments & in her doa.. That is love.

A woman was going through a hard time and she wasn't prone to sharing. Her friend saw this, didn't force her to say anything but always tried to be there for her. There came a day when she had to go to court, not for herself, but in support of her loved ones. She asked her friend to be with her because she couldn't trust herself to be strong alone and this friend took the day off to be there, much to the annoyance of (on of) the person(s) who was the reason for this. On their way back, this person kept raising his voice to this woman while she quietly fought tears as she drove. When he questioned  loudly on why the heck did she need to bring an outsider along, this friend, quiet all along, simply said, "I'm only here for her", instantly calming this woman down that she was able to hold her head up high again.. That, is also love.

Love comes in so many forms and grand gestures are always great and welcomed. But subtle ones, the ones you couldn't see yet feel deep in your heart are always the best!

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